The Doctor walked into the TARDIS and straight passed the other three on the way to his room. How had that butterfly known who he was? How did it know about Rose? All those questions that the Doctor wondered about he forgot as he got out a bottle of vodka he had brought from the shop on the way back to the TARDIS and drank it sip by sip wanting to make it last as it was the only bottle he had. Thanks to Donna, Jack and Martha.
The Doctor lay on his bed thinking about whom that butterfly could have been, but his head was too fuzzy to think and he was too tired. The Doctor finished off his bottle and fell asleep, dreaming about who that butterfly was.
...
Martha had had enough. They were getting nowhere with trying to help the Doctor and he was doing nothing for himself. So she decided to go out. She told Donna and Jack and then grabbed her coat before going out into London for some fresh air.
It was starting to get cold, so Martha did her coat up and headed for the shops, knowing that it was the only thing that would help her to loosen up a bit.
...
A few minutes after Martha left, Jack and Donna too decided that they would go out and get some fresh air. They needed it after the month they had had. When they had come back aboard after Rose's death, they had thought that the Doctor might start to feel less lonely and he wouldn't be in the state he was now. Obviously they were wrong, he was worse than they had thought and whatever they did, it did nothing for him. Though, if they weren't there, the Doctor could have topped himself ages ago and that wouldn't have been any good to anyone, even himself.
The two of them grabbed their coats and left the TARDIS, leaving a note after them. They walked onto the streets of London and began to look for Martha. Getting out would do them good.
...
When they found Martha she was at the till at Greg's the Bakers. Donna and Jack walked up to her and smiled.
"Hey, you decided to come out to, then?" Martha asked.
"Yeah, any longer in that place an' I might've gone mental." Donna told her.
"Tell me about it, it feels so cramped all of a sudden. What's the Doctor up to?"
"I dunno, haven't seen him." Jack told her.
"Probably in his room." Martha said. "I do feel sorry for him though, it can't be easy for him. Do you think he'll ever move on?"
"Hard to tell, this is the Doctor we're talking about." Jack said. "When Rose was here, you couldn't get one without the other. But then she landed in a Parallel Universe he lost her."
"Then he got her back only a year ago and now she's gone, forever." Donna finished.
"Yeah,"
"What are we going to do?" The three of them moved out of the way and out the door as Martha spoke.
"I dunno, but we need to do something, he can't go on like this." Donna said.
"But what can we do, we can't just bring Rose back." Martha said.
"No, but there must be something else we can do." Jack said.
"Like what? Nothing is going to make him happy again." Donna told him.
"There must be something. We need to do something that takes his mind off of Rose." Jack explained.
"Everything reminds him of Rose, that's the problem. Being in the TARDIS probably makes him remember her!"
"Donna, we have to try something. Do you want the Doctor to kill himself? We got lucky this time, but what about next time?" Jack looked at her.
"Hold on, if we want him to move on, then maybe we should get him to talk about what's upsetting him. He needs to let it out. He hasn't spoken to anyone properly since." Martha said. Donna and Jack looked at each other and smiled.
"That could work and it's the only thing we've got. Come on then, let's finish up here and get back to the Doctor before he does something stupid." Jack said. The three of them headed back to the TARDIS hoping that they weren't too late to do anything.
...
Inside the TARDIS, the Doctor awoke from his slumber with another headache; he had no clue what the time was, but he didn't care. He wished he did, but he didn't. He wished he cared about something, but he couldn't.
He got up and walked to his door, he needed something to drink other than vodka. He knew what he was doing was bad, and he knew he had to stop. Maybe it was time to get addicted to something like Coffee or tea. Anything was better than vodka or any alcohol for that matter.
The Doctor walked into the kitchen and boiled the kettle before getting out a mug and a tea bag plus the milk. Once the kettle was boiled he made himself a cup of tea and sat down at the table to drink it. As he did, he thought about how he was going to move on before he hurt anyone else.
He was just finishing up when Jack, Donna and Martha walked into the kitchen. They were shocked to see the Doctor at the table drinking tea. They sat down by him and he looked up at them and gave a small smile.
"I'm sorry guys, I really am. I...I...just miss Rose more than I thought." The Doctor told them.
"We know, but drinking like you are and trying to throw yourself off the Thames isn't going to help." Martha told him.
"I know, I don't know what came over me." The Doctor said.
"You're depressed Doctor, that's why." Donna said.
"Will I ever get better?" The Doctor asked.
"Depends, some people do, some people don't. But even if you don't recover fully you need to control yourself." Jack told him.
"What if I can't? What if, there's one day in the future where I'm in too much pain to do anything and I can't do anything but kill myself or drink till I'm as drunk as I can be, or smoke or take drugs or anything like that?"
"Then make sure you're with someone." Martha said.
"You know what might help?" Donna asked.
"No? What?"
"Talking about it."
