Espionage and Madness
Helping Nurse Szayel…Part 2
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Szayel sighed. He didn't remember college as being this hard. Could it be the work? Szayel asked himself. His light side shook its head. Szayel hmmed and asked, The teachers? Once again his light side shook its head. Szayel pursed his lips before catching sight of his comrades trying to figure out a sliding door. Them? Szayel asked. His light side gaped in astonishment before shaking its head. Szayel shrugged and locked his light side back up. Szayel turned to his companions and opened the door for them. All of them stepped inside the classroom and headed to chairs. The teacher stopped Szayel.
"You look familiar have you been here before?" The professor asked, Szayel threw his books down on the floor.
"What? Is everyone I went to college with a professor, couldn't they do anything else with their lives? What the real world isn't good enough for them?" Szayel yelled. Gin, Ulquiorra and Orihime dragged Szayel away from the surprised teacher, not noticing the familiar glint of glasses in the corner. The person with the glasses sent off a text and laid low. The class went on for a boring 30 minutes before a giant boom filled the room. Standing in a broken wall was none other than one Ichigo Kurosaki, in full shinigami wear. Ichigo shouted out his battle cry and made a beeline for what looked like Orihime, but was really Ulquiorra. Ulquiorra's eyes widened as he was carried off, followed by the teacher, who was throwing rulers and yelling kidnap.
Gin, Szayel, and Orihime were left staring in shock and horror. Then, Uryu Ishida fled the premises. Orihime stared then jumped to the hole in the wall and shouted.
"After the Woman!"
"After EMOSPADA!" Gin called in agreement and they both started out the hole.
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Ulquiorra had never been more uncomfortable in his whole life. Not even when he had to tell Lord Aizen that he had toilet paper on his shoe, or when he had to retrieve some feminine products for the woman from Harribel. Not even when he had walked in on Grimmjow singing and dancing to 'Moves like Jagger' and had to tell him that the song was not about him. Not even when Charlotte Cuulhorn came up to him, put one arm around his shoulder and the other in a place that it had no business in resting and whispered in his ear, 'I go both ways.'
Those were bad but nothing compared to having to sit through the substitute shinigami struggling to profess his love to Orihime, and it wasn't Orihime, not that Ichigo knew that, but what Ulquiorra couldn't get over was that fate hated him so much, that it put him in this position, this position where he was forced to hear all the sappy words coming from the man he hated's mouth, to the girl he, ULQUIORRA, did not think was trash. Oh the Irony.
But Ulquiorra did take the time to watch for any good words that he could then steal, in case he ever decided to tell the woman she was not trash. Not that there was a big chance of that. Suddenly, he noticed a silence. Ulquiorra looked cautiously at Ichigo, who was getting closer and closer, leaning in. Ulquiorra cocked his head, what was the substitute shinigami doing. Wait, he had seen that face before. Ulquiorra couldn't hold it anymore and he screamed and fell backward on the floor. Ichigo opened his eyes.
"So you like to play hard to get huh, well I'm game my darling princess." Ichigo said before letting out an attempt at a seductive purr and launched himself at Ulquiorra.
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"Come on Szayel, we can't leave him." Orihime said in exasperated tone. Szayel stood off to the side awkwardly.
"But, like, isn't this a good thing? Now that Ichigo thinks he's got Orihime, he'll stay out of our way, the war is ours, we win." Szayel said slowly. Gin and Orihime stared blankly. "After we win, then we just get Ulquiorra back."
"Noo, obviously, he would fight anyway so the only thing is ta go save Ulquiorra." Gin said. Szayel still stood awkwardly. Gin thought for a second then he saw the path.
"Wait, you're too smart, ya would've known tha already," Gin said. Szayel's eyes widened. "Ohh, I see, ya are jus' afraid ta ditch a class."
"Am not." Szayel stomped his foot. Gin grinned like a fox going in for the kill.
"Are ta!"
"Am not!"
"Are ta."
"AM . NOT! And I'll prove it, lets go get emospada!" Szayel cried. Gin cheered.
