Chapter 12 It's a Grey World

"There. Now was that so bad?" the voice rings in his head. Carlos wants to scream at him, but he screamed so much already, his voice has given up. "Oh, that was so amazing… I always dreamed of it, but to actually experience it? It was even better than I imagined. How was it for you? I mean, I was your first, right? So, how'd I do?"

He just stares at the ceiling and tries to ignore his voice. He doesn't even think he did something wrong? That he didn't just force himself upon anyone. Like this was some romantic lovemaking… he closes his eyes, tears well up once again. He already cried so much before, he didn't think there were any tears left. But he surprises himself when a lone tear spills down his cheek.

"Aw, come on, Carlitos. Don't be sad again…" His body stiffens as His hand caresses his cheek. He wants to move, but the chains are keeping him firmly in place. He does squirm and moves his head to the side. "I promise, you were really good. No need to feel bad about what we did. Everyone does it."

Everyone does it? No need to feel bad about it? What was wrong with him?

The hand tries to touch his cheek again, but he now moves his head to the other side.

"Oh come on, honey. Don't be like that. I love you." He can hear the smile in his voice and tries his best not to throw up.

He feels so sick and disgusted. How did this happen? Why didn't anyone stop it? He should have done something, anything… But all he did was scream at the top of his lungs while it happened.

He wants to forget it, ignore the pain he feels, pretend the body never pressed down on him. It didn't happen, it couldn't have…

He believed in happiness in the world. He always saw the good things in life. He lived a life of innocence, like a child who would never grow up. He just didn't want to grow up. But being in here slowly changed him.

He wants to think of kittens and rainbows and a child's laughter. But now none of that makes sense anymore. The world starts to go grey. Kittens scratch, rainbows come with rain and children cry and grow up.

He was the one who cheered up his friends when they were down. He could make them see the good things in life too, make them laugh. But what did they have to look forward to now? No one will ever find them here. They can only cry now, while they waste away in this dungeon.

He's no longer innocent now. In a matter of hours, he has fully grown up and the child once in plain sight inside of him, has gone. He doesn't feel like laughing anymore, not ever.

"Carlos? Honey? Is anyone in there?" the voice calls out to him. His face moves closer and he quickly moves away. "So that's really how you feel, huh?"

A loud slap is heard as the hand hits his cheek, throwing his head the other direction. He doesn't react to it, making the man groan in frustration. "Alright, fine! Be that way! If that's the thanks I get for loving you, for being nice to you… I was so gentle, I wanted this to be perfect for you. But I realize now that you don't even care. You never appreciated me. So, fine! Ignore me, be mad at me. But don't expect me to be nice again next time!"

Next time?

"Clean him up and put his clothes on. I'm tired of his games. Put him with the others." With that he hears a door slam and Shane has left the room.

He could relax now. But he sinks into his own mind more and more. He can feel the chains coming off, but he hardly acknowledges it. When they tell him to get up and move, he sits up, ignoring the pain without a care in the world. He stands, but nearly hits the ground as he is shaking so much and his legs feel weak. But strong arms haul him up and force him to walk.

He feels the last bits of disgust and sadness ebbing away as they clean him roughly. Numbness takes over and the world has permanently lost all color …

Back in cell 1, soft groaning can be heard as the occupant slowly wakes up.

Kendall, who's been sitting in the same place for hours with his hands now covering his ears, looks up. He stands at once when he hears the groaning again and tries to see his friend from his own cell.

"Logan?" he softly calls out, careful not to wake his other friend, who still lies motionless on the floor.

The groaning becomes louder in response and he can faintly see his friend moving around.

"Oh god…" he lets out with a high voice as he grabs his head in pain.

"Logan? Try to stay calm, okay?"

"K-kendall? It hurts, Kendall… My head hurts…" It pains him to see his smart friend like this. He tries to repress the memories of him being electrocuted in front of him and shakes his head.

"I know, Logan, I know…" he softly replies and tries to hold in the tears.

