Prompt Five

"Just because you have a major crush on me!"

"I do not; shut your fucking mouth Johnson, before I decide to stick something nasty in it!"

"Yeah, you'd love that, wouldn't you baby?"

A few feet away from the bickering pair, a standard military truck lurked. It contained maps, basic supplies and a whole arsenal of weapons, but it also afforded a place from which Sephiroth could watch and listen completely covertly as the two men laughed, one with a great amount of glee, the other with apparent embarrassment. The latter was spluttering and blushing a deep red while turning away from his companion, trying to prevent a smile from twisting onto his lips.

Sephiroth buried his nose back into the logistical papers and the weather-beaten, care-worn maps, trying not to let his eyes stray again towards the two Third Classes.

This mission had been going on for far too long. After months of planning, fighting and calls for reinforcements, there were so many personnel here that it gave him a headache to even think about an accurate regroup and status assessment before they moved on. It hadn't been particularly dangerous or gruelling, just long, drawn out and boring. It required patience.

Sephiroth realised that this quality did not come naturally for most SOLDIERs, and was certainly not easy for the young troopers here, all of whom were starting to get restless and antsy. And the weather wasn't helping the men's mood: sparkling shades of white and silver coated the land. It was beautiful, but also cold enough to cause whining in the unenhanced ranks.

But the General had to admit that even he was beginning to lose his enthusiasm. If it could be called enthusiasm. It was more like a stoic determination to complete the task given to him. He almost always strived for that. It was his duty. But this had stretched even his limits. He wholeheartedly understood the wishes of the men to return home.

And perhaps this was why he had allowed his normally rigorously self-disciplined concentration to wander from the matter at hand to the antics of two bored and rather unusually jovial SOLDIERs.

"Bless you and your little man-crush!" A mocking coo, laughter barely held in check.

"Fuck you! I don't have a crush on you, where do you get off thinking that?" A surprisingly shrill, indignant retort.

"I've seen the way you look at me. The way you check me out when you think no-one's looking. The way you can't keep your eyes off of me. No matter what you're looking at, if I'm around, your eyes are always drawn back to me. I've seen the love in those baby blues of yours."
This time there was no attempt to hold the laughter back; rather, it seemed to be a struggle for the man to force the words out from between his whoops of glee.

"What the fuck are you talking about, you dick? I do not stare at you, since when have I stared at you? Besides, why would I like you? You're an arrogant, irritating, sarcastic, pessimistic, narcissistic asshole!" A deep gasp for breath, face redder than ever before.

"Oh, methinks he doth protest too much! You want me, I know you want me." More cackles, this time as the offender grabbed his companion, rubbing up against the other's smaller body.

"Get, get, get, get, get!"

Arms flailing wildly, he managed to dislodge his friend, who rolled easily to the snowy ground, undeterred and still laughing. The standing SOLDIER glared down at the other for a moment, blush not receding in the slightest, before stomping away muttering, "Stupid bugger. If you don't hurry up and shut up I'm gonna leave you here."

To which the other SOLDIER yelped, sprang to his feet and hurried after his still-grumbling companion, the smile never leaving his face.

Odd. He didn't have an extensive knowledge of the topic of conversation between the two soldiers, but it had clearly altered their behaviour somewhat. He had never seen the two - both approaching promotion and as such under his close observation - act in such a...juvenile way. Perhaps it was the weather and the boredom. One had to make allowances for that.

Though, in all honesty their antics did not irritate him as he thought it should.

"Those two seriously need to admit some plain truths and get a room. Preferably soon."

If his responses were not as tightly controlled as they were, he may have jumped. Zack very nearly took him by surprise. He scolded himself mentally. The climate and tediousness should under no circumstances be allowed to affect his concentration.

But as he turned to meet the grinning face of Zack that was peering over his shoulder, he found his mind wandering once again towards the two SOLDIERs.

"What do you mean?" Sometimes Zack made very little sense. Then again, the SOLDIERs had made little sense to him, so he had a vague idea that this was due more to his ignorance with regards to certain aspects of culture than Zack's curious ways.

Zack's grin only grew. His face fairly glowed, and it wasn't due to the cold wind that occasionally whipped around their camp.

"Johnson's right; Drake has a huge, fully-blown crush on him." And here Zack paused, as if reassessing his words, then smirked. "Then again, Johnson can shut his mouth, cause it's not as if the feeling isn't mutual."

Sephiroth simply blinked, still none the wiser.

