A/N I'm so sorry It took a while, but still faster than it used to be. If any part of it made you laugh, review.
A Second Chance
o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
Szayel slinked through the shadows. He had been following Mayuri and Nemu for about ten minutes now, but Nemu had disappeared about two minutes ago, so Szayel was watching his back very closely.
"Where are you going, don't think you get to take any of mine, no one gets to experiment on them but me." Szayel mumbled under his breath. He hoped they were all within public view. Suddenly, his senses picked up something and he leaned slightly to the left then grabbed what flashed by and flipped it. Nemu got up quickly for a counterstrike, then listened into an earpiece and took off. Szayel aborted his mission, it was too dangerous to do alone, maybe he would take Wonderweiss next time.
o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
Grimmjow cackled as he continued to play his cat and mouse game.
"Hey Strawberry, come back, what are you scared?" Grimmjow called.
"Never, I just don't have time for you, between you and Kenpachi, I'll never get a break." Ichigo shouted back. Grimmjow looked slightly surprised.
"Is Kenpachi the one who killed Nnoitra?" Grimmjow asked as they continued to run.
"Yes." Ichigo called. Grimmjow stopped running and looked at something in the distance.
"Hey, is he really big with black spiked hair and an eye patch?" Grimmjow asked. Ichigo also stopped running yet he stayed a careful distance away.
"Yeah, how'd you know?" Ichigo asked, as far as he remembered, Grimmjow had died of his wounds before Kenpachi showed up. Grimmjow pointed.
"Hey Hollow, what number are you?" Kenpachi asked, Ichigo resisted the urge to scream girlishly, then realized this may be a good thing, they might distract each other so he could have a break.
"I'm the sexta, Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez, you must be Zaraki Kenpachi, captain of the 11th division." Grimmjow said. Kenpachi looked down.
"That sucks, you must be weaker that the one I got, oh well." Kenpachi said disappointed. Grimmjow growled.
"I'm the strongest of them all, ignore the numbers." Grimmjow said ferally. Kenpachi looked interested. Ichigo rolled his eyes.
"No he's not. Just ignore him." Ichigo said. Grimmjow growled before getting an idea.
"Hey shinigami, how about we play a game?" Grimmjow said. Kenpachi's eye glinted. Ichigo looked slightly worried.
"We both chase Ichigo, and whoever catches him first, gets to fight him." Grimmjow finished. Ichigo has flash stepped away by the time they said Ichigo. Kenpachi smiled.
"You're on." He said as they both took off after Ichigo.
"WHY!" Ichigo shouted at the sky as he continued to run.
o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
"Bad Spoony, you have to have your pinky out when you drink your tea." Yachiru shouted. Nnoitra resisted the urge to cry, first he was a spoon, then he was dragged off by little Nel, now they were forcing him to eat like a "civilized" person. He didn't even like tea.
"Now Nnoitra, you know what happens to beasts." Nel said gravely. Nnoitra shook his head desperately, but it was too late.
"Arrrgg." He ground out as many volts of electricity strode though his body. Yachiru smiled. So she didn't get to use it on Komamura, this was the next best thing.
"Damn you, Nel." Nnoitra said before he was zapped again. Nel looked sad for a moment before smiling.
"Now, be a good Nnoitra, no more beast behavior." Nel said. Nnoitra sat quietly and drank some tea with his pinky out. Nel smiled approvingly.
"Be back. Keep and eye on Spoony." Yachiru said. Nel nodded and continued to direct Nnoitra. Yachiru saw the only female espada and headed towards her.
o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
Starrk had fallen asleep after a small cup of sake. Ukitake and Shunsui looked at each other surprised.
"I'm surprised he was awake for this long." Lilinette said as she looked at her counterpart. Ukitake glanced at her.
"So this is a regular occurrence?" He asked as he lightly poked Starrk on the shoulder.
"You don't wake him like that, waking Starrk is an art that takes years to perfect." Lilinette said. Lilinette sat still as a stone as she hovered over Starrk, and then, she struck.
"Starrk, wake up, Szayel put something in your tea." She shouted. Starrk bolted up and looked around before realizing that was a lie, he sighed in relief, then fell backwards and was asleep before he hit the ground. Ukitake and Shunsui looked confused.
"Who's Szayel and why does he put stuff in tea?" Shunsui asked.
"Just think of him as the espada version of your pet mime, that's what he said, and Gin likes to mess with us and Szayel helps him sometimes." Lilinette said.
"Well your wakening technique didn't seem to work." Ukitake commented.
"I told you that was only part one. Here comes part two." Lilinette said as she suddenly shoved her arm down Starrk's throat. Starrk choked and flailed. Lilinette withdrew her arm and wiped it on Ukitake, who looked slightly green. Starrk opened one eye, looked at everyone, then shut it again. Lilinette grinned.
