Nypsy: Yes I do have a very odd imagination. Thanks for your review.
Somerlia: You're right about the human world. Hope you like this chapter. Thanks for reviewing.
Ino1693: I'm glad you thought it was far from crappy. I hope I keep that standard up. XD Thanks for reviewing.
Bleached Fighter: Your review made me smile. I'm so glad you like it. Thanks for reviewing.
BleachUlquiGrimm: Silly billies, warning: will get sillier. ;) Thanks for reviewing.
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WARNING: This chapter will contain some hinted yaoi and Ichigo bashing.
Helping Nurse Szayel Part 1
o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
"Tehehehehe."
"Szayel, contain yourself man."
"Tehehehe."
"No, seriously."
"Tehehe."
"You're embarrassin' yourself."
"Tehe."
"Sttoooop."
"Te."
"We will go bac' to Las Noches right no', young man. I will tur' this hollow aroun'."
"…"
"Than' you." Gin said as he returned his attention to the reins of the massive hollow that they were riding through the streets of Karakura Town.
"So, where did you saw you got this hollow again?" Ulquiorra asked.
"Aizen lent it to meh. He likes to take meh Hollowback riding. So I used mah good looks an' charming wit to get him to lend meh one." Gin said cheerfully.
In Ulquiorra, Orihime, Szayel, Hollow's mind:
"Oh, Aizen, I loved going Hollowback riding with you, Your skills with the rein here and in bed just turn me on. Who do you like riding more, the hollow, or me." Gin says seductively.
"Well, Gin I must say you are my favorite to ride. Gin, if you want something just ask, you don't have to do that with your leg, save that for the bedroom my sweet."
"Oh Souske, you spoil me. I would really like to borrow Betsy, you know, the hollow we hollow back ride on, for a trip to the human world, to get Szayel a medical degree."
"Well alright. But when you get back, I want to play doctor on the innocent victim." Aizen says smothering."
"Oh I like playing victim. Do I get a good-bye kiss." Gin asks.
Scene blanks out at the sight of Aizen and Gin making out.
Ulquiorra, Orihime, and Betsy shudder in horror.
"I like playing doctor on innocent victims." Szayel said reminiscingly.
"That was random." Gin says.
Gin's Memory:
"Well Aizen, this has bee' an interesting game, and I'm sorry to see it end, I'm really enjoying this, but everything has to end. May the sexiest man win." Gin says. Aizen smiles kindly.
"I plan to." Aizen says. Gin scowls.
"And the 21st annual male beauty pageant 1st place award goes to…..ICHIMARU GIN." The announcer announces. Gin smiles as usual as he accepts the giant trophy. Aizen kindly scowls in the background.
"Firs', I want to thank God, the future one, Aizen, and all mah ex-friends at Soul Society, and all mah current friends at Las Noches." Gin says as he accepts his award. Gin goes over to Aizen.
"Well my friend, you won the bet. You get Betsy and the trip to the human world you requested. Now go away." Gin grins and leaves.
Back to present time.
"I'm, to sexy for my Betsy, to sexy for my Betsy." Gin sang. Betsy grumbled beneath him. "Oh, it's ok when Aizen sings it, but when I sing it, tha's a no no." Gin said. Betsy grumbled again.
"Fine, bu' next time we go hollowback riding, I'm singin' Barbie Girl." Gin said finally.
"If you are done having a conversation with the hollow, we have a problem. The strawberry is coming." Ulquiorra said.
"Wha', I though Grimmjow took care of him." Gin exclaimed.
"Ugh, not that poser." Orihime said as Ichigo came up on them brandishing his sword clumsily.
"Inoue, I will save you." Ichigo shouted as he ran towards Betsy. Betsy yawned and sat down, unfortunately for the wannabe shinigami, Betsy sat down on Ichigo. All was silent for three second. Then.
"BAHAHAHAHAHAHA."
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA."
"MUAHAHAHAHAHA."
"HEEHAAAHEEEHAAA."
