I don't know why, but these chapters have been coming to me very quickly, and although I know you all would rather I update Bliss, I couldn't ignore the surge of inspiration I got for this story. So I hope you all enjoy it.

Once again, thank you all so much for your kind reviews. I'd like to say the more reviews I get, the faster you get updates, but since I've been updating this story two days, that trick ain't gonna fly. So you know how coffee places have tips jars because when you pour someone's coffee you apparently deserve a little extra something along with your pay? Well, I don't get paid for my stories...so please leave a tip in the form of a review. They are greatly appreciated.

"Hey Ben," Peyton panted, juggling Keith and a diaper bag in one arm and a portfolio bag in another. Her editor, Ben Pratt looked up at her as she huffed in and raised his eyebrows. When Peyton Sawyer first walked into his office three years ago he could see the dark cloud that hovered above her as soon as he laid eyes on her. He knew a little bit about her past. Two dead mothers, and an absentee father. But there was far more hurt hidden beneath the guarded exterior and mile high walls. He wondered how that boyfriend or fiance or whoever he was, lived with it. He wasn't one for mood-rings and tarot cards or whatever, but the chick's aura was totally dark.

"Sorry I'm late with these, but the sitter bailed on me and Jake had to pick up Jenny from-"

"Don't worry about it, kid," Ben said, brushing off her apology breezily with a ringed hand. "But you should know you look like hell," he commented bluntly. The woman before him was frazzled, looking as though she was at the end of her very short poorly made rope. She looked like she hadn't slept in a week and it wasn't far from the truth.

"I'm fine," she replied with a shrug, letting the man pick the baby up out of her arms.

"Didn't ask if you were fine, kid. You're always fine."

"I haven't been sleeping. It's just insomnia," Peyton shrugged, pulling out her strips for the week.

"They make medication for that you know," he sat down and stood Keith on his legs. "You sure you don't wanna go see my doc? He's a miracle worker."

"I don't like taking pills," Peyton shook her head firmly. She'd had this conversation before with both him and Jake. Every time it ended with her adamant refusal for any help, despite the fact that she did feel like hell all the time. She felt tired, weary down to her very bones. It was a fatigue she shouldered though, because she felt she had to. There was no rest for the wicked, and she figured betraying Brooke a total of three times and having a child out of wedlock as a result of betrayal number three and then keeping said child from his father because she simply can't take the pain constituted as downright evil.

"Have it your way, Sawyer. I'm just trying to help. And the only way I know how to do that is to call them like I see them and you look dead on your feet," Ben said, setting Keith who was clutching a soft book in his hands, down on the carpet.

"I'm fine." Peyton closed the subject by pulling her drawings out of the portfolio and laying them across the desk, before looking at him expectantly.

"Okay okay," Ben raised his arms in surrender. "I know when I'm licked. Let's take a look at those strips."

They stood side by side at his desk and as Peyton waited, her eyes fell upon Keith, scooting on wobbly legs all over the office.

"Uh oh," he cooed, before squatting down to pick up the soft book he'd dropped. He toddled to the middle of the floor and plopped himself down with a sigh. He then opened the little book right side up and began looking through it with utter seriousness that would be adorable if it wasn't so heart-breaking. It seemed everyday he was growing to be more and more like his father.

Sometimes…it was hard to look at him and it made Peyton feel like the world's worst mother. He was infinitely sensitive, was quick to offer a smile or a chubby hand when either Jake or Peyton looked blue. He loved books and although he had an easy smile, he spent most of his time looking more contemplative than any baby should.

There was just no escaping Lucas Scott. And no matter how hard she tried not to, there wasn't a day that went by where she didn't think about him and wonder if he was okay….if he missed her at all. She hated herself for wondering those things, for still wanting him after all the pain they'd put each other through. She told herself it was better this way, better that Lucas didn't know about Keith. She didn't want their pain transferred upon her son and besides, Jake was good to him.

