Snow in Konoha – S-rank Hustle! Santa vs. Ms. Claus... why doesn't she have a name!? (PART 1)
A/N: Please read this chapter in a Christmas mood. Thank you.
"I feel like this has happened before..." said Katsura as he looked up at the white sky from his prone position on the ground, almost completely buried in snow. "How did I even get here."he tried to think back to the events heading up to this certain point and time.
Naruto, Gin and Rukia were walking across the snow covered path of the Konoha markets, when an idea happened to hit Gin... quite literally. As he was walking, a small poster sized billboard dropped on his face.
"Woah!" yelled Rukia. Naruto merely responded to the random act with one of his own. He looked up, put out his hand, as if to check for rain, then pulled out an umbrella. Rukia looked at him incredulously, and he shrugged. They both looked at Gin's twitching form and just walked away. "He'll be fine right?" she asked her blond companion. Naruto got into a thinking position, before bringing out a giant cylinder with a tip that started wide at the bottom and got smaller at the top but never became a tip. The side said, "Armstrong healing cannon extreme multi-use all purpose extraordinaire 5.0. Now with tough stain fighting power!" Naruto aimed it at Gin and fired. The resulting explosion took out three fourths of the block. Rukia's jaw dropped as Naruto chuckled and put on sunglasses to match his dark black suit.
"Yippe Cayae Mother Fucker." he mumbled, while walking away.
"Nope. That had absolutely nothing to do with me... next one."
"Ne, Ye Olde." said Naruto, addressing the now sweat dropping Hokage. "Whats our next mission?" he asked. Sarutobi sighed. It was almost Christmas time. That pretty much meant a hiatus on all high ranked missions, and any shinobi feud in general. No one would defy the unwritten rule of Christmas. Usually all the missions would be D-rank, such as cleaning the yard, shoveling, enlarging chimneys so fatter fathers, cough Akimichi cough, could fit through, and the like.
"I'm not sure yet Naruto-kun. It might be a joint mission with another team to clean the streets or something. Though, you never know. Santa might need protection." Sarutobi winked. Leading the boy on with a seemingly harmless statement.
"Then I'm your man Sarutobisaurus!!!" Sarutobisaurus just sweat dropped at the name. That was the first time he had heard that one. The Hokage nodded and shooed Naruto out of the building. The things kids will believe now and days. Go figure.
"... I wasn't even there... why do I know this?"
"Aww man, It's broken!" yelled a rather portly man in red to his much burlier, and antlerier (? on the spot word...) red nosed counterpart. The burly man growled.
"It's your fault that the sleigh broke!" he yelled back. They stared at each other before rasing their fists. They then heard a crash behind them. When they further inspected the crash, they found a rather disheveled looking blond. The blond stared at them with blearing red eyes before he started talking.
"Who ish ou?" The odd duo stared at each other before bursting out laughing.
"Ahahaha! He's drunk!" yelled the man in red. The antlered man nodded as he laughed. They were laughing so hard they failed to notice Naruto rise with righteous fury behind them.
"I'm not drunk!" he exclaimed before beating them to a bloody pulp. When he finished, he sat down in a corner, crying and drawing circles in the snow. "I was just practicing my French is all..." (I don't have anything against French people, I just think the accent and language is a bit funny.) He looked up to see a familiar patch of hair in the distance. "Gin!" he called. Gin looked behind him and spotted Naruto. He turned back around and called somebody before running up to Naruto.
"Yo, Naruto!" he greeted. He then noticed the two bloodied people who were beginning to regain consciousness. "Who are they?"
Naruto shrugged. "Not sure, I just sorta found them there." The other duo started to cry.
"Liar!" said the burly one.
"How do you not know me?" asked the portly one. "I'll even give you a hint." Suddenly a random villager joined in the conversation.
"I love this game!" said the villager. Naruto and Gin just agreed fervently, while the other two sweat dropped.
"I go into peoples houses and leave presents." he gave.
"A robber with diarrhea?" answered Naruto, questioning look on his face.
"No!" yelled the man.
"A dog?" asked Gin. The man just facevaulted.
"I got it!" yelled the vllager. He had on a serious face. "You're a man, who gives children apackage."
"What the hell is wrong with you! What kind of hint are you giving?"
"Children sit in my lap and tell me what they want." Naruto's face lit up and the man assumed that he had it. "That's right kid." he chuckled.
"Then I would like my soul back please. I promised it to a lot of other people." The man looked confused while Gin looked horrified.
"You sold your soul to satan?" he asked. Naruto looked sheepish.
"I was practicing my French at the time and didn't exactly know what I was saying." he replied. The antlered man looked appalled.
"So close and yet so far in meaning!" he said. The villager interrupted again.
"Let me get this straight. You break into people's houses and do something for children?" he asked pensively. The man in red and his counterpart sweat dropped.
"I'm SANTA!!!" screamed the man in red. Naruto looked at him.
"Impossible. Santa is a bunny that gives out eggs on Easter." he said, nodding his head as though his information was the correct one.
"What kind of stories do you read kid?" asked the antlered man. Thankfully for them, Gin was an avid Santa fan.
"Then you must be Rudolph!" he yelled, pointing at the burly man. "I think..." The man smiled.
"You got it!" The man beamed. Suddenly, a bright light beamedin his face. Behind it was Naruto, a smoldering cigar in his mouth, and aviator shades on his face.
"So... Rudolfo. Where were you on the night of January 72nd ?" he asked. Rudolph just panicked.
"What?!" he asked. Naruto put out his cigar on his face. "Ahhhhh!!!" Santa just stared at the entire scene slackjawed. As if Gin read Santa's mind, he pulled out a wanted poster with Santa and Rudolph's picture.
"Bounty is all you need to clean up your messes." said Gin.
"WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THE POSTER!?" asked Santa. Gin shrugged.
"I'm just trying to remember my shopping list. Now, back to this. Why is your wife looking for you. Actually, scratch that. Why is she sending ninjas after you?" he asked in a no-nonsense tone. Santa had the good graces to look sheepish.
"My wife is trying to drag me to her mother's again..."
Dun, dun, dun! Uhh... I know this isn't really a cliff hanger... but for this story, and for guys who have GFs or Wives who do this... this is the cliff hanger of the century.
This is the first part of the three part Christmas special!
See you in a bit!