Changing Perceptions

A James and Lily Fan-Fiction

Part Five—Winter

The New Year

James huffed and watched the cloud of steam from his mouth disappear. This was not the way he expected to spend his Christmas holiday. He was supposed to be naked in bed with Lily, losing himself inher body and making her scream his name in a hotel room he'd booked for two nights. She'd wanted to have sex on so many occasions before Christmas; he could beat himself for denying her and himself for as long as he did. But no…he had to be noble, chivalrous, even.

So instead of spending two glorious days between the sheets with his Lily, he was pacing outside of St. Dymphna's Hospital for the Disheartened, a magical "retirement" home. James rolled his eyes. His mum retired long ago and hadn't needed to come here. He felt like shit for having to do this to her, but Robert was right; she couldn't take care of herself anymore and it would be her death sentence if she was left all alone. Her quick decline since his dad's death was unexpected, but from what the Healers had told him earlier, it wasn't uncommon in witches her age after suffering a loss like she had.

At the touch of a hand on his shoulder, James turned and found Sirius standing behind him.

"She's settled in her room and wants to see you," he explained.

James merely nodded and followed his friend into the building, listening to the sounds of their footsteps on the shiny granite floor. When they'd arrived, James couldn't stand to see his mum fighting the orderlies and the matrons as they escorted her to the room she would live in for the rest of her life. He cringed when she shouted profanities at him, calling him names he hadn't known she knew. It was the worst he'd ever felt, and he bolted outside. Thankfully, Robert and Sirius were able to handle things; he was grateful that Lily had called them.

Sirius stopped outside the room that was now labelled 'Thora Potter' and placed his hand on the doorknob.

"Prongs, it's for the best, really."

"I know. It's just…Dad died two months ago. I can't do this again." James tried to choke back the tears that were building inside him, but it was useless. He'd accepted the fact that he was a cry-baby earlier in the day and there was nothing more he could do to change that.

"She'll be fine," Sirius reassured him. "Now go in and see her. They've given her something to calm down. Never knew she could say half of those words." Sirius gave a half-smile.

"Yeah. There were even some I didn't know."

Sirius clapped James on the shoulder and opened the door. The room smelled a bit like disinfectant, the way most hospitals smelled. His mother sat in a comfortable looking chair with a quilt across her lap and she was smiling at him.

"Hey, Mum. You look…better." He pulled up a wooden chair next to her and took hold of her hands.

"They've given me a Calming Draught, Corney. I don't think it was mixed properly because I tasted liquorice." Her voice was different, almost as if she was pretending to sound like a girl again. But she called him Corney, not James. Things were worse than he'd thought.

"Sirius told me you wanted to see me. What can I do for you, Mum?" he stroked the wrinkled skin of her hand gently, hoping that she would realize it was him.

"Sirius? Oh, you mean that attractive Black boy. He's so handsome, but nothing compared to you." She patted his cheek. "And the Abbott boy is helpful. He'll make someone a good husband some day."

James turned to his cousin, hoping to find an explanation in Robert's eyes, but there was none.

"He's married, Mum, remember? He married Helen. I'm James, your son. Don't you remember me?"

"Oh yes. Those two kept saying something about a James. So nice to meet you." She held out her hand and he took it reluctantly, playing along but crying on the inside.

"Mr. Potter."

James turned around and rose from his chair to speak with the chief Healer, Samuel Samuelson.

"If you'll follow me, I'd like to speak with you and Mr. Abbott."

"Yeah, sure. Sirius, could you stay with Mum?"Sirius had entered the room behind James and sat quietly on the bed, nodding in answer to James' question.

Out in the corridor, Samuelson sighed heavily. Nothing coming after a sigh like that could be good, James reckoned.

"I won't sugar coat it, Mr. Potter. Your mother's mental state is deteriorating quicker than when we examined her last—"

"What? She's been here before?" James was horrified. Why didn't anyone tell him? "Robert, did you know about this?"

"No, I didn't. I swear."

"Your father brought her in early spring, right after Easter. He was concerned about her memory and acute confusion. We examined her and found her in an advanced stage of dementia. I prescribed potions for her and your father assured us he would make sure that she took them."

James closed his eyes and breathed heavily.

"And when Dad died, no one was there to give her the potions, yeah?"

"It appears to be that way. I'm sorry they didn't tell you." Samuelson looked at James, reminding him of a picture he'd seen of his father some thirty years ago. The Healer's face was genuinely empathetic. "My own father is here. I know what you're going through. I just can't imagine having to deal with it at such a young age."

"Thank you. How long…how long does she have?" James hated himself for saying the words; saying them only made the whole situation feel real. He felt Robert's hand on his shoulder, and James was grateful not to be doing this alone.

"She's not dying from this. Her mental capacities have no effect on her body. She could live for several more years," Samuelson told him.

James was shocked. "So she could be healthy as a hippogriff but not know where the bloody hell she is, what the fucking year is, or why my dad isn't around?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

"DAMN!"

He wanted to hit something. Hard. The hand that Fate was dealing him was cruel and much too close to torture. The loss of his father was still fresh in his mind and now this—this sick twist of fate was taking his mother away from him before she actually died. Why did this have to happen now?

