It was morning again at school. During break there was a sudden commotion outside the classroom. There were students running down the halls, most of them looking worried. One of them slammed open the door and shouted:
"There's an emergency! Yamamoto-kun's going to jump off the school roof!"
There was a burst of activity soon after.
"What!"
"No way!"
"Yamamoto-kun? Seriously?"
"He's not the type to do that!"
"Don't joke about that!"
"I'm serious!" the student exclaimed, "He stayed late after school to practice alone, but he overdid it and fractured his arm!"
Stayed late…?
Before my thoughts could go any further, I felt Tsuna grab my arm. I looked at him, he was turning paler than me.
"Is…is it my fault?" he whispered.
"Tsuna, what happened yesterday?"
As he quietly explained that he told Yamamoto-san to work harder to raise his batting average, the class quickly deserted the room.
"Sawada-kun!" Sasagawa-san called out, "Let's go!"
"A-ah! W-we'll catch up!" he stuttered back. I gave Tsuna a curious look, he grimaced and we both ran to the roof, following the crowd of students.
As soon as we stepped onto the roof, Tsuna pulled me behind the entrance building.
"I never should have said those things in the first place!" he tugged at his hair, "I don't even work hard! I'm a hypocrite!"
"Tsuna, as much as I'd like to calm you down right now, can I remind you that we're kind of short on time?" I said.
"She's right, you know," said a voice from behind us.
We turned around to find out that it was Reborn-san, who was currently pointing a gun at us, "If you want to help Yamamoto, don't run."
I flinched, but Tsuna was quick enough to pull me away and drag the both of us into the crowd. Unfortunately, Tsuna ran into another student and we ended up skidding across the floor and a stopping a few feet away from Yamamoto-san. When we managed to gather our bearings, we started to panic. Mainly because Tsuna was in Yamamoto-san's line of sight and I was in front of a crowd of people.
"Tsuna, Chi," Yamamoto-san said, turning to look at the boy on the ground, "If you guys came here to stop me, don't. You of all people should understand how I feel."
"Eh?" We replied. Well, I do understand, but I go about this in a different way.
"They call you, 'Loser Tsuna', and, 'Freak', you guys must know how it feels when everything goes wrong and you think you'd be better off dead, right?"
…I…I'd really prefer not to talk about this. Remembering what it feels like to stare at what's going to just end it all…i-it's a very…liberating…but, terrifying feeling…
"Y-Yamamoto-kun…I…we're different…" Tsuna trailed off. That didn't seem to be the reply Yamamoto-san wanted or expected, because he began to glare at us.
"So what? Just because things are looking up for you guys, now you think you guys are some big shots? Is that how it is? Now you guys do everything right?" His voice was rising.
"N-No!" we shouted.
"It's because we ARE losers!" Tsua continued, "We've never invested our lives into anything like you, Yamamoto-kun! I…I just wanted to cheer you up, to-to help you so I said things about working hard, when I've never worked hard at anything!"
And considering I was locked in a broom closet after being kicked around and scratched up yesterday, I don't think my life has gotten any better. But, Yamamoto-san doesn't know about that, so there's no reason for me to get upset.
Tsuna let out a heavy breath and bowed his head, "E-everything I said was just…I'm sorry!"
I stepped closer to Tsuna letting him remember that he wasn't standing there alone, and not wanting to put my hand on his shoulder and make Sasagawa-san think he was involved with me.
"Unlike you, I've never felt angry enough that I wanted to die or kill myself…" Tsuna confessed, "I've never felt anything like that."
I wish I could say the same…
"I mean, I'm a loser. I really only look back at my life when I'm facing my own death, I think about all the things I wanted to do, things I wish I'd done…but this…it's not worth taking your life." Tsuna sighed, 'Th-that's why I can't understand…I'm sorry."
He then grabbed my wrist and started to run towards the door. But Yamamoto-san reached for the back of his collar and pulled us back. We crashed into the fence that lined the roof and the section we were at broke off. I gasped and as soon as I felt my body leave the roof, I made a grab at the edge and somehow managed to catch Tsuna and Yamamoto-san with my legs while hanging off the edge of the roof.
"Ch-Chi!" Tsuna shouted.
This was all very painful. My hands just barely hanging on, my legs bent to I could hold Tsuna and Yamamoto-san. Oh god…please, don't let me slip…
"Chi!" Yamamoto-san shouted. I could feel the cast around his arm touching my ankle.