"Ha." (1) All was silent. Even the pained cries of the wannabe had stopped as everyone stopped to stare at Ulquiorra.
"Did he-"
"He wouldn't-"
"He did-"
"No I didn't….trash."
"Yes you d-"
"Not another word trash. Revert your focus back to the wannagami and forget the last three minutes."
"…"
"I will destroy you and save Inoue, For Friendship, For Freedom, For my teenage angst. For the right to be a real Shinigami." Ichigo's muffled shouting barely made it through Betsy's butt. Suddenly Betsy made a pained face.
"Betsy, ya ok girl, Betsy, wha's the matter baby?" Gin asked while patting Betsy's neck. Betsy's eyes crossed.
"Betsy, NOOOO." Gin shouted as Betsy slowly closed her eyes. Then, a loud boom was heard everywhere. Betsy sighed with relief and opened her eyes.
"Betsy, you're okay." Gin said with surprise. Betsy lazily got to her feet and a horrid smell filled the air.
"Betsy, that's not ok. Wha' did ya eat?" Gin looked down where Ichigo was choking with the fumes.
"That's just wrong, but I'm not going in there to help him." Orihime said as she plugged her nose. Ulquiorra turned away as he secretly giggled to himself. Suddenly, Betsy shifted again, this time, she tilted her butt down and lifted her tail high.
"Betsy, no. I don' care if he's a wannagami, we wouldn't eve' do that to Byakuya. No Betsy, NOOOO." Gin said as Betsy let loose. A distinct trickling noise was heard, along with the desperate screams of a wannagami.
"Oh, that's not so bad." Orihime said, suddenly, Betsy lifted her tail higher.
"Oh No." Szayel said in fascination. The sight was so gruesome that even Szayel had to turn his eyes away, and Szayel had seen some pretty sick stuff. The screams turned into louder screams of horror and rose in pitch. Finally, Betsy sighed one last time and went on her merry way, leaving a steaming pile of green surrounding, an unfortunate, wannagami.
"We shall never speak of this again." Gin said. Then he, Orihime, and Szayel, all turned to look at Ulquiorra, who was taking pictures with his cell phone. Ulquiorra cleared his throat and took one last picture before sinking in his seat and sending the pic to everyone he knew.
"Umm, Gin, why are we walking through Karakura town if we are heading to Harvard Med.?" Szayel asked.
"We need ta pick up our gigai's." Gin replied.
"Why didn't you tell me? I could have made some." Szayel said.
"After last time you made the gigai's? No…Trash." Ulquiorra replied. Gin sniggered. Ulquiorra's eye twitched. Orihime giggled. Szayel sighed.
"Well then where are we getting gigai's at?" Szayel asked. Gin smiled forebodingly.
o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
"U-dog my man." Gin shouted as he walked with his arms wide open to the front of the building.
"G-dog, what are you doing here my brizzle." Mr. Hat and Clogs himself came out of the store, to the bewildered eyes of Ulquiorra, Szayel, Orihime, Jinta, and Ururu.
"URAHARA? Since when have you two been on speaking terms? And what is with the brizzle?" Ulquiorra asked.
"Shut it…cracker." Urahara said. Ulquiorra's eyes bugged. Orihime stifled a giggle.
"Oh, burn." Gin shouted.
"So, why are you talking like that?" Szayel asked.
"One day, I came over ta mess with U-dog, but mah prank backfired and ended up with us tied together in a chair in front of the television. It was stuck on some weird show, but it taught us things, and now, we're ghetto fabulous" Gin said. Urahara smiled and nodded along with his hand on Gin's shoulder.
"U-dog, we're here for the goods…and the other package." Gin said seriously. Urahara grinned with excitement.
"The gigai's are ready, just like you ordered, and the goods are the best. The guy I got it from told me so." Urahara said.
"I can't wait to try it out. I've never done any of this before so I'll give you this now, feel free to keep it for yourself or sell it through Las Noches, but remember, if you sell it, I want 50 percent." Urahara said.