He looked at Robert, who looked almost as sick as James felt, struggling to come to terms with the news about his favourite aunt, the woman he often called Nana Thora. This was hard on him, too, but Robert had Helen. He had someone to share his grief with and to hold him as he cried. And James…he'd sent Lily away.

He swore at himself, chastising his stupid decision. Of course, he needed her. He needed to feel her arms around him and to hear her tell him everything was alright. James was suddenly gripped by an insane jealousy of Robert and an inexplicable desire to hit his cousin. Fortunately for them both, the feeling passed as quickly as it had developed. They needed each other's support right now, and alienating his cousin would do nothing to help things at all.

What a wonderful way to start a new year.

James collapsed onto his bed when he arrived home three days after admitting his mother to the nursing home, the remnants of dried tears sticking to his face. The previous days were a blur as each day was spent with Sirius at the Bristol home. Arriving home that first day, alone, was a stark contrast to the way it had begun: opening presents with Lily, breakfast with Mum and Lily. Hell, he even enjoyed the fight he had with Wilbie.

Oh, Merlin, Wilbie.

When he and Lily got back from their walk, the crashing noise inside the house scared him. He thought for sure that his mother had fallen and broken a hip or something. But things were much worse than he'd expected.

The first thing he saw was Wilbie being flung onto the wall, and not for the first time, it appeared. Wilbie's nose was broken, blood dripped down the end and onto the floor. His mother was violent, her eyes wild and scary. For the first time in his life, James was afraid of his mother; a ninety-two-year-old woman frightened him.

He'd never know what caused the outburst between his mother and the house-elf and he wasn't sure he ever wanted to. When he returned home from Bristol that first night, he made quick work of cleaning up the entry hall: blood was Scourgified away and the broken, little body of Wilbie was carried out to the back garden and laid to rest under a tree. The grave was dug without magic, as he felt the need for actual physical work after such an emotional day. The sweat and dirt felt good on his skin.

When he wasn't in Bristol, he sat alone in his father's old chair, much the same way he did in the days after his father's funeral. During those times, he thought of nothing but Lily. She was right in her desire to stay with him. He needed her quiet strength and love at one of the toughest times of his life.

On a whim, he whistled for Broadmoor, grabbed a piece of parchment and quill, and scribbled a quick note to Lily.

L—

I'm scared for Mum. This isn't the way Christmas is supposed to be.

I miss you. I love you.

I should have let you stay with me. I needed you and I sent you away. I'm a stupid sod.

J

Once the note was finished, he rolled it tightly and tied it to Broadmoor's leg. With a happy sigh, he made his way to his bedroom where he stripped down to his boxer shorts and flung himself onto his bed, the image of Lily sitting in her room suddenly coming to his mind. Her image became much clearer, and he pictured her standing under the spray of the shower, water dripping off the tips of her nipples and onto the bathtub.

She runs a hand over her breasts and her fingers pinch each nipple into a hard peak.

James groaned and slipped a hand into his boxers. He was thick with lust.

One of her hands skates down the plane of her abdomen, caressing the rise of her belly around her navel.

His hand grasped the thick shaft between his thighs and slid it down to the tight black curls.

She dips a finger between her thighs and into the warm, inner lips nestled between her legs.

A groan escaped his lips and his hand moved up and down his cock, picking up speed.

She moans and thrusts her hips forward, moving her hand in time with the soft sounds coming from her lips.

James lifted his hips off the bed, imagining her riding him, while his hand tightened around him. He bit his lower lip in concentration.

"James," she says hoarsely, grazing her clit with her fingers and swirling them around her swollen nub.

"Lily," he cried, arching his back as the pleasure began to build up inside him.

She throws her head back, water spilling onto her face, and her eyes snap open, her breath coming in short, quick pants.

He felt the beginnings of an orgasm build within him: a tightening in his balls, a tingling at the base of his cock.

Her fingers move faster and faster inside her until she gasps and elicits a high pitched squeal which that reverberates in the confines of the enclosure.

Warm fluid erupted into his hand as he came. James closed his eyes, hoping to hold onto the image of Lily in his mind's eye just a little longer.

He couldn't wait to have the real thing.

James woke up late on New Year's Day, waking up at his familiar spot on Sirius' sofa. He groaned at the hangover he was feeling. Memories of two days ago, however, brought a smile to his face, as he ran a hand over his chest and paused at the love bites that were scattered across it.

He received a quick note from Lily that particular afternoon which ended up changing things forever between them. He was never, ever going to throw that particular piece of parchment away. In fact, he even had it memorised.

James,

If you still need me, I'll be over in a half hour.

Lily

James smiled broadly at the memory and allowed himself to indulge in the quiet of the morning and think back to that time with Lily.

He stood outside his front door, tapping his foot as he anxiously waited for her to arrive. Even though it had only been a few days since he'd seen her, it felt like years. Glancing at his watch for the tenth time, he was happy to discover that the thirty minutes had passed and Lily was due to arrive.

As if she could read his mind, a soft crack signalled her arrival, making James smile broadly, and perhaps a little weakly as well. It had been a gruelling few days and his energy level was at an all-time low.

"James," she purred and gathered him in her arms.