'Crush.' It all seemed to hinge on that word. He had heard the word banded about among the men before, but had never fully understood its meaning. He obviously knew that the word had been redefined by modern culture to denote something completely different from its original meaning, as even he was not so socially inept as to not recognise that 'to press or squeeze with a force that destroys or deforms' was not appropriate for the context that the soldiers seemed to talk in.

"Yes, but what is a 'crush'?" Almost impatiently, Sephiroth waved off Zack's sappy monologue about Johnson and Drake.

Zack didn't seem put off by Sephiroth's manner. Then again, he never was. He took everything in stride, accepted the things that Sephiroth did and said, accepted his questions patiently and without judgement. It occurred to Sephiroth, certainly not for the first time, that he would not be happy at all should anything happen to Zack.

But he forced back those unpleasant thoughts when he saw that Zack had formulated an appropriate answer, and was beginning to wax lyrical on the subject of 'crushes.'

"Gaia, you sure do ask the hard questions. Bear with me boss, this is kinda difficult to explain." A deep breath and dramatic expulsion of air, and Zack was ready to begin.

"A crush is when you have...an infatuation with someone. Although that does sound kind of stalkerish. Huh. Oh well. When you have a crush, you like someone. You more than like someone. You think they're like, the best thing in the world. They can do no wrong, and you think that everything they do is super-cool." Here Zack grinned and waggled his eyebrows for some reason.

"You want them to be happy, you want really, really badly to impress them. You want nothing more than to spend time with them and get closer to them. It's a sort of romantic, sexual...thing." He finished off rather lamely, glancing up at Sephiroth to see if any of it had sunk in.

The other man's eyes were narrowed as he mulled through the idea in his head. Then he finally spoke.
"It seems rather like the practice of finding a mate in the animal kingdom."

Zack's eyes widened for a moment, but managed to snap his mouth shut before he could say anything. And when he thought about it...it did kind of make sense. Actually, more than 'kind of.'

"Well...yeah, I guess that's what it is. Especially if you're taking it back to basics. We are, after all animals, so yeah, mating is the gist of it. Although it's slightly more complex with humans than with other animals."

But Sephiroth merely waved this away with a mutter.

"Naturally."

He looked slightly more familiar with the idea now that it had been explained in scientific terms. Which was kind of sad when Zack thought about it. Which is why he tries not to think too hard sometimes.

Shaking his head in a conscious effort to dislodge those thoughts, his eyes cast around for a distraction, and when he found it, his eyes lit up with an unholy gleam.

"Wait right here Seph, I'll be back."

And without waiting for an answer from the man now looking faintly horrified, Zack sped off in hot pursuit of the leader of squadron seven.

***

"Sergeant Mahler, hold up!"

Mahler flinched, sighed, and wondered what would happen if he just kept walking and ignored the voice. A face full of snow and a SOLDIER sitting on his back, probably.

No. Much less embarrassing to just do what the voice said. Though perhaps not so merciful for Strife.

"Yes, Lieutenant, what can I do for you?"

Zack's grin widened as he saw the sympathy for an as-yet not present person on Mahler's face.

"Nothing much." Innocence had never worked. But it was always worth a shot.
"Just looking for Strife."

Mahler allowed himself a small, tired smile at the irony of that statement.

"He's a bit busy right now, Sir."

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not a flicker of guilt, not a wavering of those soulful eyes which were now giving him their best innocent and heartbroken gaze. Mahler sighed once more.

"The last time I saw him, he was by the comms tent."

Eyes brightening, Zack fairly skipped away.

"Thanks!"

***

For the second time that day, Sephiroth heard the sound of indignant spluttering. But this time there was a healthy dose of bafflement mixed in. He resisted the urge to hide his head in his hands.

"Zack, please, tell me what the hell's going on, I - "

"Don't worry Spiky, nothing terrible, I just need you to be my glamorous assistant."

This did not seem to reassure the other. If anything, it only added a faint undertone of terror to the spluttering.

"C'mon Zack, no, I-I can't. What could you possibly need me - "

"Pff. You really need to work on that self-esteem of yours, you know. I always need you! Why, I think I'd keel over and die without you!"

"Don't joke about that! Umph!" A small sound was jolted from the younger man as he was apparently pulled with ever more enthusiasm towards their goal. Sephiroth wouldn't know. He wasn't looking . The maps had his undivided attention.

However, their increased pace also brought the boy back on track as his alarm also seemed to increase.

"But I-I was busy, damn it! Please Zack, you wouldn't want to get me in trouble, would you?"

"Of course not!" Zack sounded practically scandalised. "Which is why I checked with your sergeant first."

A groan of something akin to despair issued from the young man's mouth.

