FLUDD: Congratulations, Moronio. You have completed Gelato Beach.
Mario: What's next?
FLUDD: We'll see.
Toad: Mario! Mario! The princess was kidnapped!
Mario: And let me guess: You stood behind and ran around in circles while she got farther and farther away, didn't you?
Toad: [in deep thought] You know, it might have been a better idea to give chase....
Mario: No duh.
FLUDD: I think you should give chase yourself, Mario.
Mario takes off at full speed across Delfino Plaza, sliding around a wet corner too fast and slamming into a building. Shattering glass is heard.
Janitor: Sorry!
Mario shakes it off and runs to Toadsworth.
Toadsworth: YEEAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!!
Mario: What the heck was that?
Toadsworth: I don't know, that's my exclamation of surprise. Anyway, the princess was kidnapped! You must go help her, Mario!
Mario: Why didn't you go help her?
Toadsworth: Because I am old and you are young, that's why!
Mario: Don't pull THAT one again.
FLUDD: Mario, go rescue the princess before it's too late.
Toadsworth: The kidnapper went to the cannon!
Mario rushes around the next corner and slides into another building.
Janitor: Sorry!
Mario: These guys are only fast when they need to get in your way.
Mario runs through Delfino Plaza again and sees Shadow Mario carrying Peach.
Peach: Mario! Help!!
Mario: I'm coming, princess! Hey, police! Help her!
Pianta Policeman: Oh, it's the slacker again, is it?
Mario: There's a princess being kidnapped! Help her!
Pianta Policeman: Like I haven't heard THAT one a million times. "Oh, there's a princess in a pretty pink dress being carried by my evil clone screaming 'Help me! Help me! He's taking me away!'"
Peach: Help me! Help me! He's taking me away!
Mario: TURN AROUND!!!
Pianta Policeman: Look, I ain't got the time for pranks now, bubba.
Mario: Bubba?
Peach: For goodness sakes, someone help me!!!
Pianta Policeman: You're wasting my time. I've got a busy schedule. At one o' clock, I've got to get my hourly doughnut, and then I have to insult passerby for the next few hours. It's a busy job, I gotta tell you.
Mario: How much do they pay you to stand around doing nothing!?!
FLUDD: The policeman is obviously not listening, Mario. Let's leave the overweight, doughnut-craving cowards to themselves.
Mario: Ooooh, you got dissed by FLUDD! That's gotta sting!
FLUDD: As if I haven't mentioned that you're a fat, big-nosed, clumsy, unintelligent, bumbling idiot a thousand times before.
Mario: I still feel good knowing I'm not the only one FLUDD insults.
Pianta Policeman: Hey, there's a woman being kidnapped behind you! Why don't you go save her, you slacker!
Second Pianta Policeman: [licking the white doughnut powder off his lips and swallowing] Yeah, what he said!
Mario ignores them and runs to Peach and Shadow Mario, who are on a Bowser-shaped boat.
Mario: Whose idea was it to make the eyeballs bug out?
Shadow Mario: [proudly] Mine!
Mario: Then you ought to be shot.
Shadow Mario sticks his oversized tongue out, but since it grew twenty times its size in less than half a second, he can't get it back in.
Shadow Mario: Uh, hahg od a theckond....
Mario walks onto the Bowser boat and grabs Peach.
Mario: I don't think I want to hahg od a theckond. Go have fun trying to get your tongue back in.
Shadow Mario smacks Mario with his tongue, then grabs Peach again, shoves Mario off, and dashes off. Mario swims back to Delfino Plaza and climbs back onto land.
Mario: That went over well.
FLUDD: Very. It was certainly a smart idea to cause eons of trouble by gloating over your enemy and then lowering your defense to your toes. So smart, in fact, that now you'll be chasing Shadow Mario all over the island before you can finally corner him.
Mario: It's always nice to be encouraged by you, FLUDD.
FLUDD: Then I will keep doing it.
Mario: That was called being sarcastic.
FLUDD: The last thing I want to hear is advice from YOU.
Pianta: The cannon is finished!
Mario: Who are you?
Pianta: I was working on this cannon for the past few months. I haven't seen the sunlight in ages. I would have my lunchbox dropped down to me. [rubs his head as if it aches] After I would regain consciousness, I would eat.
Mario: I need to get to that amusement park, fast!
FLUDD: Pinna Park.
Mario: Peanut Park!
FLUDD: Pinna Park.
Mario: Yeah, I know, Peanut Park.
FLUDD: I said Pinna Park, Mario.
Mario: What's so important about Peanut Park?
Pianta: Well, if you want to get there fast, you can use this cannon and blast there quickly.
Mario: Awesome! Let's do it!
Mario hops into the cannon and grins up at FLUDD.
Mario: We'll be there in no time!
Pianta: And in three...two...one....
A fireball erupts from the cannon as it backfires and goes up in flames. The birds in faraway Pianta Village hear it and fly away.
Pianta: Oh...I guess I should have taken the cannonball out first....
Mario: [comes out of the cannon completely black and smoking] I guess so!!!
Pianta: Okay, this time's for real. Three...two...one....
Mario launches out of the cannon, a smoking figure sailing to Pinna Park.
Mario: Yeah! I'm flyyyyying! He flies through the air with the greatest of--
Mario looks at Pinna Park zooming by beneath him.
Mario: I think I may have overshot my mark.
FLUDD: Indeed you have. In fact, you will splat into the Ferris wheel at 180 miles per hour in five seconds.
Mario looks up to see the Ferris wheel coming closer and closer. He rams into the center, which makes a crack run down the entire structure. Pinna Park shakes.
Pianta: Earthquake!
Noki: Run! Run for your lives!