"20." Gin said.
"55."
"15."
"60."
"10."
"Deal." Urahara said as he smiled and fist bumped Gin. Ulquiorra and Orihime looked at each other. Szayel lifted his eyebrow.
"I think you did that wrong." Ulquiorra said.
"Shut it, cracker." Gin and Urahara said simultaneously. Ulquiorra took a step back with his hands up and head down.
"Anyway, I'll leave the package here for now, and after we help Szayel, we can try some. Then we'll be complete ghetto fabulous." Gin said. Urahara nodded happily and made his way to a different room. In the new room, there were four gigais. One looked like a human Ulquiorra, one was a human Orihime, Szayel's looked like him except the hair color was dark red, and shorter. Gin's looked like…him?
"U-dog," Gin whined, "Mine was suppos' ta look like Will Smith." Gin pouted. Ulquiorra, Orihime, and Szayel all simultaneously gave a strange look to Gin.
"I know, I know, I'm sorry G-dog, but can you imagine how people would react if they saw Will Smith in Med school, think my man. How would you help your pink friend then huh?" Urahara said. Gin nodded sadly.
"All right man, you-you right." Gin said sadly, Urahara nodded.
"Yeah man, it's ok, come here. You need a hug from U-dog, come here." Urahara said. Gin sniffled and went over to Urahara's waiting arms.
"There there, G-dog, there there." Urahara said over the sniffles. Szayel's eye twitched.
"BE A MAN, EVEN I'M NOT THAT MUCH OF A PANSY, AND I FREAKING HAVE PINK HAIR." Szayel shouted. Gin and Urahara looked up from their manhug.
"Make the bad man stop yelling at me, U-dog." Gin said into Urahara's shoulder.
"Come on man, it's ok. Cause every little thing…is gunna be all right." Urahara said. Gin sighed and stood tall. Gin gave Urahara one last hug, but this time it was a manly hug. With much patting of the back.
"All right, we good now U-dog." Gin said as he broke the hug. Both men cleared their throats and ignored the astonished stares from their audience. Szayel's eye twitched.
"Sooo," Urahara said. "To the gigai's." He finished and everyone turned to the gigais. He then pointed to four doors with a piece of paper taped to each. On the papers were poorly hand-drawn pictures of Gin, Szayel, Orihime, and Ulquiorra. Each went into their doors appropriate doors and simultaneously, epic looking smoke leaked out of the cracks of the door and about two second afterwards, the coughing started. Gin was the first to step out, looking no different except the less noticeable ominous feeling. He smiled at Urahara.
"Sweetness U-dog. Props." Urahara smiled less-than-humbly.
"Why thank you." Urahara said. A coughing noise was heard behind them and they turned to see Orihime walking out.
"I have discovered that there is a problem with my gigai, former captain of the 12th division." Orihime said in a monotone. In the door next to her, a low giggling was heard and Ulquiorra stepped out with a smile.
"The smoke is really cool Urahara." Ulquiorra said with a cheerful smile. He looked at Orihime with an unusually animated face while Orihime looked like she had no emotion. Gin looked back and forth confused while Urahara smiled happily.
"Shopkeeper, you have some explaining to do." Orihime told him.
"Well, Ulquiorra." Urahara said as 'Orihime' crossed her arms and 'Ulquiorra' giggled. "I made the gigais so only Ulquiorra would fit in the one that looks like Orihime, and Orihime would only fit in the one that looked like Ulquiorra." Urahara shouted victoriously. Ulquiorra attempted to cross his arms over his now very large chest. (A/N, from this point until I say otherwise or til they no longer need their gigais when I say Ulquiorra looks to everyone like Orihime and vice-versa. But I will still say Ulquiorra. Confusing, I know.)
"What's taking you pink friend so long." Urahara asked as he skillfully changed the subject. This attempt succeeded. The last door opened to show Szayel in his gigai checking himself out in the mirror.