Oh god…I'm scared…my legs starting to get weak…my hands were slipping…oh god…I'm starting to cry…huh?
…No…no…NO!
My hands had slipped off and we continued falling. Suddenly I heard a gunshot and Tsuna caught Yamamoto-san and I and we bounced off the ground.
Yes, you heard right. Bounced.
"SAVE CHI AND YAMAMOTO-KUN WITH MY DYING WILL!" was what Tsuna was screaming while we were in mid-air
I laid on my back, staring up at the sky, my eyes still watery.
"Chi! Yamamoto-kun!" Tsuna shouted.
"Heh," Yamamoto-san chuckled, "Tsuna, Chi, you guys are awesome."
"Huh?" we replied. I was still pretty dazed and in immense pain, and Tsuna was still in his boxers.
"You're right," said Yamamoto-san, "I should give it my all, like my life depends on it."
He let out a sheepish laugh, "I don't know what got into me. There's no telling what an idiot like me might do when I'm depressed."
Well if he's an 'idiot' like me, I have a few ideas…
Ignoring that, I started laughing with them. Feeling relieved that Tsuna and Yamamoto-san were both safe.
Unfortunately, Tsuna had to walk through the hallways to the student store to get another uniform in his boxers. Poor Tsuna…well, at least that incident did away with most of the morning.
I was in the bathroom, sitting on the tiled floor. My breathing was shaky as I stared at something I was holding in my hands. Why is everything so blurry? I squinted then clenched my eyes shut when they caught something shining. Then I felt my hands moving on their own. My right hand was gripping that shining thing and bringing it towards my left wrist.
…!
A razorblade? Wh-what's going on…?
I had no control of my right hand I soon found out, when I tried to move it away from my wrist. My breathing was getting heavier and the usually cool bathroom was feeling hot. I could only stare wide-eyed as my hand started pressing the blade into my wrist…
…Then I woke up.
I was breathing heavier than I was in the dream (nightmare?), and I immediately brought up my left hand and tugged down the sleeve, finding no evidence of a cut.
I relaxed a bit, still tense. I looked at the digital clock on my nightstand next to my bed.
Three in the morning.
I fell back on my bed, and turned to stare at my cell phone on the same nightstand, contemplating about whether or not I should call Tsuna.
I let out a quiet, aggravated sigh.
It had been two years since I last cut myself, and I promised myself not to do it anymore, for the sake of my parents and Tsuna and his family, even if they would never know. I never cut my wrists, but I did cut at my thighs, and a few times on my stomach, places where people don't usually think to look.
I admit, I'm not proud of what I did. It was in my moments of weakness. Now, I'm left with a nice, little reminder.
I clutched my blanket and picked up my cell phone, flipping it open and called Tsuna.
Riiing Riiing Riiing Rii-
"Ngh…hello…?" came Tsuna's groggy voice.
"Tsuna?" I whispered, "I'm sorry for waking you up."
"Mnn, it's fine," he said, sounding a little more awake, "Were you having trouble sleeping again?"
"Y-yeah…" I replied quietly, "Can…can I…come over?"
I heard Tsuna let out a stifled yawn, "Yeah, sure, but, are you sure you don't want me to come over to your place?"
"I'm sure, besides, I woke you up, I shouldn't make you walk all the way to my house."
He gave a sleepy chuckle, "You're only a few houses away, it's not far at all."
I frowned, "I'm going over to your house, no ifs, ands, or buts."
We both laughed quietly. Tsuna gave the okay and hung up and I wrote a note and left it on my door so my mom would see it in the morning.
Putting on my grey jacket and sneakers, I quickly left the house and walked in a fast pace to Tsuna's.
Upon reaching my destination, Tsuna was already opening the door, and leading me towards the kitchen, giving me a warm cup of tea. We both went into the living room and sat down on the couch, wrapping a thick blanket that Tsuna brought from his room around ourselves. We didn't talk, we just took in each others' company. I barely drank half of my tea before Tsuna and I nodded off, leaning against each other.
Please, no more nightmares, at least not tonight.
…
The next morning Tsuna and I woke up around nine. Good thing it was a weekend.
"Any nightmares, Chi?" Tsuna asked. I shook my head.
"None, I didn't dream of anything, you?" Seeing his face flush a bit, I immediately retracted my question, "Nevermind, I don't think I want to know."
