Disclaimer: I do not own Sons of Anarchy, it's owned my the amazing Kurt Sutter, FX and everyone else who has the money to kick my ass in court if I don't have this up here. I do however own Taru, her horse and just about every other random that pops up in the story. This has come from the depths of my sick, insane, twisted, depraved mind and my madness fuel's it to keep going as do all my lovely fans that keep reading and reviewing.

tigger64: Thank you and I'm glad you liked the chap.

HaylsValo: Thank you, I couldn't resist the humor at the end of the chap, it seemed like a good place to stop.

vilis91: I will and thank you, I don't think anything could stop me from writing.

This chap is pretty sad and once you read it you'll see why.

Song or Suicide – H.I.M

Sorrow rebuild me as I step out of the light
Misery strengthen me as I say my goodbyes

I heal my wounds with grief
And dream of you
And weep myself alive

Explosive Ends

=Chibs' P.O.V=

"Hey brother, Finland's got a cell if you want to talk to her"

"Aye alrigh' brother, I'll give 'er a call later on"

"Yeah, she's a bit out of sorts"

"Out of sorts?"

He sighed lightly, something he didn't do very often. "Chibs," He wrestled with his words for a moment trying to put everything in his mind into words. "She's more damaged than she's letting on," He hesitated slightly. "Physically she's getting along just fine, she's improving great but her mind, it's just," He sighed heavily. "There's something wrong in there"

"I thought ya said she was fine?"

"And she is but it's the small things, the little things she thinks no one notices," His tone lowered. "She shakes Chibs, her hands; she tries to cover it up but her minds damaged brother"

I felt my heart drop slightly. "I'll call 'er after this," I laughed lightly. "I'm goin' fuckin' insane without 'er"

"Alright, just tread carefully that's all I'm saying"

"Aye, I will" I hung up and sighed softly before dialing the number Tig had given me for Taru's cell, I waited for a minute listening to it ring and snapped the phone shut. She must be sleeping. I looked to the phone placing it on the side table before resting back against the arm of the couch. I looked around the room, Bobby, Juice, Happy, Opie and I all had to cram ourselves into one room where Jax got his own and Clay had a bed with Gemma.

I glanced to the phone on the table and sighed softly, Tig had promised he'd call when he'd gone to see Taru and he had, he told me she would call me later on, that had been a day and a half ago now and still no call had come from my Old Lady. What the hell is taking so god damn long? My heart skipped a beat. Something must have gone wrong. I exhaled the breath I didn't realize I'd been holding. But if something had gone wrong then he would have called. I tried to calm myself and picked up the phone again before redialing her number. "Come on love, pick up," I murmured drumming my fingers on my knee as I waited, yet again I managed to reach the answer phone. "God damn it Taru pick up" I snapped the phone shut angrily and sighed heavily putting my head into my hands trying to calm my mind.

"Chibs? Something wrong man?"

I glanced up to Juice who was standing in the doorway and shook my head lightly. "Nay it's nothin', Taru's just not pickin' up 'er phone"

"Maybe she's asleep?" He offered shrugging lightly.

I looked to the phone and sighed heavily before nodding. "Aye brother ya probably right," I clenched the phone tightly. "She's just sleepin'" I was trying to convince myself that's all it was and so far it wasn't working.

"If something was wrong Tig or one of the others would have called, they wouldn't keep you in the dark, not when it comes to your old lady"

"Aye" I placed the phone on the table and scrubbed at my eyes, I'd barely slept since getting here, at first it had been the worry about Taru then it had been the excitement that she was awake and I'd finally get to talk to her but now that excitement was slowly waning into worry again.

"Well Clay wanted me to come and get you, we're heading out in ten minutes to go pick up the guns with the others"

"Aye, alrigh'," I gave one last glance to my phone. "I'll be there in a minute Juicy boy" I sighed heavily standing and silenced my phone sliding it into my jeans before grabbing my reaper off the back of the couch and slung it on quickly. For the love of god Taru please call.

I exhaled slowly, my gut was churning and not just because of Taru's lack of contact but because Jimmy was supposed to be here on this end of the gun deal. I looked to the barn and then to Padraic beside me.

"So is it true what the lads 'ave been sayin'? Jimmy tried ta kil ya old lady back in Charmin'?"

"Aye, she woke up out of 'er coma a few days ago" I resisted the urge to check my phone again.

"She called yet?"

"Nay, I get the feelin' she's pissed at me," I pushed back a few strands of hair from my eyes. "Don't know whether it's over me not bein' there or over the fact it's because of me she ended up in that god damn coma in the first place"

"What's she look like?"

