A/N: Hello, my lovelies! So glad you're all still hanging in there with me. I also got some new readers, so welcome aboard my crazy-plane. We'll be experiencing some turbulence, so hang on tight! As always, thanks so much for all of the reviews/alert/favorites! They make me gigglesnort!

Speaking of which, please read the A/N below for some awesome info!

Thanks to my beta and prereader: Sovereignvision and Twifan82

Thanks to my VBs: Jenny Cullen, Angel_eyes1_uk, and JoJoWrites

Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight. I own a hectic life. What's new? © 2011 twicrack83

*~*EPOV*~*

The morning after pill. Not a phrase most men think about, but a certain part of my genitalia was in a state of unrest, and I would have been grateful for something to calm the fucker down. Let's just say I felt sorry for whoever had to change my sheets today. They'll be lucky if they don't break in half after my midnight splooge-fest.

Unfortunately, my hormones and unconscious state let my mind run rampant, and my dreams worked in over-drive to produce a nocturnal emission that would shame Ron Jeremy. I guess I just needed to start thinking about gross things, like Emmett in a Speedo. Yep, that seems to be working. I'll go with that.

After my date with Bella, I was tightly wound… in a good way. I was telling the truth when I said I wanted to see her, but my body wanted it to be now instead of having to wait around for the powers that be to hook us up in a blacked out room again. All I had to do was make it through today and we'd finally be revealed to each other.

But thinking about that just made me nervous. My body was a ball of anxiety and horniness. One second I wanted to curl into the fetal position, and the next I felt like I could shoot a hole through the wall with my sperm. Not really a super hero quality you hear of on a regular basis.

"We have to send in our requests this morning," Jasper interrupted my thoughts, sitting down at the table, bowl of cereal in hand. "You're gonna choose Bella, right?"

"Definitely," I replied, looking up from the newspaper I really wasn't reading. "I don't think I've ever been this anxious about seeing anyone. Maybe I'll feel better when the producer shows us our compatibility scores. But after the date we had last night, I can't imagine we aren't strongly matched."

"Oh, that's right," Emmett added, joining us for breakfast. "We took those crazy tests, and I guess the girls did, too. I don't think any of us have anything to worry about. These girls seem good for us."

Jasper rolled his eyes and shook his head, taking a huge bite of his cereal. I simply smiled, knowing Emmett was more than right. It was just weird hearing those words coming from his man-whoring mouth.

The rest of breakfast was spent in relative silence, each of us stuck in our own worlds, musing over the possibilities of actually starting relationships with women we'd never seen. It was a weird prospect to accept, but I'm sure none of us would have it any other way.

"I think it's time, guys," announced Emmett, plopping down on the couch directly across from the TV. "Let's see how we match up."

We all smooshed together on the sofa, eagerly waiting for our scores to pop up on the screen. Jasper's name showed up first, and I heard him suck in a breath and hold it.

"Jasper," pause, "Alice," pause, "97%."

"Woot!" yelled Emmett, giving Jasper a high five. "Way to go, bro!"

Jasper exhaled in a woosh, and got a dreamy, far-away look on his face. Next, Emmett's name flashed on the screen, and he leaned forward, bouncing his leg in anticipation.

"Emmett," pause, "Rosalie," pause, "93%."

"Not too shabby, Em," I congratulated him, giving him a manly pat on the back.

"Fuck yeah!" he responded with a goofy smile, and relaxed back against the couch.

Then it was my turn. I had the same reaction as Jasper, and held my breath, clasping my hands tightly together, while my score bounced across the TV.

"Edward," pause, "Isabella," pause, "94%."

My fingers relaxed, blood rushing into the flesh, causing a tingling sensation. I felt a small smile spread across my face, and Emmett quickly offered to fist-bump, which I accepted with vigor.

We finished congratulating each other on our successful matches, and scrambled to the computer to email the girls and request them to meet us for the reveals. Getting scores that high must have been some sort of record for this show, but none of us were complaining. We were thrilled with how well we paired with our girls, and couldn't wait to see the goods. Of course, anything at this point was an uber-bonus, so visualizing their bodies was just icing on the proverbial cake.

While we were razzing each other on what to write to the girls, there was a knock at the door. "Come in," we yelled in tandem, not turning from our current task.

"Whatever you pricks have planned, it's not gonna fly on my show!" Aro screamed, bounding through our door with a speed I didn't know elephants could reach.

"You must be mistaken," started Jasper, turning and standing at full height. He was easily a foot and a half taller than that fat bastard, and Aro stopped dead in his tracks when Emmett and I stood to defend Jasper, all crossing our arms menacingly. "I'm sorry, sir, but we have absolutely no clue what you're talking about."

Aro cowered slightly, but tried to regain his composure while sputtering, "Uh, well, I have it on good authority that you three are planning to ruin the reveals tonight."

"And who the hell told you that?" Emmett asked, shaking his head.

"I'm unable to disclose my source," Aro returned and stuck his pointy little nose up in the air, trying to gain height.

"Pfft, that's rich," I added, rolling my eyes for emphasis. "Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but we have no intentions of damaging your precious show. You're doing a fine enough job of it yourself. We just want to get it over with so we can take our girls out on a date."