"I look almost exactly like I did when I was alive." Szayel exclaimed happily. Orihime smiled gently, which in Ulquiorra's body, looked slightly scary. Szayel stared. Ulquiorra sighed.
"Ulquiorra," Gin said pointing to the gigai that looked like Orihime, " and Orihime." Gin finished pointing to the smiling form of that looked like Ulquiorra. Szayel, being the genius he is, understood instantly and chose to not think about the disturbing vibes.
"TO HARVARD MED." Szayel shouted excitedly. Gin and Orihime cheered, and Ulquiorra looked epically serious. The five of them ran in a mob out to Betsy where four of the five rode off valiantly, and the fifth stood waving good-bye with a hankie. After they left from sight, a black cat woke from a very deep sleep due to the very loud thumps that got quieter and faded. She yawned and returned to sleep.
o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
"Gin." Ulquiorra said. The triumphant music got quieter.
"Yes?" Gin said heroically as he turned his head slightly from his hunkered yet heroic position at the front of Betsy.
"This is very corny." Ulquiorra said. Gin smiled crookedly.
"I know." He replied with that same heroic grin. Ulquiorra raised an eyebrow and looked awkward.
"Just thought you should know." Ulquiorra mumbled.
"Oh, I know." Gin said in a deep heroic voice. Ulquiorra looked away pained. A girlish cry was heard up front.
"We're here, we're here." Szayel cried excitedly. The large buildings of Harvard Med came into view. Betsy, hearing this, immediately stopped, causing all aboard to fly off into the recesses of Harvard Med. Betsy being free of her riders flopped down with a sigh, and began to snore.
o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
Gin flew through the air with a heroic grace. Until he landed directly in the arms of the elderly dean. Gin swung his long legs. He dwarfed the dean yet the dean still was able to hold him.
"You hav' beautiful eyes." Gin said as he smiled adoringly at the dean. The dean dropped him in surprise and Gin ran into the masses of students pouring out of their classes. The dean shuddered and went on his way, pretending that the last five minutes had never happened.
o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
Orihime flew through the air screaming, which in Ulquiorra's body was a sight to see. She finally landed in the water fountain in front of the girl's dorms.
"Owie." Orihime muttered. She looked up to see a girl standing in front of her.
"Are you okay?" The girl asked.
"Yeah I'm fine." Orihime replied.
"Yes you are." The creepy girl muttered under her breath. Orihime looked disturbed, then as she looked at the black hair covering her face, she understood.
"Oh ha ha ha ha, I'm ok, nice to meet you but I really have to go, see you around, bye." Orihime said as she laughed nervously, until she looked down at the girl's shoes.
"Ohmigosh, those are so cute, where did you get them?" Orihime gasped. The girl looked surprised, then the surprise turned to joy.
"Ohmigosh thanks, I got them at a thrift store. I think were going to be great friends, I'm Lindsay, but everyone calls me Linds." Lindsay said. Orihime giggled.
"I'm Ori- umm Oriorra. Ha ha ha." Orihime said nervously. Linds raised her eyebrows but ignored it.
"Lets go to my dorm, we can so hang out." Linds suggested. Orihime nodded excitedly.
"Great, I always wanted a gay friend." Linds said dreamily.
"What?" Orihime asked obliviously.
"Nothing." Linds replied.
o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
Ulquiorra sailed through the air epically, until he landed, on solid ground, on his boobs.
"Ahhhhh, it hurts, the pain, I never knew this could hurt, how does the woman do it?" Ulquiorra groaned as he rolled around in pain. Suddenly, smooth music began playing. Ulquiorra looked around in confusion.
"Hey baby." A creepy looking guy that screamed pedophile was leaning nearby.
"I am not an infant." Ulquiorra said.
"I can see that, you want to make out?" The guy asked with a sad attempt at a seductive smirk.
"Make out with what?" Ulquiorra asked obliviously.
"Me."
"I don't understand."
"Umm, sucking face?"
"That is grody.
"Snogging."
"Gesundheit?"
