Warning: Chapters may get very ooc and goofy.

Just an unimportant AN. Spoiler alert below, advert your eyes.

I think this arc will be boring because I hate Ichigo and I haven't seen any sign of the espada. I'm still hoping for a depressed Orihime or something to show that she is sad about Ulqui-chan. I'm also looking for Gin Ichimaru, if found, please call (***) ***-**** a.k.a. summerrayah.

*sound*

Thought

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Does an Apple a Day Keep the Doctor Away?

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*cough* Silence.

*cough* More awkward silence.

*cough*….*coughcoughcoughcough*…*wheeze hack cough*

"ULQUIORRA." Orihime finally shouted. Ulquiorra looked up.

"What woman?" Ulquiorra said, trying to ignore the tickle in his throat.

"Just go to the doctor already." Orihime said. Ulquiorra's eye twitched.

"We don't have a doctor, we have Szayel." Ulquiorra said blankly. Orihime gasped. "And if we go to him, he'll help and cure us, but then five hours later, you end up in the laundry room with no recollection of the last five hours, if you're lucky. There were those who remembered the five hours."

"What happened to them?" Orihime asked, absorbed in the tale.

"They never made it long enough to tell us what had happened." Ulquiorra said.

"No!" Orihime gasped. "Grimmjow is still in there."

"Egad woman, you are correct." Ulquiorra said dramatically.

"We need a plan Agent Bats." Orihime said decisively, with her finger in the air. Ulquiorra looked mildly surprised.

"A plan for what?" Orihime stared at him with disbelief.

"To save Grimmjow." Orihime said looking at him strangely.

"Why?" Ulquiorra asked with his eyebrow up.

"Because Grimmjow is in the clutches of a madman with beautiful, pink hair. Who will probably torture him." Orihime said.

"So?"

"We can't let him suffer."

"Why not?"

"Because we like Grimmjow."

"No we don't."

"We don't?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Oh….then do it because its different and could be considered revenge for whatever misfortune he put you through."

"…"

"…"

"…TO THE BATCAVE!"

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"This isn't a bat cave, this is your room." Orihime said while looking around.

"SILENCE MINION. I have invited Agent Grin to join us on our mission for revenge." Ulquiorra said, in a business tone.

"You mean save Grimmjow." Orihime piped up cheerfully.

"Sure…..that's what I meant." *shifty eyes* Suddenly, the door opened and Gin popped through with a mysterious box.

"Okay, I am ready for Operation Revenge." Gin said cheerfully. Orihime looked at Ulquiorra who was shaking his head quickly at Gin. Gin's smile faltered as he looked from Ulquiorra to Orihime and it dawned on him and his smile returned.

"Oh, I'm sorry, that was for a different day. Silly me." Gin said as he tossed the box out the door. A yowl rang out.

"Sorry Ggio." Gin called before turning back to Ulquiorra and Orihime. "So what's the plan."

"The plan is we get Grimmjow out of there. But we need a distraction." Orihime said. *cough* Gin looked at Ulquiorra and a maniacal plan formed in his foxy little head.

"I know, I read somewhere that doctors are afraid of apples." Gin said. Orihime's brow furrowed.

"But he told us he's not a doctor, several times." Orihime said. Gin grinned.

"Oh please, He is the only one here, who the members of the dark side go to when they are sick or injured. Szayel is in denial. I got the apples, we just need a way in or he won't be bothered to get up from his experiments." Gin said.

"Ulquiorra's sick, will that work? And where did you get apples from?" Orihime asked Gin, who suddenly has a bag of apples in his hand.

"I know a guy. And that's perfect. So, here's what we'll do, first, we will hide apples on our body, then we'll bring in an unconscious Ulquiorra and say he fainted, Szayel will have to look at him and I will have an excuse to be there, while pinky-chan is occupied, you search the place and find and release Grimmjow, I will keep Pinky distracted, then when we are ready to make our escape, I will threaten him with apples and we will escape." Gin said evilly.

"Yesss, its brilliant, brilliant, brilliant." Orihime concluded. "But Ulquiorra is a terrible actor, how will he pretend to be unconscious?" Gin smiled and pantomiming hitting an oblivious Ulquiorra who was busy coughing. Orihime gasped.

"You can't do that!" Orihime exclaimed. Then she turned around to look at Ulquiorra who was sniffling and she head butted him. Ulquiorra immediately sank into her arms. Gin gave her a disapproving look.

"You can't do that because only I can do that. Awww, look at him, he's like a little doll." Orihime cooed. Gin averted his eyes.

"No time for that lets go." Gin said. Orihime nodded and Gin slung Ulquiorra over his shoulder before sinking to his knees.

"What have you been eating!" Gin said as he struggled back to his feet, before he gave up and put Ulquiorra on the ground and dragged him by his horn.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"What is this?" Szayel asked with one eyebrow significantly higher than the other.

"This is Ulquiorra, I found him passed out in the hall, he has a fever, coughing and possibly a big headache when he wakes up." Gin recited cheerfully, while motioning behind Szayel's back for Orihime to slip away.

"No not that, that." Szayel said as he pointed to the not so well hidden bulges in Gin's uniform.

"I just have a really bad case of hemorrhoids. That spread everywhere, do not worry, I'm getting it taken care of." Gin made up of the top of his foxy head.

