Author's note: Hello, my dearest readers! I'm terribly sorry this chapter has taken me so long... I'm afraid I wasn't feeling my best as I just broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a few months two weekends ago and I've been trying to get back on track. However, I'm doing better now and I simply couldn't let this story go; I love it far too much! I also love my readers and reviewers far too much to let them go, so here I am with Chapter 4! I really hope you all like it!

Disclaimer: Still don't own Chuck Bass or Blair Waldorf... 'Twould be lovely, but they aren't mine.

c h a p t e r 4 .

3 : 0 8 a . m .

"Distract me," demanded a sniffling Chuck.

His tears had finally stopped coming and Blair was still holding onto him as if it were a matter of life and death. The last, melancholy strains of her song had long since melted into the silence in the air and everything was once again quiet.

When Blair couldn't formulate an answer, he summoned all his strength with a breath and turned his body so that he was now facing the tired girl beside him. He searched for her gaze and, after a moment, she looked up. Dark eyes traced with red met brown ones sparkling with unshed tears. Maybe it was the sadness in her eyes that made a fresh wave of tears spring to his, but Chuck Bass softened at the sight of a broken Blair Waldorf. Parting her ruby red lips, she shook her head slowly, her splayed mahogany hair rustling on the pillow. "I don't know what to say, Chuck," she whispered thickly, her voice climbing an octave on his name.

Her left arm was still draped over him and her right arm was still stuck underneath his head; Blair actually didn't have any feeling left in it, but she'd sacrifice a little blood circulation for the physical contact. It had been far too long since she'd been this close to him… God, everything about him – his skin, his hair, the rise and fall of his chest and shoulders and the sound of his voice… Everything about that boy enthralled her; even when his eyelids sagged under the inordinate amount of alcohol he'd consumed and his breath was nothing but searing gusts of scotch, she loved him. It was sad, it was pitiful and it was utterly twisted and wrong, but she loved him. No matter how much she'd deny it under regular circumstances, she'd do anything for him and that was scary. No-one had any control over Blair Waldorf; she was untamable, untouchable and unfeeling.

Or so she liked to perpetuate. The truth about her was the exact opposite of the things people thought about her and her true self was actually quite vulnerable and weak – two adjectives she loathed with a passion. Perhaps that was why she avoided Chuck; he had this kind of… power over her that she was incapable of fighting. Where others were concerned, she could swim ably and cunningly through the waters of her deceit and games. However, when Chuck came into play, she was in over her head; he made her flail and drown helplessly in the ridiculous schemes and charades she so enjoyed and he liked it. He took some sort of perverse pleasure in seeing her struggle and she hated it that he was able to put her in those sorts of situations… Nate never had.

Then again, when had Nate ever been comparable to Chuck?

His voice brought her back to reality. "Say anything," he breathed, "I don't care… As long as I hear your voice," he said seriously, not wavering in his gaze.

Her heart sped up. "What are you saying, Chuck?" she choked, her eyes alert and expression painfully expectant. She could barely get the words out… Was he going to say it?

He opened his mouth, but no sound came out. Blair looked at his lips and vainly tried to see if they were attempting to form 'I love you', but couldn't tell. The burning desire in her heart to hear those words fall from his lips had now spread throughout her body like wildfire. The need for his voice of velvet to formulate those three words pulsated in her entire being – every inch of her was crying out for it. She needed it. Proof that she wasn't dreaming that this… this thing between them wasn't just in her mind. Proof that he felt it too… Proof that she could fix him.

In that moment, she needed to hear that he loved her too more than anything.

While she smoldered silently, waiting – always waiting – for those eight letters that would set her free from these heavy shackles of secrets and unreturned feelings, she could see him groping for words.

She saw it in his face, he couldn't say them.

"Blair…" he began, but she forced a smile even as tears slipped from her eyes and slid down her cheeks. She was the cool, calculating Blair Waldorf; no-one made a fool out of her twice.

"Shush, it-it's okay," she murmured, "I-"

"No, I want to say them," he said with intensity, his teeth gritting on the word 'want'.

All tension drained from her face. "You… You do?"

He closed his eyes and breathed, "Yes… More than anything I want to tell you those three damned words..." His grip tightened on her and she couldn't tell if it was out of desperation or frustration, "They just…" he trailed off and she could tell he was grasping for something to say.

She couldn't let this go – it wasn't often she could get him to talk to her and really talk to her. "They just what?" she asked, breathlessly. She knew she shouldn't push him, but she was so wrapped up in the moment. Perhaps all of the loose ends and untied strings they'd left along the way were finally to be knotted beautifully here – now. Perhaps all of the times they'd spent together, all of the things they'd said and done would finally amount to something – become something. Would they finally get somewhere instead of simply going in tantalizing circles?

"They just don't make a difference," he whispered with shining eyes.

Blair's heart fell and shattered somewhere in her breast – was he saying that those words she'd said this afternoon had meant absolutely nothing to him? Her hold on his slackened and her face must have looked quite blank and devastated, for her entire being had momentarily lost all feeling and her mind wasn't working. She began trembling and knew she couldn't hold them in any longer.

