Hello! *looks sheepish* Sorry it's been a while since the last update. This term at Uni is super, super busy- getting all coursework in before exams next term. It's also really short- I'm nearly halfway through already and it's only been 4 weeks! (Actually feels like I just got back...) I have 3 essays and 2 tests to prepare for in the last 4 weeks of term :/ Wish me luck!
Anyway- here is chapter 13 (unlucky for some) I hope you enjoy- it's longer than usual- does that make up for the long wait? :/ There should be another chapter and a short epilogue before I turn my attention to maybe another story for our Jedi duo? What do you guys think?
Usual disclaimers apply- I don't own anything in Star Wars...
Also want to say a big thank you to my new beta reader DarthUmbreon who checked over this chapter and helped me improve it :D Thank you! Enjoy it too :D
Chapter 13- Always Darkest before the Dawn
Being the very stubborn Jedi Master that he was, Qui-Gon soon found himself being wheeled into his Padawan's room. He had threatened to get up and walk there himself, injuries or no, and Mace and the healers had soon frustratedly relented and allowed his friend to be moved to his Padawan's side. So Y'Chiryō had procured a hover chair and the healers had carefully helped the battered and exhausted Master into it.
Despite the warnings of the healers and a concerned Mace, the sight was even worse than Qui-Gon had imagined as he was manoeuvred into the room down the corridor that Obi-Wan had been whisked away to the moment the ship carrying Qui-Gon and himself had docked at the Temple. With a team of experienced healers around him, Obi-Wan was in the special intensive area of the Healers' Wing, surrounded at all times by monitors and healers checking on his progress and keeping him alive. Tubes and drips ran from the young boy's body, as monitors hummed and whirred beside him. A ventilator was breathing for him.
Qui-Gon felt his heart clench within his chest to almost painful measures as he tried to keep breathing, face devoid of all colour. Mace regarded him with concern, about to suggest Qui-Gon be taken back to his own room. Qui-Gon shook his head and moved closer to his Padawan's bedside. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. Obi-Wan was not meant to be…lying here…in a coma. It wasn't right! Qui-Gon raged internally. He should have dealt with Sony-Da himself, Obi-Wan should never have gotten involved…never have been hurt like this.
There is no emotion, there is peace.
Qui-Gon was angry. Very angry. Un-Jedi-like anger thrummed through him, threatening to choke him. Qui-Gon exhaled slowly, imagining the anger leaving his body with every puff of air. Being angry at this moment would do nothing…but after everything he had done to prevent Obi-Wan from ending up in this situation. Obi-Wan had disregarded his own safety, multiple times, run away from the Temple on the word of a madman on a suicide mission to try and rescue him. Then the boy had had the nerve to be laying here….dying…in the healer's wing.
"Obi-Wan can you hear me?" Qui-Gon croaked softly, trying to believe his Padawan was simply sleeping, a light touch on his shoulder would rouse him from his slumbers.
"Is there any brain activity at all?" Mace asked quietly to a solemn looking Y'Chiryō standing beside him. "Is there any chance he can come back?"
The Master Healer looked drained and grave, his eyes glinting sadly. He shook his head slowly. "There's almost nothing there to detect. He's there, but barely, by a thread almost. His Force presence is utterly scattered and his body is not responding to Force healing. It's like there's some sort of…block. It's as if Obi-Wan…does not want to be healed. We can't understand it…"
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.
The healers could not understand. Could not understand why Obi-Wan was not responding. Why his body was continuing to shut down and not accept the Force laden aid that was being offered. There had to be some reason, some explanation. The thing that hurt the most…Obi-Wan was in this state willingly. He had done it for his Master, without thought for his own life. The overwhelming love the boy had poured in with his Force energy into his Master still hummed in Qui-Gon's veins, softening the anger. Never could he now doubt the love and affection the boy held for him in his heart- the unconditional love he had for Qui-Gon. Qui-Gon suddenly felt very unworthy.