But, still there were moments when she saw how selfish she was being keeping Keith away from Lucas. How she sometimes looked at Keith and saw him as the part of Lucas Scott that would never hurt her. It was her greatest source of guilt. His image haunted her most in those hours she laid awake at night waiting for sleep to come. Sometimes she imagined what it would be like if the three of them were together as a family, but those dreams always ended with Lucas hating her for keeping his son from him for so long.

She felt like she had dug herself a hole she would stay in forever and the more time that passed, the hole would get deeper. There was just no escaping it.

"He's getting big."

"Huh?" Ben's comment took a few moments to register to the blonde. "Oh yeah, he is," Peyton smiled the empty smile Ben had come to associate with his morose artist. She looked at him expectantly and he nodded quickly.

"These are good," he said, referring to the strip.

"Good," she said, going to collect her things.

Ben walked back towards his desk and stopped. "Oh hey, I meant to tell you. You know my old college buddy Rick is working up in your hometown at the Mirror."

"Yeah," Peyton replied, guardedly, the mere mention of her hometown sending her pulse up.

"You hear about what happened with the Mayor there?"

"Mayor?" Peyton turned rigid at the mention of Lucas's father. "You mean Dan Scott?"

"Yeah, get this. A week ago the guy walks into the police station and confesses to shooting his brother on the day of that school shooting a few years back. Crazy huh? How the hell did you not hear about it? It's a modern day Cain and Able story. The press is probably eating it up up there. Nothing juicy like that ever happens here…. "

She had stopped listening, her eyes falling back upon her son, Dan Scott's grandson. Oh my God, she thought. Dan Scott the murderer. He murdered Keith.

"Oh my God," she murmured.

"Whoa! Hey!" Ben cried catching her as she wobbled on her feet. "You okay?"

"I-I'm fi-"

The pain came suddenly, lightening fast and with no warning. Her hand flew to her chest as she tried to cry out, but no sound came. Oh God, she thought. It felt like someone grabbed a hold of her heart and squeezed with all their might. She was having a heart attack, she thought with panic. Her eyes landed on Keith who had toddled towards her and had begun crying. She reached out for him to comfort him, hands grasping weakly. She could faintly hear Ben calling 911, and just as quickly as the pain began….it was gone.

She began to breath again in huge gulps, the need for air wracking her body with coughs. As soon as she caught her breath she pulled her crying son into her shaking arms.

"It's okay. Momma's fine. Mommy's okay," she cried, frightened tears falling down her face. Her heart was racing from the fright of what had just happened, but there was no pain at all. Something had grabbed a hold of her and simply let go.

Ben lowered the phone racing back to her side, staring at her, asking questions a mile a minute.

"I-I'm okay," she panted.

"You are not okay, you collapsed in my office," exclaimed the flustered editor. "You are going to the doctor, kid. I don't care if you don't like them! You're going."

Peyton could only nod, her body showing no traces of its prior pain, but filling quickly with cold dread. Not for herself, though. She couldn't shake the feeling that had settled like an icy block in her heart. Something is wrong. Something is wrong, she thought. She looked down at the whimpering face of her boy who had begun babbling. It took her a moment to realize what the baby had been cooing, but when she realized it she burst into fresh tears.

With damp fingers stuffed in his mouth, Keith whimpered, "Dada" again and again. Maybe he was calling for Jake, but he had never called Jake, Dada. Not once. Only one person flashed through her mind and his image made the weight in her chest feel heavier.

"Oh God," she cried, holding Keith close. "I'm so sorry baby," she sobbed. She had kept her baby from his father. Whatever hurt they'd done one another, whatever penance she was paying, didn't take away the fact that Lucas was Keith's father and if he knew he had a son….he would be a great one. The kind of father he'd wanted growing up. The kind of father his biological father had taken away from him.

Ben stood back, watching the woman rock her son, and murmur to herself in astonishment. He knew there was something more to this girl than two dead moms and an absentee father and the blubbering mess in front of him proved it.

As medical personal made their way into the office, Peyton continued to rock and apologize to her boy. "I'm sorry," she whispered, over and over.

Ben shook his head and mumbled quietly, "When I'm right, I'm right."

