A Very Harem Christmas
A bit of holiday Harry Potter crack-fiction from canoncansodoff
Disclaimer: Not my characters, no money being made, etc. etc.
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Chapter 2: Platform 9 3/4
Eighteen Years Later, on the Second Day of Christmas…
Severus Snape was slightly more hospitable to Dobby the House-Elf when he popped into his cell on the second day of Christmas.
Slightly more intrigued, as well, since the diminutive guest was bearing more than one gift.
"Yes?" Snape asked.
The House-Elf smiled as he laid a second snow globe in front of Snape's rag-covered feet.
"Lord Mister Harry Potter Sir and his Missuses were asking Dobby about yesterday's visit to the Nasty-Smelling Bat-Man, and Dobby be telling all about how nasty the Nasty-Smelling Bat-Man's robes be smelling, so the Great Lord Harry Potter, Sir and his Missuses be telling Dobby that he can bring two gifts today!"
Dobby smiled as he gave the rectangular box to the Prisoner. As soon as his hands were free, the House-Elf wiggled his fingers at the former Potions Master…and suddenly, Snape was clothed only in dirt and grime.
"What the…."
"Still be nasty-smelling," Dobby frowned. A second finger wiggle generated a blast of sand that scrubbed off the dirt and grime.
It also scrubbed off the top layer of the former Potion Master's skin, which explained Snape's painful scream.
"Oops!" Dobby smiled. "Dobby be fixing!"
A moment later, Snape was covered from head to toe in a strawberry-scented salve. The salve soaked into his skin, and helped ease the pain. But the strawberry scent stayed behind, helping Snape's "nasty-smelling" problem…at least in Dobby's mind.
"Berry-smelling Bat-Man be smelling much better!" declared the House-Elf.
But then he got a whiff of something else, and spied Snape's thin blanket. Dobby's fourth and final finger wiggle of the day replaced the thread-bare piece of fabric with a brand new blanket…a small square of woven wool emblazoned with the words "I (heart) Being a Clan Potter House-Elf!"
"That be the same bestest blanket that Dobby be using," the House-Elf declared. "Dobby be seeing Berry-Smelling Bat-Man tomorrow!"
The House-Elf disappeared before Snape could grab hold of his neck.
The former Potions Master scowled, and shouted out language inappropriate to repeat during the Holiday Season, until his need to vent was overtaken by the urge to cover himself up. He ripped open the wrapped package and pulled out a new set of robes and cloth boots.
They were crimson robes trimmed with gold, with another big red heart set within a slogan emblazoned on the front.
It read, "My (heart) Belongs to Gryffindor!"
Snape tried not to focus on the flashing heart symbol as he slipped the robes over his head. The robes were humiliating…but they were also free of rips and tears that would allow drafts of cold air to pass through.
After another round of invective, Severus turned his attention to the crystal globe that sat before his feet…a snow globe that showed a crowded Platform 9 ¾ decorated for Yule.
Snape took the glass ball in hand, shook it, and was immediately drawn inside.
This is what he saw.
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When word came that the Hogwarts Express's arrival was delayed, Harry turned to Hermione…and smiled. She was already on the mirror with one of the train's passengers.
"Anna Marie says that it's track congestion due to the weather," she announced.
A red-haired witch scowled, as she eavesdropped out of habit from a spot a few meters distant.
"Why can't those muggles keep their tracks open?" she loudly asked her sister-in-law, who was standing nearby.
Harry glanced over his shoulder and smirked at the witch who had grown up to become the spitting image of her mother.
"Have you been outside at all today, Ginny?"
The fecund witch shook her head as she shifted her youngest child onto her other hip.
"Seemed perfectly fine when I looked out the kitchen window a few minutes ago, Lord Potter."
Hermione snorted. "Well, Mrs. Finnegan," she turned and asked, "isn't that kitchen window located in the County Cork?"
"Yes...so?"
"So…the storm blew in on Easterly winds from the North Sea, and may not have reached the southern coast of Ireland yet."
Ginny rolled her eyes as she shifted her youngest son from one hip to the other.