"Ugh, would you like to engage in lip to lip contact where I rub you all over and you try to stop me?"
"No I would not." Ulquiorra answered, thoroughly disgusted.
"Well here I come." The man said as he started walking towards Ulquiorra in a manner eerily reminiscent of Nnoitra. Ulquiorra quickly took stock of the situation and realized that the man could overpower him in Orihime's body, so being the smart cookie he is, Ulquiorra ran.
"Whooie boys we got us a runner." The man called in a hic accent as five more boys appeared behind him and they all chased after Ulquiorra.
o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
Szayel screamed girlishly as fell, yet keeping his wits about him, he pulled out a strange device, aimed it at the floor, and pulled the trigger. A gust of wind from the device pushed again the ground until it was equal with the gravity and Szayel fell gracefully to the ground. He smiled crookedly at his graceful landing. Blowing the smoke from his device, Szayel put it away. He looked around, ignoring the stares of disbelief Szayel went over to the nearest student.
"Excuse me, would you be so kind as to point me to the administration offices?" Szayel asked politely. Mutely, the student pointed to a northeast direction.
"Why thank you my dear man." Szayel said as he went on his way, leaving the flabbergasted girl behind him.
Szayel strode confidently, Harvard Med was just as he remembered, except the fashion had changed quite a bit. He hummed under his breath as he made his way towards the office to get his schedule, hopefully his comrades had enough sense to do the same. Suddenly, Szayel heard high-pitched screaming. Turning around he saw Ulquiorra being chased by at least five men with gap teeth and hic accents.
"Come on dearie, we only want to play." One man called.
"I do not wish to play with any of you." Ulquiorra shouted back.
"Well you're a woman, you're opinion don't matter." The ringleader called. Suddenly, the chatter of the campus went dead silent as all girls looked the ringleader, and the guys of the campus back away from the scene entirely.
"So, since we're women, we don't need an education higher than first grade?" One girl asked, with a twitch in her eye.
"Well, shoot, women don't deserve an edjamacation at all, they just need to cook, clean, and raise babies." One of the hics called.
"And while we're at the subject, men are better than women you say?" Another girl asked.
"You're darn tootin'." Another hic said. Szayel grimaced. Those poor suckers, they don't even know what they're doing. God, I mean, Aizen save them.
"Also, women don't deserve to have a choice on who they love, they should just do whatever us smart men tell thems to, cause they're dumb. Now I am trying to get it on with this chick here, it's only fun when they run." The ringleader announcer again. The first girl to speak looked at Ulquiorra.
"Are you interested in him in any way? Has he been chasing you without your permission." The girl asked gently. The other hundreds of girls leaned closer to see his answer. Ulquiorra nodded while panting. In every girl's eyes there was the fire of fury.
"Get him!" The girl yelled and all the hundreds of girls all chased after the fleeing hics. Ulquiorra sighed with relief. Szayel shook his head slowly as the mass of hordes flew by. Then. There was a familiar flash of white and black.
"Woman." Ulquiorra shouted. Orihime was startled out of her rage as she looked at Ulquiorra. To avoid being trampled, She ran to the outside and shouted,
"Bye Linds, see you at the dorm." A yell of confirmation was all Orihime heard before standing next to Ulquiorra and Szayel.
"Um, woman…You were in the mob?" Ulquiorra asked. Orihime nodded rapidly.
"Did you hear, those stupid boys hated women and was chasing a defenseless little girl." Orihime growled with righteous fury. Ulquiorra sighed and Szayel grinned.
"I was not defenseless." Ulquiorra protested weakly. Orihime quickly understood as she struggled to hold back laughter.
"No, of course not sweetie." Orihime said sweetly as Ulquiorra growled.
"At least I wasn't the only guy in the mob of women." Ulquiorra said as Orihime shut up.
"If your spat is over, we need to find Gin and get our schedules." Szayel said. Suddenly, both Ulquiorra and Orihime stopped and stared at a point above Szayel.