He willingly sunk into her embrace, allowing her to comfort him, much the same way she did on Christmas. He could show his emotions with her and she didn't make him feel ashamed of them, like most girls would do. He would never tell his friends, but she was the one person her could count on to always be on his side. She was his haven in his stormy life.

"Hey there," he said softly, running his hands through her long, silky hair. He tried to say something, but the words got stuck in his throat as the emotion of the last few days welled up inside him.

Arms tightening around her, James Apparated the two of them inside his house and walked silently, her hand in his, to the sitting room. Taking the room in, he realised it was a mess, as he'd taken to falling asleep each night after returning from a long, draining day spent with his mother. They fell onto the large sofa, Lily snuggling into him, her silence as much of a comfort as any words she could have spoken.

They sat there for several moments, just enjoying their time together. She put her arm around his waist, stroking his jumper; he breathed in her scent, a mixture of floral and citrus he'd come to recognise specifically as her.

Lifting her head, Lily broke the silence, saying, "How's your mum? Do you want to talk about it?"

A nod confirmed his response; he could tell her everything.

"She's…better. The matrons and orderlies working with her say she's getting accustomed to things and even being friendly to some of the other residents." He sighed and laid his head back against the rear of the sofa. "Dad made potions for her to keep her mind working."

Lily gave him a quizzical look.

"She went to a Healer appointment earlier this spring. She's got rapidly advancing dementia and Dad made the potions for her. They didn't tell anyone and when Dad died…"

"She stopped taking her medication." She leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I'm so sorry. Where is she now? Who were the men in the black cloaks?"

A deep breath helped to calm him down. "They're from the nursing home she and Dad had contacted. It's in Bristol. They went on their honeymoon there." A corner of his mouth turned up, the irony not lost on either of them. He went on to tell her everything about the last few days. She was wonderful; she didn't interrupt him and let him get it all out. He'd never forget what she did that afternoon.

"You shouldn't have to deal with this. No one should," she whispered. "How's Sirius doing?"

Without lifting his head, he said, "That night, he was a mess, like me. But she's not his mum, no matter how many times he called her 'Mum Potter.' He's visiting Remus. I just didn't feel like it. He's coming back for New Year's."

"Good, good. You need him these days, too." Her hands went to his cheeks and turned him to her. "Thanks for letting me in."

She smiled briefly and leaned in, kissing his lips. It was comforting and yet, there was something else lying underneath the surface of the kiss, which slowly deepened with each pass. James could feel his worries lessen and the weight that made his shoulders ache lessened each time their tongues met or their hands roamed over a shoulder, an arm, down the back. She was a balm for his soul and made everything…right. There was no explaining how she made him feel; she calmed his nerves; she soothed his hurts; she excited him in ways no other witch could. It was as if they were made for each other, and all the wasted years were wretched preparations to get them to the same place in their lives.

James opened his eyes, discovering rather pleasantly, that Lily was draped across him, moving her body slowly over his, meeting the arch of his hips with a thrust of her own. Their eyes met and he couldn't help the stupid grin that he was sure was plastered on his face. She bit her lower lip, the way she did when she was in the middle of revising for an exam, which never failed to drive him up the wall with lust.

Without a word, she got up from the sofa and stood before him, her small fingers going to work on the buttons of her blouse. He watched with wide eyes as she reached the bottom hem and shrugged the top off her shoulders, sending it floating to the floor. James swallowed hard, his mouth dry. His eyes, which he knew were full of lust, focused on her breasts, encased in a bra that really ought to be illegal. It was pink lace and left very little to the imagination, showing her nipples prominently. He swallowed again as Lily slid her hands down her stomach, the exact way she'd done in his thoughts, and dipped inside the waistband of her jeans and then made short work of the button and zipper at her waist. With deliberate motions, she shimmied herself out of the jeans, letting them pool at her feet, and stepped out of them, leaving her standing before him in her bra, tiny knickers, and a pair of navy blue socks.

When did she take her shoes off? he wondered lamely.

"I think the socks make the outfit, Evans," he quipped, chastising himself once the words were out of his mouth. An attractive blush swept over her face, starting at her ears and making its way onto her face and down her neck.

She giggled, which made him feel a bit better, lifted one leg and removed the sock, then repeated the process until she was barefoot.

"Better?" Lily struck a seductive pose, her left hip thrust to the side and an arm behind her head.

"Damn."

Her knickers matched her bra and he wondered if she'd brought them here when she visited earlier in the week. If she had, and James had known she had them, there was no way he'd have let her go. The panties did very little to conceal the rich, dark red curls between her legs that he knew to be moist from the scent that was wafting from her.

Eye contact was broken as she stepped toward him and straddled his waist, his erection poking her where he so wanted to be. Her breasts were, Oh Merlin, right in front of him and he couldn't help the way he bend his head and began licking the plump flesh and palming them in his hands. A sexy moan came from deep within her throat, making him leave her breasts and find her mouth, kissing her again as his hands continued to knead her over the lace of the bra.

"You have too many clothes on, love," she reminded him breathily.

Reluctantly, he drew back and lamented his decision for he loved the taste of her lips. It was better than Honeydukes chocolate and even the tastiest raspberries. She was luscious.