"Snow on the tracks from a sea that can't decide if it's North or East…there's always an excuse for the silly muggles, isn't there Romilda?"
As Ron's wife guffawed, a small hand tugged at Harry's sleeve.
"Is it really snowing, Daddy?"
Harry looked down at his son, smiled, and crouched down to get to his eye-level.
"Yes, Edward, it is…they say there will be twenty-five centimeters on the ground by tomorrow night."
"Hurray!" the boy shouted, jumping up and down. "But when will it start, Daddy?"
"It already has, son…that's why the train has been delayed."
A four-year old child tugged on Harry's other sleeve and pointed towards the clear blue "sky".
"But then why isn't snowing on us, Daddy?"
"Oh, Kaitlin," replied her ten-year old half-sister. "Don't you know that a weather-shielding charm was placed above Platform 9 ¾ in 1892? It says so Hogwarts, A History."
Harry chuckled, and glanced with mirth-filled eyes up towards Hermione.
"Yes, yes…Hannah is and always will be her mother's daughter," the bushy-haired witch stated.
"But I thought that Hannah was every mummy's daughter, Daddy?" asked Edward.
"She is, Eddie, she is," Harry replied, giving the boy's nose a playful tweak. "Just like you are every mummy's little boy."
The young boy frowned, and held up three fingers. "But I am not a little boy, Daddy…I'm this many!"
"It doesn't matter how old you are, Eddie," Katie insisted. "Mummy says that Daddy is still a little boy, and he's really, really, really old!"
Edward tugged on Harry's sleeve just as Harry stuck his tongue out towards Daphne.
"Are you really still a little boy, Daddy?" Edward asked.
Harry smiled, and shook his head. "Not yet son," he replied, "but I'm working on it."
"More like you're working on perfecting the role," Daphne countered.
"Why do you want to be a little boy, Daddy?" his son asked.
Harry grinned. "Because little boys get to play in the snow."
"And little girls too, Daddy?"
"Yes, Katie…and little girls too."
"How about big girls, Harry?" asked Luna. "Do they get to play with you too?"
"Didn't you get enough playtime with Harry last night?" Hermione asked.
"No," Luna insisted.
"I wish that I could play in the snow right now," Edward stated.
"Me too," said Harry. A mischievous look then came upon his face. He turned towards Ginny.
"Hey Mrs. Finnegan, would you like to know what the weather might be like when you get home?"
"Harry?" Hermione warned him.
Her husband pretended that he didn't hear, and cast a spell up towards the "sky".
A Finite Incantatum spell cast by any normal witch or wizard would have bounced off the charmed weather barrier like a rubber ball. But knowing that her husband was anything but a "normal" wizard, Hermione drew her wand and hastily cast a shield spell that enveloped the Potter clan.
This barrier was just strong enough to ward off the foot-thick layer of snow that the shield had been holding back.
Hermione couldn't tell whose eyes were wider with delight…Harry's or Edward's.
"Harry James Potter!"
"Yes, Hermione Jane Potter?"
"Mummies…Mummies! Daddy made it snow!" Edward announced. "Can we play? Can we?"
Hermione shared an eye roll with the other wives, then canceled the shield and joined in as they transfigured the children's robes into "snow clothes."
But the dismissive attitude quickly turned towards sentimentality as the platform filled with a host of snow angels.
"Oh, the grandparents will love this," Hermione exclaimed, as she pulled a charmed sapphire watch cover from a pocket and said an activation phrase.
"Yes, well…just mind your camera angles," Daphne instructed. "Or else the grandfathers will really enjoy Luna's playtime."
"What's that?"
Daphne nodded towards Luna, who either didn't know, or didn't care that she was providing upskirt views as she formed the bottom half of her snow angel.
Hermione snorted, and paused the recording charm.
"Luna!" she chided. "Where are you knickers?"
The blonde-haired witch chewed on her lower lip in thought.
"Sitting quietly in my chest of drawers back home, last time I checked."
"But aren't you cold?"
Luna giggled. "But aren't I a witch?"
