Two bundled-up people walk through a snowy wasteland, leaning against the frozen wind. The man in front looks to his left and sees a large block of ice sticking out of the ground.

Man 1: What's that?

Man 2: Looks like an iceberg or something.

The two men tromp over to it and bend down. An object is stuck inside of it.

Man 1: It's a laptop, frozen in the ice. Quick! Get it out!

After a bit of digging, the men hold the frosty laptop in their hands. Man 2 presses the power button. To their surprise, it blinks to life. The screen opens to a website showing a number of stories.

Man 1: Hey, what's this?

Man 2: I don't believe it! It's the next chapter of Blooper Mario Sunshine! He actually got around to writing it!

Man 1: And here in the second Ice Age, I thought there was nothing interesting! Crack out the soylent green, Eric - we're taking this back to the igloo!

Giddy with excitement, the two men rush the laptop back to their miniature icy house, sit down, and read away.

Narrator: Mario escaped from the Strawberry Fields Forever, also known as the Secret of Casino Delfino, with another Shine Sprite in hand. Now some thirty-odd lives less than he had in the previous episode, he prepares to tackle Episode 5.

Pianta Wearing Episode 5 Shirt: [raising his hands in defense] Look, man, I'm not getting involved in this. I just bought this at a garage sale six years ago.

Mario: Where's your sense of adventure?

FLUDD: Where's YOURS, Pasta Boy?

Mario: At home, in a suitcase, underneath my bed.

Narrator: Little did he know, there were greater horrors awaiting him than angry casino managers and the Beatles' Song Incarnate...

Mario hops back into the Sirena Beach pipe, lands in the water, struggles for an hour against the riptide, and crawls up the Hotel Owner, dripping wet.

Mario: May I...rent a room...?

Hotel Owner: [laughing] Oh, no. That's just for NPCs. We never let the main character spend the night at a hotel.

Mario: What?

Hotel Owner: It's an unwritten rule for every establishment inside a video game: no protagonists allowed inside anything that could disrupt the flow of the game. Unless, of course, it's part of a sidequest or it replenishes your health and Flower Points.

Mario: Great. Let me in. That IS where I'm going, right, FLUDD?

FLUDD: Indeed. Let the reunion begin.

Mario: Huh?

Hotel Owner: Sure thing! I'll go ahead and let you in to scare all our customers - it IS a haunted hotel, after all.

The Hotel Owner laughs maniacally. Lightning strikes in the background while a few organ notes play. Swallowing loudly, Mario opens the doors, steps into the hotel, and looks around.

Mario: Hello? Anybody home?

Two inches from the side of his face, a scowling Pianta appears, light shining onto him from below. Mario screams and backs up, falling into a pool of water. He holds up his left hand and looks at his now-dead watch. Grimacing, he takes it off and throws it into the pool, where twenty-eight of his other watches lay.

Mario: What are you doing staring at people like that, anyway?

Pianta Worker: I thought I saw something on your face. Come here.

Mario hesitantly stands up and wades out of the pool. The Pianta Worker steps closer to him, staring at him wide-eyed. After a few seconds, he motions for Mario to turn his head. Mario gulps and looks away. The Pianta Worker slaps Mario, who goes flying back into the pool.

Mario: Are you done yet?

Pianta Worker: Yeah, I got it. No, wait...

The Pianta Worker gestures for Mario to come near again. Mario hastily stands up, sloshes out of the pool, and runs to the nearest door. He grabs the handle, twists, and pulls outward to no avail.

Pianta Worker: I'd be careful what you do. We've stepped up the security recently.

Mario: [whirling around] Stepped up the security? You can hardly get around this place! What more do you need?

Pianta Worker: The latest anti-theft system. It's proven to be quite effective.

Mario: How so?

Pianta Worker: Most anti-theft systems just loose an alarm or something.

In a flashback, two burglars sneak through a window into the hotel. They grab several goods in a room and stuff them into a bag, checking around to make sure no one can see them. A moment later, a siren goes off. In a split second, the burglars are out the window and running down Isle Delfino.

Pianta Worker: We got tired of having our crap stolen, so we kicked it up a bit. The burglaries made us angry. GREEN with anger.