"You'll have to let me up then," he pointed out, moving her to the side before standing up in the spot she had occupied moments earlier.

Crossing his arms in front of him, he lifted off his jumper and carelessly tossed it to the side. Lily, he noticed, was staring at him in much the same way he stared at her. The thought brought a wry smile to his face before he lifted off the t-shirt he'd worn underneath. His fingers fumbled with the buttons on his jeans, suddenly numb, as she began playing with her crotch, rubbing against the damp spot. Her legs were spread wide and one legs was even draped across the arm of the sofa. He'd never get through undressing if she kept that up.

"Problem, Potter?"

"No," he squeaked, in a voice he hadn't spoken in for at least five years, making her chuckle at his discomfort, which was now greater than it had been in a long time.

Taking a deep breath and closing his eyes to the visual seduction she waged, he was able to finish with the buttons and slid the rough denim down his thighs and onto the floor, removing his socks once he was free. His cock, so painful in its hardness, was tenting his Puddlemere United boxer shorts, threatening to peek through the slit of the front. Lily nodded in appreciation and moved to get up off the sofa. He stopped her with a shake of his head.

"Wait."

James bent down and retrieved his wand from his jeans pocket and pointed it at the fireplace, causing a roaring fire to come to life. Then he turned to the floor, where a blanket lay discarded carelessly from that morning as he woke up and transfigured it into a rich, thick white fur rug. Another wave of his wand conjured up candles and soft music. Turning toward her, he saw she was speechless and teary-eyed.

"It's how I've always imagined this," she said softly, wiping away the tears with her fingers before standing up and walking to him, stopping when she was toe to toe with him.

"Yeah, I know."

They'd talked about this moment for days, weeks, even, and when she mentioned her fantasy of a fur rug and a fire, he knew what he had to do for her tonight. James leaned in to kiss her and with gentle pressure, he urged her onto the rug. She sunk down to her knees and when he matched her actions, held him to her and fell back against the white rug.

Their lips met in another searing kiss that engaged their arms and hands as well as their tongues and lips. It was as if they couldn't get enough of touching, of tasting, of licking each other. His body slid over hers and tingles went through him as skin touched skin. James slid a knee between hers and she chuckled, beginning to grind against him. The tip of his cock peeked through the boxers, the head rubbing against the silky smooth flesh of her thigh. The friction was almost too much for him.

James shot up onto his knees and set about tugging her knickers down, tossing them to the side while she unhooked her bra. Their eyes met and she smiled as she played with her breasts, making the nipples harden instantly. He could smell her arousal spurring him on and he just had to taste her, bending to the apex of her thighs and kissing his way around her lower lips, tasting her intimately and making her writhe beneath him.

She muttered incoherently as his tongue dipped inside her and his fingers coaxed her body to the edge of pleasure. James knew she was close just by the sound of her breathing, ragging, shallow breaths which he doubted provided any oxygen at all to her body. Her hands grasped his shoulders and the fingertips dug into his skin, silently urging him to slide up her body and fully complete what they'd started.

"Pleeeeease!" she hissed, still clawing at him. He knew she'd draw blood, but he didn't care.

"Almost there, baby," he said against her engorged flesh and she whimpered at the vibrations of his mouth.

With a few more flicks of his tongue and swirls of his fingers, she came with a thunderous bellow, shocking him at her reaction and making him extremely proud of himself. He slid up her body and kissed her, the taste of her lips mixing with that of her cunt.

"You taste fabulous. Can't you tell?" he said huskily before kissing her again.

"Oh damn, James, please!" she begged again. "I want you, Potter!"

Her hands went to his hips and she tugged at him to centre him over her as she spread her legs for him. He couldn't help but laugh at her eagerness.

"You really want this, don't you?" He raised himself up on his elbows and met her gaze. She was beautiful.

Her intense emerald eyes were wide and the pupils nearly blocked out every bit of the colour. Her face was flushed a charming pink and a light sheen of sweat made her sparkle in the dim light of the room. Her plump lips begged for him to kiss her again and if he licked her bottom lip with the tip of his tongue, he was sure he'd get one last taste of her juices.

"You have to ask?"

Her hands went to his buttocks and she squeezed them while she shifted him again so that his cock was separated from its goal only by the thin material of his boxer shorts.

"And why are these still on?" she asked incredulously, her hands frantically pulling his underwear over his arse, getting them to his knees before grabbing him and then positioning him near her entrance.

Out of nowhere, James began to panic.

"Lily…hey, slow down. I don't want to rush this," he pleaded, rolling to the side and onto the white rug. Despite his words, his hands idly stroked her belly and her breasts. His cock had shrunk a bit, and if he were truly honest, he'd admit that it was a good thing. "I love you too much to have it over in seconds."

Lily sighed and placed a hand on his cheek. He leaned into her and closed his eyes. Her touch never failed to make him weak in the knees.

"I love you. I want this and we've waited long enough. Make love to me. Please."

How could he deny that?

Kissing her tenderly, he resumed his place between her thighs and nudged her knees apart. He took a deep breath and grasped himself, sliding easily inside her. She gasped at his intrusion.