"Nathan," Haley said, pulling back and walking him a few steps away from Lucas's room. "Call Peyton?"

"Haley, she's his best medicine," he insisted. "And if there is the slightest chance he can hear us, I think the one person who could pull him back is her. Because we all know why he's lying in that hospital bed. He fell apart after she left."

"It's not that simple Nathan. Have you forgotten that Brooke is here too? That Karen is in there without any knowledge of a grandchild. How are we supposed to explain that to them?"

Nathan shrugged carelessly. "Screw it Haley. Brooke knows that Lucas is still in love with Peyton and as far as I'm concerned Karen forfeited the right to know anything about Lucas Scott the day she shacked up with Dan."

Haley tugged him farther away from the room, shushing him as they went. "She'll hear you, Nathan. That woman is going through enough and drowning in guilt that will last her a lifetime. This is not the time to hold onto grudges."

"Well this also isn't the time to fuck around with manners. If my brother is lying on his deathbed then Peyton should know it, because we both know she's still in love with him." Haley shut her eyes and shivered at the word 'deathbed.'

"And that boy should see his father at least once," Nathan finished.

"What if she doesn't come? I can't begin to understand what went on between them that has her not even wanting his name mentioned. Something happened our senior year that made her run far and fast from this place. What if she doesn't want to come back?"

"She'll come back," came a raspy voice from behind them.

They both turned to see Brooke standing in front of them a look of determination and trepidation on her face. "I'll make sure she does."

"Brooke," Haley said glancing at Nathan in confusion.

"He can't live without her. It's pretty obvious," she explained, gesturing towards his room. It was killing her to say it, to make it all real, but she knew she had to for the sake of the man who put himself in that hospital bed.

"We've all been living in denial about how bad he's been and why he got so bad for long enough. Don't you think?"

"Brooke," Haley sighed, glancing at Nathan, who nodded in encouragement. "I think before you go running off to call Peyton yourself, there is something you should know first."

"What is it?" Brooke asked, slowly.

"Peyton…," she took a deep breath. "Peyton had a baby," Haley replied, fidgeting with her hands. Brooke raised her eyebrows in surprise and then they lowered as realization quickly dawned upon her. She knew Peyton was with Jake, but she knew before Haley continued that the baby wasn't his.

"He's fourteen months old…and his name is Keith," Haley sighed, watching Brooke do the math.

"She has never said he was Lucas's, in fact she refers to Jake as his father, but Jake sent us a picture. He has Lucas's eyes."

"Lucas doesn't know?" Brooke asked, although she was pretty sure she knew the answer to that question.

"No," Nathan replied, shamefacedly. There wasn't a day that would go by where he wouldn't hate himself for not saying anything sooner to his brother.

"Brooke, I'm sorry," Haley said, placing a hand on the other woman's arm. "I know this is hard to hear, considering you all's past."

"Lucas has been cheating on me with her from the moment we got back together," Brooke shrugged, sadly. "Whenever we were together, I know he pretended it was her."

"Brooke," Haley sighed. Brooke looked at her with renewed determination.

"Do you know how to contact her?"

"Peyton? Yes, but…I'd understand if you didn't want to."

"Even though we're doing it anyway," Nathan cut in, in a matter of fact manner.

Haley glared at him for his insensitivity. "Nathan," she hissed.

"No," Brooke said, shaking her head. "It's okay, Haley. He-he needs her. Give me the number and I'll call her myself."

"Brooke, you're being…amazing about this," Haley gapped. "This can't be easy for you."

"It's not," Brooke replied, swiping away a tear. "And I'm not amazing. I'm just trying to fix a mistake I made."

"What mistake?" Nathan asked, narrowing his eyes, feeling like there was much more to Brooke's statement.

Brooke looked back towards Lucas's room. "A mistake that I hope to God it's not too late to fix."

The call he received from Peyton after dropping Jenny off at Nikki's, threw him into a panic. Her voice was thick with many shed tears. She'd said she was in the hospital having tests run because she may have had a heart attack and she needed him to come watch Keith. He raced down to the hospital, breaking traffic laws and barely stopping for red lights. It was a miracle he'd gotten there without getting pulled over.

