Shepard joined Joker in the cockpit, taking instant notice of the lavender nebula the Normandy was moving through. They were closing in on the Citadel.

"Alliance Control, Alliance Control, this is Normandy, how copy?" Joker sighed, waiting for a response through the comm. Nothing but interference came back. "Alliance Control, this is Normandy, requesting permission to dock."

"What's going on?" Shepard asked.

"Control isn't responding," Joker said. "We've already passed the first checkpoint, and they haven't pinged our transponder, either."

"Huh."

"Weird, right?" Joker turned to his copilot. "EDI, are we hailing on the right channels?"

"We are," she replied. "The interference we're hearing is from the nebula. None of our transmissions are getting through."

"Well, that's just dandy."

"Fire a warning shot across the bow," Shepard said.

"No." Joker opened the channel again. "Alliance Control, this is Normandy, we're headed to Bay One-Four, Zakera Ward. Are we clear to descend?"

"The channels have finally opened," EDI said.

The interference cleared up and they heard someone through the comm messing with the reciever. "Uh... yeah, this is Alliance Control, we had a slight weapons malfunction, but uh... everything's perfectly all right now. We're fine. We're all fine here now, thank you... How are you?"

Joker shot Shepard a confused glance, but went back to the comm. "Alliance Control, are we cleared to land at Zakera Ward?"

"Ah... Negative, negative! We have a reactor leak here now. Give us a few minutes to lock it down. Large leak, very dangerous."

Shepard, aggravated, said though the comm, "Citadel Control, this is Commander Shepard. I'll be using my Spectre overrides and we'll be landing without permissions. Who is this? What's your operating number?"

"Uh..." Gunfire cracked through the speakers. "Leng, we're gonna have company!" The channel went dead.

Shepard, Joker and EDI exchanged a look of surprise.

"Well, that can't be good," Shepard said.

Commander Shepard is Easily Distracted

"Storming the Citadel"

The Cerberus soldier picked up a copy of the book Revelation by Drew Karpyshyn, turned it over in his hand to read the synopsis on the back, and took notice of the giant cardboard cutout of Admiral David Anderson with a speech bubble over his head that proclaimed, "A thrill-a-minute novel! Now available at ALL good bookshops!" His image was winking and smiling and giving an enthusiastic thumbs-up.

"Maybe I should get this one," he said to himself.

His partner walked up, checked the cover and shook her head. "Don't do it."

"What? Why?"

"Did you read his Revan novel?" she asked.

"No."

"It was half the reason I volunteered to become a Reaper super-soldier. I needed an outlet."

"That bad, huh?" He put the book back. "Well, I'm not sure which one to get, then."

"I told you to make a list."

"I told you to make a list! Bleh bleh bleh meh!" He stared down his partner. He couldn't see her face through the helmet, but he knew she was glaring at him. "Sorry, that was uncalled for."

"Whatever."

"Well, if you're gonna be like that." He turned away and approached the counter. The cashier was reading a copy of Twilight: Vampires in Space. "Excuse me, miss."

The cashier looked up at the armored soldier with a rocket launcher on his back. "Can I..." She yawned. "...ah, help you?"

"It's been a while since I've been able to make it out to a bookstore. I was wondering if you had any recommendations."

The cashier lazily earmarked her page and set the book aside. "What genre do you prefer? Mystery, fantasy, Stephen King?"

"I've been known to have an eclectic personality, so I'm open to anything, really."

"Please," the soldier's partner scoffed. "You only discovered that word yesterday from your word-a-day calendar."

"Pay no attention to my colleague," the soldier told the cashier. "She's about as well-read as a space hamster."

His partner stomped her foot. "What are you talking about? Before you met me, the only thing you had read was Animorphs!"

"Not true," he calmly replied. "I'd also read The Monster at the End of This Book."

"Whatever."

"Well, if you're gonna be like that." He returned his attention to the cashier. "Anything you can recommend would be fantastic."