"What th-" Szayel managed before a huge weight dropped into his arms. Gin looked at Szayel and grinned as Szayel then collapsed. Gin rose from his spot on Szayel before sniffing haughtily and saying,
"The dean had much more arm strength." Orihime giggled and Ulquiorra raised an eyebrow. Szayel wheezed from the impact. Orihime helped him up and brushed him off.
"Now, if you are quite finished, we need to go to the administration to get our schedules." Szayel said. Gin looked around.
"Let's go tha' way." Gin chirped. Szayel sighed.
"The office is this way." Szayel said. Gin set off in the direction Szayel pointed and the rest followed.
Eventually, they made their way to an office. They made their way to the front desk where a nasally older woman as she handed them their schedules.
"Now don't cause any trouble and you'll do fine." The lady said. Szayel nodded with excitement.
"Alrigh' ladies an' gentlemen, do no' forget the buddy system." Gin announced loudly.
"Um, Gin, we all signed up for the same classes." Orihime said.
"Your poin'? Gin asked. Orihime gave up.
"Hey, you look familiar." The nasally woman told Szayel, who lifted his eyebrow until it came to him.
"No I don't." Szayel said.
"Are you by any chance related to a Szayel Apporo-Granz?" Szayel laughed nervously.
"No, you must have me mistaken. Sorry Dolores." Szayel said as he started as he then realized his mistake.
"How did you know my name was Dolores?" The lady asked suspiciously.
"Umm, nametag?" Szayel said with more nervous laughter. Dolores accepted this as her eyes glazed over.
"Oh that Szayel, he was a smart one him, he was pretty cute too, but I was never his type I suppose. It's too bad about him." Dolores thought aloud, not realizing they were still there. Szayel made his escape as he dragged his comrades behind him. Once in the clear, Szayel sighed with relief.
"Soo, whose Dolores?" Orihime asked teasingly. Szayel shuddered.
"She's almost as crazy as I was, she was obsessed with me, would stalk all my classes and sent me pieces of her hair." Szayel said with an eye twitch.
"What? But she seemed so nice." Orihime said. "Maybe she's normal now."
"Maybe, but I don't plan to stick around her long enough to find out." Szayel said. "Lets just get in, get my degree, get out, than seek my revenge on the doctors who made fun of me when I was a nurse."
"Or, haha, just a silly little thought, we could just get your degree and not revenge, I've always found forgiveness the best way to go anyway." Orihime said nervously.
"Sure, lets go wi' tha'." Gin said sneakily. They stopped at a huge door. Szayel sighed reminiscently.
"Albert Einstein gave a lecture here back in my day." Szayel said. Gin nodded, slightly impressed.
"Well, you firs'." Gin said quickly as he shoved first Szayel, then Ulquiorra, then Orihime before actually going in himself.
"Eagar young minds," The professor droned, "You are late. I expect perfect timing from now on." Szayel stared with disbelief.
"Now, don't you look familiar." The professor said to himself. Gin mentally face palmed.
"Let's just save ourselves the trouble and assume I don't." Szayel said. The professor dropped the subject as he resumed his lecture. As the troublesome foursome sat down, They all stared at Szayel.
"What?" Szayel asked annoyed.
"I thought you said Albert Einstein gave a lecture here?" Orihime asked.
"He did." Szayel said.
"Then the people who were students with you must be almost 100." Ulquiorra said.
"Yes, they are." Szayel said.
"Tha' must mean you're very young for an espada." Gin said thoughtfully.
"Your point?" Szayel said irritably.
"Nothing."
"Excuse me, but if you are not too busy chatting, I have a lecture to finish." The professor announced. Orihime smiled sheepishly.
"Please continue." Orihime said. The professor nodded sarcastically and continued his lecture. Szayel sighed, he was stuck with a group of imbeciles.
