Mario: Now, don't say I don't know how you feel, 'cause I do. There have been many times in my life where I've been so angry, I don't even know what to do. And it's a natural feeling. Anger is there. But you've got to know how to channel it. What is anger, really? It causes hurt and hate and strife. Wars would never start. Everything would be peaceful. People just need to learn to control their anger.
Mario can't speak long because the blood is rushing to his head. The Pianta Speaker is dangling him from his legs over the top of the Shine Tower. A crowd of people way down below have gathered at its foot to watch in suspense.
Pianta Speaker: Statue...cork...kill....
Mario: And, I mean, think about it! Do you really want to have been known as the man that killed another guy by dropping him from the tallest building on the island?
Pianta Speaker: Searching...sixteen....
Mario: Alright, listen! It was an accident! I had no control over that giant cork! This is all just one big misunderstanding!
A helicopter flies overhead, and a Pianta with a speaker calls out.
Helicopter Pianta: We have you surrounded! Please pull the boy back up and surrender yourself!
Pianta Speaker: But this is the guy who demolished the Man of the Wilderness!
Helicopter Pianta: Oh. Let him fly, then.
Mario: Wait! You can't do this to meeeeeeeee!!!!
Mario has just been dropped from the Shine Tower. Reacting on impulse, he activates his Hover Nozzle.
Mario: Ha ha! You thought you had ol' Mario, huh!
The Hover Nozzle stops working after reaching his limit. Mario hangs in midair for a second, then drops like a rock into the midst of the crowd.
Pianta: Get him!!
Mario takes off running, heading for Noki Bay. The crowd is hot on his heels, throwing things from barrels to coconuts to each other at him. Mario jumps over a toolbox aimed for his heels and rounds the corner to the beam of sunlight that will take him to the bay. He is feet from it...until he trips and lands on his face. The crowd catches up to him, and a Pianta forcefully pulls him back up by his hair.
Pianta #1: Here you are, you little snot-nosed creature!
Pianta #2: What do you say we should do with him?
Mario: Tag him and release him back into the wild!
Pianta #1: [punches Mario in the face] Shut up!
Pianta #3: I say we tie him to a speedboat and let it go!
Pianta #4: I say we drop him into the watermelon shredder at Gelato Beach!
Mario: Please don't!
Pianta Boy: I say we tear out his fingernails and feed them to him in a smoothie!
Mario: What's wrong with you, boy!?!
Pianta #5: Well, how about we--
Mario: Wait! Wait! I have an idea!
Pianta #1 raises his fist again. Mario quails under it, but he doesn't get punched.
Mario: There's a giant eel in Noki Bay! How about you feed me to him?
Pianta #27: That's an awesome idea!
Pianta #46: Yeah, we should totally do it!
Pianta Boy: I wanna see when the water turns red!
Mario: What kind of movies do they make you watch, Platoon!?!
Pianta Boy: Nah, that was too tame.
Mario: .................
Pianta #1: It's decided, then! We'll throw him into the water at Noki Bay!
The Piantas march him off, despite the fact that the beam of sunlight is right behind them.
Mario: Wait! There's a shortcut to--
Pianta #1: Shut up or the next one's going in the gut!
Mario wisely stays silent as they begin the long walk to Noki Bay.
A few hours later....
Mario: FLUDD, you were totally no help back there!
FLUDD: I was interested in hearing what vile tortures they could conjure up.
Mario: You could have talked them out of this, I know it!
FLUDD: Shouldn't you be thankful that I didn't talk them INTO something nastier?
Mario: You have a point.
Pianta #1: Enough chitchat! You're going into the water on three! One....
Mario tries to struggle out of his ropes, but to no avail.
Pianta #1: Two....
Mario: Listen, I think this is--
Pianta #1: Three!
NT: Hey, stop!! What are you doing!?!
The crowd of Piantas turn around and watch the running old Noki. A Pianta angrily stomps his foot.
NT: What kind of madness is this, pushing the boy tied up into the bay!?!
Mario: Gee, thanks!
NT: Why not give him this fish bowl and let him clean out the eel's teeth? If he cleans the eel's teeth, the bay is saved from pollution, and if he dies, there's no more plumber!
