TV: Yesterday, there was a disturbing series of events in Gelato Beach. First, some giant creatures stood on the mirrors shining on the Sand Bird egg and endangered it, but a sumo wrestler came and knocked them all away.

Mario: Sumo wrestler?

Pianta: Ssh! This is interesting! Listen to her!

TV: One such creature was seen flying over Petal Meadows a few hours later, and before that, a flying object was thought to be over Dry Dry Desert.

Pianta: Man, whoever did THAT had to be really, REALLY fat!

Mario: Looks who's talking.

Pianta: What's YOUR problem?

Mario: Uh, never mind.

TV: And earlier today, the legendary Sand Bird egg hatched, but apparently, not long after it took to the skies, a madman with a hose brutally murdered it and turned it into mud. The beach is still being cleaned up as we speak. Nobody knows who did it, but there is a one MILLION coin bounty on his head, and he's going to receive the death sentence when he gets caught.

Mario: Hey, Pianta? Could you please turn to TV off?

Pianta: Why? This is interesting. Hey...if you got the million coins, what would you do?

Mario: Well...maybe buy a few nice things, and live peacefully somewhere.

Pianta: Me, I'd go to town! Man, if I saw that creep, I'd jump on him, beat the crud out of him, drag him to the police, and--hey, why is your face turning pale?

Mario: Because I'm late! [stands up straight outside the electronic store's window, where he was watching the TV] I've got to get going! Right, FLUDD?

FLUDD: No. Stay all you like.

Mario: You're not helping, FLUDD.

Pianta: Well, whatever. Just remember, if you see that guy, make sure you tear his--

Mario: See ya!!

Mario runs as fast as he can to the lighthouse and presses himself against it, hyperventilating.

FLUDD: I might turn you in for that kind of money myself.

Mario: What would YOU need money for?

FLUDD: I wouldn't. It would just be amusing.

Mario: Breathe one word of this, and--

FLUDD: I have no lungs. Therefore, I cannot breathe, moron.

Mario: And FLUDD?

FLUDD: Yes, Mario?

Mario: Do I really look like a sumo wrestler?

FLUDD: Lose the mustache, the shirt, and the overalls, and gain a ponytail. Viola.

Mario: I knew I shouldn't have asked.

FLUDD: Then why did you ask at all?

Mario ignores him and hops into Gelato Beach. He is now extremely self-conscious and looks nervously at everybody there.

FLUDD: I think I'll call you Moronio from now on. It has a certain charm to it.

Mario: Charm as in "cruel and not funny at all"?

FLUDD: Yes.

Pianta: IT'S THE WATERMELON FESTIVAL!!!!!

Mario: What does that mean?

Pianta: I dunno.

FLUDD: Whoever gives the biggest watermelon to the smoothie shop guy gets a Shine Sprite.

Mario: [looks at the Pianta, who is acting all casual] Oh, he's back, now, is he?

FLUDD: I don't think he's going to give you the Shine Sprite if you threaten him.

Mario: [popping his knuckles] Could work.

Mario pops one knuckle too hard and starts crying. FLUDD douses him with the Idiot Stopper, and he stops crying (it's hard to cry when you have tons of foam in your mouth).

Mario: So anyway, it doesn't really matter if I get the Shine Sprite or not, right? Whoever gets it helps the island nonetheless, right?

FLUDD: Do it, buddy.

Mario mumbles something and finds the closest watermelon. He picks it up, carries it to the smoothie shop guy, and slams it down on the counter.

Mario: Prize time.

Smoothie Pianta: I don't think so, buddy.

Mario: Oh, do I have to pay you fifty coins for this, too?

Smoothie Pianta: Take a look at those guys over there.

Mario turns and sees three people with enormous watermelons standing near the bridge to the smoothie shop. His eyes widen.

Smoothie Pianta: But I appreciate the watermelon.

Mario: Can I have my fifty coins back?

Smoothie Pianta: [acting surprised] What fifty coins?

Mario: You know, the ones you SCAMMED from me?

Smoothie Pianta: That wasn't me! It was my evil twin brother! He loves to scam people!

Mario: Then go call him up.

Smoothie Pianta: I don't have his phone number! He lives in secret!

Mario: Well, he sure has a profitable business, now, doesn't he?

Smoothie Pianta: I'm telling you, I'm not him! See, there he is, over there!

