Walking through the city made him feel nervous... more than he had in a long time and he wasn't sure why. There were no mages or Tevinter slavers. There was no one hunting him or even searching for him, but he felt uneasy. He didn't like being summoned as if he was a servant or a slave, but his curiosity had gotten the better of him. Stark Haven was what he had once believed would be the only true way to make sure people were safe. There were hardly any mages and those that were there were locked up. One of the only places in Thedas were that was still tolerated without having an angry mob storming the city, but it was probably only a matter of time. He had been shown the prison earlier today by one of Prince Sebastian Vael's ranking officers. It had probably been Sebastian's way of showing him that they were of one mind. That might have been true years ago, but now. He wasn't so sure any more. Anders had once claimed that mages were slaves and imprisoned. He had dismissed it as being oppression, but after seeing that prison he didn't know what to believe. They were locked in cells and some of them collard like a qunari sarabass. They were only released when they were needed for a certain task. He could sympathize and that was something he'd thought he would never do. He finally arrived at the keep. Sebastian had certainly changed a lot. For someone who had once foresworn worldly pleasure, he certainly had enough of it now. He arrived at the gate and was held back by a guard as he handed him his summoning.
"My name is Fenris. I was summoned by prince Vael."
The guard nodded and led him inside the keep. He didn't like being surrounded by so many guards. What did Sebastian want with him? He had certainly gone through enough trouble to find him after all these years. He was led into a great hall and was greeted by Sebastian who had a friendly smile on his face.
"Fenris. It is good to see you. How are you old friend?"
"I am well enough your majesty."
"Oh, there is no need for that... Sebastian will do just fine. I have some wine, would you like some?"
"Yes, thank you. You finally got your throne back."
"Yes, it was hard work to get here. I was sorry to subject so many people to war."
"From what I hear your predecessor was doing poorly. You have improved the lot for many of your people."
"I have tried. The maker has given me the strength and wisdom to make a home worthy of my people. I serve them as best I can. Now that there is peace I don't seem as important and I am grateful for that."
"Don't your people need a strong and present leader?"
"During war, absolutely. But now where there is peace the city rules itself and I hope for that peace to last."
"Let us hope so. What is the purpose of me coming here? I am assuming it wasn't meant as a way to reminisce?"
"Indeed not. You are difficult to find, my friend. I am surprised Danarius succeeded so often."
"He was rather persistent. I guess I have been accustomed to hiding. It is difficult for me not to."
"I understand. Now the reason you are here... Do you know if the rumours about Hawke are true?"
"I... haven't seen her since the templars announced her dead if that is what you are asking?" Fenris choked. Hawke had been a dear friend. His only friend. If Sebastian brought her up this wouldn't be pleasant. Fenris had supported Hawke to the end while Sebastian had felt betrayed.
"It saddens me to hear. She was truly a kind person and I am sorry for her loss."
"I didn't think you were too fond of her after what happened in Kirkwall."
"I was angry for a while, but my anger was not at her. She did seem sincerely surprised when...Anders massacred all those people... and Elthina. I still have nightmares about it."
Fenris didn't respond. What could he say? He knew how much Elthina had meant to him. He had himself thought it strange that Hawke had let Anders live, but he believed that had any of her companions been the one to do it she wouldn't have killed them either. After all she did spare Isabela from the qunari. Hawke was always merciful when given the chance. Why would Sebastian have expected anything else? Sebastian continued.
"Did you hear what happened to Anders?"
"Last I heard he was made tranquil. I guess he got his punishment. He feared that even more than death."
"Punishment? That wasn't punishment. That was merciful. I wonder what makes people so eager to spare that monster. Never mind... I have had news that he was freed from the templars two weeks ago. He was probably freed by some rebel mages. That reminds me. What did you think of my arrangement for the mages?"
"It was... impressive."
"I am glad you think so. Some say my methods are extreme, but after I saw what Anders did I knew none of them can be trusted. He was a healer after all and did a lot of good. He might even have been decent if it wasn't for that spirit of his. But to my point. I swore to bring Elthina justice, but because of the templars that hasn't been possible. The templars have given up on finding him since he is probably in one of the countries were mages are free now."
"And you want me to do what? Track him down?"
"You are the only one of our former companions that agreed with me in this matter. I doubt the others would help me. I do not wish you to track him down. I have already sent men to Ferelden and Nevarra. I doubt he is foolish enough to come to the Free Marches. No I need something that will bring him to me. Something he holds dear. I was hoping that Hawke was still alive, but now I will need something else. Would you do this for me? I will make sure that you a rewarded."
Fenris hesitated.
"I am sorry, but he and I never got along. Besides Hawke I know of nothing beyond his cause that he cared for."
"Perhaps you could make some inquiries from our former associates?"
"Ah ah... I'm sorry, but I am not getting involved with this again. I have enough trouble."
"I understand. I am sorry to have troubled you to come all this way. Would you like to stay for a few days?"
"Thank you for the offer, but I have something that I must attend to."
"Very well. Farewell my friend."
"Same to you."
Fenris went out of the great hall. A woman climbed down from the shadow above in an elegant catlike movement. She was dressed in black leather that clung to her body revealing every form of her body, but the bottom half of her face covered only revealing her green eyes. Her movements were silent and even so Sebastian was not surprised by her presence as she came up next to him.
"It wasn't as fruitful as you had hoped your Grace?"
"No... I must admire their loyalty. I want you to follow him, Drea."
