(A/N As much as I wish I did, I do not own any of the Twilight Saga, that all belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I don't own Edward either, which sucks because he's fun to write (:

Why is it I have so many readers but like no reviews? :( Read and review…please! Italics in this chapter are thoughts, bold italics are visions xD)

Chapter 3 – Pixies

The pile of wood splinters, or perhaps shavings would be a better description, had reached mountainous proportions in the short time I had been here. I'd lost count of how many trees I had uprooted and ripped unceremoniously to shreds and it was not relieving any of my anguish, pain or anger. If anything, I felt worse because I had finally let down the walls that I had carefully built since I had left Forks to conceal the pain and it was now washing over me in great powerful waves, dragging me under into the black, bottomless ocean that my life was now. What a pathetic existence. I felt completely drained for the first time since I had become a vampire. Vampires never got tired, but in this moment I had never felt so spent, never felt more…human. And yet, at the same time, I had never felt further from humanity. I, perversely, longed for salty tears to make tracks down my marble cheeks, but they would never come. I remembered crying as a child, and although it had given me a headache after a while, the tears had always made me feel better, let me get rid of some of the pain I was feeling at that time. I so longed for that release right now.

My hands slowly stilled on the thick branch I had been shredding as the realisation that this was doing me no good hit me. Channelling my emotions into something else just wasn't going to help this time. I knew now that I would have to live with this wretched agony for as long as I continued to dwell on this planet. Somehow I would have to find a way to work through it. I slowly, painfully came back to reality, came back to myself, carefully rebuilding the defences that I had so recklessly torn down in my attempt to vent some of my anguish. And as I came back to the present, to the pain coursing through my body, I heard a loud screaming in my mind. At first, I assumed that it was just my body protesting to the agony of being apart from her but after trying to calm down a little bit, I realised that the shriek in my mind was far to high pitched to ever belong to me, and it was then that I heard approaching footsteps. They were fast, light so I knew it was another vampire. The footsteps were so familiar that I instantly knew who it was. Alice. I should have known the future seeing pixie would come to find me.

Alice was the one member of my family who was, predictably, the least cooperative with what I had decided to do. From the day that she had had the vision of her and Bella being the best of friends she had loved her. She loved Bella almost as much as I did, but of course in an entirely different way. To Alice, Bella was like a sister, and Alice had always hoped that one day she would be, that one day Bella and I would get married, which of course I wanted more than anything in this world, but that could never be. From the moment I had all but forced her to leave with Jasper, Alice had been fuming with me and she had continually called me to try and talk me out of my plan but of course I had ignored her. If I had listened to her arguments then I never would have been able to muster the courage to leave. And even before I saw Alice, I knew she was angry; the incessant screeching coming from her mind was enough to tell me that much.

With a heavy sigh, I sunk to the ground in front of my the mess I had made to wait for her to reach me, it wouldn't take any longer than a few seconds; but granted, those few seconds were the longest of my life. I knew she deserved answers and I knew she deserved to make her views known, but in all honesty I wasn't prepared to relive what had happened back in the forest in Forks; I wasn't strong enough for that yet. But apparently Alice was too angry to wait until I had enough control to return to my family.

Her topaz eyes were blazing in sheer fury as she stepped into the little clearing I had created, her tiny little hands were balled into fists by her side, and surprisingly she was shaking from the strength of her emotions. She looked utterly livid and for the first time in the years since she had become part of our family, I was genuinely scared of the four foot eleven vampire standing a short distance away from where I was sat, glaring unwaveringly at me. Even the pain that was utterly unconcealed on my pale features didn't stop her anger, though I saw in my mind that she noticed how unlike my usual self I looked. There was a note of concern in her thoughts, but that was totally blocked out by her rage. I swear that if it was possible, her delicate face would be bright red. I couldn't help but flinch away from her wrath, my eyes falling to the floor. Would there be any end to the number of people I hurt?

"What the hell are you thinking, Edward?" She demanded, her voice filled with the anger I could hear in her thoughts. Her voice was so terrifying that I shivered involuntarily. I hated to think that it was my fault she was like this. She threw her arms up in the air in exasperation when I didn't look at her or respond. I didn't know what to tell her. All the reasons I had for breaking up with Bella were the ones I had already given my family, and clearly she did not agree with my thoughts. I inhaled sharply, attempting in vain to calm myself further but of course it just accentuated the horrific aching in my chest.