"I love it when he lets it get this far, PART 3!" Lilinette cried as she stomped on the place no man wants to be stomped on. Starrk woke immediately and groaned in unison with Ukitake and Shunsui.
"I'm awake." Starrk groaned as he sat up. Lilinette grinned victoriously and Shunsui and Ukitake both mentally reminded themselves to never fall asleep near Lilinette.
o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
Barragan looked around nervously. He walked quickly away from the Squad 6 barracks where the horrible stench was radiating. Curse his old age, loss of bowel control was always the first thing to go. He had left his comrades in an effort to find a bathroom, and he found a very nice one in Squad 6. The private sign on the entrance was now covered with number two, as was most of the bathroom. Barragan had barely been able to get it off the front of his clothes, but the smell stuck. He wished his fraccion were here, he needed a sponge bath desperately. Suddenly, he saw his path.
"Hey youngster." Barragan said as he grabbed a random shinigami.
"Hey you wanna fight? God you stink." The shinigami choked.
"Where can I get a sponge bath?" Barragan asked.
"4th division, over that way, they love that stuff." The shinigami answered. Barragan dropped him and headed the way of the 4th division.
Hanataro was just minding his own business when suddenly, the old guy espada, reeking of feces, grabbed him and started demanding a sponge bath. Oh man, how an I going to get out of this, if anyone can hear me…HELP Hanataro thought.
"Yes Sir, right away Sir." Hanataro said as he leapt into action.
Barragan smiled on the inside, finally, someone was going to help him. The small sad looking shinigami showed him the way to the bathhouse.
"I'm Hanataro and I will be giving you a sponge bath this evening, please don't hurt me." Hanataro said as he ran the bath. Barragan stripped and got in with the bubbles. This was more like it. Suddenly, an intimidating aura was felt.
"C-Captain Unohana." Hanataro stuttered. Unohana stood menacing by the entrance. Even Barragan was slightly intimidated by this youngling.
"What is going on here." Unohana said without a smile.
"This young man is giving me a sponge bath as I have had a small incident. No others would help me, so I restrained myself from rotting their corpses." Barragan growled. Hanataro jerked when Barragan called him a man, even if it was young man, it was still man. Unohana stayed still before smiling gently.
"You must be responsible for the mess in Captain Byakuya's private bathroom." Unohana said. Barragan mumbled under his breath and looked slightly embarrassed.
"I'm old, probably older than your Yamamoto." Barragan sighed. Unohana smiled. Hanataro was waiting for her to free him.
"Well, continue on Hanataro, you should be honored to be of help. You must always respect your elders. Good day." Unohana said as she left. Hanataro cried a little on the inside and Barragan thought deeply.
"She would make a wonderful queen." Barragan mused under his breath. Hanataro almost died.
o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
"Shinigami Women's Association, we have a new member." Yachiru announced. Yachiru bounced in dragging a very awkward feeling Harribel behind her. Everyone was silent. Yachiru pouted.
"Come on, she's the only female espada, we have to keep her, because I say so, and I'm the president." Yachiru said. "Start her off with the Sexual Harassment in the Workforce video." Nemu immediately played the video, but was interrupted by a quiet voice.
"You can do something about that?" Harribel asked while looking at the video. Everyone's jaw dropped. Nanao sighed and handed her a clipboard.
"Just check off all the items that apply to you." Nanao said. Harribel looked at the first question.
'Have you ever felt threatened or been threatened by a male because you are female?' Harribel checked yes and continued the quiz. When she finished she handed it to Nanao who immediately growled.
"She got a 98.76%." Nanao announced. Gasps were heard throughout the room. Harribel shrugged.
"It's not like I could have killed them, Aizen said we weren't allowed to kill each other, I could only hit them so much." Harribel said.
"You're with us from now on Girly." Rangiku said cheerfully as she clapped Harribel on the shoulder. All members surrounded Harribel and began chatting.
o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
"Ca' I be Captain again?" Gin asked in his best child voice. Yamamoto's eye twitched.
"No."
"Pleaaase."
"No."
"Captain Commander, I feel that-" Kira attempted to speak up.
"No."
"Oh Captain Commander," Rangiku sang as she clasped her hands together in an alluring pose. Yamamoto's eye twitched again.
"No."
"Well, ca' Tousen be a captain again?" Gin asked. Tousen looked up uncomfortably at him.
"Maybe. If he's done being Naïve." Yamamoto said. Kira and Rangiku and Tousen's jaw dropped. Gin grinned victoriously.
"If Tousen gets 'is Squad back, ya hafta give me mine too, cause otherwise, it' not fair." Gin pointed out helpfully. Yamamoto rolled his eyes.