"Shhh…it's alright, Lil." He kissed her again—deep, loving kisses that expressed everything he felt for her.

Their kisses continued as they moved together, their bodies expressing the love between them.

James smiled again, feeling himself grow hard once again as the memory played out in his head.

It was a wonderful night with her. They made love again on the rug and then up in the room she had used. The following morning, he had awakened early, and when he saw her laying next to him, it was a dream come true. He watched her as she slept, her hair spread out across the pillow and he smiled. Desire rose up inside him again--he couldn't help it. James woke her with kisses and caresses and they made love again.

That was what he wanted for the rest of his life and the rest of his life included her.

A groan escaped his mouth again, the reality of his current life hitting him full force as the throbbing of his headache returned. He'd drunk way too much with Sirius the night before, but it was loads of fun. He'd missed spending time with his friend and the knowledge that Sirius was just as miserable as he was made things much more palatable.

Lily paced the platform at King's Cross outside the Hogwarts Express, waiting for James. She'd written to him the day before, asking him to meet her at the station. He'd readily agreed and she thought he would be there by now. She looked at the large clock again and swore. He said he'd be there fifteen minutes ago and his tardiness did not fit into her plans.

Every other year, she would wait for her friends and get on the train minutes before it left. It was a very social time for all the students and normally, Lily was a willing participant in the revelry. But this time, she wanted some alone time with James. The time she'd spent with him at his house, making love over and over again, thrilled and scared her at the same time.

She loved waking up to his smile and mischievous eyes. The way he woke her up that morning with his hands and lips was beyond anything she could have thought. Those moments with him banished the memories of Geoffrey and their sex life. James was a patient and generous lover, taking his time to prepare her and to please her. His hands were gentle as they moved across her body, coaxing out various reactions and noises from her. His lips worked their magic on her as they kissed, licked, and sucked their way over every inch of her. The way he made her feeling was indescribable.

And it wasn't just the sex. He challenged her mind and made her laugh like she'd never laughed before. He was intelligent, very intelligent, and Dumbledore had made the right decision in naming him Head Boy. He'd matured over the past year and changed from the arrogant obnoxious toe rag into a loving, caring, sensitive, yet still wildly mischievous young man. And she loved it.

What scared her, though, was her need for him. When she wasn't around him, she felt alone and out of sorts. She constantly thought about him, wanting to be with him, even if it was only to study or sit together. Never before had she felt this…desire for someone's presence. It was unnerving.

And then there were classes and school. How would they manage things when they got back? Having sex with him was something she definitely must continue, but she didn't want it to get in the way of her studies. The last thing she wanted was to lose focus of the real objective of this school year: finding a worthwhile job in the magical world.

And that led to her need to speak with James. They had to work out how they'd handle this new facet of their relationship. She'd thought long and hard about it since arriving home from spending the night with James. Sex couldn't be scheduled; she knew that much. But she still needed some reassurance from him that they wouldn't be shagging every minute they weren't in class.

That was another concern of hers. Her room, of course, was out of the question due to the enchanted stairs. Damn Founders and their silly ideas. There was no way in hell that she'd do it in James' room. Making love to James in the same room where his friends slept was just not conducive to amorous activities.

"Why am I analysing this?" she shouted, the echo of her words making her sound like a fishwife.

"I don't know who you're speaking with, Lily, but I may have to question your sanity and fitness for your position at the school."

She turned around and found Severus standing behind her.

"Oh, hey, Sev. How was your holiday?" She remembered the horrible Christmases he'd had when growing up but they'd been better since his father, Tobias, had left.

"Passable," he said with a sneer. "I heard something from Yaxley." The Slytherin in question walked up and stopped next to Severus, looking smug and haughty.

"What could he possible say that would interest me, Severus?" she asked in a huff, crossing her arms over her chest. If he was going to say what she thought he would, he would definitely regret it.

"Potter's mother…"

Lily felt anger rise inside her.

"…it appears…"

She stared at Severus. Yaxley wore a smarmy sneer.

"…has lost her mind. She's a nutter. A head case. Loopy."

Her wand hand started to itch and she began to think of ways to humiliate her former friend.

"Nothing to say, Lily?" He rose an eyebrow in a way that, she assumed, was meant to make him look superior.

"You keep your mouth shut, Severus. You know nothing about what's been going on," she seethed, drawing her wand and pointing it at his chin. "Keep your nose in your own business, if that's at all possible."

Lily spun on her heel and headed toward the train. On impulse, she spun around and hexed him, causing red boils to erupt on his face. Severus began scratching at his face, bellowing in pain until the spell faded. Laughter from Yaxley and a few other students punctuated her steps as she made her way to the prefect compartment.

Serves him right, she said to herself as she took the steps of the train in two leaps.

She pushed her way through the train, not caring that she'd bumped into several students in the process. Her frown was etched between her brows and she felt like hitting something. Instead, she flung herself onto the nearest chair and closed her eyes, soon falling asleep.

"She's in here, Prongs!"

Lily jumped at the sound and turned toward the door. It was Peter, wearing a relieved look on his face.

"What's wrong?" she asked, stretching her arms above her head.

"James…he couldn't find you," Peter stammered. "You shoulda seen him, Lily, he was beside himself. I thought you two were supposed to meet on the platform at 10:30?"