Pianta: [moving his mouth out of sync] It's Godzilla!
Mario spins slowly in the center of the Ferris wheel for about five minutes before his body finally unpeels itself and falls into the water below.
FLUDD: It would appear that my calculation was off. THREE seconds.
Mario: And that's your biggest concern, isn't it?
Mario stands up, smoking not from the cannon blast but from the impact. He climbs out of the water and looks around.
Mario: This is Pinna Park?
FLUDD: Yes, and it has about five rides.
Mario: Not enough, then.
Shadow Mario: Wow, you're still alive?
Mario: Surprising, isn't it? I get blown up AND slam into a Ferris wheel at 180 miles per hour--
FLUDD: My calculations were off there, too. 195.
Mario: Whatever. So anyway, I--wait a minute, get back here!
Mario chases after Shadow Mario and comes to a pool of water. Shadow Mario floats above it, and the water starts rippling, then separates. A huge machine is shot out of the pool, knocking Shadow Mario high into the air, then landing on his coccyx back on top of the machine's head.
Koopa Worker Under The Pool: Sorry! I didn't know I wasn't supposed to pull the lever all the way.
Noki: Wow! Is this a new ride they have?
Mario: Shouldn't you know?
Noki: It's amazing! The way it's destroying my park almost looks like the real thing!
Bullet Bills collide into various parts of the park, sending people flying wherever they blast.
Noki: I've gotta pay these actors more! It's almost like they really are being blown to smithereens!
Mario: They kind of are.
Noki: Well, as you are the hero, let me provide you with a hero's vehicle!
Mario: A roller coaster?
Noki: Hop in and defeat it!
Mario: Wait a minute! With what!?!
The roller coaster zooms away. Mario holds onto the edges of the super-small car to avoid falling out as he goes upside down.
Mario: The seatbelt! Where's the seatbelt!?!
FLUDD: Beneath your feet, you moron.
Mario grabs the two strips and tries to click them together. His tries become more frantic and frantic as they won't connect.
Mario: It's not working!!
FLUDD: That's because people generally don't slam their seatbelts together.
Mario pauses, then connects them slowly. It works. He breathes a sigh of relief, then screams as a Bullet Bill flies past him.
Mario: How am I supposed to defeat this guy!?!
FLUDD: Whenever you come into contact with a missile, attach it to my nozzle and shoot it at him.
Mario gets one such missile and stuffs it into FLUDD's nozzle. The car comes towards the giant Mecha-Bowser, and Mario prepares to fire.
Mario: Say your prayers, Shadow Mario!
Because he didn't screw it in tight enough, the missile drops when he shoots it and explodes inside the car, destroying it and sending Mario flying back down to the park director.
Noki Director: Incredible! It's almost as if you really had a near-death experience!
Mario: Just supply me with another car!
Mario hops into another car, then zooms off again. Shadow Mario's maniacal laughter comes out of Mecha-Bowser.
Shadow Mario: Say YOUR prayers, Mario!
One of the cannon holes in Mecha-Bowser makes a clicking sound. Puzzled, Shadow Mario tries to fire another Bullet Bill several more times. Nothing happens.
Shadow Mario: I suppose I should have guessed this thing would run out of ammo. Then I'll just use my fire breath!
Nothing happens.
Shadow Mario: I suppose I also should have guessed I don't have infinite amounts of fire. Well, crap.
Mario hops out of the car when it comes close to the ground, then walks up to Mecha-Bowser and blasts him. A gaping hole is left inside it. Mecha-Bowser powers down.
Mario: Holy guacamole, I didn't expect THAT to happen.
Shadow Mario: Just how poorly-designed was this rig!?! It should be able to stand up to miniature water missiles!
Koopa Worker Under The Pool: Oh, you said the THICK armor, not the STICK armor. I thought you meant to apply paper-thin armor.
Shadow Mario: No! You loser!
The top opens up, and Shadow Mario and Peach are inside. Shadow Mario hops out and transforms into Bowser Jr.
Bowser Jr.: Leave my mama alone, you bad man! I won't let you take Mama Peach away!
Mario: Whoa, whoa, WHOA, there. Peach has been having an affair with Bowser?
Peach: Well, it's news to ME.
Mario: It better be.
Bowser Jr.: Yeah, papa told me all about it! He said, "Mario's a big, fast, stupid, idiot who always beats me at everything! I'm a poor sport, so I want him dead!"
Mario: And you listened to him.
Bowser Jr.: You...you pest! Stop following us! ...I said stop following us! Cut that out!
Mario: I'm not moving anywhere.
Bowser Jr.: Oh. Right.
A balloon appears above what remains of Mecha Bowser and carries it away.
FLUDD: It appears to be heading for Corona Mountain.
Mario: Awesome! We'll go there next!
FLUDD: No we won't.
Mario: You'd better be joking.
FLUDD: Nope. We're going to get more Shine Sprites and THEN rescue Peach.
Mario: Why do we have to get the Shine Sprites first!?!
FLUDD: Because then we can fight Shadow Mario.
Mario: How do you know all this?
FLUDD: Never mind, Mario.
Mario: Tell me!
FLUDD: I said never mind.
Mario: Tell me!!!
FLUDD uses his Idiot Stopper.
FLUDD: Now shut up and go get the Shine Sprite.
Mario: TELL ME!!!!!
FLUDD douses Mario with his Idiot Stopper so much that a tower of foam and bubbles appear where Mario is.
FLUDD: Just do what I say.
Mario: Unless it gets me in trouble.
FLUDD: Exactly.
Mario walks out of the cloud of bubbles and gets the Shine Sprite. He twirls around and poses for the camera.
FLUDD: That still counts as a victory dance.
Mario: Uh-oh.