Chapter 4

Nick Stokes sat in the ER waiting room with his head in his hands. His son and his ex-wife had walked back to the room where her now-husband, Greg Sanders lay. He had walked out on her and now she had walked out on him. He knew he had no right to complain.

"So where ya been, Nicky?" Catherine Willows asked as she sat down in the chair next to him.

Nick let out a sigh. "It's a long story."

"I've got the time, especially for you," she told him.

"I don't even know where to begin," he shook his head in despair.

Catherine placed a soothing hand on his back. "How about starting with why you left."

Nick looked her directly in the eyes. "I couldn't look at myself in the mirror anymore. I had to find her. I had to make things right."

"Nicky, it wasn't your fault," Catherine tried to reassure him.

"It felt like my fault. I was supposed to be watching Jill. I only looked away for a second." Nick balled his fist and hit his thigh. "And now, Alex says they found Jill," Nick asked a question with his eyes he couldn't form with his mouth.

Catherine heard the question loud and clear. "Now I'm the one who doesn't know where to begin." She took a deep breath and started, "Alex got a call from Montana. There had been a car accident where the occupants of the car had been burned to the point of being unidentifiable, so they ran DNA to confirm the identities of the passengers in the car. And one of them was Julie."

Nick had a tear streaming down his cheek. "Do they know how she got to Montana?"

"The police did investigate. They found photos of the couple with Julie that seemed to indicate they are the ones that took her. They found school records showing they moved a lot, projects, family photos. The police talked to teachers, neighbors, friends, and every one seemed to indicate that she was well taken care of," Catherine finished.

Nick smiled sorrowfully. "So they just wanted a child? My child?"

Catherine held up her hands in defeated gesture. "It's not any consolation, I know."

"I lost my wife, my son, my sanity, because some couple decided they wanted my child!" Nick's voice was getting angry.

Catherine ran her hand down his back again. "I'm so sorry, Nicky. I'm so sorry. But you're not the only one who suffered from her loss."

Tears were freely streaming down his cheeks. "How did Alex take it?"

"She took it very hard, but Greg helped her through. Then, when Grissom died a few months later…" Catherine shook her head in remembrance. Alex had gotten so depressed, there was almost no consoling her.

"Greg was really out of it for a while too," Catherine added.

"He always looked up to Grissom," Nick reasoned.

"No, Nick, that's not why. Well, not totally why. Both Jill and Grissom's death made national news. He was afraid you'd show back up and Alex would take you back."

"I didn't know. I wasn't here," he tried to explain.

"Where were you Nick?" Catherine was dying to know.

"I was…" he let out another sigh. "I wasn't there for them, that's all that matters. I wasn't there for Alex or Oliver."

He slowly became aware even those his eyes stayed closed. He could see the light coming through his eyelids. And he knew, he knew he had lived.

Greg Sanders slowly opened his eyes. He found what he expected to find. The white walls of a hospital room, the beeping, flashing lights of a heart monitor, the TV mounted in the corner and…his wife asleep in a chair?

Greg tried to focus to see if it really was Alex. He honestly thought she wouldn't have even cared now that Nick was back. "Alex?" he hoarsely called. She didn't stir.

Greg cleared his throat and tried again. "Alex?" this time it was louder.

Alex's head jerked up. Her eyes were wide. "Greg?" She stood and rushed to his bedside.

"What are you doing here?" he couldn't manage all the anger he had hoped to.

She grabbed his hand. "I've been waiting for two days for my chance to beg for your forgiveness."

Greg had expected her to say anything but that so it took him a few moments to formulate a response. "You think you can just apologize and erase the last few days?"

Alex was shaking her head no before she even began to speak. "No, I don't think it's just going to make everything all better, but I want to know that you'll let me make it up to you. And not just for the last couple days, but for the last eight years."

Greg could barely process what he was hearing. He didn't know how to respond. Alex took his silence to mean he may need more convincing and continued.

"You were right. All these years, you were right. I'd been hanging on to something that didn't exist. I wasn't giving you everything. I promise, if you'll take me back, I'll give you everything I have. I'll be the wife you deserve." Her voice broke on the last word and she started to cry. She placed her face in her hands. "Please give me another chance," it was a whisper.

Greg's emotions were on a roller coaster ride, but he wasn't quite ready to believe her. "What's changed your mind?"

"Ollie," she replied.

Greg's face fell. "Oh."

She smiled slightly, knowing what he was thinking. "Not…not like that, Greg. When Ollie saw Nick he went ballistic, yelling at Nick and even punched him!"

"That's my boy," Greg couldn't help but smile that his son was able to do what he couldn't.

Alex continued, "It made me realize that I hadn't taken in to account anyone's feelings but my own. It made me realize how I never would have made it through the last twelve years without you. How Ollie would not be the young man he is today without you, because I really haven't been much good to him or anyone." She took a deep breath to steady her voice once again.

"You have shown me more love and understanding than I could possibly deserve. My eyes were finally opened and my heart was suddenly free, free to love you without any reservation. I love you, Greg. I honestly, truly, and absolutely love you."

Greg was speechless. He was sure he'd lost her forever when Nick had reappeared. He hadn't wanted to go on with out her. And now, here she was begging him for a second chance, saying everything he'd ever wanted to hear her say. He didn't hesitate.

"Yes," was all he could manage past his bubbling emotions.

She looked up at him. "Yes?"

He nodded. "Yes."

She smiled and threw her arms around his neck. She hugged him tightly. "I love you so much, Greg."

"I love you, too," he told her, wrapping his arms around her and hoping he never had to let her go.