"We were…at 10:15…he was late," Lily huffed. "And then Severus—"

"What'd that git do to you?" interrupted James from the door of the compartment. Relief washed over his face and he made his way toward her. Before he could take more than one two steps, Lily leapt off the chair and into his arms. He caught her and kissed her enthusiastically while her legs wrapped around his waist.

"I'll just…leave, okay?" Peter said softly. Lily waved as he left the compartment and returned the kiss.

His hands went to her arse and he pulled her to him, pressing her crotch against his hard on. Taking a step back, he turned and pressed her up against the wall of the compartment. They continued to kiss and slide their bodies over the other, intensifying the sensations. James roared in delight as his fingers made their way to the hem of her skirt, making her immensely pleased that she'd put on her uniform instead of jeans. His anxious fingers inched their way to her inner thighs and found the edge of her panties, pushing them to the side. He slid one finger and then another into her warmth, and Lily arched her back, allowing James to devour her neck. Her tension built as he worked her, adding a third, and she was on the verge of coming when he stopped.

"Hold on," James whispered huskily.

Before she could answer him, he let go of her and quickly went to work on his flies, pushing his trousers and pants eagerly down to his knees. Stealing a glance downward, she saw him ready for her. Lily shifted and before she knew it, without knowing how he even managed it, she slid down onto him and gasped.

"Merlin," he muttered and then kissed her again.

They arched against the other before James began pounding into her. Lily felt her back sliding up and down the wall with each thrust, and her fingernails dug into his shoulders each time she met the wall. In no time at all, she was tightening around him. She buried her head against his neck to muffle her cries as she came hard. James followed right behind her, ramming her back against the wall one last time as he came, her name on his lips.

"Bloody hell," she whined as he withdrew, sliding down the wall and onto the floor. James smirked at her and crumbled next to her, his trousers still around his knees, breathing heavily.

"The door was locked, wasn't it?" he mused with another broad, cheeky grin which earned him a swat from Lily. "Hey!"

"Prat," she teased, standing up and straightening her skirt and blouse.

"But you love me, yeah?" James looked up at her with a pitiful, puppy dog look.

"Get up, you big, oaf." She held out her hand to help him up, which he readily accepted. His touch sent a jolt of electricity through her body. They'd just fucked up against the wall of the train compartment and here she was, wanting him again.

"You never answered my question," he reminded her, standing up and fastening his trousers. "You love me, don't you?" His mouth curved up in a smirk that made her look away, a blush rising along her neck.

"Of course, I do." She turned back to him. "You'd be much less interesting if I didn't."

The cheeky grin returned. "Bitch."

"Fucker."

"I love you."

"Why wouldn't you?" She leaned forward and kissed him soundly on the mouth.

Lily sat in the common room surrounded by books, parchment, quills, and ink. There was a smudge of ink on her cheek and her hair was messy. A headache was building behind her eyes. This was not the first time she found herself in this situation since returning to school a few weeks ago. Classes were becoming more intense: more essays, difficult exams, and the pressure of her upcoming N.E.W.T.s. She wanted to do well, to get high marks and get a good job once she finished school. That was the reason behind her late night study sessions in the library and the common room, where she now sat at a table tucked away in a niche.

But there was, of course, a price to be paid for all her scholastic enthusiasm. She rarely had any free time, she was ignoring her friends, and most of all, she was beginning to ignore James. The last casualty, James, really bothered her. She loved him more than she ever thought she could and the intensity of that love frightened her. But she was ignoring him, choosing studying over spending time with him, cuddling with him, making love with him.

They'd been intimate only twice since the train three weeks ago. She knew that James wanted her more often. He'd hinted on more than one occasion that he wanted her to stay in his dorm room, to wake up with her and make love again in the newness of the day. It was her own adversity to waking up to his friends there in the same room that kept her from agreeing to it. The memory of his touch haunted her and was something she truly missed, wanted again and soon. She sighed and looked out toward the fireplace, the embers dying down and causing a chill to form.

"Lily?" came James' soft voice.

She looked up and gave him a weary smile. She watched as he made his way toward her, his feet bare and his hair sticking up all over the place. He wore striped pyjama bottoms and a blue t-shirt.

"Hi." She couldn't help but note the tired sound of her voice. He sat down next to her, taking her quill from her hand and placing it across the table, out of her reach.

"You should get some sleep. It's two in the morning," he reminded her. He cocked his head to the side, as if he were seeing her for the first time.

"I have an exam on Friday."

"It's Tuesday, love. And you know all that already." James scooted closer and placed his arm around her chair, the heat from his body causing butterflies to form in her stomach.

"I have to get…I've got to do well, James. It wouldn't hurt if you studied a bit more, you know. Don't you want to get a good job, get ahead in the world?"

He laughed. He actually laughed.

"Work? I suppose I could, but what would be the point? I've got more money than Malfoy," he said, almost as if he didn't care.

Her mouth dropped and she was gobsmacked. She knew he was wealthy, but his light attitude towards an occupation bothered her, making her angry.

"So, you're just going to sit around on your arse, doing nothing for the rest of your life? Oh, that's ambitious." Lily moved her chair backwards, making a harsh grating sound on the wooden floor.