There is no passion, there is serenity.
"Obi-Wan Kenobi if you do not wake up right this moment you will be grounded for a year- no holo-movies, no friends round, constant meditations and so help me Padawan you will be scrubbing rocks in the meditation gardens for the rest of your life!" Qui-Gon promised through clenched teeth. If begging did not work perhaps threats would. It was remarkable how Padawans changed their tune when rock scrubbing or other tasks were set before them. "And you will be on permanent 'fresher duty until you turn eighteen!"
There was not even a twitch of recognition or understanding from the prone boy lying so still on the bed. Another metallic whoosh indicated air was being forced into Obi-Wan's lungs as they slowly inflated and then fell again, controlled entirely by machines. Obi-Wan's body had given up.
Gingerly, Qui-Gon reached out for his Padawan's hand, lying by his side on the white blankets. It was cold and clammy to the touch and Qui-Gon fought the urge to recoil. Instead, he held it tightly, squeezing it as he bowed his head next to the depleted body of Obi-Wan Kenobi. "Obi-Wan…please," the Master said very quietly as the healers and other Masters drew back respectively to allow Qui-Gon personal time with his dying Padawan. "Obi-Wan, you have to pull through this. I know you can. So come back." He was only just into his teens…his Padawan had his whole life ahead of him…
There is no death…there is the Force.
"Obi-Wan…" At the moment this was not giving Qui-Gon much comfort. Yes Obi-Wan would be released to the Force…but Qui-Gon would lose the one being that was coming so close…no…was a son to him. Now only after realising how much the boy meant to him, Qui-Gon would lose him.
Qui-Gon felt the grief rise again. Why didn't his Padawan want to be healed? "Obi-Wan you must heal," Qui-Gon ordered quietly to the motionless body as the boy's chest mechanically rose and fell with a whoosh of the ventilator. "If not I will make you heal." With that he reached forward, clasping his Padawan's hand tightly in his own and pushed a wave of Force energy into Obi-Wan's, their joined hands acting like a conduit.
"Qui-Gon!" Mace was by his side in a second- realising what the Master was attempting to do. "Qui-Gon stop! It will kill you! You've only been healing for two days- you don't have enough energy to be up yet- let alone be attempting Force Healing!" Qui-Gon sagged back in his chair, the small energy leaving his body making him so drained his head nearly span. Qui-Gon was surprised he did not pass out as the room swam in front of his eyes and a dull roaring started in his ears.
"Wait a minute!"
One of the healers was standing beside the various monitors stationed around Obi-Wan's bed. "There was something…I'm sure of it. Here- a tiny fluctuation of brain activity the moment Master Jinn sent his Force energy into Padawan Kenobi." He pointed almost eagerly to the machine readings on his hand held pad.
"It worked?" Qui-Gon and Mace said together incredulously, though Mace's tone still held a tinge of disapproval at his friend's recklessness.
"Let me see that," Y'Chiryō was by the monitors in a few strides, his keen eyes scanning the readings, looking for any signs of discrepancy. "There was definitely brain activity," he confirmed, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "You did something Qui – and Obi-Wan responded."
Taking that as permission, Qui-Gon struggled to reach for Obi-Wan's hand to send him more energy. He was not sure how much he had to spare without knocking himself unconscious or doing serious damage to his already wounded body. Mace was right, dammit, Qui-Gon thought as he struggled against his weakness. Nonetheless, he could feel the bond between them, so thin and stretched and twisted, but it was there. Whilst it was there Qui-Gon had hoped. Obi-Wan was clinging on the other end. Qui-Gon would be damned before he let him go.
With that thought in his mind, Qui-Gon pulled himself together, pushing his last remaining energy along their bond into his Padawan. A strange buzzing echoed in his ears as he struggled to remain conscious, grimly staying awake to hear the words he so desperately wanted to hear: "There it is again! He's definitely still here!" the healers were now clustered around the screens and monitors attached to Obi-Wan, talking quickly amongst themselves.