Crowd: Yeah!
Mario: I should have known there'd be something else attached to it.
The crowd unties him and crams the fish bowl on his head. He's pushed forcefully into the water. Knowing he can't escape anyway, he swims toward the waterfall. He gets pushed under to a set of dark, watery ruins.
Mario: That was a close one. That old Noki actually saved me back there!
FLUDD: Unless you drown, get eaten, are attacked by any of the aggressive sea creatures living down here....
Mario: Alright, I get it. Now where's this eel?
FLUDD: Have you tried the huge head staring at you down below?
Mario gives a cry of surprise as he sees a giant eel staring at him. He calms down and sinks to the ground level.
Mario: So this thing needs its teeth cleaned? ...Hey! I just realized! It's got a foul mouth!! Ha ha ha ha!!!
FLUDD: That was, maybe, one of the worst jokes I've ever heard.
Mario: But now there's the problem of getting into its mouth, which is going to be completely disgusting.
As if on cue, the eel outstretches its head and opens its mouth. Mario shrugs and hovers into it.
Mario: Aw, man! Look at all this junk! What's he eat for lunch, axle grease? And how am I supposed to scrape this off? A toothbrush?
FLUDD: You might try my Squirt Nozzle.
Mario sprays the Squirt Nozzle and easily cleans off one of the teeth. Satisfied, Mario sits back and admires his work.
Mario: Wow...at this rate, it'll be almost TOO quick and easy! Almost makes me wish he'd--
The eel clamps its mouth down and retracts its head back down.
Mario: ...Put up a fight.
FLUDD: Nice going, Moronio. You have now just gotten us locked in some giant beast's filthy mouth.
Mario: It's alright! The goal is to clean his teeth, right? So all we need is some light!
FLUDD: And where would we find light here?
Mario: Do you have a match?
FLUDD: Yes, let's light a match underwater.
Mario: Hey, Mr. Eel? Can you open up your mouth again?
Nothing happens.
Mario: Perhaps we just need to speak Eel. WEEE need YOOUUU to OOOOOH-PEEEEEN UUUPP!!!
The eel roars something loud without even opening its mouth. Mario tries to cover his ears but just winds up putting his hands on either side of the bowl.
Mario: This strategy isn't working. And my oxygen's going low! Now what!?!
FLUDD: Think. How can you open up his mouth?
Mario: Oh, I've got it!
He hovers over to the inside of the eel's lips, grabs both lips, and tugs with all his might. Nothing happens except for his back snapping in half.
Mario: Could you put me back together, FLUDD?
FLUDD: I have no arms, you idiot.
Mario reaches back, reattaches himself, sits on the uvula of the eel, and thinks.
Mario: How am I suppose to get his mouth open again?
FLUDD: It should be obvious.
Mario: ...Tickle it?
FLUDD: Yes.
Mario grabs the inside of the eel's cheek and rubs. The eel starts chuckling and shaking. Mario rubs even harder, and the eel bursts out laughing. Mario swims in between its jaws, places his hands and feet on both jaws, and sprays water like a maniac. The eel starts to close its mouth, and Mario's limbs quake.
Mario: It's only a little bit more...just one more tooth....
Angered, the eel clamps its jaws even harder. Very slowly, its jaws are getting closer and closer. After a few seconds, Mario's knees are up by his head.
Mario: Got it! The last tooth!
A golden tooth floats out of the eel's mouth and turns into a Shine Sprite.
Mario: F-FLUDD, y-you wouldn't m-mind tickling it ag-gain, w-would you?
FLUDD: Just use the Hover Nozzle and float out.
Before he is completely crushed, Mario hovers out. The eel snaps its jaws shut and retracts into the ground. Mario grabs the Shine Sprite and hugs it to him like a teddy bear.
Mario: O, Shine Sprite, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways....
FLUDD: Speaking of counting, you can count on the fact that you'll be dead within moments if you do not get out of here.
Mario: Oh, geez! You're right!
Before he suffocates, Mario teleports out of the stage. Which could, of course, create a number of problems in it's own, but you don't have to use your imagination to figure out what kinds of problems.