"But – but...I'm not really glamorous, look at me, it's all cold, and I'm swaddled up in this bulky coat and my nose is all red and - " The voice was rising in pitch and volume now as desperation took over. Sephiroth had to admit, even though he was grasping at straws, the boy had done a remarkable job of looking at things from Zack's perspective.

Although Zack apparently didn't think so.
"Don't be stupid! You look adorable, all bundled up in that coat. And your nose is such a little button nose that the redness only adds to the whole 'cute' factor you've got going on there."

Sephiroth would be surprise if the whole camp didn't hear that growl of frustration. Zack only laughed.

Then they rounded the corner, Zack rubbing his arm a little proudly and not at all unrepentantly, Cloud freezing in his now-violent attempts to free himself.

"Lieutenant Fair and glamorous assistant reporting, sir!"

Sephiroth sighed, and Cloud seemed robbed of the ability to do anything but hunch down in sheer embarrassment and horror while glaring viciously at Zack.

Just as Sephiroth was about to speak, perhaps to ask why Zack was going to need a 'glamorous assistant' or perhaps to simply order the release of the poor cadet, the dark haired man spoke.

"You see, Spiky, we were just talking about Johnson and Drake. I'm sure you know all about them and their 'sexual tension you could cut with a knife' thing. It's not as if it's subtle. But there's nothing quite like an up close and personal demonstration, is there?"

Sephiroth was fairly sure that he did not imagine the whimper that issued from Cloud's mouth and the drastic paling of his face.

"The thing is Cloud, my vocabulary skills were strained a little bit just now - "

"No surprise there then." The cadet hissed. Zack completely ignored him.

"Because, well, you try to explain what a crush is." Zack waited for barely a second, hardly enough time for the cadet to even try to mount a defence.

"See! It's impossible! So. That's where you come in." And now Zack grabbed hold of Cloud's shoulders, spinning him around so that he faced the general directly. Zack slapped one hand over Cloud's chest with dramatic flair. He peered over Cloud's shoulder, his face glowing, grin wider than could be contained.

"When you have a crush, it goes a little bit like this."

Cloud's eyes closed in sheer mortification. His friend only smiled.

"Your heart starts to beat faster and faster, fluttering against you chest with barely restrained passion whenever the object of your desire walks into the room." Zack swooned, while beginning to tap out an enthusiastic rhythm on Cloud's chest. The breathy, hushed voice in which he gushed his professions of love was ridiculous enough to evoke a small snort from Cloud, despite his utter humiliation. Zack continued, apparently encouraged by this.

"Your body starts to tremble with the heat of your lust." Zack moaned comically, shaking Cloud's hands for him and poking him in the sides to elicit a helpless giggle and something that was more like a twitch than erotic trembling.

"A heated blush rushes across your helpless skin." This time Zack fairly purred the words while caressing Cloud's admittedly red cheeks. Although the fact that his lips were slightly blue and he had his eyes tightly shut lead Sephiroth to believe that this blush had absolutely nothing to do with being at the height of sexual passion, and everything to do with being very cold and at the height of embarrassment.

"And finally you lose control of all your inhibitions, and you can finally allow your feelings to blossom!" At the climax of his speech, Zack pulled Cloud close towards him, crushing the poor cadet against his chest in a passionate embrace.

Silence followed Zack's dramatic declaration until, from the depths of the bundle of clothes that was two military personnel, Cloud's voice came, tentative and hopeful.

"Is it over yet?"

Zack laughed, releasing the boy and ruffling his hair, heedless of the scowl it produced.

"Yeah Spiky, it's over. Although you must know that my little infatuation with you will never be over." Surprisingly – or not, Sephiroth mused – although Zack's words were clearly meant in jest, they were not delivered with the same terribly over-acted drama of the earlier lines.

Both faces softened for a moment as they regarded each other with mutual fondness, and the redness of Cloud's cheeks increased just a small amount as he stuttered, fishing around for something appropriate to say.

"You're a terrible actor."

Zack's sudden burst of laughter startled Sephiroth out of his musings.

"Yeah Spiky, thanks, I love you too buddy."

It seemed obvious, even to himself, that Zack and Cloud were not immune to the symptoms that had been unsubtly acted out. Then again, from what he had gathered, there were very few people who were immune.

And as he mulled over his Second's 'demonstration', he found a part of himself that could, perhaps, if examined closely, identify with it.

Curious. For now, however, he was content to simply examine the maps with renewed determination, to the background of Cloud's indignant and furious wailing.

TBC

Huge apologies for the awful lateness and general awkwardness of this fic.