As the bell rang to release the class, Gin had slipped under his desk in sleep, Orihime was drooling on her desk, Ulquiorra wasn't breathing as he was facedown on his desk and Szayel was doodling on his desk. The lecture didn't teach him anything he didn't already know. Szayel looked over at his imbeciles and sighed. Standing up, Szayel lifted his book up high and dropped it on his desk. This instantly woke the sleepy-heads up.
"ICHIGO'S A CREEPY KID."
"I HAVE A BLEEDING APPENDAGE IN MY HAND."
"IMMA B****SLAP YOU ULQUIORRA." (2) Szayel raised both eyebrows as the sleepy trio simultaneously shouted things.
"Why are you going to slap me?" Ulquiorra asked Orihime while leaning away from any possible outstretched hand.
"I dunno, must have been a dream." Orihime answered as Ulquiorra relaxed. Gin nodded.
"If you three don't mind, it is time for the next class." Szayel said. Only Orihime made an attempt to look excited. It was still a weak attempt at best. Szayel sighed as he trudged out the door, followed by a skipping Orihime, a slouching Ulquiorra, and an crawling Gin. They started walking to their next class with Szayel in the lead. Szayel excitedly continued to walk. But the campus was enormous and soon enough, the three stragglers soon fell behind. Szayel paused his business-like walk to sigh at the stragglers.
"Szayel, you're a beast, how can ya walk so far an' still go fast?" Gin asked, gasping for breath. Szayel rolled his eyes.
"It's not that far, and this is my normal speed." Szayel said. Orihime caught up to Szayel first and waited while she was panting for the others to catch up.
"Maybe it's the gigai's." Ulquiorra said. Szayel nodded thoughtfully.
"Prolly, but who cares." Gin said. Szayel shook his head and looked around.
"Come on, we're almost there." Szayel said as he continued to walk quickly. Gin sighed as he followed, with Ulquiorra and Orihime in tow. The next building looked exactly like the first.
"OMA, we wen' in a big circle." Gin exclaimed. Szayel rolled his eyes for what seemed like the seventeenth time since the chapter began.
"All the buildings look pretty much the same." Szayel said. Gin thought deeply about the situation and said one word that was filled with intelligence.
"Oh."
"OMA?" Orihime questioned.
"It stands for Oh My Aizen, because he is God." Ulquiorra stated in monotony.
"Really?" Orihime said. Gin nodded.
"Plus if we don't say OMA, and say something silly like OMG, he puts us in a dunce hat. Not fun." Gin finished. Orihime raised an eyebrow.
"How does he know you always wear it?" Orihime asked, Gin's story seemed sketchy.
"Its designed not to come off of the person who has then reiatsu of the person it is programmed to attach itself to. It has samples of every arrancars and former shinigami that is would be important enough to be at least mentioned in a manga or anime show." Szayel said. "I made it myself."
"Oh, that's weird. What did you name it?" Orihime asked. Szayel looked shifty for a moment before giving up.
"Her name is Dolores. Device Ordered to foLlow Obsessively eveRyone Except Szayel." (3) Szayel said, while grimacing.
"Huh, wasn' that secretary lady named Dolores?" Gin asked. Gin grimaced again
"So? My device is similar to that harpy." Szayel said.
"That's not very nice." Orihime said.
"Shh, we're here." Szayel said, uncaring about Orihime's sensitivity. Szayel giggled excitedly again, hopefully this class would teach him something new. The fearsome foursome walked in dramatically, with epic grace and good looks.
"Excuse me, you look familiar." The professor said. Szayel stared at her, with a twitch in his eye.
"Why, no, no I don't." Szayel said with an eerily calm smile. He tilted his head and made his way to his seat. Followed by a staring threesome.
"So which class is this anyway?" Orihime asked.
"Biology." Szayel sighed.
"They wouldn't make us do anything like dissections on the first day would t-" Orihime was cut off by loud gasps throughout the class, she looked over and promptly fainted.
"Woman, it's only a dead body, it's not like they are not going to cut it ope-" Ulquiorra attempted to console her as he too was interrupted by loud gasps. After which his eyes crossed and he followed suit as half the class also fainted. Gin looked down. More gasps sounded and a few high-pitched screams.
