Back in Delfino Plaza, Piantas are running around frantically. A Pianta and a short man wearing a trench coat and sunglasses sit on a bench, watching the action lazily.
Pianta: Sure is a busy day, huh, mister?
Strange Guy: Vhy, yes eet eez.
Pianta: Oh, not from around here, are you? Where do you come from?
Strange Guy: My kunterey eez fah acuoss zeh sea, my fuend. Fahzeh zen you can eemagine.
Strange Water Device: He lives in a village five miles from here.
Strange Guy: Yes, but befoh zat, I leeved een a fahaway kunterey.
Pianta: Ah. So, what's the talking device on your back?
Strange Guy: Zees eez my tuacking deevice, STING, vhich stands foh Supeh Telephon Incuedible Next Geenger.
Pianta: Super Telephone Incredible Next Ginger? Pardon my saying so, but that's a strange title. Why's it called that?
Strange Guy: BECOZZ EET EEZ, ALUIGHT? DAHNT BOZZEH ME ABOUT EET!
The Pianta holds up his hands apologetically. They sit in silence for a bit. Another Pianta runs around the corner. After looking back and forth, he turns to the Strange Guy.
Another Pianta: Hey, you! Did you see a guy with a red cap and blue overalls come running through here?
Strange Guy: I dahnt no vat you ah talking about.
Another Pianta shakes his head and runs off again. Seconds later, yet another Pianta rounds the corner. When he sees the Strange Guy, he narrows his eyes.
Yet Another Pianta: Hey, I know you, don't I?
Strange Guy: No. Nevah seen you befoh.
Yet Another Pianta: Yeah, I do know you. That accent...that coat...WHERE'S MY COUSIN ERNIE?
Strange Guy: Vat?
Yet Another Pianta: [seizing Strange Guy by the collar and shaking] ERNIE WAS JUST AN INNOCENT, WORKING-CLASS PIANTA! WHY DID YOU TAKE HIM? GIVE HIM BACK!
Strange Guy: Dude, what the heck are you talking about?
Yet Another Pianta: I knew that phony accent of yours was fake! Well, I've been training for the last eleven years to have my revenge, and now the time has come! Prepare to meet your end, Wistermeyer!
Pianta: Hey, what's going on here?
Strange Guy: You're psycho! I'm getting out of here!
Strange Guy and Yet Another Pianta run off, the latter shouting insults and obscenities as he chases.
Strange Guy: Why does everybody here want me just so they can kill me?
Strange Water Device: Could it be you've ruined all their lives?
Strange Guy: Besides that!
Strange Guy makes it to the beam of light and looks up into it, teleporting away. Yet Another Pianta stops where he was and looks around, but doesn't find him.
Yet Another Pianta: CURSE YOU, WISTERMEYER! YOU'LL PAY ONE DAY!
In Noki Bay, Strange Guy rips off the trench coat and sunglasses and throws them aside, revealing himself to be Mario.
Mario: Well, that disguise is moot now. I'm going to have to find another one.
NT: Oh, back for more, are you? They haven't ripped you apart yet?
Mario: Not yet. What else do you have in store for me? I'm getting bored of this bay. I always hated water levels.
NT: Well, you've checked out the secret in the shell...
Another trip down memory lane. Mario makes it to the giant shell above Noki Bay and enters it. Forgetting about Shadow Mario, FLUDD gets snatched from him.
Mario: I hate that. He's dedicated to making me die the most painful way possible: humiliation. I suppose I've got no choice but to go forward.
Mario hops across the first few obstacles easily enough. He arrives at the slope with the pole above it. He tries running up it, but slides down and off a cliff. He screams until he lands on one of the moving platforms.
Mario: Heh...looks like my luck hasn't run out yet!
The platform moves under a ledge, shoving Mario off. He loses a life and returns to the spot he started in.
Mario: I've always wondered how I teleport back here. This game makes no sense. The entire SERIES makes no sense! Think about it: I eat fungus to grow huge so I can step on talking mushrooms and walking bombs, and my goal is to rescue a princess also named after fungus from a horde of evil turtles! Am I the only one who sees something wrong here?