"Qui-Gon breathe," Mace instructed quietly, as Qui-Gon struggled with the overwhelming relief now coursing through his body. "You are not strong enough," Mace was torn. As much as he wanted the Padawan to be saved, it could mean the death of his friend. Mace was not about to let that happen for the second time.
"Forget you do that others have more energy," Master Yoda said, standing in the doorway. "If Qui-Gon's energy signature Obi-Wan requires, then Qui-Gon's energy he shall have."
Qui-Gon smiled slightly in what seemed like the first time in weeks. "Thank you Master Yoda," he said sincerely as the old Master hobbled slowly towards them, levitating himself onto the edge of Obi-Wan's bed near enough so he could reach Qui-Gon.
"Stubborn you always were Qui-Gon. Be grateful of this we should be today," Yoda shook his head, eyes soft as he placed a small, clawed hand on Qui-Gon's shoulder. "Be ready Qui-Gon. Save your Padawan you will." The wizened master closed his eyes and began to transfer his enormous stores of energy into the weakened younger Master, who also closed his eyes as the energy began to flow through him, pushed by two very determined Masters.
Y'Chiryō watched the transfer, his eyes darting between the Padawan and the readouts on the screen. At first nothing happened and he felt his heart drop in disappointment. This would cripple Qui-Gon if Obi-Wan died. Praying to the Force for a miracle, Y'Chiryō scanned for any sign of change.
Suddenly, Qui-Gon's eyes snapped open, so wide that Mace and Y'Chiryō started in surprise, words of concern already rising on their lips. Qui-Gon made a muffled noise before his eyes slid shut and he slumped forward, head resting against Obi-Wan's arm.
"What happened?" Mace demanded furiously as Y'Chiryō darted forward to check on the unconscious Master.
"He's alive, still breathing, pulse weak but steady," Y'Chiryō relayed, drawing back for a moment. "If I had to guess…Qui-Gon's gone into a very deep meditative trance, from what these readings are suggesting. Master Yoda will keep him stable and Obi-Wan's signs are growing stronger. We just have to wait."
"Strong the link is still between us. Keep Qui-Gon safe I shall," Yoda agreed, exhaling slowly as he too slipped into a trance.
Mace's mouth set in a thin line as he folded his arms, trying to draw on the famed patience Jedi were meant to be renowned for.
It was very dark.
In every direction Qui-Gon tried to look it was dark. In fact it was pitch-black, he could see nothing. Qui-Gon raised a hand in front of his face. He could feel the movement but through the inky blackness could not make anything out. The darkness was cloying, like a living, breathing thing, suffocating and smothering him. Was in a room, a building? Outside? Even on Coruscant? It was as dark and cold as if he were in space. It felt like something was solid beneath him, but Qui-Gon had no idea whether a huge gaping hole that he could not see was about to open up mere feet in front of him.
What was going on? Obi-Wan? Where was Obi-Wan? Where were Mace, Y'Chiryō and Master Yoda? He wasn't…he wasn't dead was he? The clamouring questions were rising like a whirlpool inside him, threatening to send him under as Qui-Gon struggled to understand what was happening.
/ Safe you are Qui-Gon – calm yourself you must /a quiet voice floated through your mind as well as a comforting feeling of warmth that spread through his body. /In a deep trance you are. Find Obi-Wan you must. Bring him back you must. /
Master Yoda! Qui-Gon jerked around, but there was no sign of the diminutive old Jedi anywhere. He was still all alone in the inky blackness. Find Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan was here? Alone in the darkness too? Qui-Gon turned on the spot again.
/ Master Yoda? Are you there? Where am I? / Qui-Gon mentally reached out, searching for the Force presence he knew so well but could not find. He waited, straining for any sort of answer. He could not have imagined it- could he? There was no reply.