"All right…" Szayel said while edging away nonchalantly from Gin. Ulquiorra sit up groaning.

"Oh, he's awake, Hahahaha." Gin said with a nervous laugh. Szayel turned to Ulquiorra.

"For the record, I'm a scientist, not a doctor." Szayel said. Gin snorted.

"All right, keep telling yourself that Pinky." Gin said as Szayel's eye twitched.

"It looks like a cold. Just a cold. Though I can't explain the headache." Szayel said curiously. Gin laughed nervously again.

"Oh maybe he hit his head on something harder than rocks." Gin said.

"Could be." Szayel said as he adjusted his glasses. "I hear that's going around, Ggio stopped by earlier." Gin laughed nervously again. Suddenly, a creak sounded from behind them, and before Gin or the dazed Ulquiorra could stop him, Szayel looked around to see Orihime dragging an unconscious Grimmjow, who was strangely wearing a maid outfit.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

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After Agent Grin gave her the signal, Orihime silently creeped through Szayel's main hall. Ignoring the screams she focused on her objective, saving Grimmjow. She stopped at a door that has a Do Not Enter sign, and she walked in. What was awaiting her would be a horror show, if she was an espada.

"OOOOO!" Orihime squealed as she looked at various unconscious arrancars dressed up in strange outfits sitting at a round table with teacups all around. It was a giant tea party. After her mind got over the fact that Szayel liked to play with actual unconscious arrancars at a tea party, she remembered Grimmjow.

Some faces were unrecognizable, just random arrancars, and a couple familiar faces, like Ggio. On the wall were pictures of other espada who had been there previously, everyone was there, even Aizen. Orihime spent a while looking at the one of Ulquiorra with his hair tied in pigtails and dressed in a pink tutu.

Finally, after a minute of searching/and or playing with the arrancars, Orihime found Grimmjow, dressed in a maid's outfit. Orihime grabbed Grimmjow and started dragging him to the exit, which unfortunately meant she had to go behind Szayel, which was why they brought apples. Suddenly, she heard voices and peeked around the wall to see Gin laughing nervously. She tiptoed over when suddenly…*creeaaakkkk* Orihime looked up and gasped as she saw Szayel's golden eyes glaring at her in fury.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

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"Gin, NOW." Orihime said as she ducked. Gin held out a single apple in triumph.

"Try to stop us Dr. Pinky, we know you're weakness, apples." Gin said manically as Szayel looked confused.

"Wha-" He was cut off as Gin, realizing the apples weren't working, chucked an apple at Szayel."

"Run Agent Fairy, Ninja, Princess, Robot in Space." Gin shouted while chucking more apples at a twitching Szayel.

"Gin…that wouldn't work even if I was human again and back at the hospital where I used to work." Szayel said slowly as an apple bounced off his arm. Gin froze.

"I knew you were a doctor." Gin said triumphantly as Orihime froze, not sure what to do and Ulquiorra was speechless.

"I was never a doctor, you imbecile." Szayel snapped before his eyes grew wide with fear.

"If you worked at a hospital, and you weren't a doctor," At this Szayel paled. "Then that means that you were a," Gin started snorting. "A NURSE!" Gin finally shouted as he collapsed to the ground in laughter as Szayel turned a shade of red that would put Renji to shame.

Elsewhere in the world of bleach, Renji sneezed.

"Stop it, STOP IT, STOP IT, STOPIT!" Szayel screamed as he burst into tears. "That's what everyone else did, I'm a failure, I couldn't finish medical school so I made myself a scientist and took a job as a nurse." Gin looked up from the floor.

"Did you die by suicide?" Gin asked curiously.

"No, the men in white got me." Szayel said seriously while Orihime and Gin looked at each other, and then back at Szayel as Ulquiorra sat lonely on his table. "So now you know my deepest, darkest secret. I am ashamed, I can never show my face in public, I'll have to go underground, and make a new life for myself as a mole hollow."

"Come on Szayel, don't cry, I'm sure mole hollows are very accepting." Gin tried to sooth the sobbing Szayel.

"Buck up, this is only a little worse than your fetish for life size tea parties." Orihime said. Szayel snapped his head up and looked at Orihime with a crazy, wild-eyed stare. "Which I don't know about." Orihime finished lamely.

"Hey," Orihime said as an idea popped into her head. "What if we went to the human world and helped you pass med school?" Szayel stopped sniffling and his eyes grew wide.

"You would do that? For me?" Suddenly Szayel got up and started a group hug. Which no one joined.

"Of course we would, but next chapter." Orihime said.

"Next what?" Szayel asked.

"Nothing to concern yourself with, we will be in contact with you." Orihime said as she snapped her fingers and her posse grouped behind her with Grimmjow in their mist.

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"So who wants to be the one to explain this to Grimmjow?" Gin asked. No one volunteered. "If we keep him, he will destroy everything in eyesight."

"So what do we do?" Orihime asked. Ulquiorra's eye twitched.

"I have an idea." Ulquiorra said with a gleam in his eyes.

Hours later, Grimmjow woke up in the laundry room.

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Sorry this chapter was so crappie, it was written at one in the morning, the day before Black Friday. Nuff Said.