"Oh mah Aizen." Gin said before he too collapsed. Szayel rolled his eyes and looked around. It looked like he was the only one standing. The professor called him up and Szayel gracefully stepped over his companions prone bodies. He walked up to the front as the professor's eyes glinted amused at the unconscious students.
"And they want to be doctors." She scoffed. Szayel looked curiously at the body.
"May I?" He asked, gesturing to the dissecting instruments. The professor looked pleased.
"By all means." She aid. Szayel barely contained a smirk as he did what he did best, and within seconds, the professor's smile turned into horror. She struggled not to puke for twenty-three more seconds until she finally fainted. Szayel didn't even notice until the bell rang. Looking up he frowned, but seeing as his entire class was out cold, he did one last thing, and cut through the skin leading to the skull. Looking at it, he noticed that there was a glint of sapphire blue poking out. Shrugging, Szayel ignored it and removed his soaked gloves, cleaned up, and walked over to his unconscious companions. Shaking his head slowly, Szayel prodded them with his foot.
"Wake up, time to go." Szayel said.
"STOP CRYIN' RAN-CHAN. "
"I WILL BE THE RAIN."
"NICE DRESS." (4)
"What kind of things do you guys dream?" Szayel said with disbelief. Ulquiorra, Orihime and Gin looked at each other then at the dead, disfigured body, then the unconscious teacher, then at Szayel. Szayel raised his eyebrow at them, causing them to scream and cling to each other. Ulquiorra and Orihime formed a solid barrier as they held each other in fear of Szayel while Gin tried to hide with them but the barrier was too strong and Gin was forced to try to jump in the circle of safety before finally hiding behind the two. Szayel rolled his eyes.
"Come on already, get over it. I've done worse, just don't think about it, this one was already dead." Szayel said heatedly. They were making him wait, the next class was going to start soon. Eventually, Gin stood up bravely, in his head at least, in reality, Ulquiorra and Orihime had kicked him out after him trying to get behind them. Eventually, Orihime pulled Ulquiorra to his feet and pushed him in front. Ulquiorra automatically resumed his unemotional facade, and Orihime walked cautiously behind him before forgetting the last class period as she caught sight of a butterfly. 'Nuff said.
"Come oon." Szayel whined. This was taking way too long. Orihime giggled and ran out the door. Gin and Ulquiorra followed all the while keeping an eye on a certain, devastatingly handsome and devious, mad scientist. Aforementioned madman sighed with relief that they were finally leaving to the next class.
o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
The elderly dean of the school walked with a frown on his face to the professor. The professor paused from his droning to excuse himself from his class and headed out the door, the dean followed.
"Hey, Barry, I have received some disturbing rumors from my Dolores that a Szayel look-alike is roaming the school. He apparently has denied any relation but I am not sure. Have you seen him?" The dean asked.
"Well, there was a little guy who came in late with a emo looking fellow, a sweet little girl, and a strange man who was very tall, and had a permanent smile on his face, pretty sketchy if you ask me." Professor Einglebright said, in a normal tone of voice he saves for his friends. The dean shuddered at the familiar description of the smiling man. "I'll tell you if I see them again, John. I saw them heading " The dean nodded and left, than paused.
"Is the reason you're trying to find him because of the thing that happened?" Barry asked. The dean didn't even have to turn to answer. A student made it's way out of the classroom.
"Professor Einglebright?" The student asked.
"Yes." The professor droned than returned to his class.
Okay, this is part 1 I'm hoping to finish part 2 soon, but you've all waited so long I figured I'd get the 1st part out.
1: Guess whose laugh was whose
2: Recognize those lines…maybe ;)
3: I know I cheated, but it's for the sake of humor.
4: See 2.
I love you all, and btw, this is the longest chapter I have ever written, and this is only the 1st half. Plus sorry if there's a bunch of mistakes, I was in a bit of a rush to get some of the story out.