"Is anyone there?" Qui-Gon called out. He moved forward, or what he thought was forward anyway. "Can anybody hear me? Obi-Wan?"
He could hear something. It was faint, very, very faint; it seemed to echo around the mysterious place the Master found himself in. He strained to hear it and carefully moved in the direction it was coming from. It was growing louder and Qui-Gon could make it out now, a low keening noise, choked with grief and pain. Along with these, there was unassailable guilt.
"Who is there?" Qui-Gon asked. "What is wrong?"
"My fault…my fault…it's all my fault…" a voice was sobbing quietly. "He's gone!"
Hearing the voice from his left, Qui-Gon turned, moving carefully towards the voice. "Who's gone?" Qui-Gon wanted to know. He had to end the pain, the guilt and the grief. "I want to help you. Where are you?"
"I don't deserve help," sniffed the voice, with such melancholy, Qui-Gon's heart ached. "He is dead and I am still here. I don't deserve help." The voice was much closer, any moment Qui-Gon felt as though he was going to fall over the person speaking.
There was a very dim beam of light, just wide enough to encircle a little human boy was sitting on the ground, skinny legs pulled up to his chest, small arms wrapped around his knees, head bent over them. He was dressed in a tan tunic and leggings, small boots on his feet. Sympathy immediately welling up for the boy, Qui-Gon knelt down slowly, reaching out to comfort the child with controlled movements so not to startle him. "What is wrong little one?" the Jedi asked softly.
The boy raised his head, eyes tremulous, very blue and flooded with tears that were coursing down his cheeks. "Leave me alone. You shouldn't be here. How did you get in here? Go away!"
Qui-Gon blinked in surprise. "Where is 'here'? Do you know where we are?" he asked the child. He watched as the boy's cheeks flushed slightly, ducking his chin and shaking his head as if embarrassed. The movement seemed oddly familiar to Qui-Gon. "Why are you crying?" Qui-Gon tried instead. "What upset you?"
"He's dead!" the boy mumbled, breaking off into sobs, moving away from the totally baffled Jedi Master. "He's dead and it's all my fault!" the voice rose to a strangled shout. The grief was palpable and Qui-Gon was nearly overwhelmed by the emotions flooding off the boy.
Hushing the child, Qui-Gon gently stroked his shaking shoulders as the boy sobbed against him, beating small fists into the Jedi Master's thigh. "It is not your fault young one. How can it be your fault? And who are you talking about?"
"It is my fault," the boy protested, drawing back, his fair eyebrows narrowing. "I did not get there in time. I let him die," he pulled away from Qui-Gon forcefully, taking a shuddering breath, drawing himself up to his small height, which could not have passed much beyond Qui-Gon's knee. "I killed him! I am a murderer!"
"No, wait!" Qui-Gon caught the boy's wrist before he could escape. "Tell me what happened. I want to help you. It can't have been your fault. Who died?" As he was speaking, recognition was buzzing in the Master's veins. He recognized this voice, though it was just a young boy's. He was just a frightened, scared, lonely little boy whom Qui-Gon so desperately wanted to help.
"I pushed him…I didn't mean to. He tried to kill my Master…I wanted to save my Master…" The boy choked, tears sliding down his face, a picture of abject misery. "I am a murderer…that's what he said I was! I don't deserve my Master's love or anything else…I don't deserve anything! I deserve to die…" the small child wailed to the darkness. "But I don't want to leave him…Master I failed you!"
Qui-Gon's heart nearly skipped a beat. "Who…?" he whispered.
"I can't say his name!" the child cried. A blur of images suddenly smacked into Qui-Gon's mind, making him reel. He could see a blur of red and blue lightsabers, sweeping at each other, moving along a narrow walkway, sparks flying as they collided. Black cloak fluttered past tan tunic, stained with dirt and blood. Short blonde hair fighting against shortly cropped brown hair. Desperate fighting, stumbling, hitting the side, lunging, crying, accusing, falling, screaming, dying, crumpling…
"I killed him! I tried…I tried to reach him. But it is my fault!"