After agreeing that we were both feeling a little lazy today, I decided to go back to my place, giving Nana-san and Reborn-san a 'good morning' and a 'goodbye' before leaving.
Tsuna's POV
I sighed when Chi left. She's been having constant nightmares for as long as I've known her. But they had gotten worse the last two years, although, she doesn't cry as much as she used to whenever she woke up from one.
"No-good Tsuna."
Urk! The devil's awake…
"Oof!" I grunted when Reborn kicked me in the shoulder, "Wh-what was that for?"
"You weren't dreaming about Sasagawa Kyoko. Were you?" he asked.
H-how'd he know?
"I overheard your conversation." Again, with the mind-reading. Why does he have to be so creepy! Suddenly I was hit upside the head with a giant rubber mallet.
"Don't insult your elders," he said.
"What elders? All I see is baby in front of me!"
"You were dreaming about Chi, weren't you?"
I felt my face getting warm. Not from embarrassment, but from the fact that Reborn knew so much about me.
And yes, I did dream about Chi. But it wasn't anything good, she was crying. We were in a dark room, she was on her knees, covering her eyes and there was something red running down her arms.
I blushed when she asked me if I dreamed about anything last night because if I told her that my dream was about her, she might have taken it the wrong way.
Oh well, it's the weekend, time to get lazier than usual!
Chi's POV
Stepping inside my house, I was hit with the delicious smell of breakfast. Broiled fish with rice and a side of miso soup. Mmm. My mom makes the best broiled fish, she salts it just right so it's not too salty and you get the perfect amount of grilled flavor.
Ah, I'm salivating already…
"Good morning, sweetie!" my mom greeted, "How was your late night sleepover?"
"It was nice," I said, "That reminds me, I need to change my bedding."
"Oh?" Mom asked, "Was it too cold in your room last night?"
"Kind of," I replied.
"Well then, we can do that when we're cleaning the house today!" she exclaimed, "Sit down Chi-sweetheart, breakfast is just about done!"
Mmm, broiled fish…
Later that evening, Tsuna called me to tell me everything that happened to him today.
"H-hold on, Tsuna!" I stuttered, "Slow down!"
He took a few breaths, "Sorry, Chi…it's just, today was the most horrible day of my life!"
I let out a breath as I leaned against my headboard, placing the book I was reading in my lap, "It's okay, just start over, and start speaking slowly. We have time."
As he was explaining, his voice would get squeaky and he'd start talking faster, with me periodically asking him to slow down.
"Um, okay," I rubbed my forehead, "Let's see if I got everything: Reborn-san interrupted your manga-time, telling you he invited Sasagawa-san over as a thank you for getting him coffee."
"Uh huh."
"Then your mom came in and started teasing you about being a clumsy, no-good teenager."
"In front of the girl I like."
"In front of the girl you like," I repeated, feeling a foreign emotion causing my lungs to feel like they collapsed for a few seconds, "then he set up a game of Russian Roulette after Nana-san left."
"Uh huh."
"And when it was Sasagawa-san's turn, there was an actual bullet in the gun, and she shot it in her head."
"Yeah, and it was a Dying Will bullet."
"Okay, so it made her go into that 'Dying Will Mode', and she went down into the kitchen and threatened your mom into apologizing."
Tsuna sighed before answering, "Y-yeah…"
"Then Reborn-san took out a giant mallet and hit Sasagawa-san causing the bullet to come flying out of her head which then led to her becoming unconscious and she was taken home by Reborn-san."
"Yeah…"
"You're holding something back, Tsuna." I heard him fall over from whatever it was he was sitting on.
"H-how'd you know!"
"Think about how long we've known each other, Tsuna."
"O-oh, right…"
"I heard you fall, you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine…"
"Now what are you hiding?"
"E-eh…" I then heard him drop his head against a hard surface, probably his desk, "Kyoko-chan totally rejected me!"
I blinked, sitting up straight, I replied simply, "Eh?"
"My mom was just teasing by saying Kyoko-chan was a good girlfriend and when she was harassing my mom, she told her to take it back!"
"I see…" I mumbled, "Well, maybe she didn't necessarily mean to sound like that, Tsuna."
He was crying over the phone.
"Eh! Uh, Tsu-Tsuna!" I panicked, my free arm was held up near my phone, trembling, "Don't-don't cry, I-I'm supposed to be the one crying, I'm the girl here…"
Poor Tsuna, why can't he ever catch a break?