"TA BETSY!" Gin called heroically. The dynamic trio ran out the hole in the wall and kept running, then stopped at the place where they last saw Betsy.
"Here Betsy, Betsy, Betsy." Szayel called. Orihime whistled. Then Gin stood to full height, lost his smile and shouted.
"Betsy, HEEL!" Immediately, the earth shook as Betsy came running and sat obediently at Gin's feet. Gin's usual smile returned as Szayel, who had barely jumped out of the way in time stood and everyone jumped on Betsy.
"Which way?" Szayel asked. Gin froze.
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Meanwhile, Ulquiorra's mouth was full. Of chocolate. Ichigo had brought them with flowers, and even Ichigo wasn't dim enough not to notice the gleam in Ulquiorra's eye as he grabbed the chocolate. The flowers lay abandoned on the floor.
Ichigo was encouraged by this, Orihime seemed to be coming around. Chocolate must bring her out of Aizen's evil mind controlling powers.
Ulquiorra was wearing down. He even let the boy hug him, as long as he had chocolate. Ulquiorra knew somewhere that this was not good, but he never could control himself around chocolate.
Ichigo smiled as he hugged "Orihime". If she loved chocolate this much, what else did she love? Ichigo got up and left a pile of chocolate in Ulquiorra's lap.
Ulquiorra sat munching happily. Meanwhile Murcielago was screaming in anger. WHAT ARE YOU DOIN, YOU ARE THE CUARTO ESPADA GETTING HANDFED BY YOUR WORST ENEMY, I'M EMBARRASSED TO CALL YOU MASTER! THIS IS DISGUSTING.
"Chhhooocooolaatteee."
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I GIVE A CRAP ABOUT YOUR WEAKNESS, NO, GET OVER IT AND FIGHT IT.
"It's just hugs, it's not a big deal. He loves me and wants to give me chocolate. Where's the harm. Why do you have a problem with our relationship. Are you jealous?" Ulquiorra retorted. Murcielago froze with horror beyond all imagining.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST SAID THAT! THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS WRONG WITH THAT THAT I CAN'T EVEN DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I FEAR YOU RIGHT NOW. OUR RELATIONSHIP? AM I JEALOUS? THE WORLD HAS GONE CRAZY.
Ichigo finally got back. He went over to Ulquiorra and opened his hands. Laying in his hands was a crystal angel shaped knick-knack. Ulquiorra froze.
"Shiiinyyy." Ulquiorra sat transfixed. Murcielago froze also. Shiiinyyy.
Ichigo smiled. He knew this would do it, the time was now, while "Orihime" sat transfixed. Ichigo slowly leaned in and closed his eyes.
Ulquiorra tried to fight it, but the power of the shiny was too much for even Murcielago. Murcielago sat screaming but unable to turn his head away from the shiny. The sun shone through the only window and intensified the shine. Ulquiorra's eyes got wider, rounder, and impossibly huge.
Ichigo leaned in closer and closer.
Ulquiorra sat transfixed. Murcielago still struggled against the massive power of the shine, but even he was overcome. Maybe it won't be so bad. Maybe he'll keep up the chocolate and shiny's. Suddenly the image of a diamond ring flashed in Ulquiorra's mind. Murcielago nodded in absent approval at the shine. The image was followed by an image of him, not still in Orihime's gigai, standing victoriously next to Ichigo, at the alter, with a priest, then the image of him, pregnant, at home smiling at the strawberry, came to mind, then them growing old. With black and orange-haired grandchildren jumping around. Something in Ulquiorra's mind just broke, shattered, the images burned into his now broken mind. Murcielago screamed in horror. Ulquiorra fell backwards, in slow motion and blank eyes. He landed on the floor and screamed out his horror and agony.
Ichigo gasped, Aizen's mind control device must be dying. The screams from the floor sounded through the halls and Ichigo winced.
Pain. Burning. He would have to destroy this memory. Murcielago screaming. Murcielago would never forgive him for this. Ulquiorra would never forgive the carrot top for this.
