Stunned and Bummed

Casey had laid still on the bed, her back turned to Olivia, for five minutes now. Her breathing had slowed to a pace that resembled a deep sleep, but the young attorney was far from unconscious. Her emerald eyes were wide open, and she stared ahead at the wall opposite her side of the bed. She adjusted the pillow underneath her and sighed, still unable to look at Olivia. It was heartbreaking to lay there next to the woman she loved, unable to face her. Their bodies were inches apart, but for Casey, it may as well have been a thousand miles.

It came down to shame. The throbbing pain that coursed through her was near unbearable, but even that was not what kept her from looking at her girlfriend. At least, not by itself. Casey sighed again. She felt vulnerable, weak, and lonely. She was embarrassed for several of the reactions her body had experienced as she had endured her punishment, especially since, she prided herself in being ladylike. It was how she had been raised by her uber rich, uber strict parents. Being ladylike was definitely not in the same dictionary as the various reactions she had experienced. And for that, she felt increadibly humiliated.

Laying there, awake while Olivia remained stone silent next to her was too much. Finally unable to stand it any longer, Casey got up from the bed, wrapping the sheet around her body and making her way outside onto the balcony. Placing her elbows on the edge, she gazed out at the city below, sparkling with happiness. It had always seemed so beautiful when she was out here, but now, the sight of the glimmering below brought tears to Casey's eyes. Hearing the sound of laughter from the sidewalk below, she turned away, too upset to deal with other people's happiness.

Spotting the bench she had bought so long ago, Casey walked over to it, but hesitated, debating whether sitting down was worth the pain that would inevitably follow. She quickly decided against it, and instead stood beside the ficus next to the balcony. She knew Olivia hadn't hurt her on purpose. It came down to the fact that the detective was one who often did not realize her own strength. However, though she knew it was not intentional, Casey was still in a world of pain caused by her encounter with the detective's strength, and she was a fast healer, but it would still take a few weeks for her wounds to fully heal. Her emotional wounds were another story.

"Come back inside," came Olivia's voice behind her. Within seconds, the brunette was standing at Casey's side. "Casey, it's freezing out here. I don't want you to get sick."

"I'm okay," Casey said quickly. Seeing the strange look that was etched into Olivia's furrowed brows, the redhead sighed. "Listen, I love you, more than anything, in fact. And I loved my punishment. It felt incredible in so many ways. But I feel really ashamed right now because of certain things that I did during my punishment, and I think if I just get a little bit of space I'll be fine."

Olivia looked into her eyes. Chocolate brown locked with emerald green. "I am sorry for going too far. I am glad you at least enjoyed yourself, pain aside. I love you, Casey, and if it takes me a thousand years, I will make this up to you." The detective removed her coat and draped it over Casey's snow white shoulders. "Take this. It's too cold out here for you to just be in that tank top and skirt." She gently kissed the redhead and pulled back.

"I'll miss you," Casey murmured.

"I'll miss you too," Olivia replied, her chocolate brown eyes shimmering with tears. "Just know that I will come when you need me. When you're ready, I'll be here. I promise I will find a way to make this up to you." The detective turned to leave.

Casey stopped her. "Olivia?" she asked. Olivia turned around and looked at her, curiosity clouding her gaze. "Um." Casey swallowed hard. "Thank you," she whispered. "That was the most amazing punishment. And I forgive you for these blisters, but I still need some time to get over my humiliation. Just know that I love you, okay?"

"I love you too," Olivia answered, kissing Casey once more before sliing the glass door open and entering the bedroom. Moments later, Casey swore she heard the front door close.

The attorney looked down at her current outfit, a tank top and mini skirt. It was not her normal choice of apparel, but she was catering to the pain in her butt. She looked down at the bracelet Olivia had given her a month into their relationship and shook her head. Someday they would be together again. Casey had already forgiven Olivia, at least partially. It would take time to forgive her fully, as much as it would to forgive herself. "I love you," she whispered to the wind, before folding her arms on the balcony and burying her head, quickly giving into quietly sobbing. She missed Olivia already.