"Well, who were ya gunna replace us wi' anyway?" Gin asked. Kira, Rangiku, Hisagi, and Komamura looked at him. Yamamoto felt obliged to answer.
"Shinji Hirako, Kensei Muguruma, and Rose Otoribashi." Yamamoto deadpanned. Gin blinked.
"Are ya serious, them?" Gin said astonished. Then he though about it.
"Would Possible Future Third Division Captain Rose die if I rolled 'im in a patch of catnip and threw 'im at Grimmjow?" Gin asked casually. Yamamoto opened an eye to look at Gin and shook his head.
"Would Possible Future Third Division Captain Rose die if I told Captain 11 that Rose was trying to do unspeakable things to Yachiru?" Gin asked. This time, Yamamoto visibly twitched.
"Would Possible Future Third Division Captain Rose die if I covered him in toilet paper and mummified him alive?" Gin asked.
"Would Future Third Division Captain Rose be struck down by the gods if I sacrificed Sasakibe?" Gin asked. Sasakibe felt his throat and Yamamoto lost it.
"REDUCE ALL CREATION TO ASH!" Yamamoto yelled. Everyone in earshot fled for their lives and fled Soul Society. Yamamoto allowed himself a small smirk as peace and quiet reigned. Until a small whisper sounded.
"Would Future Third Division Captain Rose die if I…"
o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
Ulquiorra gave a strange look to the mass of shinigami fleeing from the direction of the first division. Then he ducked quickly out of the way as Ichigo jumped over him followed closely by Grimmjow and the Captain of the 11th division. Nnoitra was screaming in pain somewhere, Harribel was nowhere to be seen, Barragan had been nearby according to the smell, Lilinette hi-yahed somewhere in the distance so Ulquiorra knew Starrk was sleeping, and Szayel heading towards Ulquiorra.
"How's the fort?" Szayel asked.
"Held." Ulquiorra deadpanned. Szayel smirked. He didn't care if anyone else thought, but Ulquiorra did have a sense of humor. The only reason Szayel ever knew about is was because it was generally well known that if Szayel found you amusing, there was less of a chance he would jump you, so, not that Ulquiorra couldn't handle it, but life was easier if Szayel liked you. Gin knew this very well as Szayel was one of Gin's personal favorites. Also, Orihime had liked Szayel saying she had never had a gay friend, well, who didn't hit on her. She ignored his science and figured if Soul Society had Mayuri, Szayel wasn't so bad.
"What do you know about all this?" Ulquiorra asked.
"Aizen is back, he had Zommari, Aaroniero, Yammy, possible more, most of the fraccion are on our side, along with Wonderweiss, who according to Artemis, is useful, and trust me, she's right. If we win this, life can go back to relatively normal. I can go back to my lab, we can have peace with Soul Society, but we still don't know what Aizen is planning, he hasn't made a move yet." Szayel said. Ulquiorra thought about this.
"This time, we will end him for sure." Ulquiorra said with conviction. Szayel nodded.
"What do we do now? Continue making chaos in Soul Society until Aizen makes a move?" Szayel muttered. Ulquiorra didn't answer.
o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
"We may have traitors among us." Aizen said slowly, yet with a hint if menace. The surrounding Espada, former Fraccion, and arrancars stood still.
"Our former Generals, Gin and Tousen, along with Starrk, Barragan, Harribel, Ulquiorra, Nnoitra, Grimmjow, and Szayel have been revived by a meddlesome moon goddess. But I will make a trip and visit each one to see if they are willing to return to us, and if not, they and whoever they align themselves with, will be destroyed. Yet they are not the only one with a god on their side." Aizen said. An female arrancar to his left smirked and changed shape to a shape closer to her natural form, with a radiating yellow swirling reiatsu and a constant shape change. Eris smirked. She was known by many names, Eris by the Greeks, Loki by the Vikings, Set by the Egyptians, and if the meddlesome moon goddess could mess with the natural chaos, she could too.
o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
Night fell in the Seireitei and all former espada had found their way to the guest barracks in various squads. Nnoitra, Nel, Harribel, and Grimmjow found themselves in the 11th division which Gin had merited an invitation to, but he was found himself back in the unused 3rd division captain's room, though Yamamoto wouldn't approve. Tousen had joined Komamura, Starrk and Lilinette were in Squad 13, Barragan had decided that he would honor young Hanataro with the privilege of sharing his room, Ulquiorra had ended up with Orihime's friend Rangiku in the 10th division along with Szayel who Rangiku immediately took a shine too, as she had a collection of gay friends. For the first time in a while, awkward silence reigned over Soul Society. Yet the dreams of the guests would not be peaceful.