Okay so here is Bella and Jaspers talk!

But first I just wanted to say thanks for everyone who has reviewed, put me on story alert and everything.

I hope you like this next chapter as well!

I still want to hear from you all telling me about what you thought and what you would love to see happen next so get reviewing!

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of the characters as they belong to the amazing Stephanie Meyer!

Well here we go…

What the hell just happened!

Okay so jasper, my best friend, kissed me. I still couldn't believe it; no matter how many times I repeated it to myself in my head my brain just wouldn't accept it. It was kind of like I was in the middle of one of those strange dreams I frequently have, one where everything happening is the exact opposite to what my actual life is but unlike my dreams I wanted this to happen which I just couldn't comprehend.

We were in the cab on the way to his apartment. Jasper was still holding my hand, as if he thought that letting go would mean I would disappear. I didn't want to let him go either and I knew in the back of my mind that I shouldn't feel that way. I shouldn't be feeling the emotions that I am at the moment, but I was and it was unsettling to me, like I knew that what I was feeling wasn't right but I knew it wasn't wrong as well.

I was engaged for god's sake!

Somewhere deep inside I knew that just being in this cab right now I was betraying Edward. That didn't change the fact that I needed to hear jasper speak, I was desperate to know what this all was about.

Looking over at jasper I saw on his face he was nervous which made me frown. I wasn't used to seeing that expression on him, he was normally the most confident and self-assured person in our whole group. I still saw that same jasper though. The guy that was always there for me, through my parents' divorce, when I got bullied in high school and all the times I'd had a fight with Edward. He was my rock and everyone knew it, even Edward.

I and jasper had always had a special relationship with one another. It was quite strange at first, being only 16 years old when we met. I had never even spoken to a guy before him really never mind had a bond with one but it was instant.

I still remember that first day we meet. It was the middle of the school semester and there was this hype about a new student moving to forks, which was quite unusual when you lived in what I would say, was the less populated place in Washington State, which meant everyone new about it. I didn't really pay too much attention to the whole thing, just wanting to keep to myself. I was running a little late that day so I was rushing to get to my locker before first period when I bumped into him, falling flat on my backside and knocking him over as well. He was so kind to me, helping me up and making sure I was ok. He introduced himself as jasper Whitlock and told me he was new from Texas. We then found out we were in the same first period so I told him to follow me.

Walking to class he told me about moving here and about how his parents had divorced and that he followed his dad when he decided to come back to forks where he was from. I in turn then told him about my family, about being an only child and what life was like in forks. I don't know why but at the time I didn't really question why I was so open to talking to him when I normally just kept quiet and let everyone else do the speaking. It didn't really feel strange to be letting this stranger know about me which was nice in a sense. I never even questioned when he sat next to me in class or when he sat with me at lunch, we just fell into a routine that day and ever since.

Finally the cab stopped outside jaspers apartment and we both climbed out after he paid the driver. He took my hand again and smiled at me, leading me up to the door to his place. He was still being there for me, even in this situation, being the jasper that I knew and loved, reminding me what makes him so special.

Once we had entered his apartment I could see he was starting to get nervous again. I suggested that we sit down, opting for the couch. He sat down next to me, moving slightly to the side so he could face me and took both of my hands in his.

"I'm sorry about this, I know it's probably the last thing you need right now but I just had to say something before you got in too deep and it was too late" he started the convocation off.

"Jasper just tell me what's bugging you, I've never seen you like this before, I need to know everything" I told him, desperate for him to confirm all my suspicions.

" erm yeh sure" he spoke nervously at first "well I suppose it all started when you bumped into me that first day we met, even though I didn't really know it at the time. I mean I had always had a crush on you I guess but I didn't really see the strength of it back in high school, I cant believe I was that stupid I never even knew the affect you had on me, it's obvious I was in love with you, I mean even Emmett knew but…"

"Hang on" I interrupted "you were in love with me? And my brother knew about it?" I was beyond confused now.

"well yeh, I still am but…" he stopped mind sentence, looking at me in the eyes with a sweet smile on his face "look I know what you're thinking, about what we did but do you mind if I just tell you everything first and question last? I really need to tell you this"

"Sure of course" I smiled not being able to disagree with him anyway when he gave me that signature smile of his.