I pulled my wallet from my pocket and pulled out a photo handing it too him. "That's 'er, Taru, Finnish lass"

"Aye," He narrowed his eyes at the photo. "She's got a scar across 'er eye doesn't she?"

I looked to the photo, there was no way he would have known that without seeing her in person, her scar wasn't visible. "Aye, 'ow'd ya know that?"

"I seen her a while back, she were in Belfast talkin' with some of the local trainers, buyin' some 'orses or somethin'"

"Aye, she came back with a wee Irish filly and three other 'orses"

"If ya 'ad told us she was 'ere we could 'ave looked after 'er"

"Nay," I shook my head lightly. "She wouldn't 'ave wanted that, she not a woman that needs lookin' after," I ran my thumb over the photo before putting it back into my wallet. "Plus we 'ad a tiff before she left for the National"

"Aye, I thought I'd seen 'er somewhere else, she won didn't she? Beat the Brit's at their own game on their own course and set a record" He began laughing softly.

"Aye, that's my lass," I laughed softly and slipped my wallet back into my pocket. "Better go get these guns then" I nodded to the barn as we followed the others in.

I stood back watching the boys talking about the guns before helping them haul the 'Hay' onto the back of the flat bed truck.

It only took us a few minutes before the entire truck was loaded, secured, ready and waiting to leave. I glanced over at McGee as he wandered off slightly to take a phone call and looked back to the others. "Where the 'ell is Jimmy?" I asked leaning closer to them glancing to each face.

"Don't know, he's supposed to be here" Jax stated before we all looked back to McGee.

"That was Mo, Jimmy's in Belfast, he was looking for Fiona"

I stepped forward slightly trying to rein in my anger that Jimmy dared to go near them. "Why? What 'appened?"

"It's alright, they're all ok"

"Hey, hey!"

I turned towards the door as Bobby started yelling as Jimmy's boys started to close it on us. Shit, they rigged the fucking truck. I felt my stomach drop and turned as the two guys in the truck began to start it. "No! Don't you start that!" I yelled before turning and running for cover behind the nearest stack on hay bales.

Everyone fell silently briefly as the truck started with no problems.

I exhaled slowly and slipped from my cover as Padraic started banging on the roof telling them to go, to ram the doors. Fucking bastard. My guts clenched tightly, something still wasn't quite right with our situation as they rammed the doors and started out.

I ran out and hit the deck as the blast from the truck forced me off my feet, I lay there for a few moments dazed and confused as to what had happened before thanking god I was still alive. I slowly stood and shook my head only serving to increase the headache I know had coming on, I looked around at the guns and boxes strewn around as well as the bodies and the pieces that were missing from most. Padraic. I looked around wide eyed and slowly made my way towards his body, tears welling in my eyes as I dropped onto my knees and brought him close. "Oh Paddy," I let the tears fall. "Oh Paddy," I felt a sob crack in my throat. "Oh Paddy boy" I couldn't stop the sob that broke from my chest. So you couldn't take my old lady from me so you took my nephew instead. I clutched at the bloody leather kutte on Padraic and sat back on my knees crying, he was gone, he was truly gone and never coming back, I let out a strangled cry closing my eyes just so I wouldn't have to look at the bloody mess that had once been my nephew.

I could hear the others move and stand behind me, they knew I would be unpredictable, they'd seen it before but right now I was just in too much shock to even think straight.

"This had to be Jimmy"

"We don't know that"

"Blowin' up guns, had to be the Ulsters"

I already knew it was all a lie, Jimmy had done this, he wanted us gone the minute we'd stepped foot on Irish soil. I'll kill 'em, I'll kill that god damn Irish bastard if it's the last thing I do.

"Load the wounded, let's go"

I clutched at Padraic's kutte, I didn't want to just leave him here, I didn't want to leave him like this.

"Chibs, I'm sorry man," Jax knelt down on one side of me. "We gotta go"

"Come on brother, come on"

I clutched tighter at Padraic's kutte before slowly letting it slip from my fingers as they pulled me away, the tears springing back to my eyes from the sorrow and anger that washed over me. "No"

"He's gone, he's gone"

I tried to fight the anger and the tears but both won out, I couldn't stop them. "You bastard's are dead!" I yelled, my anger directed towards no one in particular. "You bastards are dead!" I tried to pull away from Jax and Opie, both keeping their grip tight on my arms as they dragged me away to the Harley's.

"Come on; let's go before the cops get here"

I slowly slipped onto the back of my Harley and looked back towards the scene we were leaving, the truck still burning, guns and body parts scattered everywhere, the kutte's all collected and in the back of the jeep with the wounded boys.

I stepped outside; I wanted to get away from here and from everything to do with the IRA and Jimmy O'Phelan. I glanced up at Jax as he stepped outside.