"Alice I had no choice." I began, speaking in a voice that was barely above a whisper. I did not trust my voice to go any higher than that, no-one needed to hear how much this was tearing me apart, especially not Alice. "Every second I was with her she was in danger. I can't bear to bring her into our world and put her in the path of blood-thirsty vampires. I should have left her when James tried to kill her, I should have been strong enough then to realise that our world wasn't for her." I hesitated a little, running a hand through my already messy bronze hair. "She deserves so much better than what we can offer her. She's human and we are not, we can't expect her to give up her humanity for us." Alice opened her mouth to protest that it was Bella's choice and not ours but I raised one finger to ask her to remain silent until I was finished. "I know what you're thinking, and yes she might think that she wants this, but could you honestly condone allowing her to become one of the eternally thirsty?" As I asked her this question, my agonized golden gaze lifted to lock with her still harsh, outraged eyes.

Alice's breath huffed out as she folded her arms stubbornly across her tiny frame, her expression becoming one of defiance mixed with her unswerving irritation. Her thoughts betrayed that she didn't agree with my question, she was still convinced that this was Bella's decision and no others. But could she not see how downright selfish that would be of us to let her become one of us? I had been a vampire for ninety years now and I still was unconvinced that this was an existence worth living; a soulless, worthless life that turned even the kindest of us into monsters. I didn't give Alice a chance to voice her thoughts, I merely continued on as if she had spoken aloud.

"She deserves better than this Alice. She deserves a shot at humanity, a chance to lead a happy human life surrounded by people who can be human with her. She deserves to find someone who can be with her without him fighting a constant battle to not kill her. She deserves to have children, grandchildren and live her life in peace. Alice, I can't offer her any of that which is why I had to leave, why we all had to leave. She needed a clean break and as cruel as it may be now, she had to think that none of us cared anymore because then she can move on, get on with living her life. It's easier in the long run, and one day I know she'll be happy. She is human after all and time heals any kind of wounds for their kind." I explained, my voice starting off in a whisper and gradually building to one of boldness, one of persuasion. I was desperate to make Alice see things from my point of view because it would be so much easier to have her wholly on my side. This time, she didn't give me a chance to hear her thoughts before she spoke them aloud.

"But Edward," Alice countered in a surprisingly calm voice. She must have realised that getting angry wasn't going to get her anywhere. "We both know that Bella isn't just another human. She's special! When has she ever reacted to anything how you think she will? What makes you think that this time her reaction will be what you think?"

I let out a long, dejected and slightly frustrated sigh before pulling in a deep breath, trying to clutch desperately to what little piece of me I had left. I was glad that Alice was at least trying to somewhat control her anger, it made me feel somewhat more at ease, though of course I couldn't get away from the incessant ache in my chest. Deep down, I knew that everything she was saying was right. Bella wasn't just some average human girl, she was special and she was mysterious. I couldn't deny that much because that was after all what had drawn me to her in the first place. In the short time I had known her, she had never once reacted to anything as I expected her to. When she had found out that I was a vampire, a blood thirsty fiend who had been so close to killing her that first day in biology, she hadn't run from me screaming as she went as I had thought she would. No, she had told me that she didn't care what I was, that it didn't matter to her. And although part of me had rejoiced at her words that night because I wanted nothing more than to be with her, the rational, ethical part of my mind had reminded me that this was not right, that I shouldn't love her and she shouldn't care for me, that she should be running to get away from me because that was what would make her safe, and of course her happiness, wellbeing came before anything else. And this was of course why I had left, and I certainly wasn't going to give up without a fight.

I wrapped my arm around my chest again, trying to hold myself together somehow. I didn't really understand why I was doing it, but it made me feel just a little bit better, helped me to control the pain somewhat even though I knew it was irrational. And just as I did that, I noticed Alice's expression change from one of controlled anger to one which echoed the agony which continued to assault my body. I had always known that she would be in just as much pain as I was but seeing the evident suffering on her little pixie face just made it all that more painful for me. I had never meant to hurt anyone, not really. I just wanted my love to have a chance at normality and I knew that would hurt me, but I didn't want to hurt my family as well.

