Hey everybody! Wow... what's with all the glares? I did say it was a Christmas special right? Okay, I admit, that joke was in bad taste... but I did make this chapter extra funny and extra long as a sacrifice to the review gods that all of you are. I will also have you know, I happen to think my humor is actually better then when I was writing last year...er... 2 years ago? Its like aged cheese. For some reason it tastes better later. Probably because you can no longer taste anything because the smell is slowly suffocating you. Hey, be glad my humor isn't like pancakes. All happy when you get them, but by the time your almost done you hate them. Freakin' pancakes.

DEVIDER

I don't own Naruto or any other references to previously existing entities. God does. (Even my disclaimers became better!!! ^_^)

DEVIDER

"I don't care what you do. Just find him." said a rather buxom looking lady. She was wearing a formfitting red jacket, a red knee length skirt and sexy white stockings. "I'm not paying your ninjas to stand around." she told the Raikage. The Raikage nodded. One would ask why the Raikage, most likely the burliest man on the planet why he was taking heat from anyone, let alone a dainty lady such as the one in the room. He would reply, "I don't want coal for Christmas. It doesn't make a good pet." What?

DEVIDER

"Uhh... what's so bad about going to your mothers?" aksed Gin.

(now here comes the extra long part of the chapter that I promised you)

"Her mother's." corrected Santa. Gin still looked confused, so Santa sighed. "Don't worry about it. Just know I have to deliver presents and I can't do that if I'm at her mother's house. Get it?" Gin and Naruto were stricken. Immediately Naruto was in a burglar's outfit.

(And thats a wrap! See you again in two years!)

"Let's go deliver some presents." he said in a dramatic tone of voice while cocking a shotgun. Santa sweatdropped.

"What kind of presents are you talking about?" he mumbled to himself. Naruto pointed the shotgun at his face and blew smoke in his face, courtesy of the cigar in his mouth. He pulled down his aviator sunglasses and asked.

"Nandato kora?" ("What was that bastard?" Loose translation by the way. It's japanese gangster speak. Or as we say in mexico: habanerrrro. Just kidding. Thats how its said in NY?)

"Oi, oi, oi, teme!" said Gin, dressed in a black suit. "Do you know who you're talking to?" he asked Santa. He then pointed to Naruto, who was clad in an open white suit and bandages on the torso as a replacement for a shirt. "This is the person who single handedly took out the Yakuza no Oni, and reunited the families of the Katsumata! He is... Naruto "The Uzumaki" Uzumaki!"

"Why is his last name his nickname as well?" asked Rudolph.

"Why don't you have a last name?" he replied. This promptly set said reindeer into a spiraling depression.

"Wahhhh! My family never loved me enough to give me one!" Santa sighed. Time to get back on track.

"You have to help me deliver presents! That way, even if I am taken to my mother in laws at least the children of Konoha will have had their presents and Christmas." Gin and Naruto looked a bit apprehensive.

"That doesn't seem to be very fair to the othe-"

"I'll give you your presents now and extra ones later~" he sang.

"What are we waiting for?!" Santa called over his ever faithful reindeer, whom he affectionately called Bob.

"Hey bob! Can you get these kids their presents?" Bob nodded and walked up to the Christmas sack, then cleared his throat.

"Oh Christmas sack, Oh Christmas sack-

Give me the god-damned presents~"

The sack began to magically float in mid-air before wheezing and coughing. Blegarlmech was the sound it produced before rhythmically puking out Naruto's and Gin's presents.

"Here you go guys." said Bob as he handed Naruto and Gin their presents.

"Eww." was their reply. Naruto pulled a pair of goggles from his pocket and put them on. He stared at his present for quite some time before jumping up in joy.

"Yes! I got the Super Deluxe Armstrong Healing Cannon Extreme multi-use all purpose Extraordinaire Mk. 10. Now with tougher stain fighting power. Guaranteed to atomize even the toughest of stains!" he exclaimed, leaving the others if his goggles where – oh. So they were. "Wow lady, those don't cover much do they!?" He returned to the group with a new facial accessory. The red slap of manliness.

"Wow, thats a keeper."

"Way to go 'Ruto!"

"You're on your way kid, but you still have a ways to go." Santa pulled out a picture. "Take a gander at this! My greatest work yet!" The rest of the group stared in awe at the picture.

"You're my hero!"

"That's my boss!"

"Now I know the true meaning of Christmas!" They all began to bow at the red clad, portly man.

"We need to know Santa-sama..." began Naruto. "What did you do to deserve such a magnificent stamp of manliness!?" Santa just rubbed his beared for dramatic effect. He remembered the incident like it was yesterday, but dramatic effect made any story a great story. Hell, his stories were already great, so the dramatic effect would have caused to it me amazing!

"Kukukuku." he chuckled. The others backed away.

"Uh... we just want to be men... not pedophiles. You can keep that story to yourself Clause." said Gin. Santa began to weep in a corner. DAMN YOU DRAMATIC EFFECT!

DEVIDER

Meanwhile, at the Inuzuka household, while Rukia was having a slumber party for her and her girl friends, she, Ayeka, and Reika all had a chill run down their spine, causing the other girls to look at them. Rukia summed it up in a simple statement.

"Naruto and Gin are doing something stupid."

A/N: Ok... so its actually shorter... but I wanted you all to know I was still alive. REALLY! It's not like im gonna keep you waiting again for another 2 years just to build up dramatic effect. Oops... did I say that outloud? I'll be back soon with an update for something. cross my heart and hope to fly?