Mario turns and sees a piece of cut-out cardboard with bad drawing on it. When he turns back, the Smoothie Pianta isn't there. He looks over the counter and sees the guy hiding behind it, playing with a squeeze toy.

Mario: [sarcastically] Oh, I get it. Your father was a Pianta and your mother was made of cardboard. Makes perfect sense, doesn't it?

Smoothie Pianta: Of course it does. Perfect sense.

Mario: [snatches the squeeze toy from him] A little stressed, are we?

The Pianta reaches under the counter and grabs another squeeze toy. Mario throws the one he has at him.

Mario: Give me back my fifty coins!

Smoothie Pianta: I don't know what you're talking about.

FLUDD: Mario, concentrate on finding a larger watermelon.

Mario: This isn't finished, buddy. You will crumble.

Mario walks away and scans the beach. Finally, he sees a huge watermelon. He dashes over to it and prepares himself. A watermelon that size must be heavy. He tenses up, then throws his weight against it. Immediately, the watermelon goes flying. Mario hits the ground and has the air whoosh out of him. The watermelon lands in the ocean and floats perfectly.

Mario: What are these, balloons?

FLUDD: Don't ask.

Another watermelon appears right behind Mario.

Mario: What--?

FLUDD: Don't ask here, either.

Mario stands up and moves the watermelon gently. He maneuvers it across the bridge and stops it before the Smoothie Pianta.

Mario: Well?

Smoothie Pianta: It isn't bigger than the ones they have.

Mario turns and looks at them. He rolls his over to the biggest one in the group of three watermelons and compares sizes. His is bigger than the largest one. Frustrated, he rolls it back.

Mario: Oh, yes, it is.

Smoothie Pianta: Uh-uh.

Mario: Uh-huh.

Smoothie Pianta: I'm not accepting this one.

Mario: Go over and see for yourself!!

Smoothie Pianta: No.

Mario: Why the heck not!?!

Smoothie Pianta: Because I don't feel like it.

Mario kicks the watermelon at him, but it hits the counter, ricochets, and hits him between the eyes instead. Mario grabs his nose, screams, and flails, slamming the deck several times.

FLUDD: You brought this on yourself, Mario.

Mario: I dow! I dow!

After ten minutes, Mario is feeling better, gets up off the deck, and goes around looking for another watermelon. He spots one higher up than the first one and rolls it down. A red cataquack gets it, and it explodes upon hitting the ground. Mario throws a coconut at the cataquack and knocks it unconscious.

Mario: The last time I checked, watermelons were solid and heavy! What the heck is wrong with this picture!?!

The watermelon reappears, and Mario rolls it down past the unconscious cataquack, across the beach, and to the smoothie shop. He gets the same response.

Smoothie Pianta: No.

Mario: Why not!?!

Smoothie Pianta: Because I want to give you a hard time.

Mario: And I want to punch you in the nose! If you give me a hard time, I'll punch you in the nose! How's that sound?

Smoothie Pianta: It sounds like I'd better punch you first.

The Pianta punches Mario between the eyes. Mario grabs his noses, screams, and flails, slamming the deck several times. Ten MORE minutes later, Mario arrives at the top of Gelato Beach, where he sees a watermelon four times his size.

Mario: If he rejects this one, I'm going to make him drink his own surprise smoothie.

Mario rolls it down to him and stands in front of the counter smugly. The watermelon barely even fits in the shop's entrance.

Smoothie Pianta: Nope. It won't do.

Mario: Really? It won't?

Smoothie Pianta: Why are you so smug? What are you gonna do, punch me?

Mario: No, I was thinking more along the lines of making you drink your surprise smoothie.

Before the Pianta can react, Mario grabs the closest surprise smoothie and splashes the contents down his throat. He lies on the ground and clutches his throat.

Smoothie Pianta: Okay! Okay! Take the Shine Sprite! What do I care? Just don't make me drink any more of that stuff! Please!

Mario takes the Shine Sprite and does his victory dance. FLUDD, true to his word, uses his Idiot Stopper.

FLUDD: Remember, Mario? In the Hillside Cave?

Mario: It comes back to me now, yes.

Mario warps out of Gelato Beach, happy to have gotten his Shine Sprite.

--

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Seriously, go back to your GameCube, pop in Super Mario Sunshine, and compare the smallest watermelon you can find in episode 8 of Gelato Beach to the biggest watermelon one of the other guys has. You'll find that YOUR watermelon is bigger. I'm not making this up. Go look.