Edward, you look like hell, she whispered in her mind, all hints of anger had completely vanished from her thoughts. And in her mind, I could see my face as she saw it, and I looked awful. I was, if possible, even paler than my usual pale and my features were contorted into a mask of agony. I looked like I had been stabbed repeatedly with a serrated blade, run over by a car and drowned in acid all at the same time. And even that was not a strong enough indicator of how frightfully awful I looked, nor was it even an echo on what I was feeling.

Shaking my head as if to dispel my feelings, though of course that was pointless, I got slowly to my feet, closed the distance between us and wrapped my arms tight around my favourite sister. "I'm so sorry Alice. I have to do what I think is right. I never meant to hurt you." I murmured in her ear as she wrapped her little arms around my waist, trying to comfort me. With a sharp stab to the area where my heart should be, I realised that it wasn't her strong, cold arms that I wanted to find comfort in, but it was an equally tiny but weak, warm, soft pair of human arms that I wanted. I wanted Bella's arms and no-one else's felt right anymore. And just as my mind realised this, Alice's mind was suddenly filled with a vision, a shift in the future. I was outside Bella's house, steeling myself to go into her room and beg her to take me back.

"No!" I gasped, pulling away from her, my eyes widening a little in shock. "No, I can't." I mumbled to myself, burying the realisation I had just come to while in Alice's arms. Going back was wrong on so many levels, and I was adamant that I would not break my promise to her, not without trying my hardest to let her find happiness without me first.

Alice's eyes were still glazed over as I watched her, though I was no longer listening to her visions. But her expression had shifted from one of shock, and unadulterated happiness at what she had seen me doing, to one of sheer fury mixed with the same agony that had come to light just moments ago. I realised, with a horrible jolt, that my refusal to give into the future must have sparked a different vision so I quickly tuned back into her vision and was floored by what I saw, literally. My knees buckled below me and I sank to the ground, sobs ripping their way out of my broken chest.

Tears overwhelmed her as she flicked the cover of the scrapbook Renee had given her for her eighteenth and she saw that the first photo was missing. She didn't even bother to look any further, knowing that all traces of Edward would be gone, he would have been quite thorough. Bella knew that Edward would keep his promise, and although she had known all along that he would never be back, part of her had hoped. But after seeing this, she knew that never again would she feel his cold, strong arms around her, never again would she stare into those dazzling gold eyes. And with that, she discarded the scrapbook and sank to the floor as she sank down into the pain just as Edward had.

By the time Alice's vision had finished and she had snapped back to reality with the same livid expression on her face, I was well past noticing. I was literally screaming and writhing on the grass in pure agony. The consequences of my actions didn't really hit me until I saw what would happen to Bella. She would have been crushed, I had accepted that, but I had never wanted to see it, never wanted to see how much I had hurt her. My chest flared again, making it impossible to breathe once more. Part of me was singing that they were going to find her, that she was going to be safe but that didn't detract from the overall feeling of anguish.

"Alice," I croaked in a breathless, strained voice. "Please don't look for her future again. Please leave her alone. Please do it for me?" I begged, my tortured eyes glancing up at her to see her expression soften in concern for me. She didn't want to hurt me, and although it was hurting her, this whole ordeal, she would do anything for me. I could still tell in her thoughts that she was totally against what I was doing, but she knew that I wouldn't put myself, put Bella through this unless I genuinely believed I was doing what was right, so she nodded slowly and held her hand out to me.

"I know you want to run away from everything, but please come and at least say goodbye to everyone. Esme is beside herself with worry, and Jasper still blames himself for what happened. You and I may have told him numerous times that it wasn't his fault, but you know him, he feels weak and unworthy. At least come back and help me to put his conscious at ease just a little?" She pleaded when I didn't move immediately to take her hand. And of course she was right, I did plan to flee and never look back, at least until I could get some kind of normality back in my life. But my family did deserve and explanation and they did deserve to know that I loved them and didn't blame any of them for what happened, not even Jasper so I nodded slowly, took her hand and let her pull me to my feet.