The Nintendo Secret Service agents suddenly arrive on the scene and hit him in the neck with a tranquilizer dart. Mario gurgles out a few words before collapsing backwards into their arms.
Agent 1: He knows too much.
Agent 2: Should we assassinate him?
Agent 1: No, the franchise is too popular to risk that. Besides, can you imagine finding a new mascot? It'd be pure terror.
Agent 2: Memory modifier?
Agent 1: Yeah, I'd say that's best. But if it happens again, we'll have to take it up a notch.
Agent 2 pulls out a ray gun and shoots it at Mario's head. A beam comes out and attaches to his forehead. After a few seconds, he puts the gun away.
Agent 2: It's done.
Agent 1: Good. Let's get out of here.
A few minutes later, Mario wakes up.
Mario: Whoa, it feels like there's an alien in my head trying to force its way out...what a headache. What was I doing before I blacked out? I can't remember. Oh, well, I suppose I better beat this level.
Mario arrives back at the slope. Remembering vaguely his previous attempt, he decides to wall jump up the extremely narrow walls. He successfully kicks off the first, then misses the second and falls. He clings onto the edge and screams one high-pitched note for twenty seconds before he realizes he's still there.
Mario: Oh, I'm still alive. Man, this stinks! FLUDD would make this so much easier...heck, I don't need FLUDD! I can do this myself! His own name belies his sadistic intelligence: unuseful isn't a word!
Raykura-kura: Told you.
Mario: Thank you for backing me up, friendly reviewer. Now, let me try this again! I can do it!
Thirty suspenseful minutes later, he finally reaches the end and gets the Shine Sprite. The scene returns to the present in Noki Bay.
Mario: My memory is strangely foggy then.
NT: And before that, you raced that Il Piantissimo guy...
Yet another trip down memory lane. Mario meets up with a guy shorter than he is and dressed up like a purple Pianta in Noki Bay.
Mario: Hey, I remember you. You were that moron from Gelato Beach.
Il Piantissimo: I am no moron! I am the greatest of racers! And now, we shall race to that flag!
Mario: Says who?
Il Piantissimo: One...
Mario: You still haven't answered my question.
Il Piantissimo: Two...
Mario: Do anything I don't approve of, and I will mess you up big time.
FLUDD: You must race him for a Shine Sprite.
Mario: [rolling his eyes] Oh, do I?
Il Piantissimo: Three! May the best-
Mario trips Il Piantissimo, sending him plummeting over the edge of the cliff and into the section of the bay marked "Do not swim here unless you have a fetish where fish eat the flesh off your bones." As Il Piantissimo flails, Mario swims casually to the flag and claims his Shine Sprite.
Mario: Say, whatever happened to him?
NT: He was sent to the hospital. He says he'll return for his revenge as Cyber Piantissimo.
Mario: I suppose I'd better bite my fingernails and shiver. My last mission was another Shadow Mario affair, wasn't it?
A third trip down memory lane. Mario is chasing Shadow Mario in Noki Bay, spraying water at him. Shadow Mario finally falls on his face.
Shadow Mario: Seriously, why do I do this?
Mario: Because you're an idiot is one possibility.
FLUDD: You're one to be talking.
Mario: It's friendly advice from idiot to idiot.
Mario takes the Shine Sprite and leaves. The scene shifts back to the present day once more.
Mario: That was the shortest memory yet. There should be one last episode here, right?
NT: Why, yes, in fact. The Nokis of this bay and I, we've come up with a "gift" for all the hard work you've done.
Mario: Why the quotation marks around the word gift?
NT: What quotation marks? I don't see any quotation marks!
FLUDD: Did you just see something invisible?
Mario: Come to think of it, I did. Hey, I see this episode's title now! Episode 8: The Red Coin Fish! Wait, is that the gift...or "gift"?
NT: Uh, yeah, it's down at *cough*thebottomofthebay*cough*.
Mario: Huh?