In another flashback happening a few weeks after the first one, the same burglars climb through another window and begin looting the place. The two of them grab a bunch of high-priced objects and stuff them in a bag. The only sound in the room is the sound of them moving. Without warning, Lou Ferrigno bursts out of the wall and punches the closest burglar in the head, sending him soaring into a cabinet. While the second burglar attempts to run away, Lou Ferrigno picks up a nearby anvil and throws it at him, then places the first burglar in a chokehold, gritting his teeth in rage.

Pianta Worker: And then the thefts stopped.

Mario: I bet. So where do I go now? What's wrong with the hotel this time?

Pianta Worker: Voices in the basement.

Mario: Go figure.

FLUDD: Go check it out.

Mario: Go away.

FLUDD: Goku.

Mario: Go hang a salami, I'm a lasagna hog.

Pianta Worker: You guys are creeping me out.

Mario: You're one to be talking.

FLUDD uses his Idiot Stopper on Mario. Coughing up a big, pure bubble, Mario wanders into the casino and looks around. The place is largely empty.

Mario: Hello? Any voices in here?

Voice: Yeah, actually. How are you doing?

Mario screams and jumps into the fountain. When his oxygen bar starts beeping, he lifts his head out and peers around.

Mario: Who are you?

Voice: I am the voice of greatness. Obey me, and I will make you very rich and happy.

Mario: How so?

Voice: Just obey me and you'll find out. In the middle of the giant roulette, you'll see a purple space in a midst of red and green spaces.

Mario walks to the roulette and looks at the purple space.

Mario: By golly, he's right! This IS a voice of greatness!

Voice: Of course. Now burn this building to the ground. The voice of greatness commands it.

Mario: Sweet!

FLUDD: Okay, Mario, that's going a bit far.

Mario turns around and accidentally trips, landing on the purple space. To his surprise, the roulette begins to twist and sink through the floor. Mario, dumbfounded, sits and watches until the roulette stops into a large, circular room beneath the casino.

Mario: That was weird. I didn't know the purple space was actually a switch.

Voice: It wasn't. That was just you.

Mario: Oh, ha, ha, ha. A little pot belly never hurt anyone.

FLUDD: That's not a pot belly, Mario. That's a bowling ball covered in flesh.

Mario: Back off, FLUDD!

Voice: Enough of this. I am not the voice of greatness, although I have a voice, and I am great. You may remember me from an adventure not so long ago. Although it wasn't YOUR adventure, per se...

Mario: Listen, if you're referring to the movie, I never thought that was a good idea in the first place.

Voice: WORTHLESS LITTLE PLUMBER! [mario shrinks back and shakes] I'm talking about the fake mansion we lured you and your brother to! We captured you, but your timid marshmallow of a brother rescued you and sucked me into a vacuum cleaner.

Mario: Wait, so you're...

King Boo jumps up from the center of the roulette and spits his tongue at Mario. Mario turns still as a statue, and what little color is in his face fades.

Mario: King Boo?

FLUDD: What the...? Mario, can you hear me?

Mario: It can't be!

FLUDD: Mario, use your Plasma Beam! Mario!

Mario stares at King Boo while the latter continues spitting his tongue out. A couple of people walk into the room.

Mario Fan 1: That's racist to plumbers! He never froze up like that when fighting previous bosses!

Mario Fan 2: Yeah, but that's because they didn't focus on story! Besides, there were sprite limitations to deal with!

Mario Fan 1: That doesn't excuse this break in his character!

FLUDD and King Boo watch the Mario fans as they debate the issue back and forth, looking between the two of them. Mario, meanwhile, is still staring open-mouthed at King Boo.

King Boo: Are they ever going to let us fight?

FLUDD: Don't worry. They'll forget about this in a few years.

Three years later...

FLUDD: Okay, so perhaps I was wrong.

Mario Fan 2: No, no, no, no, NO! You just don't appreciate good character development!

Mario Fan 1: That has nothing to do with it! It's the plumber-racist attitudes that destroyed everything!

FLUDD uses another Idiot Stopper on Mario, who snaps out of his fear and faces King Boo.

Mario: Alright, King Boo, you've met your match! I'll make sure you never leave here alive!

King Boo: Idiot! I'm already dead! Now think of the most painful way you could die...think of how I, with my great power and size, could crush you in a second!

Mario: Oh, no!

King Boo: Now toss that aside as I show you my Spinning Slot Machine of Random Humiliation!