"That's not what I was planning to do at all," he shot back at her, furrowing his brow. "I have boards to sit on in my parents' place, a foundation to oversee, and a charity to run. Don't you dare tell me I'll be sitting on my arse."

"What?"

James continued to stare at her as if she'd hurt his feelings. Deep down, she knew she had.

"I have things I need to do, Lily. I don't know if I'd have time for something I'd want to do, actually." He shook his head and sighed. "I'm sorry, Lil. I'm tired and want you to go up to bed."

"You're not my mother." She cringed at her tone. "Sorry. But…but I just can't disappoint myself."

"Lily, you're not perfect. Don't roll your eyes at me, young lady," he added when she did just that. "Stop trying so hard and stop putting so much pressure on yourself. Come on and go up to bed."

"I'm not going up with you," she said, noting the way his own eyes rolled. "I don't want them to…know." She whispered the last word and blushed.

"You honestly think they don't know already?"

That was the worst thing he could have possibly said at that moment. She stood up and hastily threw her things into her bag, her anger building inside.

"And of course, you had to go blab everything about our private time, had to tell them you'd finally fucked me, didn't you?" She wiped the ink off her cheek. "Did you crow it from the Astronomy Tower when we got back?"

"Lily—"

"Did you have a good laugh over me?" Tears were streaming down her face. "Have a nice time telling them how we fucked like beasts on the train?" Her bag was full and she turned toward the stairs.

"NO!" he shouted. "They figured it out all by themselves. They're not dumb, you know. Didn't have to exactly spell it out for them."

"Fine, you didn't tell them," she said angrily. "But I'm not going to bed with you tonight."

"What's new about that?" he muttered, barely audible, as he headed toward the stairs.

"To hell with you, Potter!" Her voice was shrill and echoed against the stone walls of the common room. James stopped, yet kept his back turned to her. "That's what you wanted, didn't you? Thought you could just worm your way into my bed with a few words of encouragement? If all you want is a shag, just go and find Narcissa. I'm sure she'd be more than willing to oblige you again!"

She watched as his shoulders sank and his head hung down. He sighed heavily and turned around, wearing an inscrutable look on his face and his jaw was clenched.

"If you knew how wrong you were about that, you'd know how much that hurt." He turned around again and silently made his way up the stairs.

She stared after him, taking note of the heavy steps he took. And his face. The look on his face when he spoke was one she'd never seen before, almost as if the colour had drained from it along with all his energy. What didn't she know?

The sound of a door slamming startled her, causing her to jump. He was angry and she didn't blame him. She'd hurt him with her remark and vowed that she'd get it out of him, no matter how painful it was to them both.

The morning she turned eighteen dawned bright and beautiful. Lily looked at the end of her bed and found several presents. Upon further investigation, she found one from her parents, one from her aunt and uncle in Blackburn, and a round one from Pamela and Mary. She smiled, but inside, she was disappointed that there wasn't one from James. Maybe he didn't know it was her birthday. No, he seemed to know everything about her and he was sure to know. The most likely reason was due to their argument in the common room last week. Ever since then, he'd been cold to her. He didn't seek her out at the table at meal times; he studied alone in his room, befuddling both his friends and her; he didn't hold her hand in the corridors even though she walked alongside his friends. They hadn't been alone for any length of time and hadn't spoken about anything other than classes. It was a miserable existence, but she didn't know how to fix it.

"Happy Birthday!" announced Pamela, who bounded toward her bed and jumped next to her. "Eighteen. Legal in both worlds."

Lily smiled and grabbed the present from her parents. It was the same thing they'd given Petunia on her eighteenth birthday: a string of Mikimoto pearls. Her aunt and uncle had given her a book of Shakespeare's sonnets.

"Shakespeare?" asked Mary. "Who's that?" She crossed the room and sat on the bed next to Pamela, yawning and stretching her arms above her head.

"Muggle playwright from the 1500s," Lily informed her friend. "Elizabeth the first was enthralled with him." She placed the book on her bedside table and reached for the one from her friends. "You guys!"

It was a box of chocolate and not just any chocolate. It was full of all the best chocolates in the world, from Austria, Germany, Switzerland, Belgium, Ireland, Britain, and the United States. Chocolate was Lily's biggest weakness, and six and a half years of living with her had taught Mary and Pamela something, at least.

"You're welcome," Mary answered brightly. "Chocolate is a cure for whatever ails you."

At that remark, Lily's face fell; there was no hiding it.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

Lily gathered her composure and waved her friend off. "Don't worry about it. I just need to talk to him. That's all." She took a sideways glance at her clock. "It's still early. I think I'm going to go downstairs before breakfast."

Once down in the common room, she walked over to the window seat that she and James usually occupied, only to find someone already there. Her heart raced.

"J—James?" she asked hopefully.

The figure on the seat turned around and gave her a crooked smile. It was Sirius.

"Sorry to disappoint you, Evans," he said suavely, scooting over to make room for her. "Have a seat."

Gathering her dressing gown tight around her middle, she sat next to James' friend and curled up in the corner. Neither of them knew what to say and they sat in uncomfortable silence.

