The Normandy's targeting computer spun to life, giving Shepard a sub-orbital view of the planet below. He looked over the information packet the ship's database provided for him and began scanning for signs of a Prothean artifact. He looked for any dramatic changes in surface temperature, radiation, humidity, and cross-referenced the information against the planet's recent history. Any past incidents of people suddenly going insane or mass deaths in a certain area were things to be aware of.

"I'm detecting an anomaly three-hundred kilometers southwest," EDI informed him.

Shepard nodded. "Copy. Three-hundred klicks southwest." He toggled the view of the planet downward, just over a long ridge that overlooked a canyon that looked wide enough to fit the entire western seaboard of America inside with room to spare. It was an amazing sight to see.

"Launch probe," he requested.

"Acknowledged." EDI rendered the probe's projected trajectory on Shepard's screen. "Firing."

The probe flickered against the sunlight and disappeared, following EDI's projections almost exactly, with a margin-of-error of only a centimeter—at max. The screen flashed a confirmation of impact and almost immediately began to fill up with data readouts from the probe.

"Anything?" Shepard asked, wiping a few beads of sweat from his brow.

EDI went through the process of analyzing some thousand petabytes' worth of data. It only took her a second or two. "Nothing, Commander."

"Damn. Okay, resume scanning sequence." He toggled the view further south and noticed an unusual heat reading. "The temperature here is abnormally high, EDI. Launch probe."

"Commander, that's a colony."

"A perfect place to hide an artifact if there ever was one. Launch probe."

"It has a population of over thirty thousand."

Shepard scoffed. "I killed more people during that Alpha Relay incident. This is nothing. Launch probe."

"But you had no other option in that situation, Commander. It was either that or allow the Reapers into the galaxy. You had no choice."

"Did I, EDI?" Shepard asked. He received no response. "EDI!"

"Yes, Commander?"

"...Did I?"

Joker spun around in his chair, looking annoyed to the point of physical discomfort. "Commander, why are we even out here?"

Shepard stared him down. "The reason should be obvious. Prothean technology is our only chance at stopping the Reapers. If this artifact is here, it can only help us in the fight."

"And how, exactly, did you find out about this artifact?"

"Overheard a volus talking about it in the Embassies."

"You overheard it? No one actually told you?"

Shepard nodded. "Yes, that's right."

Joker groaned and cradled his head. "Shepard, you brought us all the way out to Kite's Nest, on the other end of the galaxy, to look for an artifact you heard about in passing? Do you know how much fuel we burned up to get out here? This is like the space version of the Sahara. There's nothing out here!"

"That we know of," Shepard corrected. "That we know of, Joker."

Joker let out a long sigh. "Anyway, weren't you supposed to meet with the Council or something?"

"What? Meet with the who?"

"You said you had to meet with Liara and the Council to discuss this Reaper off-switch you found on Mars."

Shepard scratched his head. "I don't recall..."

"You were gone for, like, ten hours and you didn't meet with them?"

"Meet with the...?" Shepard dug further back into memory, past his "residency" in Huerta Memorial, his time at Purgatory, his roaming of the Embassies, and the attack on Earth, when suddenly—

"Oh, shit!"

Commander Shepard is Easily Distracted

"Council Counsel"

By the time Shepard finally made it to the Council Chamber on the Citadel, the four councilors had fallen asleep on the platform and Liara was playing around on her omni-tool, putting the finishing touches on a one-to-one scale replica of the Crucible in Minecraft.

"Sorry I'm late!" Shepard cried out, having sprinted all the way from Docking Bay D-24. He hunched over to catch his breath. "I... got caught up in... space stuff... doesn't matter..."

Slowly, the Council woke themselves up and clumsily assumed their formal stances on the platform.

Councilor Udina was the first to voice is displeasure. "Commander Shepard. You've decided to grace us with your presence, I see. We're honored."

Shepard waved away the pleasantries. "Oh, stop. It's nothing, really."

"That was sarcasm, Commander."

"Oh."

"Now we can finally continue with the debate." Udina turned to address the rest of the Council. "I motion for immediate and galaxy-wide mobilization of all fleets and armies under Citadel control in the interest of repelling the Reaper invasion of Earth."

The turian councilor shook his head. "Councilor, the Reapers are in our space, as well. Earth is no more or less important than any Council homeworld."

"But Earth was the first Council world hit. By all reports, it faces the brunt of the attack."

The salarian councilor made a gesture to object. "How do you know this is the brunt of the attack?" she snapped. "New Reaper fronts are opening up everywhere—"

"Wait just one damn minute," Shepard insisted, approaching the platform. "Why is Udina a councilor? How many times do I have to kick you down the stairs before you stop climbing to the top?"

[BioWare Plot Hole #82 Redacted]

"No! This still doesn't make any sense. Anderson and I both hated your guts! Neither of us would have consented to your admission to councilorship. Anderson was the first human councilor. He should choose who succeeds him!"