The cashier yawned again. "Ah, sorry about that." She picked up a book from the display case. "We have Aralakh Also Rises by Urdnot Hemmingway. It's about an impotent krogan who falls in love with a divorced asari."

"Sure! Add that to the pile. What else?"

"I Am Krogan by Richard Matheson's clone."

"I'll take it!"

"We also have The Winds of Winter, the newly-released sixth book of A Song of Ice and Fire by George R.R. Martin."

"Excellent! That should do it."

The cashier nodded and rang up the three books. The total came out to 32.11 credits. "Would you like a bag for your books?"

The soldier snorted. "No, thanks, I'll carry them. Those bags'll just be more waste in the junkyards."

"Oh, right," his partner said, shaking her head in disbelief. "Since when have you been environmentally conscious?"

"Since always."

"Whatever."

"Bleh meh meh."

"Real mature."

"Only when I'm around you." He rummaged around in his wallet and asked the cashier, "Do you take military discounts?"

She nodded. "We do, but only for Systems Alliance members."

"Aw, harsh." He shrugged and handed her a credit chit. "That's the way things go, I guess. Don't sweat the small stuff: that's what I always say."

The cashier swiped the chit, deducted the correct amount, and handed it back to the Cerberus soldier. "Did you want your receipt?"

"Sure! Why not, right?" He leaned over the counter. "Between you and me, I can probably write this off as a business expense."

"I won't tell anyone," the cashier said with a wink. "Have a nice day and enjoy those books."

"I will, and I will!" the soldier said happily and met up with his partner. He could still feel her glaring at him. "Don't be mad."

"I'm not mad," she said.

"I know you're mad." He pointed toward the exit. "Look, you can pick the next two stores we go to. I swear, I won't complain. Not even a little bit."

"Not one word?" she asked, her voice calmer.

"Not one."

"I want to go to the GAP."

The soldier was taken aback. "What are you going to do? Try on clothes?"

"Maybe."

"The lieutenant will know if you take your armor off. You gonna wear jeans over your greaves? Wrap a scarf around your pauldrons?"

"You said no complaints!" she snapped.

"I'm not complaining, I'm asking a question. What's the point of going to a clothing store if you can't—"

"LET'S DO THIIIIIS!"

Shepard crashed through the storefront window, disconnecting from his zipline in midair. Garrus and James were close behind, but Garrus came in too hot and bounced off the window frame. He hung motionless on the zipline, groaning loudly.

"Man doooown..." Garrus called out.

Shepard opened fire on the Cerberus soldiers, who had no time to react in any way. Their armor was breached and they went down into a pool of their own blood. James launched a grenade into the bodies, and the resulting explosion tore away half of the store and disintegrated what was left of the enemy combatants.

The cashier was screaming from behind the counter, where she had taken cover.

As scorched and burning book pages fluttered down around the squad, Shepard quickly scanned what remained of the store and gave a hand signal to James and Garrus. "Clear," he said.

"Clear," James barked.

"Owwww..." Garrus moaned, still hanging from the zipline. "Someone cut me down, I'm starting to spin..."

Shepard folded up his assault rifle and rounded the corner to help the cashier to her feet. She recoiled when she saw him. "Your terrible, Cerberus-induced nightmare is over, ma'am."

The cashier was hysterical. "Th-they just came in to buy books!"

"Sure they did." Shepard patted the woman on the back. "First it's the books, but then you wake up the next morning and BAM-" The cashier screamed. "—you're being husked-out and fed to a thresher maw by Cerberus scientists. I've heard it a thousand times."

"Have you?" James asked.

"Might as well have."

"But have you?"

"Shut up, Vega." Shepard nodded to the cashier. "No need to thank us, ma'am." Then her turned to his team. "Squad, move out!"

James hurriedly cut Garrus down from the zipline and the three of them disappeared into the Presidium.

The cashier looked around at the store. The burnt cover of I Am Krogan drifted down onto the counter like a feather.