"So….happy birthday," he said softly, smiling crookedly again.

"How—how'd you know?" She knew the answer, of course, but just wanted him to say it.

He chuckled and answered, "Prongs, of course. He's got something planned for you today."

"Really?" That was the last thing she'd expected today, especially after their fight. "But we had a fight. He hasn't said more than 'pass the salt' to me in the last week."

"Lily, just because you had a fight with him doesn't mean he doesn't care anymore. His pride's hurt."

"Why? What happened with her?" She'd heard only bits and pieces from her friends of his short relationship with Narcissa, if that's what it could be called, but nothing that would explain his reaction.

"You really don't know?" Sirius asked, his brow furrowed as he shook his head in disbelief.

"No, I don't. He won't tell me," she admitted.

Sirius sighed, scooted over to Lily, and put an arm around her.

"I s'pose I can tell you, if you want."

She nodded and looked toward the stairs, almost willing him to come down.

"My cousin and her silver-haired beau had a falling out and James happened upon her as she was crying down by the dungeons. He'd had detention."

Lily nodded. James was always getting into trouble.

"Well, a woman in tears, even if it is a Slytherin one, makes him, and any other bloke for that matter, a pile of nerves, unable to think clearly and reduces him to a blubbering idiot," he stated with a deep breath. "He couldn't just walk away and leave her there, you know."

Lily nodded. "So she was crying and he patted her shoulder?"

Sirius shifted uncomfortably on the window seat and looked at her.

"We-e-e-ll…there's a bit more to it than that."

Lily bit her bottom lip, anxiously waiting for more explanation. She had an idea of what the rest of it would entail, but she needed to hear this.

"Go on."

"Okay, now the way James tells it, he put his arm around her and tried to get her to talk about what happened. She was blubbering and he couldn't understand a word she was saying. So they just sat there for a while until she calmed down enough to stop crying. She said 'thank you' and leaned over to kiss his cheek but then stopped and said she wanted to 'really' kiss him. Well, all that raw emotion lead to…a desk in one of the Potions classrooms."

She couldn't say anything in response to that and he continued.

"And, well, they kept going at it for about a week until she got a package from her twat of a boyfriend."

"What does Lucius have to do with this?" She shook her head in disbelief.

"Well, the two of them had a fight and he chucked her," he stated bluntly. "Cissy told him that she was fucking James, that he was much better than him, blah, blah, blah. So he sent her a fur and begged her to take him back. She walked over to James and handed him some Galleons, telling him that, quote, 'All whores need to be paid.' James threw the money against a window and broke it. He was pretty messed up after that."

Lily remembered hearing about the broken window, but the situation around it never made its way to her. No one, in fact, really knew what had happened with the two of them once all the talk about them stopped. Now, she just thought it was sad. Narcissa was a cruel bitch. Of that, there was no doubt.

"I…I remember that, the way he was. He was…quiet," she stated. James was never quiet; something had to be extremely wrong with him if he was withdrawn. Like now.

Her mouth opened and her heart sunk. She'd done the same thing to him by bringing up his past with Narcissa. Suddenly, all his actions and words about that time with her made sense. He was made to feel cheap and dirty. In some ways, it was worse coming from Lily; she loved him, after all.

She couldn't help the tears that began to form in her eyes and soon found herself sobbing. Her body shuddered against her will as nausea rose from deep within her stomach.

"Lily…Lily, don't. Please don't cry," he said steely. "I'm not about to…er, comfort you." He reached over and stiffly patted her on the shoulder with a little rub on her back.

She snorted and began laughing. "Don't worry, Black. You're probably carrying every strain of VD known to man."

"Ha, ha," he said dryly. "Go on, get on up there. You know you want to." He shoved her off the window seat and she stumbled away toward the stairs. "Grovel. Remember to grovel."

"James?" she asked, propping herself up on one elbow and looking down at him.

"What?" he answered, his voice groggy and his eyes droopy with sleep.

"I'm sorry I made you feel that way," she whispered. "I had no idea." Her hand went to his fringe and brushed it back from his head.

"Lily…" James sat up and took her hand. "It's okay. Really. I should have told you before all this. Besides, I thought I forgave you already. Twice."

Lily felt the blush rise in her cheeks and pulled the sheet over her breasts. She had left Sirius in the common room and ran up the seven flights of stairs to find James still sleeping. Without asking Remus and Peter to leave, she slipped onto James' bed and woke him. Between kisses, hugs, and laughter, Lily apologised and received forgiveness. Of course, making up wouldn't be nearly as pleasant if there wasn't some sort of reward.

"You are the most insufferable, arrogant, self-righteous—"

"Shut up and kiss me," he interrupted with a playful grin as he crept toward her.

"Sorry, love," she began, "but we have classes. We're already too late for breakfast and McGonagall will have a fit if we skive off. Come on, Prongs." Lily slid off the bed, holding out her left hand while the right clutched the sheet to cover herself. "It's my birthday, remember? I think I want to celebrate in my birthday suit."

She flashed a mischievous grin at him and headed toward the bathroom. James leapt off the bed to chase after her in all his naked glory. Laughing, he picked her up and carried her into the bathroom.

It was the best birthday ever.