Harry chuckled as he rolled over onto his side and reached out to touch Luna's leg.
"Yeah, and besides, Hermione…what Luna is doing is making me hot, so it all evens out."
"Well that's true enough... your trouser profile is anything but even, stud," Daphne teased.
Harry waggled his eyebrows. "How much time do we have before the Train arrives?"
"Not enough, Dear," Hermione said with a smile.
The banter was interrupted by a snowball that hit Harry in the face and exploded.
"Hey…who threw that?" Harry whined, as he pushed up to his knees.
Daphne looked over her shoulder and snorted.
"It appears, milord, that the Lord Black has arrived on the field of battle and is marshaling his troops."
Harry frowned. "Well, then, wife...I leave the defense of Clan Potter in your capable hands while I summon our secret weapon."
"What's our secret weapon, Daddy?" asked his son.
Harry smiled as he threw handfuls of fluffy snow over his head and growled.
"Oh, look out kids!" Luna shouted with mock panic. "It's the Abominable Snowwizard!"
The warning generated high-pitched shouts and sequels of laughter, as Harry lurched toward the children.
"Hrrrr...rrrrr...rrrrrr..."
Daphne shook her head at Harry's antics, then turned and cast a Protego spell that stopped a fresh volleys of frozen projectiles from hitting their marks.
"Time to call in reinforcements, then?" she asked Hermione.
The bushy-haired witch pocketed her charmed video lens and pulled out her mirror.
"I imagine so," she replied. "Last time we left the Chasers out of a snowball fight with Clan Black they sulked for weeks."
Hermione then spoke a few words into her mirror. The scene ended a few seconds later, when three more witches apparated to a spot behind the walls of Clan Potter's newly constructed snow fort.
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Given the small size of his jail cell, it didn't take very long for the former Potions Master to regain his bearings. The warmth that he had experienced when viewing the first globe had also been present in this one. It lingered even after Snape had been pulled back out of the globe, and allowed him to ponder what he had just seen in relative comfort.
Daphne Greengrass…or was it now Daphne Potter nee Greengrass? She had certainly acted like Potter's wife…just as much as the Granger witch did. And the talk of shared mummies, and the "other wives" confirmed in Snape's mind that this was polygamy on a grand scale.
But not a unique situation? With Daphne's talk of Clan Black, was it possible that Sirius was involved in the same kind of harem arrangement? The thought was disturbing…even more disturbing then the thought of twenty-one Potter sprogs running through Hogwarts's halls.
That Ginny Weasley (now Finnegan) had grown into her mother's frame didn't surprise Snape one bit. That she wasn't part of Potter's harem was also relatively easy for Snape to accept. She had always been one of Potter's fan-girls, and had never figured prominently in any of Potter's smutty fantasies (or at least not those that Snape had reviewed during his Remedial Potions mind-rapes). Not that Potter's disinterest had prevented the Weasley witch from wallowing in explicit daydreams that paired them together. The nauseating erotic images that Ginny generated during her Potions lessons had disturbed Snape so much that he had stopped scanning the girl's surface thoughts altogether.
It wasn't a large sacrifice on his part…there was no lack of alternative minds to pilfer. At least, not until Potter and his little harem called him out, laid a trap, and forced him to choose between permanent insanity and permanent incarceration.
The hatred that this memory generated drained the globe's residual warmth from Snape's body, and left a cold hollow feeling behind. Missing that warmth, he reached for the globe, only to stop when he decided that he could get that same warmth by reviewing the first orb, comparing ages and faces along the way.
The first globe, however, was now cold. It still played out its scene when Snape sent its snow flying, but it no longer provided him warmth or comfort.
But the second globe still did.
Snape had high hopes that the new robes and blanket would serve as an effective alternative heat source…enough so that he wouldn't need to live Potter's life in order to stay warm through the night. But the blanket was sized for a House-Elf's proportions, and robes didn't help much…whether because they were designed that way, or because it was an even colder night.
And so, Severus Snape became just as familiar with this second slice of Harry Potter's life as he had with the first.