"I can't not without becoming a wreck."
"Maybe that's what you need. Maybe you just need to let it all out." Donna said.
"Maybe you're right."
"We'll be here for you. You know we will, we've been here for you since we came on board." Martha told him.
"And I just ignored you and was drowning in my depression." The Doctor mumbled. "OK, what do I talk about?"
"Just talk about the things you used to do with Rose and how it...came to an end." Jack said, hating the way he had phased the last part, but couldn't think of anything better.
The Doctor sighed and closed his eyes, picturing Rose in his mind as he spoke about the first time he met her and how she had saved his life the first day they met. He told them about the times they had with Jack and Jack nodded at some of the things the Doctor was saying. He talked about how she had changed the future the day they met her dad. He told them about how brave and human she had been during their adventure on the game station and how she had became the Bad Wolf, plus how she had caused him to regenerate.
The Doctor then went on to the adventures pre Canary Wharf. He told them about their trip to New Earth, all the time picturing her in him mind. Her hair, her laugh, her smile, everything about her.
When he got to the part about Canary Wharf he felt himself feel depressed again, but continued to tell them about the Cybermen, the Dalek's and the Parallel universes. He told them how Rose had chosen him over her mother and how she had tried to save the universe while putting her life at risk. The Doctor then told the three of them about their goodbye at Bad Wolf bay and how she had told him that she loved him and how the Doctor and tried to tell Rose that he loved her too, but ran out of time and was left on his own in the TARDIS until Donna came into.
He then went on to their adventures after their reunion and how they still hadn't told each other how they felt...well the Doctor anyway, even though they both knew how they felt about each other. He then told them about her getting ill and this is when he broke down. He tried to tell them about their conversation in the Hospital just minutes before she died and how they had shared their first and last proper kiss. And then how he had met that butterfly that saved him from killing himself, but all that came out was sobs as he tried to explain. Once the Doctor knew there was no use in trying to get the words out, he out his head on the table and cried. Martha and Donna went over to him and hugged him, while Jack stayed back, but looked at the Time Lord crying in front of him with sympathy.
"I'm sorry," the Doctor said as he began to calm down he wiped his tears away and looked at them.
"Why are you apologising? You don't need to. It's OK to cry." Donna told him.
"I feel so weak." The Doctor said.
"Weak as in ill?"
"No, I'm not as strong as I used to be." The Doctor told them.
"Doctor, you've lost someone you love, it's gonna make you feel weaker, but you're not weak Doctor." Jack told him.
"I feel it,"
"But you're not."
"What am I going to do?" The Doctor put his head in his hands.
"Try and be happy."
"How can I do that?"
"Go on adventures like you used to. Rose would want that for you."
"Just because you think Rose would want me to, doesn't mean you're right!" The Doctor shouted at them. The three of them were taken aback. "Sorry, I didn't mean to, I just wish you'd stop saying that. I know what Rose wants for me! I was there when she said it! I watched her die for God's sake!" The Doctor got up and ran out of the kitchen towards the library.
Jack, Martha and Donna sighed. "What are we going to do?"
"It went well until then."
"That's it, we can't mention her." Donna said.
"Why's that?" Martha asked.
"Cos, maybe if we don't mention her it might help the Doctor."
"Or it could make things worse." Jack pointed out. "It could make the Doctor think that we don't care."
"We have to try something. I can't take it anymore!" Donna told them. She groaned and hit her head on the table.
"We'll sleep on it. Come on, I think it's time we headed off to bed. Night." Jack walked off towards his room and the other two followed in his wake.
...
The Doctor was in his pyjamas and lying in his bed thinking about how he had acted and what had happened throughout the day. He felt bad about shouting at his friends; they were only trying to help him. He knew he needed it, but he wouldn't let them. He needed help more than anything. The Doctor was sure that he was going to be one of these people who needed to be looked after 24/7 because of depression. He felt angry at himself for getting like this, but worst of all he was angry at Rose for leaving him to get like this. If she hadn't of died, then the Doctor would have no reason to be like this. If only she had told him she was ill. He had told her that it was OK that she hadn't said anything that he understood. When truth was, he had been a little mad at her, because he could have treated it otherwise, but didn't want to say anything to upset her, not when she was dying.
The Doctor sighed and closed his eyes; he couldn't let himself be mad at Rose. It wasn't fair; he couldn't take his anger out on her. He soon fell into a dreamless sleep, and hoped that everything would get better soon.
...
As the Doctor slept the butterfly that had saved him flew into his room. There was a piece of paper on the side table so the butterfly decided to leave a message. It read:
'Please let Jack, Martha and Donna help you.'
The butterfly then flew down onto the bed and lay on the Doctor's chest, falling asleep soon after.
I almost didn't get the butterfly in this chapter! But I finally got it in! XD Thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far, glad you like this. I'll try and update soon!
OAO