One sob. It escaped her like the air from a balloon pricked by a pin. Her breath hitched in her throat and, looking up and into his eyes, those stupid words slipped from her lips by mistake, "But I love you," she murmured through tears. Her hands recoiled from his body, all hope lost, and she drew into herself; she hugged her hands to her chest and felt the sobs wrack through her entire, weak form. "I love you," she said softly and her heart broke clean in two at the now bittersweet words – they hadn't meant anything to him…

However, for a moment, she felt light; as if saying those words alleviated her of that long-kept secret. "I love you," she said again and she felt those same little tremors ripple along her flesh. "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you…" She was unstoppable. Again and again she said those words quietly – quiet enough they were almost comparable to silence – and she didn't stop. "I love you," she pressed her hands firmly down on her heart as if trying to put it back together. "I love you," she breathed in his scent. "I love you," she felt another tear slip down her cheek. "I love you…"

She said those three words for all the times Bart hadn't. "I love you…"

She said those three words for all those times his mother couldn't. "I love you…"

She said those three words for all the times she should have. "I love you…"

She those three words because they were true. "I love you…"

It was as if something in her had snapped and the words were flowing from her as would water from a broken dam – almost as if, if she stopped, she would never be able to say those words again. She didn't dare open her eyes for she knew that if she did, she would lose all courage to say them ever again when she saw his face. There was no hiding now; he now knew how she felt about him and she could never take these words back. They were now out in the open. He could now use them in the game she was tired of playing if he wanted, but she didn't care – couldn't care – about that right now.

Somehow – she didn't know why or how she did it – her eyelids suddenly fluttered open and she sought his gaze with hers. Finding his eyes to be already upon her and filled with an emotion she couldn't place, she sobbed, "I love you, Chuck Bass," with an ardor that surprised even herself. "I think that those words do make a difference," she spat with fervor, "and I'm not just saying them to make you feel better, or even to make you say them back. I'm saying them because they're the truest thing I've ever told you and because, to me, they mean everything," she paused for breath, "Everything in the world." Her lips trembled and she felt her resolve crumbling, "And I'm saying them to you."

This time, when her crying resumed, she wasn't left alone to comfort herself; his arms were around her in seconds and her body was brought flush to his. Her hands latched onto the lapels of his crumpled shirt and she buried her face into his chest. Blair's tears dampened his clothes and she whispered, "How can you say they don't mean anything?"

She felt his breath blow across the top of her head and his chin press into her forehead. She clung to him as he'd clung to her when she sang the song and she unwittingly noted how they both needed each other.

"I know they must mean something," he said slowly, his tired voice scraping along his throat and sending chills up her spine. "It just feels like… for me… they don't work," he whispered. "I can feel them – I do," he almost pleaded with passion, "but they don't make a difference…"

"They do," breathed Blair into his shoulder, "I love you, Chuck," she bit out. "I love you. That's not going to change," she promised solemnly.

He didn't answer and so she took the opportunity to take a risk she wouldn't normally take if she were thinking straight. "I'm not like Bart, Chuck," she said and felt his body tense at the name, "I love you back. I'll say it as many times as it takes to sink in. I'll keep saying it until you're not afraid anymore to say it back." She took a deep breath and the sane part of Blair Waldorf was left reeling by her crazy honesty. "And," she choked on the leftover sobs lodged in her throat, "if you feel the same way, just tell me, and I will say those three words to you until they are ringing in your ears and you believe that Blair Waldorf, does indeed, love Chuck Bass." Her words choked her up and emotion made her voice waver and a fresh wave of hot tears burn her eyes.

"God, Blair…" he murmured, his lips brushing the flesh of her brow and the sensation sent pleasant ripples along her spine. "I... I…"

For the first time in her life, the Queen B forgot how to breathe.

It seemed that both sets of lungs in the room went unused for the next few moments in the room and not a sound permeated the air. Then, the soft swoosh of bodies moving, clothing and covers brushing against each other broke the silence and Chuck took Blair's hands in his. Her remaining tears stuck to her black eyelashes as she watched his face; he was dead serious, but his jaw was clenched in emotion.

Uncurling her fingers, he exposed her palm and brought the tip of his index to the warm flesh. Slowly, making sure that she caught everything, he traced and 'I'.

Next he traced:

'L'

'O'

'V'

'E'

'Y'

'O'

'U'

And a flimsy heart to finish it off.

When he was done, Blair was left staring at her hand with a vague wonderment adorning her features. Lifting her head to meet his fiery gaze, she couldn't stand another moment without having her mouth on his and Blair Waldorf quickly slanted her lips over Chuck Bass'.

It was a kiss that tasted of tears, scotch, endings, beginnings and everything that mattered.

Final note: And there you have it. I would just like to take this opportunity to thank every single person who took the time to leave me such kind and thoughtful reviews. They all mean the world and more to me (you have no idea) as it is for you, the reader, that I write. Thank you, thank you, thank you a million times over and I hope with all of my heart that you all enjoyed the newest chapter! Once again, if there's something you're not enjoying or really enjoying please let me know, as I want to do everything in my power to make this the best story for you. :)

Thank you!