"You alright bro?"

"Am I alrigh'? Am I alrigh'?" I had had enough of everything, I just wanted to go back to Charming, back to Taru and back to my life with her. "Of course I'm not fuckin' alrigh', I just lost my god damn nephew"

Jax took a step back before casting his eyes down. "I'm sorry man," He genuinely was sorry, he'd liked Paddy as well. "But we'll get him, we'll make Jimmy pay for this"

"I lost Fiona and Kerrianne, I've now lost Padraic and I almost lost Taru, she was in a god damn coma because of that Irish bastard," I snapped. "'e'll be lucky if I don't wring 'is fucking neck the next time I see 'im Jackie boy"

"Cool it Chibs" Jax snapped back.

"Don't tell me ta cool it," I snarled. "I've lost most of my family because of 'im, Taru is my everything now Jackie, just like Tara is yours, I love 'er with every part of my being, you would 'unt any bastard that tried ta 'urt Tara ta the ends of the earth and back Jackie," I sighed heavily reining back my anger. "I'd do it for Taru in a 'eartbeat"

"Think about it Chibs, if we get Abel back and play along with this fucking ego trip of his the sooner you can get back to Taru, the sooner we can all get off this moss covered shit hole and back to Charming"

"Aye but it's the bein' nice and playin' along with part that I've got trouble with," I collapsed against the wall and fished out my pack of cigarettes. "I can only rein it in so far Jackie before I snap, I want ta gut the bastard for trying ta destroy what I've worked for, the happiness I've earned after all those years of suffering at his hands"

Jax nodded lightly taking the cigarette offered to him and slid it between his lips as he leant back against the wall beside Chibs. "It'll all work out bro, just remember that, you'll get your revenge on Jimmy"

"I sure as shit 'opes it works out the way we want it ta otherwise this shits going ta get us deeper and deeper into a god damn grave we can't get out of," I chewed on the end of my cigarette before the phone on my pocket began to vibrate. I exhaled sharply and quickly pulled it out before snapping it open. "Taru?"

"Yeah, it's me" She sounded tired, worn out, like she had been through hell and back.

"I've been tryin' ta call ya for days love, why didn't ya pick up?"

"Sleeping" She stated simply.

I clenched my jaw slightly, I could hear it in her voice, she sounded out of it, something wasn't right still just as Tig had said, she sounded damaged. "My shite ass of a day just got better love"

She chuckled weakly, tiredly. "You alright? You sound like shit went south on a jet boat in flames"

"Aye it did love, it did," I glanced back to find Jax gone and settled down on one of the stacks of pallets. "Jimmy tried ta blow us up," She took in a sharp breath of air. "Didn't work though, 'e'll be in the shite with the army now, the explosion took out five of the Belfast boys and two of the armies lads, good lads too"

"Are you alright?"

"Aye love, I'm fine," I swallowed roughly and exhaled slowly. "Padraic's not, 'e didn't make it"

She stayed silently for a moment. "I'm sorry kulta," It was a genuine sorry; it was clear in her tone that she meant what she was saying. "How're you holding up?"

"Better now that ya called, I was beginnin' ta worry about ya"

"No need to worry kulta, Tig and Kozik have been keeping me company"

"Aye, alrigh' love, how're ya feelin'?"

"Fine" The answer was short, fast; she definitely wasn't fine, far from it.

"Ya sound tired, maybe ya should get some more sleep"

"Yeah, later on," Her tone changed. "Just do one thing and make sure you kill that Irish bastard that put me in a coma in the first place"

"Aye, I will Taru, I promise ya I will"

"Good"

I smiled lightly and looked to the stars in the sky. "I miss ya love"

"I miss you too Filip but I've got Angel, Jade and my Pappa to keep me company until you get back, how's Jax holding up?"

"Holding it together" I stated before biting back a yawn, I was tired; I just wanted to curl up next to her and sleep.

"Get some sleep kulta; I'll call you later on"

"Aye, alrigh' love, I love ya Taru"

"I love you too Filip"

I snapped the phone shut and exhaled slowly before turning back to the building behind me. At least she's alive.

Sorry it's been so long, it's been pretty shitty recently so at the moment I'm just trying to scrape by day to day, I have however had the time to finish some more artwork, I finished a body shot of Million Dollar Smile aka Cracker, Devils Little Anarch aka Annie, Highland Dreamer aka Dem and her older twin brother Highland Lad aka Laddie, Beach Hop Rock aka Rocky and a head shot for Jess, Buster and 5 Star Jack aka Jack, I'll be posting most of them soon to my DA account so check back regularly on there if you want a glimpse at Taru's equine family.