"How are you so sure they'll even want you after actually seeing you?" Aro backpedaled, looking more scared every second.

Emmett let out a huge guffaw, and Jasper and I followed suit. I mean, had he seen us? What girl would turn us down? The very idea was blasphemous.

"You are seriously one very deluded piece of shit, you know that?" interjected Emmett with a playful smirk on his face.

Uh oh. This was gonna be good.

"First of all," Emmett continued, stepping forward, coming within arm's reach of Aro and towering over his chubby frame, "I don't know who your source is, but that twat-waffle can suck my sweaty, hairy balls for planting that idea in your head. Secondly, screw you for believing said idea, barging in here to rip us new ones, and not finding out if it was true in the first place. And last but not least," Emmett leaned down, his nose mere inches away from Aro's now panicked face, "You smell like my grandmother's foot cream, stale urine, and feces-riddled monkey ass."

Emmett snapped back to full height and shoed Aro away with his hands while he said, "Fuck off. Oh, and have a lovely day."

By then, Jasper and I were crying from laughing so hard. We watched as Aro changed about eight different colors before settling on a nice purple hue which resembled Violet Beauregarde from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. He obviously didn't have anything else worthwhile to say, so he turned around and stormed out of our suite, flipping us off as he left.

Where did this guy come from? Why did he think he could accuse us of trying to wreck his show with no other knowledge than hearsay? And what would make him think we'd be capable of something that atrocious anyway? Well, aside from me threatening him on the first day, but that's neither here nor there.

We went about our business, finishing up our emails and preparing for the reveals, but I couldn't dismiss the nagging feeling that something wasn't right. After Aro's impromptu visit, I had a knot in the pit of my stomach that resembled something close to impending doom rather than my earlier nervousness. I tried distracting myself with TV, magazines, or the internet, but nothing seemed to shake the weird feeling. Eventually, I gave up, and decided I was just more nervous than I'd ever been before. I'd just have to suck it up and deal.

On a brighter note, it was time for Emmett to go see Rose for the first time. He was… jittery and really getting on my nerves.

"Do I look okay? Is there stuff in my teeth? I don't have pit stains, do I? Oh, man. I hope I don't fart when I'm in there. I always get gassy when I'm nervous."

He rambled on like this for fifteen minutes before Jasper and I practically kicked him out the door. For Rose's sake, I hoped he didn't fart in there either. Poor girl wouldn't know what hit her.

/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/

Twenty minutes later, Emmett came back from his reveal. When he walked through the door I barely recognized him. I do believe the best way to describe the look on his face would be stunned. As he moved around the suite, Jasper and I waited eagerly for him to say something while we watched him from the couch.

Without making a sound, he made his way to the fridge, pulled out a beer and chugged half of it before slamming it on the counter with a resounding thud. His face was looking down toward the floor, so I couldn't quite make out his expression. I could sense Jasper getting worried, and he started tapping his fingers on his knees before he quietly asked Emmett about Rose.

"Um, tell us about her, Em. You're freaking us out, bro."

Emmett slowly raised his head to look at us, his jaw slack and eyes wide. "I mean, she… and then I… and her… Argh!" He was flailing his arms, using hand gestures to convey his thoughts, and he sort of looked like a drowning cat.

"Whoa! Em, slow down," I interrupted his stammering, and stood from the couch to join him at the counter. "First, breathe." He took a deep breath and steadied himself on the counter. "Good. Now, tell us about Rose. Was she what you expected?"

"Better. Much better. Amazing. Spectacular. Radiant. Incredible. And her boobs," he cupped his hands out from his chest, mimicking the size, and groaned as he dropped his arms to his sides. "She's way out of my league, guys. No way she'll want to meet me in the light of day."

"Okay, start over," Jasper said, meeting us in the kitchen. "You were both in the black room, just waiting for the light to shine on one of you at a time. So, who saw who first?"

"Rose saw me first," Emmett answered, clearly confused. "But what does that have to do with anything?"

"What was her expression when she saw you?" Jasper continued fishing for information.

"She looked shy and was smiling. The best blush crept onto her cheeks and she did a cute little wave before the light went out. But then… oh, man," he ran his hands over his face and mumbled, "she ripped the loudest fart I'd ever heard. Really… it put mine to shame. I heard her say a quick, 'excuse me,' and then she started giggling, so I joined her. It never smelled though, and I quipped that I was glad it wasn't me, but she never replied. Ugh, I never should've laughed."

His head dropped into his hands again, and he shook his head. Jasper and I gave him a pat on the back, and tried our best to console him through our laughter.

"Em, I don't think you have anything to worry about," I reassured, choking on my chuckle when he gave me the evil look of death. "It sounds like Rose has the same gastrointestinal constitution as you. At least she laughed about it."

"Yeah, Edward's right," Jasper added, failing miserably at hiding his smile. "Sounds to me like she's got a good sense of humor… and bowels of steel, too!"

Emmett slugged Jasper in the shoulder and glared at both of us as we squealed like little girls. It was an interesting change of events, us being able to harass Emmett about his choice of girl. We really did like Rose, though. It was just too easy to pick on the love-struck dork.