–

The squad of Cerberus shock troopers stopped by the water's edge and peered in. The lieutenant slung his sniper rifle over his shoulder and knelt down to get a closer look.

"Yeah, I don't see anything," he said. "I think that krogan was full of shit."

One of the troopers jumped up. "I saw one!"

"Where!"

"Over there by the fountain!"

The lieutenant's head bobbed back and forth, trying to get a better view. "By that fountain?" he asked, pointing.

"Yeah, that one."

"I still don't see anything." He sighed. "Are you sure it wasn't just the water splashing up from the fountain?"

"Positive." The trooper scratched the top of his helmet. "I think."

The lieutenant stood. "You're full of shit."

"I swear I saw a little flipper!"

"You're full of shit," the lieutenant repeated. "That krogan was lying. There aren't any fish in the Presidium lake."

"He seemed pretty insistent, though."

"He also told us the rumor of there not being any fish was part of a Spectre conspiracy perpetuated by Commander Shepard."

"Yeah, that did seem odd, I guess." The trooper hadn't taken his eyes off the spot by the fountain. "I hear Shepard isn't a big fan of fish, anyway. Had a big ass aquarium on the Normandy SR-2, and he kept buying fish and letting them die. Over and over."

"Sick bastard." The lieutenant shook his head. "Well, I don't think there are any fish here. We'd better move on before—"

"LET'S DO THIIIIIS!"

Shepard dropped down from the upper floors of the Presidium, directly on top of the lieutenant, breaking the trooper's back. James dropped down, taking impressive shots with this rifle as he fell. There was only one shock trooper left when James landed. Shepard took him out with his omni-tool.

Garrus dropped in, his war cry echoing throughout the Presidium. He jumped too far, though, and did a belly flop into the lake, scaring off a bunch of fish swimming around in the water. He splashed around weakly. "Maaan dooooowblrblrblr..."

Shepard folded up his assault rife. "James, go help out Garrus."

"What?" James asked. "The water's like a meter deep. He can make it."

They turned back to Garrus. The turian was splashing around more frantically.

"Help me, Sheparblrblrblr...!"

James sighed. "I'm coming, Garrus."

–

"This is it!" the Cerberus phantom whispered to her partner, pointing at the movie screen.

Blasto leveled his Paladin heavy pistol at the salarian. "Tell it to the Enkindlers." Shots rang out.

The phantom high-fived her partner and some of the other Cerberus soldiers sitting in the next row down. They all cheered at the screen, "Blasto! Blasto!"

The phantom went to high-five the person sitting on the other side of her, only to find Shepard occupying that seat. "Commander Shepard!" she gasped. The twenty or thirty other Cerberus soldiers in the cinema all turned around at once.

"That's me," Shepard confirmed with a nod.

The phantom took notice of James and Garrus sitting in the next two seats; all three of them wearing full space suits with straps that bound them to their seats.

"Why are you wearing all of that?" she asked. "And why do you have seat belts in a movie theater?"

Shepard smiled and clicked on his comm. "Joker, can you hear me?"

"Loud and clear, Commander," Joker replied.

"Let's do this," Shepard said.

"Roger that."

Shepard turned back to the Cerberus soldiers, but said nothing. He casually looked down at the watch on his omni-tool.

"W-what's going on?" the phantom asked. The other soldiers were drawing their weapons.

"Three. Two. One..."

A loud pop cracked through the cinema. The Cerberus soldiers turned back to the movie screen. Sprouting out from the image of Blasto was the cockpit of the Normandy. In the darkness, they could see Joker through one of the viewports. He waved happily until the difference in pressure kicked the starship back out into space. The entire cinema depressurized against the monstrous roar of rushing wind, tearing each and every one of the Cerberus soldiers out of their seats, through the breach and into the black of space.

Shepard gripped his seat and resisted the pull of the rushing wind until the pressure had equalized. He nodded, folded and unfolded his assault rifle, then activated his comm. "All clear, Joker."

"Copy."