Logan continues to hold his head, but he opens his eyes towards his left. They widen when he sees a bloody form on the floor of the other cell.

Then, he remembers.

"James?" he softly calls out. "James, buddy, can you hear me?"

Kendall looks in awe as Logan slowly moves his body towards the bars of the other cell. He hisses ever so often, but he scotches over until he can rest his head on the bars.

"James?" he calls out again, a little louder now. He hisses when he tries to sit up a little more and accidentally hits his head on the bars a little. He breathes heavily when he is finally half leaning on the bars and the wall behind him.

"It's no use, Logan… He's been out cold ever since they threw him in there. I haven't even heard him make a single noise." Kendall tells him.

Logan groans again and suddenly grabs hold of the bars with one hand, steadying himself.

"You should lie back down.." Kendall starts as he stares at his friend in concern.

"I'm fine, Kendall. I just want to know how James is doing and help him.." Kendall sighs. He knows his friend can get very stubborn when he goes into his doctor-mode.

"Logan…" he starts anyway.

"I'm fine, alright? It's James I'm worried about. His beating was a lot worse then my shocks." Kendall frowns a little at the annoyed tone showing through.

"But…"

"Just stop, okay? Just let me do this, Kendall." His voice has gone louder now and annoyance isn't the only thing Kendall can hear. Still, he decides to listen and just watches his friend try to reach James by sticking his hand through the bars.

Logan tries to reach as far as possible, but can't manage. He sighs in frustration and tries again. Again, he fails and lets his head fall back, wincing at his hits the wall behind him. He closes his eyes for a moment, his mouth formed into a scowl.

"I don't get it." He suddenly says and opens is eyes. He looks straight at Kendall, who frowns.

"What?"

"Why couldn't you listen? Did you not hear Shane telling you he was hurting James because of the things you said? Did you not realize he dragged us in here, mad as hell, because you offended him?" Kendall is surprised to hear the accusing tone n his friend's voice.

"I just…"

"You couldn't just let it go, could you? Every time you need to open your mouth one last time. It's bad enough you do it to Gustavo, but Shane? Did you not think about what might happen if you pushed him too far, Kendall? I mean, look at us. He used a whip on James, he shocked me and god knows what he might do to Carlos when he's let out of that horrible room."

Kendall gulps. Logan doesn't know what happened to Carlos yet. He doesn't know that Carlos is no longer in solitary. Shane already did something to him.

"Kendall?" He snaps out of his thoughts to see Logan intently looking at him. "Are you even listening? Did you hear a word I said?"

"I'm sorry…" he mumbles quietly.

"What was that?" Logan asks him.

"I'm sorry, okay!" He yells, making Logan shrink a little and wince. "I'm sorry." He says again, using a softer voice. He runs a hand through his hair. "I was just trying to do something… I wanted to hurt him for hurting you guys. I was so tired of seeing his grin all the time while all of us keep getting hurt… I just wanted to stand up to him…"

"Kendall, this isn't some bully who'll run to his mommy when you insult him. He has the power to kill all of us. He showed us that before by killing two innocent people, just to upset us. Did you really think it would help if you insulted him?"

Kendall doesn't respond and just looks at the floor while he rests his head against the bars. Logan sighs.

"just think before you talk next time.." Logan says in a softer voice now, his head pounding too much to think straight. Maybe if he could, he would have realized how much his words hurt Kendall.

But before anyone can respond, James starts to move. He moans and rolls onto his chest. When he does, his eyes open wide and he breathes heavily, before squeezing his eyes shut and clenching his fists. Kendall winces as he sees his friend ending up with his open wounds on the floor. James grits his teeth and tries to breath as the pain shoots through him.

"James.. James, try to calm down, okay?" Logan tries to soothe quietly through the bars, while Kendall just watches. "James, I need you to roll on your back, alright? Can you do that? James?"

"It h-hurts…" He hisses and Kendall can see tears starting to roll down his cheeks.