"It'll all work out, Em," I encouraged as I followed him down the hall toward his room. "You just need to grow a pair and meet her on the balcony tonight. She'll be there, man."

He nodded and sighed, "I hope so, 'cuz I really want to know more about her." He turned to Jasper standing further down the hall, leaning against the wall. "Hey, Jazz. Good luck. You're up next."

With that, he walked into his room and shut the door. I shrugged and watched at Jasper went from confident to panicked in a split second.

"Calm down, Jazz. I already told you Alice isn't mad at you for ditching her. Besides, you're not obligated to talk to her at all this time. Just go in, put on your best 'I'm a stud' face, and bring us back news of her hotness."

"Right." Jasper calmed slightly, clenching and unclenching his fists, rolling his neck to relieve tension. "No talking, 'stud face,' and hotness. Got it."

/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/

I bummed around the suite for awhile, waiting for Jasper to return and Emmett to come out of hiding. Two sodas, a bag of chips, and an apple later, Emmett emerged, seemingly free of his prior sullen stupor.

"What's up, chicken butt?" he boomed, and smacked the back of my head before settling on the couch next to me. "Are you ready for your turn, Edward?"

"Yep," I returned, rubbing my sore head. "I can't wait to finally see Bella. Hopefully it will go as well as yours."

He snorted and shook his head. "You wish, bro. No one could top that awesomeness."

Then Jasper came through the door, shaking and as pale as a ghost… or those glittering, pansy vampires.

"You need a minute, Jazz?" Emmett asked, having the decency to appear concerned. "Think happy thoughts, dude."

"Happy thoughts are the l-l-last thing I n-n-need," he stuttered, and bolted for his room. "What I need is to c-c-cooter tooter… calm down."

The door to his room banged shut, and Emmett and I ran to the down the hall.

"Jazz, let us in!" I yelled, futilely wiggling the locked knob. "Tell us what happened."

"You guys really don't want to see this," Jasper groaned, and I heard the distinct sound of a zipper and pants hitting the floor. "Ooooh, f-f-fuck!"

"Is he doing what I think he's doing?" I questioned, knowing I probably didn't want the true answer.

"If you mean 'shakin' his bacon' then I think you're right," Emmett responded, backing away from the door.

"S-s-shit!"

"Uh, well, in that case, maybe we should give him a few minutes," I countered and followed Emmett into the kitchen. We could still hear Jasper pumpin' his piston, so we opted for waiting outside of the suite. While we let Jasper finish, one of the crew members walked toward us with a confused look on his face.

"Hey, you're supposed to be in the dark room for your reveal, Edward," said the gangly crew member. "They're taping now."

"What? No one came for me." My anxiety spiked and I looked to Emmett for direction.

"You better go, Edward," Emmett pushed, giving me a reassuring smile. "Don't wanna miss Bella, man."

I nodded and ran for the dark room. Now I was the one worrying about pit stains for my reveal, but I hoped Bella would understand I was just so excited to see her. When I reached the side of the mansion with the dark room, I darted for the door… and slammed my face right into it.

"Ouch! Fucking hell that hurt!" I screamed and rubbed my forehead. "Why the fuck is the door locked?"

I jiggled the door knob again, wondering what was going on. "Hello? It's Edward. I'm here for my reveal with Bella."

Silence. I rested my ear on the door, listening for movement within, and that's when I heard Bella scream.

"Riley? You motherfucker!"

A/N: ::ducks and hides from thrown sewage:: Don't worry. Bella can more than handle herself. Riley's got what's coming to him, and we'll find out what's up with him and his history with Bella. I'd love to hear your theories! Also, more on Jasper and Alice's reveal. What could have possibly happened to elicit his masturbatory response? ::snort:: And you can blame the fart jokes on my husband. He requested intestinal humor with a nod to the TV show News Radio, but I couldn't go that far with Rose. So, I'll put it here instead. Enjoy!

"Yeah, Edward's right," Jasper added, failing miserably at hiding his smile. "Sounds to me like she's got a good sense of humor… and monkey strong bowels that are girded with strength like the loins of a dragon ribboned with fat and the opulence of buffalo... dung."

I'm up for AUTHOR OF THE MONTH for April at Gigglesnortfiles. If you're so inclined, I'd love to have your support! Please vote for me at gigglesnort (dot) net

I also entered the Truly Anonymous Twilight Contest with an original O/S. Please go read and vote for your 3 favorite AH and 3 favorite AU stories. Voting open until March 15th! ficcontest (dot) info (/)

Dating in the Dark was the featured story on You Write What? They also did a fan-tabulous review, so please check it out! Bloggingfanfiction (dot) blogspot (dot) com

And a big, enormous thank you to Jenrar for pimping out DitD in her fic, Full Circle. If you're not reading this, you're missing out! It takes place post New Moon and Edward returns to a newly turned vamp-Bella. Good stuff! Check it out! fanfiction (dot) net (/) s (/) 7731747 (/) 1 (/) Full_Circle

Until next time! Loves and snugs!

;) M