"As you wish, your Grace."
"You must find what I seek, but I would prefer to cause them as little harm as possible... If death cannot be avoided so be it."
The woman bowed and then set out to follow Fenris. Sebastian sat down at the table. He then reached in under his shirt and pulled out a medallion with the holy symbol of Andraste and opened it. To small paintings were revealed. One of Grand Cleric Elthina and one of Hawke.
"Why didn't any of you listen to me? I promise that I will get justice for both your deaths."
He took out the painting of Hawke and kissed it lightly.
"You should have listened to me, Marian. I told you he was dangerous. Why did you always have to love those who would cause you the most harm? If you had only killed him, the Maker would have forgiven you and you would be here to rule beside me. Oh, Maker I hope you have found it in your mercy to forgive her for her sins and that she has taken her place at your side."
-OOO-
The high altitudes made it harder for both people and horses to travel through the mountains. They were getting closer to their destination, but since they were quickly fatigued they didn't cover as much ground as the normally would have. Anders was beginning to wish he had never read in Marian's diary. What appeared to be memories haunted his sleep. They were vague images and incoherent pieces of conversations. Most of them were of her laughing. Sometimes he would hear her voice not able to make out the words. They came every night sending him into a state of emotional turmoil and tonight was no exception.
He was in his clinic, but everything was distorted he then heard her voice,
"It would kill me to see the templars lock you up."
"I have tried to hold back. You saw what I almost did to that girl. You have seen what I am, but I am still a man. You can't tease me like this and expect me to resist forever."
"I don't want you to resist."
He could feel fire burning in his veins has he pulled her close and began kissing her passionately. He could feel desperation, worry, relief and for a moment complete happiness. He could taste her lips, smell the vanilla, and feel the soft skin of her neck with one hand as the other ran through her hair. It was euphoria unlike any he had experienced. Suddenly he could hear her scream. Terror began to fill his body and he felt like screaming himself, but he had no air in his lungs. He tried to move, but found himself confined by chains. He could hear the noise when her body was hit by blunt objects. Between her screams he swore he could even hear her bones crack. Or maybe it was his imagination? He saw her face. Blood was dripping from her soaked hair and he could she blood and foam spilling from her lips. He wanted to heal her. He wanted to hold her, but as he desperately tried to get near her he was whipped. It didn't even hurt anymore. All he could focus on was his rage and his worry. Justice... where was he? They had taken the only thing from him that might save her. She mouthed "I love you" before collapsing fully on the ground. They dragged her body along the ground not even having the courtesy to carry her. They left a trail of her blood o the ground. He found himself begging for death. Pleading for this moment to be the last...
He sat up covered in sweat and tears falling down his cheeks. What had he done to her? Why would she fall in love with a man who would cause her so much harm? He looked around. They only had one tent, so he was sleeping outside on his bedroll near the fire. A cross from him Bethany was sleeping. After he had started to remember things about Marian he felt increasingly uncomfortable calling Bethany for Hawke. She was not his Hawke. He found himself pondering how he could feel such affection for a woman, when he still couldn't even picture her face. He knew her scent, her laugh and sometimes even recalled her gentle words of comfort. He looked over at Bethany wondering if she looked anything like her sister. He then saw an amulet hanging from her neck. He had never seen anything like it. Curiosity got the better of him and he moved closer to examine it. It was made from silver and lyrium and was covered in ancient tevinter runes. He could feel the magic emanating from it and he reached in to touch it. Her eyes flew open and she sat up her fist firmly holding the amulet.
"Don't touch it!" She snapped.
"I am sorry. I didn't mean any harm." He said as he gave her a startled look. She looked at him for a moment and then her eyes softened.
"I know. I am sorry to. I was just startled... it means a lot to me... if I lost it..."
"I understand. It was rude of me."
She gave a smile and for just a moment he could feel his heart jump. It was the first time he had seen her do that. She was always so angry and bitter.
"I am sorry for my behaviour during these last few weeks. I... have been focusing on tasks for a long time. I have come accustom to be on my own. If I seem bitter it is because I have lost so much. I hope you can understand."
"I do and I am sorry. I would understand if you blame me for Marian's death."
"I... I blame the templars." Her eyes were tearing. Anders felt he had so much to apologize for, but were would he begin?
"I feel I owe you an apology. I didn't mean to seem insensitive when I talked to Susanne. Had I know..."
"Had you know who I was you wouldn't have flirted with a woman the minute you got your emotions back?" She snapped and started to pack up her bedroll. Anders just sat there feeling partly like a fool and partly angry at her. He had meant to be nice and apologize and she was acting like a bitch. Even if it was a little insulting to Marian's memory it wasn't like she just died. It had been four years and until a few days ago he had no memory of her. Under normal circumstances would anyone have blamed him for moving on after that period of time? Should he live the rest of his life in chastity? Didn't he deserve happiness? Well the last part he wasn't sure about. Bethany stood up and then told the others in the tent, that it was time to move on. Then she went to the horses to saddle them and strap her bedroll to the back of the saddle.
"Why are you so intent on hurting him?"
"I am not intent on hurting him. He is just so infuriating."
"You can't keep blaming him for your own feelings."
"I am not blaming him for my feelings. I am blaming him for his actions."
"If you told him everything it might not have to be this way."
"When did you become the voice of reason?"
"I am the voice o..."
"Deep in thought?" Oran asked as he came up behind her.
"You could say that. Are we ready to move on?"
He nodded in responds and they moved on.