Uncut for work. Mentally unstable. The words were constantly being said to me, and if they weren't said to my face, they were surely being said behind my back. I went through job after job, failing continuously. All I wanted was to make things right again and return to normal but, at the end of the day, I'd always go home with the pang of rejection thrown over my shoulders. After the incident, my head began to mess with me and I couldn't concentrate. It wasn't just at school, I couldn't concentrate on anything. I dogged my way through high school and barely finished my first year at college before they realized I had falsified my application forms. Rick really screwed me up good. My life was turning into one big shithouse.

I had lost my job again. Cherry was not going to be happy. She always bothered me about getting help but I'd brush her off. Finally, on the day I was fired from my most recent job, I got an unusual phone call.

"Hello?"

"Mr. Ponyboy Curtis?"

"Yeah?"

"It's Caption Esteridge from the Texas police station. You remember me, don't you?" Of course I remembered him. How could I forget? Although, his call was extremely unexpected. While the Texas police station supported my therapy sessions when I was younger, Esteridge hadn't spoken to me since the incident. Maybe it hurt him to see how much it impacted me. Sometimes I don't even know how I got myself through it.

"Of course, Caption. We haven't spoken in a long time. Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong, per say. I've just heard that you've been having some trouble lately with keeping a steady pay." his southern voice remarked from the other line of the phone. I wasn't surprised he knew about my inconvenience. The police station was always checking up on me like I was still just a kid. Maybe that's how they still saw me. The 14 year old boy who went through hell and back, and ended it with a simple bullet on a dusty road.

"Oh, uh, yeah. They say I'm mentally unstable for work. I don't get it."

"It's ok. I was wondering if you'd want to visit me at my home in Texas. Maybe I could help you out. You married, son?" Fifteen years and he was still calling me son.

"No, sir. But I live with my girlfriend."

"Great. Bring her along."

"Oh, uh, I don't think that's a good idea. I don't think she would want to know about what happened."

"She doest know?"

"Well…she knows very little." I hadn't told Cherry most things about the incident. Its not that she'd get scared, she didn't scare easy. Its just, I felt if I told her the whole dirty truth, she'd think different of me. I knew for a fact she would see me differently if she knew I'd killed Rick with my own hands and that it wasn't the police that did it. I knew she'd never be able to look at me the same way if she knew I'd killed another human being. So I kept it from her.

"I want to see both of you. It'll just be a friendly visit." Esteridge said. He then continued to give me his address and directions to his place.

When I arrived at home, Cherry was making dinner. Her scarlet red hair rain down her back and ended just above her waist. She had grown into a beautiful woman, she was hardly the confused soc she was when I first met her.

"Hey, love." her face lit up when she saw me standing in the door way as she walked over to me, wrapped her arms around me and gently kissed my lips. I tried to kiss her back but I was lousy at compensating. She could tell I was upset. "What's wrong?" she asked nonchalantly. But she knew. From all the times I'd lost my job, she'd have to of known. We'd been dating for eight years and had been living with together for three. Surely, she knew.

"I lost my job again." I muttered, keeping my eyes downcast. I couldn't look directly at her. "They said I wasn't cut out for the work. I'm sorry, darling." Cherry exhaled, removing her arms from my waist.

"Damn it, Pony. When are you going to get some help? I told you, you weren't fine! But do you listen to me? No! You need help, Pony!" she hacked off at me. I ran my hand through my hair. It was the same Damn it, Pony lecture she'd repeat every time.

"Well this time I got help!" I shot back, remembering Esteridge's call. Immediately, her expression changed.

"Well that's great! From who?"

"Caption Esteridge from the Texas police station. He wants me to come down and visit him this weekend."

"Oh. Well that's good." her tone lowered in excitement when she learned I was going to be away. I didn't want her to come along. Mostly for the reason that I was hoping to visit Nash's grave but also, Cherry had nothing to do with the incident. She wouldn't understand. But the way she was lowering her eyes made my lips bare the words.

"He wants you to come to." Her face lit up again. Just like I knew it would.

"Oh, that's so exciting!" her voice was back to cheery and she held onto me, pressing her face against my chest. "This is going to be great. A road trip to Texas!"

Road trip.

The words hung heavy in the air as it all came rushing back to me.

"C'mon, Pony! Let's go!" Soda's voice shouted from the car.

"Wait a minute, willya?" I called back. This was one of the most exciting moments of my life. After much begging, me and Soda finally persuaded Darry into letting us take a road trip to California. California! I could barely believe it when Darry said we could go. Just think, me, Ponyboy Curtis from lonely Tulsa going to California! We got Johnny to come along too. Not that I didn't enjoy spending time alone with my brother, it's just two is a couple but three is company! The more the merrier! And plus, I don't know how Johnny would survive if I was gone for a whole month. It seemed like a dream come true. I barely believed we were even going until this moment. This was the moment when it all started coming to life.

Darry gave me a tight hug, squeezing the living daylights out of me and setting me back down. "You stay out of trouble, ok?" he warned, pointing a finger at me.

"Don't worry, Darry, I will."

It all played out in front of me as I held Cherry and let her words slide over me.

I spotted a large blob-like figure standing in the distance at the side of the road. I wanted to ask what it was but the words just sat in my throat, not escaping through my mouth. Suddenly, I realized that the blob was a human - a hitcher.

"Hey, pull over!" I said out loud, forgetting the three of us were in some sort of unofficial silent contest.

"Why?" Soda grumbled. It was time for him to give up the attitude. "C'mon, lets pick up this guy. We could have a big conversation or something! Come on, Sodapop!" I pleaded, a smile on my face. He eventually gave into my impish pleas and smiled back, pulling the car over.

"Are you guys sure about this? I've heard about hitch hikers who are murderers." a timid Johnny said from the back.

"Relax, Johnny. This guys isn't a killer."

I had been so wrong. It was ironic how, when I thought back to everything that played out, I was so stupid about things. How could I not of known?

"Please…I'll do anything." I pleaded, letting my cold sweat run gradually down my face.

"Say four words…" Rick commanded as if a trading offer was hidden in his statement.

"Ok." I agreed hastily. Anything to get this guy out of my face. Out of this car. Out of my life. An oppressive silence lingered in the car as the three of us awaited, what seemed like, my fate. But it was true. Rick held my fate. Despite all I had been through, nothing could have prepared me for what came out of Rick's mouth.

"Say: 'I want to die'. " he ordered with that smooth voice of his.

I was taken aback. What do you say to that? I sat there, seeming dumbfounded, sitting in my own sweat, gathering the words. It was hard to concentrate with Johnny muttering "Your face, Pony. Oh, Pony, not your face.". My face? What had happened to my face? Hearing that, I was certain I had been sliced but too shocked to even feel it.

Without thinking, my words through, I blurted, "I don't know if I can say that.". Did I want to die? It was more of an understanding that I was going to die, more than it was a choice.

All those thoughts were connected to those two simple words. Road trip. I would never be able to get past those thoughts. So many more poured in about Nash, Jim and Esteridge. Almost being killed at the gas station and meeting Rick face to face in the barn. Remember how I said that it all started with a stupid idea? Well that idea now had a name. It's name was Road Trip.