"I know… But if you roll onto your back, it will feel better, I promise." Logan suggests.

Kendall watches as James slowly pushes himself up with one arm and starts to roll onto his back, while breathing heavily and his eyes closed.

When he finally lands on his back, he opens his eyes wide and stares at the ceiling.

"Oh god… it feels like my chest is on fire.. and my face…" He cries out and starts to sob slightly.

"I'm sorry, buddy… I want to make it feel better, but I can't reach you right now.. Just try to say calm and don't move too much, okay?" Logan tells him and James nods.

In the meantime, Kendall himself has started to cry again as he watches both his friends in pain. He did this, he got them hurt. Why couldn't he keep his mouth shut?

"I'm so sorry…" His voice chokes. James slightly turns to look at him, while Logan looks away.

"Kendall, for what?"

"If I hadn't opened my mouth… You were getting hurt and I still kept going…"

"Kendall, it's not your fault.. You weren't holding that whip.." Kendall's breath hitches at the thought of that whip hitting flesh and the cries that came after. And James shudders at the same thought. "Shane did this, Kendall, not you. Okay?"

Kendall slowly nods, but he doesn't mean it. He still feels guilty about what happened, but he doesn't want to upset James even further.

Just then, the door of the playroom opens. All three boys whip their heads towards the door in fear of what will happen.

But as soon as they recognize the person coming out, two of the boys look shocked.

"Carlos? When did you get here? How.." Logan starts as he frowns and tries to stand, but feels to weak and sits down again.

James watches from the floor as best as he can while all three big men are leading Carlos towards them. They wear big smiles as they push Carlos forward.

"Hm, now where to put him? Do you have any preference?" Carlos just stares ahead, giving no acknowledgement to even having heard the question. They all grin and share looks.

The boys frown and watch their friend with concerned eyes as he doesn't react at all.

"Put him in with pretty boy, he's way too clean now." They laugh and open James's cell door before roughly pushing Carlos inside.

Kendall watches in silence, still remembering all the screams coming from his friend last night. He follows Carlos' every move and how he just walks towards a corner and sits down. His back is against the wall, his legs loose on the ground and his eyes are turned to the floor.

"Carlos?" Logan calls out as the first one to break the silence. His friend doesn't look up. "Carlos!" He calls a little louder and Carlos looks at him.

"Hm?"

"Are you alright? I mean, you were in solitary and then suddenly you're in the playroom? How did that happen? Did Shane do something? What did he do?" Logan says now on his knees and holding the bars.

"I'm fine." Is the only response he gets from Carlos as he turns his head forward again.

"Carlos?" Kendall hesitantly asks from the bars on the other side. His voice sounds small and he gives Carlos a concerned and guilty look.

Carlos looks at him, but once he remembers Kendall watched him go in, he looks away again.

"I'm fine." He repeats.

"No, you're not… Please, carlos, don't shut us out."

Logan and James listen in confusion.

"I am fine." Carlos says again.

"Carlos, I know what happened, okay? Shane told me what he was going to do and I heard you screaming.." Suddenly, Carlos turns his head sharply.

"He told you what he was going to do?" He asks in a low almost whispering voice.

"I…"

"You knew…" Carlos says, his head turned back towards the front again as he seems to think it over.

"Uh, guys? A little more information, please?" Logan asks and Kendall can see the confused look on his friends face. He goes to open his mouth, but then sees Carlos staring him down. He frowns, but understands the message and looks down.

"uh, I can't. It's none of my business.." Logan frowns.

"Oh, so now you can keep your mouth shut?" Kendall hangs his head in guilt, as Logan looks even more annoyed.

"Carlos?" James asks in a pained voice from the floor. Carlos looks at him with a sigh. "Would you mind telling a joke? I just need some distraction from the pain in my chest and frankly, the mood in here is a little depressing." He laughs a little, but winces right away.

"What's the point? Why laugh when we have nothing to laugh about anymore." Carlos softly tells him. James frowns.