A large slot machine appears in the center of the roulette. King Boo hovers over it, saliva dripping from his hanging tongue.

Mario: What the heck does that do?

King Boo: When certain images line up on it, it shoots out all sorts of random crap like food, money, common enemies who don't know left from right, and special bottles of steam-distilled water! In this way, I shall bring you to your end!

Mario: Is he serious?

FLUDD: Unfortunately, yes.

King Boo licks the slot machine and gets it started. Meanwhile, the roulette starts spinning slowly around the slot machine. The images on the machine line up as three pineapples. Winning music plays as King Boo spits out a bunch of fruit.

Mario: Fruit? What's he trying to do, make me die of food poisoning from a bad cantaloupe?

King Boo: That's the humiliation of it all!

Mario: For him, maybe, not for me. What do I do, FLUDD?

FLUDD: I won't tell you that until after you've already figured it out.

Mario: WHAT? Why?

FLUDD: Because that's my job, stupid. Now go experiment with boss strategies.

Mario grumbles, picks up the nearest fruit, and throws it at King Boo. It explodes against him with no visible effects. Mario picks up another fruit and does the same thing. No effect. A minute later, after throwing everything he can find at the big ghost, the fruit disappears and the slot machine returns.

Mario: How does food just disappear in a puff of smoke? According to my chemistry course, matter can't be created or destroyed!

King Boo: That's the randomness of it all!

Mario: Maybe this IS a painful way to die.

The battle rages on for over half an hour. A zillion enemies, fruits, coins (Mario feels rich for the first time in forever), and special bottles of steam-distilled water fill the room during that time, serving their purpose and then disappearing.

Mario: [panting and dripping with sweat] Okay, King Boo...I'm sure one of these days I'll find out your weakness! This spiky durian should do you in!

Mario feebly kicks a nearby durian, which rockets around the room, bounces off the walls, and hits Mario between the eyes. He screams one high-pitched note for twenty seconds, holding his forehead and slamming the floor. When the session is over, he stands up and bares his teeth, furious.

Mario: I hate those things! Sometimes they feel like moving a couple of inches when you rear back and kick them, and sometimes they feel like going to Mars when you lightly tap them! It makes me so mad!

He picks up a red pepper and throws it blindly. King Boo, who has boredly stared at the walls for the past half hour, turns his head and accidentally swallows the pepper. His tongue instantly lights on fire. King Boo shrieks and rubs his tongue, trying to quell the pain.

FLUDD: It seems to dislike spicy things!

Mario: Thanks a lot, FLUDD!

FLUDD: I do my job to perfection.

Mario grabs a coconut and throws it at King Boo. To his surprise, it actually hurts him. Before he can pick up another, the fruit disappears, and the slot machine pops up again.

Mario: And so it continues. Squirt tongue with water.

King Boo: Spin big slot machine.

Mario: Land on three fruits.

King Boo: Spit out fruit from the bottomless depths of my innards.

Mario: Feed red hot pepper.

King Boo: Learn that tongues can spontaneously combust just like anything.

Mario: Throw solid fruit at head.

King Boo: Laugh in maniacal pain.

Mario: Squirt tongue with water again.

King Boo: Spin big slot machine again.

FLUDD: Give advice only when it's too late.

Mario: Land on three fruits.

King Boo: Be too lazy to get off my duff and squash him in the maximum four seconds it takes.

Mario: Chase rolling coconut around the room.

King Boo: Stare at the camera eerily.

Mario: Catch coconut and throw at head.

King Boo: Writhe in agony as I am defeated with the lucky number 3.

At the end of this abridged fight scene, King Boo screams in pain and dissolves into nothingness. A Shine Sprite appears, floating around theatrically before settling in the middle of the room. Mario runs up to it and snatches it from the air.

Mario: It may be slow, hard work, but I'm getting near the end of the Shine Sprite list at last.

FLUDD: I beg to differ.

Mario: Eh?

FLUDD: A large portion of the Shine Sprites in this game are only acquired through collection of blue-colored cash or victory in random mini-stages. You have barely scratched the surface of the tip of the iceberg, my hapless host.

Mario: Seriously?

FLUDD: Alright, not quite. Perhaps you have scratched the side of the iceberg.

Mario: At any rate, I'm one Shine Sprite closer to the end. We at least have cause to rejoice.