When he arrived at her room she was in a hospital gown, holding Keith to her chest.

"Peyton? Baby, are you oka-" the words died on his lips as she looked up him. Her eyes were rimmed red and as he looked at her he felt something shift. Something was going to change and although he'd spent the past five years with her and was used to her distance he felt her slipping farther away by the moment.

He grew more worried when he picked Keith up out of her arms and the baby, cooed his name in greeting. The woman dissolved into inconsolable tears and with a sigh he realized the dam had broken and he was seeing years of holed up emotions pouring out of her.

He took Keith to the waiting room and sat down heavily. They were there for over an hour with Keith fussing in his lap when the child whimpered something that made Peyton's tears much clearer. He couldn't hold back the guilty tears that escaped when Keith said it either.

"I know, you miss your Daddy, huh kiddo," he whispered down to the boy who looked up at him with sea blue eyes that broke his heart. "I'm sorry for my part in all this, Keith. I'm sorry, okay?"

Keith whimpered and mumbled "Dada," once again.

"We'll make this right, kiddo. I promise. We'll make it right."

"Ja'," Keith whispered, placing a chubby hand on his face to pat it. Jake remembered those same caring eyes looking at him from Lucas's face after he told him about Jenny.

The two fell into relative silence until the nurse came out and said they could go back to see Peyton. The woman was sitting on the exam table, fiddling with her fingers when they came in.

"Hey you. How do you feel?" Jake had asked, relinquishing Keith to his mother.

Peyton sighed, shakily. "Physically, I feel fine."

The doctor came in with Peyton's test results before Jake could ask her what she'd meant by that.

"Miss Sawyer, I'm looking through your charts and all the tests have come back negative."

"What?" Peyton demanded, her face painted with confusion. "That can't be possible. I felt the pain in my chest, it was overwhelming. I-I couldn't breath."

"Your heart and breath sounds are good. Your ECG showed no signs stress to the heart and your blood work came back negative showing no cardiac markers or enzymes that are often present when damage to the heart occurs. Aside from your blood pressure being a bit higher than we'd like it to be you're perfectly fine and free to go."

"But-" Peyton glanced at Jake and then back to the doctor. "I felt my heart-It felt like someone squeezed it as hard as they could."

"Well, how are you feeling now, Miss Sawyer?"

"Fine, but…." Peyton was at a loss for words.

"Could this have been caused by something else?" Jake asked.

"We ran tests for a range of possibilities for the complaints Miss Sawyer presented. Everything came back negative. You did mention during your workup that you suffered from insomnia and had been feeling stressed and anxious. This is most likely stress related."

"That was not stress," Peyton insisted in frustration. "That was a heart atta-" She cut herself off when she looked down to find Keith staring at her. Another funny feeling taking over her.

"Trust me when I tell you, you're heart is perfectly fine, Miss Sawyer. Many anxiety attacks can seem like a life threatening situation. Now, I can prescribe you something for the insomnia and refer you to a specialist-"

"That won't be necessary," Peyton said, quietly, shaking her head.

"Peyton," Jake tried. "Maybe you should listen to your doctor."

"Can you get me my clothes please?" Peyton asked him, ignoring his previous suggestion.

"Peyton-"

"I want to go home."

"Yeah," Jake murmured. "Lets get you home."

Keith had fallen asleep on the drive back, which had been silent, minus Jake asking her if she was okay every ten minutes and Peyton responding that she was fine with barely a glance in his direction. When they got home, she went to put him to bed, leaving Jake to wonder how to bring Lucas up again. Every time he did it turned into an argument and nothing got resolved, but Jake new he had to try.

When Peyton reentered the room he looked up at her from the couch with a sigh.

"Before you ask again, I'm fine," Peyton said, wryly.

Jake offered her a small smile and then sat forward. "What happened today Peyton?"

"Apparently nothing," Peyton laughed humorlessly. She sat down beside Jake on the couch, folding her legs under her. "I was in Ben's office and it just hit me. It came out of nowhere, Jake. No warning and the pain was gone just as fast."