Suddenly, a huge crash sounded and Betsy burst through the wall. Ichigo screamed in surprise, though it wasn't heard over Ulquiorra's screams.
"Hey, thi' isn' the bathroom." Gin said. Szayel gave him a weird look. "Jus' kiddin' jeez, WE'RE HERE FOR EMOSPADA!"
Ichigo pointed at the Ulquiorra on Betsy, and Gin pointed at the Orihime on the floor, still screaming. Ichigo nodded in. Understanding?
"I can't let her go on in pain, tell Aizen he wins, better her in Las Noches than in excruciating pain due to Aizen's mind control device here, take her, be good to her." Ichigo said resigned. Gin cocked his eyebrow.
"Wha', Aizen's mind control devices aren' functioning ye-" Gin started but was cut off by Szayel.
"Very well earthling, she will thank you for this one day." Szayel said in a deep voice. Ichigo nodded and Orihime, jumped down and grabbed Ulquiorra off the ground and put him on Betsy. And jumped back on. Then at Gin's command, Betsy galloped away, leaving Ichigo in the dust.
"Why is he still screaming?" Orihime asked.
"Szayel, status report!" Gin called.
"I have no ide- wait, I have seen this before, in my tea partie- I mean experiments. Victims often screamed nonstop due to mental trauma."
"Well, how did you get them to stop?" Orihime asked.
"Well, we can't kill him. So that's out. Either we let him go until he has no voice left or we slap him." Everyone froze before launching into reasons why they should be the one to slap Ulquiorra.
"Wait, why do you to want to slap Ulquiorra so bad?" Orihime asked confused.
"Who hasn't wanted to slap Ulquiorra? You already got to so its either me or Gin. The chance to slap emospada without any repercussions from him, or Aizen. Grimmjow'll be sooooooo jealous." Szayel said. Orihime understood. It all made sense now.
"Well, Szayel should do it. Gin, you can probably just slap him randomly in the hallway anyway, since when have you been afraid of Ulquiorra, or Aizen." Orihime decided. Gin shrugged in agreement and Szayel looked like he got a specimen for Christmas. Szayel leaned over Ulquiorra, aimed, drew back, and slapped with all him might.
Suddenly Ulquiorra stopped screaming and shot a cero at him, which Szayel nimbly dodged. Ulquiorra looked deeply disturbed as he sat up. Gin scooted over and put his hand on Ulquiorra's head.
"Poor boy, what have they done to you." Gin said. Szayel laughed then sniffed.
"Did they give you chocolate? You reek of it." Orihime said. Ulquiorra froze.
"Do. Not. Say. That. Word." Ulquiorra gritted out. Everyone else gave each other puzzled looks.
"But, Ulqui-chan, tha's ya favorite word." Gin said. Ulquiorra twitched.
"Never mention that word or the despicable strawberry again." Ulquiorra said. Everyone shrugged but nodded all the same. Szayel twisted in his seat.
"And now, BACK TO SCHOOL!" Szayel cheered. Ulquiorra looked relieved that everything was going back to semi-normal. Orihime and Gin groaned.
"But it's borin'. How much longer do we hafta do this?" Gin sighed.
"Be thankful, normally you have to go through years and years of school. We just have to get Szayel his degree." Orihime said. Gin sighed again.
"How do normal people do thi'?" Gin said. Everyone ignored him. Betsy had finally arrived back at the college. Szayel could barely contain his excitement.
"Next class!" Szayel said. Betsy stopped suddenly causing Gin, Ulquiorra, Orihime, and Szayel to go flying once again, but this time they knew what to expect so they clasped hands in mid-air and all ended up in the same place, in front of their next class. Apparently, Betsy had good aim. They all stood up and with their now windblown hair only adding to their devastating good looks, they swept into the classroom. Szayel froze at the sight of the teacher. She was a looker even now. Szayel sauntered up to her and waited for the inevitable seven words. They never came.
"Do you have a question?" The professor asked. Szayel stood in shock.
"Wait, you don't recognize me?" Szayel asked, with a close to devastated look.