The four Councilors exchanged confused glances until the turian cleared his throat.

"Anyway, the needs of Earth will be tended to, but not before we see to our own worlds first."

Udina slammed his fist on the railing. "This is madness! We must fight this enemy together!"

Shepard let his point about Udina go. Arguing for an alliance was all that mattered now. "We need your help. Everything you can spare."

The asari councilor, the one under Aria's thumb, jumped up suddenly, remembering her promise to the Pirate Queen. "Earth may be suffering, but our worlds are falling, too. The turians have lost Taetrus."

"You have my condolences, but with all due respect: it's a colony, what does it matter? How many of you dropped what you were doing when Eden Prime fell to Sovereign, or when Freedom's Progress and Horizon was culled by the Collectors?"

"Hey... shut up."

"We have to fight the Reapers together. And I don't expect you to follow me without a plan." Shepard nodded to Liara, who replaced him on the stand before the Council.

"Councilors," she said, "we have that plan. A blueprint. Created by the Protheans during their war with the Reapers."

The salarian councilor seemed intrigued. "Prothean? What is it exactly?"

"It's a race of aliens that were wiped out 50,000 years ago, but that's not important right now. As for the blueprint, we're still piecing it together, but it appears to be a weapon of some sort." She used her omni-tool to bring up the replica of the weapon she made in Minecraft. It was massive, blocky, and covered with little torches.

"And this is capable of destroying the Reapers?"

Liara nodded. "So it would seem."

"It's immense... and intricate. And I like the little treehouse you built onto it."

Just then, a group of Creepers appeared on top of the weapon. With a loud hiss, they exploded, destroying half the model.

"NO!" Liara shouted, and slammed her hand over her mouth when she realized how loud she had been. "I mean... the real thing will be much more durable than this representation." She shut off the hologram with a deep sigh of depression. "All of my diamonds were in there..."

"This is a fool's errand!" the asari councilor insisted. "The Protheans were wiped out by the Reapers. Clearly... the weapon is flawed."

"It was incomplete," Liara countered. "There was a missing component. Here. A massive power source the exact size and shape of the Citadel, referred to only as the Catalyst. But they ran out of time before they could finish building it."

The turian councilor's mandibles twitched a little. "Well, is the Citadel the Catalyst?"

"No."

"All right." He turned to Shepard. "Do you believe in this, Shepard? After what you've seen of the Reapers?"

Shepard gasped. "Did you just ask me if I believe this?"

"Yes, I did."

"You mean do I, Commander Shepard, the one who found and absorbed the information of a Prothean beacon, who stopped Sovereign from allowing the Reapers through the Citadel, who passed through the Omega Relay on a suicide mission to keep Harbinger from using kidnapped humans to create a strange baby Reaper thing...

"Who's been trying to warn the galaxy of the impending Reaper threat for nearly five years, died in the process, and ended being right about everything. You're asking me if I think this is the best thing to do? You're all still unsure about what I've been telling you all along?"

The councilors hung their heads and collectively shrugged.

Shepard scowled at the lot of them. "...F**k you guys."

"Shepard!" Udina barked. "Meet me in my office. Now!"

"No!"

"Right now!"

"Okay." Shepard followed Udina down to the Embassies, leaving the rest of the Council and Liara behind. As soon as they were behind closed doors, Udina started to pace in frustration.

"They're a bunch of self-concerned jackasses, Shepard!" Udina ranted. "We may have a spot on the Council, but humanity will always be considered second-rate."

"How can they be so blind? There have been exactly two galaxy-wide crises, Sovereign and Harbinger, and humans have stopped both of them. Why are we still in the hazing process, here?"

Udina grimmaced. "I... really don't know, Shepard. Let's hope someone interrupts me before I have to explain the illogical situation any furth—"

"Commander." The turian councilor entered the room. "I can't give you what you're asking for, but I can tell you how to get it."

Shepard leaned back against Udina's desk. "What I'm asking for is an alliance between the Council races so we can put a stop a threat that will literally destroy all sentient life in the galaxy if we do exactly what we're doing now. What's so controversial about that?"

The councilor coughed into his hand. "Anyway, we need you to rescue Primarch Fedorian from Palaven's largest moon, which has also fallen to the Reapers. Get in and out undetected, and he'll help you secure the alliance you're seeking."

"What's so special about this guy?"

"He's a Primarch."

"What's a Primarch?"

"Your mother." The turian walked off. "He has the backing of a lot of influential turians. Rescue Fedorian and they'll be more sympathetic to your cause."

"But you're the turian councilor. I came to plead my case to you because you have to power to give me the military assets that I need. Why can't you just help me out if you're already on my side here?"

"Because, ah... Well, you know, we can't really do everything the, uh... Hey! Look over there!" The turian ran out of the room.

Shepard looked over his shoulder. "Look at what? I don't see anything?"