"Could anything have triggered it?"

Peyton shivered slightly. "Dan…He killed Keith."

Jake gapped at her, narrowing his eyes. "What? You mean Dan Scott?"

Peyton nodded stealing a glance at Jake. "He confessed a week ago. He was the one who shot him in the school that day, not Jimmy Edwards."

"God," Jake breathed. "I knew he wasn't a good guy by any means, but I never thought he'd…"

"Murder his own brother?"

"Well, yeah. God I wonder how Nathan and Lucas are holding up."

And there it was. The forbidden word. He felt her go rigid beside him and he sighed, thinking it was now or never.

"Peyton-"

"Don't Jake," Peyton warned, shooting up off the couch away from him.

"Peyton, he deserves the truth," Jake pleaded, getting up follow her as she paced the carpet. "Keith deserves to know his father!" Peyton made a sound, but said nothing, continuing to pace back and forth on the carpet.

"What if Nikki had tried to keep Jenny from me, huh? It's not fair! You know it's not fair!"

"I don't want him to hate me," Peyton cried as loud as she dared, spinning around to look at Jake with tear filled eyes. "I know what I did was wrong Jake. I know! God, I kept him from him for almost two years. How could he not hate me for turning him into Dan."

Jake stepped forward and pulled her into his arms. "Lucas isn't Dan. Not by a long-shot because we both know he would have been by your side the minute you said you were pregnant and he never would have left."

Peyton broke down into tears at his words, knowing they were true and feeling awful. "I've been so stupid. God, Jake how could I do that to him!"

Jake wasn't quite sure if she was talking about Lucas or Keith or both. She hadn't yet said Lucas's name so he knew they had some bridges left to cross.

"Peyton, I could never hate Nikki, because she gave me Jenny. I hate what she put me through, yes, but not her. When Lucas sees the son you gave him, I'm sure he'll feel the same way."

"No offense Jake but, him and I are not the same as you and Nikki. He'll hate me," she whimpered. "I know he will and I don't blame him, because I hate myself for what I've done."

Jake shushed her gently and put her head on his shoulder as she cried silently. No, him and Nikki were nothing like Peyton and Lucas, because Nikki was not his soul mate. He sighed shakily and pulled her back a bit so he could look at her.

"Peyton do you love me?"

"Of course I do," Peyton replied immediately. But as they stared at each other, Jake knew that there would be no tomorrow for them. So he took one last kiss, pressing his lips to hers, memorizing her taste and how she felt in his arms.

A moment later, Peyton's cell phone rang. Jake stepped back and turned to leave the room, mentally preparing himself to cut the cord, as Peyton dug her phone out of Keith's diaper bag. She picked up her phone and his voice from the doorway stopped her, momentarily.

"He won't hate you, Peyton…..because Lucas Scott….he could never hate you."

He turned and left, leaving Peyton to stare at the doorway a moment longer, before opening her phone.

"Hello?" There was silence on the other end, but Peyton could hear breathing. She tried again. "Hello?"

"Peyton?" There was no mistaking that raspy voice, even if she hadn't heard it for nearly five years.

"Brooke," Peyton replied, snappishly, missing the nervousness and tiredness in the other woman's voice. "Calling to rub the fact that you have him in my face?"

Peyton didn't wait for an answer. "How did you even get this number?"

"Haley gave it to me," Brooke replied, feeling herself getting just as worked up. Talking to the woman your boyfriend cheated on you with, the women he wished you were was not by any means easy.

"Haley gave it to you?" Peyton cried in disbelief. "Why?! There is nothing we have to discuss."

"It's Lucas, Pey-"

"I don't want to hear about you two," Peyton exploded, surprising them both with her outburst.

"No Peyton! It's Lucas," Brooke said again, desperately. This time, there was no mistaking the tears in the other woman's voice and Peyton felt that cold pit of dread that had settled in her heart move its way up and close her throat with fear. She knew where it had come from now.

"He needs you Peyton. He needs you now."

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