Disclaimer: i do not own Twilight. i do own pumpkin spice cupcakes with pecan cream cheese frosting and candied pecans on top :) trust me, they are phenom.

chapter eight

"A man must not deny his manifest abilities, for that is to evade his obligations."

William Feather

Isabella

Though my eyes are closed and my mind feels heavy, as if waking up from a long slumber, I am aware of many things; the quiet sounds of breathing accompanied by a light snore from my right, a heavy, narrow weight across my hips, warmth radiating one side of my body making the cocoon of blankets and sheets around me almost too hot. Soft puffs of air hit the side of my neck, a burrowing movement against my shoulder.

I remember bits of what had happened last time I was conscious. Waking up to Alice's predictable, perky wake-up knock on my door, her concerned expression when I sat up groaning. That was when I began to feel like the cells of my body were slowly dying.

After my last draining, I'd religiously worn my gloves, ignoring the icy feeling in my fingers and the pangs of hunger in my stomach. The need to drain came much more quickly than I expected - much more quickly than it would have in the human world. But I'd been scared by the amount of life I'd killed the last time; I tortured myself with returning to that courtyard in the night, looking at the destruction I caused.

I'd also avoided Edward - rearranging my days at the Arena, tuning out any talk of him and generally beating myself up inside if my mind wandered to thoughts of his chiseled face and grey-green eyes.

The weight over my hip tightens, becomes heavier and something grips the slight flesh of my hipbone - I am pulled taut to the firm warmth and the air on my neck gets hotter, almost as hot as the searing heat of the pain my body still remembered. My muscles clench in anticipation of the pain, the weight over and beside me drawing me closer still.

The pain.

It was like nothing I'd ever experienced before, more intense than any cramping hunger pang; waves of it crashing over and over my body, paralyzing my mind. I, unfortunately, can recall every second of the pain.

I was foolish to not feed.

Berating myself, I crack my eyes open, automatically searching the massive window; bright orange, flirting pink and flushing purple sky and creamy white clouds paint the sun set, the sun itself taking up over a third of the skyline in hot ocher orange. I've slept all day, it seems.

Quiet murmuring from beside me draws my eyes to the right-

Edward.

His face is innocent in his sleep; brows un-furrowed, serenely blank face, slack mouth taking in air with that soft snore. His strong, pale arm is holding me firmly to him, his chest to my side, his hand gently but unrelenting on my hip. Edward's face is almost buried in the crook of my neck, his nose touching my hair.

I panic for a moment, trying to get out of his tight hold. My hand lands on his forearm, eager to pull it off me - one more inch and Edward will be touching the skin of my stomach where my shirt has ridden up in my sleep.

Edward doesn't budge and I find myself thankful that I chose to wear a long sleeved t-shirt to sleep.

It is then that my mind catches up to my body's actions and I process the skin-on-skin contact of my hand on his arm.

My hands feel toasty warm, so different from the icy numb feeling they'd been for the last week. I very cautiously take my hand away from his arm and towards my face, shocked to find delicate swirls of dark black designs just above the nail of each of my fingers. The designs are maybe half an inch tall and wide and are perfectly proportioned and equal on each finger. I rub at one of them, thinking it's ink but the design stays. That's when I see the faint outline of a dotted circle on each of the knuckles of my middle fingers. Both are just a shade or two darker than my skin.

Anxiety overrides my system and my entire body begins to tremble; my mind frantically tries to recall information. How did these get here? How did Edward end up in my bed? Why are my hands warm - did I do the unthinkable and drain a person?

"Shhh," a deep voice whispers into my skin. I slide my eyes over to meet Edward's, his expression extremely concerned as he pushes hair off my forehead and rubs my hip soothingly.

"Don't touch me," I warn him as my shirt moves more with his movement, revealing an inch more of skin.

Edward raises a brow and continues his movements. "It's okay."

I sit up, harshly shoving his body away from mine, and scoot to the side, wrapping my arms around my torso, hiding my hands under my arms. "It's not okay. I could kill you."

Edward snorts. "I highly doubt that."

I glower at him, silently challenging him. He saw what happened in that courtyard - why would he even bother doubting that I could kill him? I kill everything else I touch.

Edward glares right back, accepting the challenge and raising his hand to my neck. I flinch away from him, my hair swinging over to hide my skin.

"Get out."

"No," he whispers, moving my hair aside and ever so lightly touching the tips of his fingers to the column of my throat. A small zing of electricity raises the hair on the back of my neck, making me gasp out and shiver from the feeling - the shock and the foreign sense of pleasure.