NT: So, you'd best get going, sonny! Put on the fish bowl-I mean, glass helmet-and claim your prize!
Before Mario can say anything, the fish bowl is crammed onto his head, and he's thrown under the waterfall. He arrives back down at the underwater city.
Mario: I smell something suspicious.
FLUDD: Of course. Every time the Noki Teacher gives you an assignment involving this helmet, it's actually a death trap.
Mario: No, I mean there's more than fish poo in here. What the heck was in this thing?
Mario looks down and spots a large fish made of many yellow coins and 8 red coins.
Mario: That looks like it! This'll be a piece of cake!
FLUDD: Those are famous last words.
Mario: Famous last words? What are you talking about?
FLUDD: Two hundred years ago, a Toad general nicknamed "Ignorant Joe" by his subordinates led a battle charge with the cry, "This'll be a piece of cake." A few seconds later, he was shot and killed instantly.
Shrugging his shoulders, Mario dives down to the red coin fish's level and swims after it. He reaches for a red coin. His fingers are inches away from it when the fish suddenly splits apart and coins fly all around the room. Gritting his teeth, Mario looks up to see NT in a fishing boat, holding a remote controller in his hands and grinning evilly.
NT: You've escaped death this far, but how long will your luck carry you? Hmm?
A few seconds later, the fish reassembles itself.
NT: Oooooh, it's back together! Better swim quickly, you little maggot!
Mario uses FLUDD's Hover Nozzle to blast himself toward it. NT's smile slowly begins to fade.
NT: Wait...that's not supposed to happen...
Mario grabs two of the red coins.
NT: Darn you, split apart!
The fish splits apart again. NT cackles maniacally.
NT: You'll never win, Mario! With this remote in my hands, I can manipulate the fish at will! This isn't a gift! It's a death trap!
A giant stalk of kelp rises out of the water and waves around slowly.
NT: Ha ha! What are you going to do, tickle me to death? You have no chance at surviving!
The kelp rubs against the boat. Now that Mario's found his target, he rears back and swings with all his might. The boat wobbles and gets filled with water. The kelp smacks the boat again, tipping it over. NT falls into the bay.
NT: Very clever, Mario, but you forget I still have control of the-
NT moves the joystick forward, but nothing happens. Furrowing his brow, he jerks it back and forth. No response.
NT: Darn it, I knew I should have bought the Waterproof Version! But noooo, I had to be too cheap! My plan is ruined now!
With no control over the fish, all the coins simply ram into a wall and stay there. Mario collects them all and a Shine Sprite appears.
Mario: Thanks for the advice, FLUDD!
FLUDD: I wasn't about to be stuck at the bottom of a bay still attached to a moron's dead body.
Mario grabs the Shine Sprite and teleports back to Delfino Plaza and takes the fish bowl off his head.
Mario: About time. I was sick of that place and that crazy Noki's schemes.
Yet Another Pianta: Hey, you!
Mario: Huh?
Yet Another Pianta: Have you seen a shady character walking around here? He was wearing a trench coat and sunglasses, and you can smell the evil emanating from him.
Mario: Uh, no, nobody like that.
Yet Another Pianta: He pretends like he's got a weird accent, but in reality he's this moron with a stupidly high-pitched voice. Sure you haven't seen him?
Mario: No, I haven't! And don't be so harsh on him-he sounds like he might be a pretty cool guy.
Yet Another Pianta: THEY TOOK ERNIE! I WON'T REST UNTIL I SEE JUSTICE EXACTED! ...Sorry, didn't mean to yell like that. Anyway, I'd better get back to looking for this Mario guy.
Yet Another Pianta walks away. Mario exhales deeply.
Mario: Where to next, FLUDD?
FLUDD: It's that building with a fruit sticking out of it. It will lead you to Sirena Beach.
Mario: Hey, isn't that the place with the 3-star hotel? Sweet! That'll be the best place ever!
Some Pianta: Hey, it's that guy, Mario! Everybody, he's over here!
Mario: And the ridiculous chase resumes itself. Man, I've got to do something about this.