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Chapter 19

Broken

Carlisle's pov:

I'm thankful now I don't sleep, otherwise I would most certainly have uncontrollable nightmares. The lost boy; his grief stricken father; the dead bodies because of the revenge the boys father deemed himself worthy of. The scent of the blood will haunt me; the scent of my broken daughters' blood soaking through my clothes will forever be burned upon my mind. Edwards' sobs and prayers; Esme's screams and Jasper's anger all create a empty hole inside me. I have never in all my years felt so responsible for so many deaths, and being what I am this means a lot. I have created vampires who have in turn killed innocent people and that I do felt guilty for it as in most way that is my fault.

I have been in my office since it happened, I can't face going home and seeing those faces. Although none of them blame me in the slightest I can't forgive myself, ever. If I had done more to help little Thomas maybe his death could of been prevented and all lost lives could've been saved.

I was looking out the window at the falling snow and it reminded me so much of that day Bella became part the family. The little two year old with the most beautiful brown eyes and flowing hair. I've never seen Esme so happy, she had a daughter to spoil and Love. Alice and Rose had a little sister to dress up and turn into what ever their wild imaginations fancied; Bella hated this but allowed them anyway. She played with Jasper and Emmet, although not all of us were pleased with some of the games they chose. She read with me and begged me for stories at bedtimes. Edward was here everything; she acted like him and tried to sound like him, to all our amusement. She was our Bella.

She grew up into such an intelligent and selfless young woman and I could not have been any prouder of anything in all my life and all my life to come. I found myself smiling at these memories, a simple smile such a miracle these days. Why didn't I just turn her there? There was so much blood no one would've noticed much more and her screams would be okay, she had been shot. She would be one of us and back with us.

The door knocking startled me. Nurse Dillion poked her head around the door she was the young lady I saved before Bella...

"Dr. Carlisle, I wanted to give you these for saving my life and I just wanted to say I'm sorry" Her voice so sweet but filled with my sorrow.

"Thank You Jill" I said as cheerily I was able.

"When you leaving for the funeral?"

"Now actually" She smiled at me and left.

I was staring at my own reflection and doing my tie. All in black, it's perfectly reflecting my mood dispute Jasper's greatest effort, even he these day cares not to cheer people up. I left my office and heading to my car.

I looked up prayed at the darkening sky and prayed.

Please wake up.

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