"Get out," I bite out, hating that I sound breathless. I swing my legs over the side of the bed and go to stand beside the window, the sun almost gone completely from the sky leaving the clouds around it more blue and purple.

Edward say's nothing, his eyes trained on my hands intently. I am quick to hide them behind my back, ignoring his questioning stare.

I pay avid attention to his face, noting the reluctance in his expression and the heat of his eyes. He is sitting up, his shirt wrinkled from a day and bed but he doesn't appear harmed in any way. If anything, he seems more alive than I've ever seen him.

I touched him. Edward should be cold and lifeless by now yet he is breathing and staring at me like I am the answer to a riddle he hasn't been able to figure out.

"Why won't you leave?" I whisper, furrowing my brows and leaning my back against the window.

"Why do you want me to?" he counters, standing and stretching his arms over his head with a groan; his shirt rides up on his abdomen slightly and my face get's hot.

"Are you always going to answer a question with a question?"

Edward shrugs again. "Are you always going to have so many questions?"

I know the answer - of course I will. Nothing about Olympus makes any real sense. It's hidden but obviously ships pass through it all the time. It's both a city and a countryside, both having a rocky, white beach. It's cold because it's winter but the Pacific ocean is a tropical climate that doesn't harbor cold, yet snow is on the ground.

I sigh, sinking down to the floor beneath the window, my knees to my chest and my arms cradled in my hands. "What happened?"

Edward is silent for a beat, slowly moving to sit against the bed across from me. "I'm not sure, Bella but-"

"Bella?"

Edward's eyes widen and the tips of his ears turn red; his hand glides through his messy hair and he avoids my eyes. "Ah, yes."

I feel my brows raise and bite the corner of my mouth. I'd never actually had a nickname before and I did like the sound of Bella. It seemed to fit me better than Isabella ever could.

Choosing to ignore this new development, I instead ask another question. "What do you last remember?"

"Pain."

I feel my eyes widen. He felt it too? "How-"

Edward sighs and looks at me more intensely than he ever has - it nearly takes my breath away. "We're connected, Bella."

I know, deep inside, that he's right.

Edward and I make our way to the house that Athena keeps on school property to find answers. Athena isn't the least bit surprised when she invites us in from the cold - instead, she ushers us to sit in front of a flaming fire in her living room and excuses herself, coming out a few moments later with a tray of small finger foods and a canister of what looks to be hot chocolate.

Part of me is amused by the entire picture. Who knew that one of the most important Goddesses liked mini Panini, tiny biscotti's and gooey chocolate chip cookies? She would make the best host in the human world and it occurs to me that maybe Athena had a hand in creating some of the social customs around the world.

Athena looks up at me knowingly with a small wink as she passes Edward and I cups of the thickest, most delicious white chocolate hot chocolate I've ever had. It warms my insides from the cold along with the fire.

As we snack and drink, Athena tentatively fills us in on what she thinks happened, scolding me for not feeding my power when I felt the need. "Now, while I'm not completely sure why Edward didn't drop dead when he kissed you-"

This was news to me and judging by Edward's pink ears, it was something that he didn't want to share. Instantly, my high heart drops; Edward didn't think I was worthy of him. I couldn't find it in myself to disagree.

Athena continues on, pointedly ignoring the uncomfortable look on Edward's face. "I'm sure it has something to do with his own gift," she tells me, not elaborating though I am overly curious. I should not be considering his embarrassment over kissing me. I wasn't even aware for my first kiss - and probably my last. "I will consult with the Fates later on, when they are available to me. I suggest you, Edward, keep a close eye on yourself and come to me immediately if you're feeling rather….drained. Isabella, monitor yourself as well. I'm wondering if you will last longer at this point after feeding on Edward's energy."

As soon as we are out of Athena's house, I left Edward, walking quickly through the very edge of the forest, ignoring his voice calling after me.

If he was ashamed of kissing me, then he could be. It didn't change my solitary plans that I'd made a long time ago - live alone, die alone, leave the world without a whisper of my presence. I certainly didn't force Edward to kiss me and until thirty minuets ago, I wasn't even aware of the faint tingling of my lips.

Edward could have his kiss back. I didn't want it.

A/N: happy with the direction this chapter went; all my thanks goes to my readers and my awesome beta/pre-reader IvySnow!

be brutally honest.

~cupcakeriot