"Well, that was kinda exciting," he said to James. He unbuckled his makeshift seat belt and floated up above the cinema seating. He couldn't find Garrus anywhere. "Garrus, where the hell are you?" The turian's seat belt had torn completely. Shepard looked out through the breach and saw Garrus furiously backstroking through space.

"Man dooooown!" Garrus cried through the comm.

–

Kaidan lowered his pistol. "Shepard, what's going on!"

"Kaidan?" Shepard lowered his weapon, as well. James followed suit. "You're okay!"

"What are you talking about?"

"You're out of the hospital! I thought you were in a coma. Where have you been?"

Kaidan's arms dropped. "Shepard, I've been out of the hospital for three weeks. I was rewarded with Spectre status two weeks ago. And I was assigned to security detail for the councilors one week ago. I sent you an email every step of the way. Where have you been?"

Shepard snorted. "Space. Duh-hoy."

"Okay, Shepard."

Udina pushed his way past the other councilors. "Shepard's blocking our escape! He's turned against us!"

"Say what now?"

"Just hang on," Kaidan insisted. "I got this. Everyone calm down."

"I can explain this, Kaidan," Shepard said.

"Come on, Shepard. Gun drawn on a councilor... kinda looks bad."

"We don't have time to negotiate. You've been fooled, all of you." Shepard pointed at Udina. "Udina's behind this attack. I found the email he accidentally when I was riding the elevator up here. Udina's with Cerberus!"

"Of course, I am!" Udina shouted.

"He admits it!" Shepard caught himself. "Wait... He admits it? Why?"

"I've made no secret about my dealings with Cerberus. I kept it private for a while, but now it's all over the news feeds." Udina threw his hands up. "The Illusive Man wanted to negotiate some shore leave for his soldiers before he shipped them off to fight the Reapers!"

"Oooooh." Shepard scratched his head. "But... why were you running?"

"You've destroyed half the Presidium! Why wouldn't we run?"

"Ooooh..." Shepard nodded, replaying the battles in his head. "So, that's why they didn't... Okay, that all makes sense now."

"The Illusive Man will have to do some more recruiting. Thanks a lot, Shepard."

"You're welcome?"

"That was sarcasm."

"Where?"

"Goddammit..."

Shepard looked to Kaidan. "Well, now that you're awake, any chance you want to come back to the Normandy?"

Kaidan grimaced. "Nah, Shepard, I'm... I'm good. You go on ahead."

"Okay, then." Shepard waved to everyone. "Have a nice day, now."

The Council collectively shook their heads, and Kaidan buried his face in his hands.

"That could've gone better," Shepard said to James as they walked away.

"A lot better."

"Yeah." Shepard queued up the elevator. "For being the Shadow Broker, Liara should really see things like this coming. Traynor's been running circles around her lately."

"Yeah..." James looked around. "Hey, where's Garrus?"

Shepard scanned the hallway and poked his head outside just enough so that the councilors didn't notice him. "I don't know! What the..." He activated his comm. "Garrus, where the hell are you?"

Garrus voice came back through a layer of static. "Shepard? Can you hear me?"

"Yeah, Garrus. Where are you?" he repeated.

"Um... I... don't know... I took the elevator to the wrong floor. Ended up in this weird room with this kid who says he controls the Reapers."

"Just get back to the elevator. Stop bugging little kids."

"He's telling me to jump into this beam of light. Should I do it?"

"No, Garrus, just get back to the elevator. Leave him alone."

"Hey, this is kinda cool! I pick one of these colors and the Reapers stop—"

"Garrus, you can't stop an invasion by picking colors. Did Captain America pick colors to defeat Hitler?"

"Ah... Did he?"

"Just get back to the elevator, Garrus. That's an order."

"Fine... No, kid, I have to go. Maybe someone else will come up here and... play Twister with you, or whatever it is you're doing here... Yeah, right. If you're the Catalyst, I'm John Wayne—"

Shepard turned off the comm. "Kids these days."