"Well, as I said it all started when I met you. We just seemed to have this natural connection that was unexplainable but right. Your my best friend Bella, I am so glad that everything I had been through was shared with you and I'm so grateful" he paused, took a breath and then started again. "god when you came to me that night of graduation crying telling me you were going to miss me when we moved to college, I couldn't bare it and I just had to transfer. I know you think I regret that but I could never regret anything when it came to you, I guess I was waiting for the chance to have that option, I already knew by then my feelings and the thought of being miles away from you was tearing me apart"

"Then why…" I started but jasper stopped me, reminding me he didn't want to be interrupted "sorry" I apologised.

"It's okay" there was that smile again "and then there was the day before we left, when you told me you didn't want to go to college a virgin, saying that you felt like a kid because you hadn't had sex, which was utter nonsense which I told you, but then you said how you wanted it to be with me the first time and had known for a while. I couldn't believe you trusted me enough, that it was me you wanted to share the most memorable time in a person's life" He looked at me, a serious tone to his voice and said "I still haven't told anyone about that you know, like speaking about it would take away how perfect it was. I knew that I was being selfish, I knew that I shouldn't have accepted, knowing how I felt about you, but it was impossible for me to not say no. I wanted it, I wanted to share the new feelings with you, I wanted to do the things to give you that perfect moment and I really hope I did"

"You did" I replied without a second thought. "And I haven't told anyone either"

He looked over me, surprised. "Seriously, you never even told Edward?"

"Nope" I answered. I'd never wanted to tell him either. "Did you seriously think I would have like?" I was amused, thinking that jasper had that much faith, that he thought Edward would be able to talk to him civilly knowing information like that.

"But didn't you talk about it with him, you know, losing your virginity" he stared at me, I thought coming to him "please tell me you didn't tell him you were a virgin? He does know doesn't he?"

Now I knew how it sounded, I knew where he was coming from. Edward was a bit old fashion, okay he was old fashion period. He didn't like the idea of sex before marriage. He wasn't religious or anything, just wanted to do the right thing, which in his eyes meant waiting till the honeymoon.

"Bella, please look at me" I couldn't, I knew I had shame writing all over my face, I knew that what I had done was wrong. But just couldn't bring myself to correct him. When we first started dating, he just assumed that I was and I knew it would have broken his heart if I told him the truth. "It's okay Bella, you can trust me, tell me"

"Well, when I first found out he was and that he wanted to wait till he was married and that he was glad that he had someone who wanted the same I just agreed with him. I know it was wrong and later on I tried to tell him but I knew it would break his heart and I just couldn't" I was such a bad person, who would keep that from the person they loved and where going to spend their life with and I was ashamed of myself.

"Bella, stop that right now" I glanced at him even though I was afraid he would be disgusted with me. But all I saw was Jasper, the one person who would never judge me. "I can see your disappointed in yourself and yes you should have told him but I can't say I blame you for not telling him, especially that it was with me. I don't think I'd even be here now if you had told him that"

I winced, knowing exactly what would have happened. He would have forbid me to see him, I knew that. It was probably the main reason I had kept quiet in the first place.

"Anyway, we should probably get back to the main reason we're talking right?" I smiled at him, nodding for him to continue. "Well, after that I thought you just wanted to be friends and if it was only that you wanted then I was going to take it, anything to be in your life. At first it was ok I guess, just like normal, but when you started to date it got harder, I mean I knew I would have happened someday but I just wasn't as prepared as I thought I was" He looked angry, probably thinking about all the dick heads I'd gone out with in college. "And then you met Edward and I knew from the start you two were good together and then I kept everything to myself even more cause if anything were to happen between you I didn't want to be the reason it all went bad"

"Can I ask a question now?" I started to move closer to him on the couch, making our knees touch. Jasper swallowed not sure what it was I was doing but nodded his head, saying I could. "Would you please kiss me again?"

And boy did he! I didn't think kissing him could get any better so quickly but it sure did. This time it wasn't slow or sweet. This was a kiss of lust, love and passion. We always knew that we had this connection and now I knew why. God was I clueless!

"I love you Bella, with all my heart" he broke the kiss for his declaration. I couldn't help the grin that came upon my face.

"I love you too Jasper" I kissed him again, knowing that this was right, that I was speaking the truth. I did love jasper and I had for a long time I just didn't really know it was to this capacity. But I knew knowing this meant that I couldn't keep this to myself. I knew I had to do the right thing by Edward and tell him, I just didn't know how.