Qui-Gon looked, really looked at the boy. The jumbled, mixed up words of the sobbing child were now beginning to make sense as he pieced the puzzle together. How could he not have seen it? "Padawan…" he whispered to the child.
Tear-stained cheeks turned up to look at the Master, widening. "What did you call me?" he hiccupped, tone slightly suspicious, a single tear clinging to an eyelash, ready to fall at the next blink.
Slowly, Qui-Gon moved closer to the weeping boy. He could not have been more certain. He could feel something drawing him to the child and it had to be their bond. "Obi-Wan, it's me, Qui-Gon. I'm here," Qui-Gon hurried to assure the child, taking the small hands in his own. "I am here Obi-Wan. We will get through this."
The tear fell and Qui-Gon gently lifted a hand to brush the tear away. "Feel me through our bond Obi-Wan. I am here with you. I will not leave you. I promise."
"Don't lie to me! My Master would not want me after what has happened! After…after what I did!" the boy yelled, more tears trailing down his cheeks. "Don't lie to me!"
"I would never lie to you Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said defiantly. "Concentrate Padawan, reach out with your mind. You know it is me. Concentrate and let go of your emotions. I am here and you will listen." The Master easily slipped back into the teaching role, watching as the boy's small back immediately straightened at his tone, face becoming more serene as he struggled to comply with the instructions. Qui-Gon watched the emotion filled eyes slide shut as the boy focused, small hands resting on his knees. Falling into the same posture, Qui-Gon copied the boy, reaching out towards the child he knew was his Padawan. Beyond any doubt was his Padawan. He did not know how, he just knew this child was Obi-Wan. Wherever they were, this was Obi-Wan.
A gasp suddenly rippled through the silence. Small eyes snapped open, blazing blue in disbelief and joy. "Master?" the child whispered. "Qui-Gon!" he cried more confidently and before Qui-Gon could say anything else, the boy flung himself at the Master, short arms trying to close around as much of Qui-Gon's bigger torso as he could. "You're alive, you're here…" Obi-Wan repeated, as though trying to assure himself. Suddenly, the boy was retching, pushing himself away from Qui-Gon. "No! You should not be here! I am unworthy! I should die for what I did!"
"Obi-Wan!" Qui-Gon gasped.
"Master… I have failed you," Obi-Wan sobbed, curling up. "I am guilty of murdering a Jedi!"
"Sony-Da would have killed you Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon tried to reason. "It was self-defence Padawan. You are not a murderer. You are my Padawan and you are coming back with me."
"I don't – " the boy began.
"Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon moved forward, grasping the small boy's shoulders firmly, tilting his chin up. "You did not kill Sony-Da out of malicious hatred. For that's how he would have killed you. You were defending yourself, defending me. You are not a murderer. Do you understand Padawan?" he shook the shoulders a little, trying to get his message through.
"Not…a murderer?" Obi-Wan asked cautiously.
"Sony-Da is still manipulating you even after death. Do not let him do so Padawan. You are stronger than him in so many ways. He was firmly in the Dark side Obi-Wan, whilst you are so far into the Light…" Qui-Gon hesitated. "Obi-Wan you need to come back. I am here to bring you back. I won't let you die Padawan. You saved me and now I'm saving you. Come back with me."
"I don't know how. Will it hurt?" grey tremulous eyes locked with his, making his heart clench. The colour Obi-Wan's eyes went when he was unhappy.
"I don't know either. But we must go back. Everyone is waiting to see you. Master Yoda is there, Master Y'Chiryō, Master Mace and I'm sure all your friends want to see you too. What about your friend Bant?" Qui-Gon asked.
"Bant. I want to see Bant," Obi-Wan agreed. "I want to be with you Master. Don't leave me?"
