It hurts to say goodbye.
A/N :: written after S8 ep 12. For fic purposes Gordon died. I killed Jill in a previous fic, and we never actually found out if Gordon lived or not.
Fathers day. The one day the entire Ormerod house had been dreading. The amount of publicity it was getting, the cards, people spending time with their fathers.
Only for them, it was different. For their father was cruelly taken just a few months earlier. The desperate fight to save him, was in vain. To some it looked like he'd given up, having fought of death once before, and scraping through.
He wasn't so lucky this time.
So, the dreaded fathers day had arrived. There were a couple of cards, still sitting in their envelopes, waiting to be taken to his final resting place, where they'd sit until they too were claimed by mother nature, among the flowers, messages, where somehow Gordon would know how missed he really was.
She wasn't coping. Today of all days. The two eldest had almost become her carers, Jonathon and Aisling being cared for by relatives, friends and neighbours. The house still smelled like him, his bottle of whiskey still unopened, as were his birthday presents, neatly wrapped.
No-one had dared mention fathers day. For fear of what would happen, their mother's health already in a delicate state. The children were becoming good at caring for her, acting much older than their years.
The house was quiet, curtains were drawn, plates still unwashed from the night before. The house looked unkempt, the once house proud mother now a wreck, too proud to ask for help.
For he was her rock, the other half to the once stable and reliable family which thrived under their care.
The family that was now falling apart around her, unable to care for herself, let alone 4 children.
She needed him more than ever, and it hadn't sunk in that he was gone. So, sitting down with a pen and paper, she began to write::
My darling Gordon.
Happy Fathers day. I can't put into words just how much I need you, how much I miss you.
Wish you were here, I'm falling apart, I can't cope. I need you to tell me what to do,
Speak soon, Love you more than I can say,
Jill.