"Well maybe not right now, but we can't just sit here and let that guy beat us."

"We're going to die anyway, so why bother. He won. Let's just deal with that, it'll be a whole lot easier."

All three guys listen in shock at how their once bubbly friend seems to have given up completely.

"Carlos, you can't be serious?" Logan asks him.

"It's true, isn't it? He's not going to let us go, might as well just go with it." Carlos replies in a monotone voice now.

"Aw, why such a grim tone? I thought we had a great time before." Shane's voice makes them look up in surprise, all for Carlos that is. His eyes are locked on Carlos, who slowly looks up without emotion.

"Why don't you just kill us now and get it over with? Why drag it out?" He asks, making Shane tilt his head.

"is that what you would like? Carlos, I can't do that. I love you too much for that. Remember, I showed you before." Logan and James are confused, but Kendall shudders.

"Leave him alone…" He quietly says, but one look from Logan makes him shut up right away. Shane just smiles.

"Come on, Carlos. Tell me that wasn't the best time of your life. I rocked your world, admit it." He says with a grin. Logan and James finally realize what happened and their faces turn to horror as they look at Carlos.

Their friend still shows no emotions, but James can tell he slightly trembles now.

"You really want to tell me it meant nothing to you?" Shane puts his face against the bars. Carlos doesn't respond, but he starts to fidget slightly and he looks down. Shane narrows his eyes. "Hm. Strange. Very strange." He shakes his head. "I'm not letting this go, sweetheart, just so you know. But I'll give you some time to process it, since it was your first time and all. I guess you don't have anyone to compare it with. Sleep tight everyone." He waves a last time and walks away whistling the melody to "Halfway There".

As soon as he's gone, James and Logan shift their attention to Carlos.

"Carlos?" Logan starts once again.

Carlos sighs in annoyance. "Are we really back to this? I'm fine." He tells him.

"Carlos, you are not fine.. What Shane said, is it what I think he meant? Did he.. did he.. " He tries, not able to say it out loud.

"Did he what? Did he rape me, Logan?" Carlos suddenly yells, his face red and eyes full of anger. "Yeah, he did. He raped me, twice actually. Except he thinks it was wonderful and romantic and.." His voice starts to crack and he bites his lip. "He doesn't think it was wrong.." His voice shakes now as his eyes fill with tears and his bottom lip begins to quiver.

"Carlos…" James softly says and reaches out a hand towards his friend, while Logan holds a hand in front of his mouth in shock.

"He just did it and he smiled and kept kissing me and I tried so hard to fight him and I couldn't do it…" He is fully sobbing now as he shakily pulls his legs up to his chest.

This was how he would have handled it, had he been himself. Had he been able to show any emotion, this is what he would have told them. Instead, all Logan got was:

"Yes, Logan. He raped me. But I'm fine." Logan shares a disbelieving look with Kendall, who is watching with tears in his eyes.

"Carlos.. please.. talk to us.. don't give up like this." Logan pleads.

"Why do you care? You're going to die, too. We all are. I don't see why we have to pretend the world is a happy place. Because it's not. If it was, we would be home right now. But we're not. So what's the point in being happy anymore?" He says in a flat tone, making Logan gasp.

"Carlos.." James whispers and reaches out a hand to touch him, but Carlos pulls out of his reach.

Silence returns in the space. The boys slowly break one by one and the cameras are there to catch the whole thing. The man looking at the screens smiles, before starting to laugh out loud. Finally he is reaching his goal. Big Time Rush will never be the same…

A/N First of all, thank you so much for the overwhelming support on the last chapter! It meant a lot to me that so many people are reading this story and enjoying it

Oh, just letting you know I changed the rating because f the adult themes. Seems more appropriate and thanks for the tip ;)

Will they ever get out or will they die there? And if they do get out, how much longer will it take?

Keep reading to find out ;) One clue; we are drawing to a close…

Thank you again so, so much and I will try to update my there stories as well soon with this one.

Until next time and Love, Baxxie