"I have told you I will never leave you. Now, focus again, close your eyes and we will see if we can go back. Are you ready Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon said quietly. He could not fail Obi-Wan now. He would bring him back and he would fight to his last breath to do so.
Without warning, he felt a sudden tug. He could not pinpoint its origin, nor who had instigated the touch, but it was there nonetheless. And very persistent. Qui-Gon's brows narrowed. What was going on? He turned back to Obi-Wan, reaching for his Padawan.
Obi-Wan's eyes suddenly widened. "Master- you're disappearing!" he cried, throwing himself backwards from Qui-Gon, fear in his eyes. "You promised you would never leave me Master! Master please don't go! Please Master!" he begged.
Looking down at his hands, Qui-Gon saw they were turning translucent, he could see Obi-Wan's panicked face through them. The tugging was growing stronger even as Qui-Gon struggled against it. "Obi-Wan listen to me," Qui-Gon said urgently. "Concentrate. Feel. You can come back. I will be waiting for you, I'm not leaving you. You must follow behind me." The pulling was too strong to ignore and Qui-Gon suddenly felt very dizzy, his eyes sliding shut, the torn cry of Obi-Wan ringing in his ears.
"Qui-Gon? Qui-Gon!"
Very slowly, Qui-Gon opened his eyes, at a complete loss as to where he was. Gradually, his senses began to flicker to life as he looked around. He was slumped over on a bed, seated in a wheelchair. He was in the Healers' Wing? Why was he there? What was going on?
"Qui-Gon can you hear me?"
He recognized that voice. Turning towards it and squinting slightly, the person came into focus; a worried looking Y'Chiryō crouching beside him. "Qui-Gon can you hear me?"
Qui-Gon nodded, not trusting his voice.
"Thank the Force," Y'Chiryō muttered. "His vitals look steady again Master Yoda. He's back." The healer drew back; giving Qui-Gon space to look around and try to understand what in Sith was going on. He felt as though he had been asleep for at least a week.
"In a deep trance you were. Slowing your heart rate was- lost you we would have had I not acted. Brought you out of the trance I did. Lose you I would not." Master Yoda's voice filtered into Qui-Gon's consciousness as he began to sit up straighter. There was only one thought in his mind.
"Obi-Wan!"
"There's still no response from his body," Y'Chiryō said quietly. "He's slipping away even faster."
"No! If you had waited a few more moments…I was…speaking to him. I saw him! He's coming back," Qui-Gon shook his head, ignoring the dizzy wave that shot through him. He reached for Obi-Wan's clammy hand, grasping it tightly.
"You what?" Mace demanded from his left. "You were speaking to Obi-Wan?"
"I don't know where we were…in his mind I think," Qui-Gon explained. "There was a small boy, he was crying. I know it was Obi-Wan. It was Obi-Wan. He recognized me. He was scared and alone but he said he would come back. I was bringing him back…" Qui-Gon broke off. "I said I wouldn't leave him…and I left him alone…"
Mace and Y'Chiryō shared concerned looks. "Qui-Gon…" Mace began.
"Heard you he did Qui-Gon. Have more faith in your Padawan you should," Yoda comforted the distraught Master.
Suddenly, Obi-Wan's shifted on the bed and there was a whimpered choking noise as lungs tried to breathe for themselves around a machine as the monitors on the other side of the bed blazed into life, stunning the four masters by the Padawan's bedside.
*Breathes a sigh of relief* Wow that was long and emotional! But it looks like Obi-Wan is not giving up without a fight! Yay! I bet Qui-Gon's going to have a mini heart attack! Obi's got all those punishments to look forward to! Hope you enjoyed it and I shall try my best to get the next chapter up as quickly as I can manage.
Remember reviews are love :D I treasure each one- they make me so happy and really do brighten up my day, when everything else around seems very dull and grey...(rhymes :D hehe)
Review :D See ya soon!
AldabaranFox