"No, have you taken this class before." She asked. Szayel sighed and hung his head.
"Never mind." Szayel said as he went to join his fellow troublemakers. Orihime gave him a sympathetic pat on the back.
"What happened, you strike out?" She asked.
"She was always the prettiest girl in school, I guess I shouldn't be surprised that she didn't remember. I just assumed she would, oh well. She's not my type anyway." Szayel said. Gin growled.
"She can't dis mah S-dawg like that." Gin said. He stood up with the air of vengeance.
"HEY, YA SHAMELESS HUSSY!" Gin shouted. Everyone stared in shock, including the now well aged teacher.
"Excuse me?" The teacher said. Szayel, Ulquiorra, and Orihime were all staring in shock at Gin.
"Ya heard me." Gin said with a vengeful grin. Szayel tried to tug Gin back.
"Gin, not a good idea, she can be kind of…unstabl-" Szayel was cut off as the teacher screeched like a she-demon and leapt at Gin. Gin tried to run but she clung to his back and attempted to destroy him. Szayel sighed in a reminiscing tone. Orihime and Ulquiorra were floored by the whole thing.
"Unstable?" Orihime asked.
"Yep, the most beautiful girl in the school, and her temper is just hot." Szayel said happily. Ulquiorra stared…and stared…and stared, ignoring the still yelling Murcielago in his head.
"Leave it to Szayel to be into BDSM." Orihime whispered to Ulquiorra, who promptly shuddered. Szayel rolled his eyes and continued to watch the show.
"Why isn't Gin doing something? Surely he can do more than scream and run in circles." Orihime asked.
"First of all, he's in a gigai, with the strength of an average human. Second of all, she has crazy strength, strength bestowed upon by god, to only the crazies in this world, which I may or may not have some of. Third of all, he can't hit a girl, even if he wanted to. Even though he can cut them in half if the occasion arises." Szayel listed. Gin continued to run in circles and finally Szayel had enough. He raised his hand.
"Professor?" Szayel said. The Professor froze and smiled benignly at Szayel.
"Yes?" She said. Gin stared unbelievingly, it was over.
"What is the furthest number discovered in pi?" Szayel asked, even though he fully knew the answer, and more. The teacher snapped to and immediately started doing formulas. Gin sat back down quietly.
"Thanks anyway, G-Dawg." Szayel said, barely loud enough for Gin to hear. Gin smiled.
"No problem, S-Dawg." Ulquiorra and Orihime sat transfixed by the chalk moving like a whirlwind across the board. They sat like that until the bell finally rang. Even then Ulquiorra and Orihime had trouble getting up. They were outside the classroom when Szayel realized he had left his favorite pen in the classroom.
"Brb." Szayel said. Gin and Ulquiorra looked confused but Orihime nodded. The classroom was deserted except for the teacher, who seemed to be having one of her crazy flashes, but the quiet stare into the past or space kind. Szayel just ignored it and went to search for his pen. Leaning over under his desk, he grabbed it off the ground and headed out of the classroom. As he was almost out the door, he heard a distinct sound.
"Goodbye, Szayel Aporro-Granz." Szayel smiled to himself.
"Goodbye, Cassandra." Szayel said as he disappeared out the door. His friends were waiting for him at the door and Szayel smiled gently at them. He had friends. Though he couldn't ever admit this. Ever. But he knew, so that didn't matter. If anyone ever said otherwise, it was the surgery table for them.
"Did you get your pen-that-is-not-just-a-pen?" Ulquiorra asked. Szayel smirked.
"Yep."
"How many uses does it have anyway?" Orihime asked.
"Ehh, about 143." Szayel said. "But that's a story for another time."
"I'm hungry." Gin said.
"To the cafeteria!" Orihime cheered. Szayel shrugged and led the way.
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The dean of the school had been continuing his rounds, searching for the possible descendent of Szayel Apporo-Granz. He had already been hearing strange reports of a gruesome scene in the biology class, Cassandra's mental illness being brought back…again, reports of kidnap, and more. This day has been the hardest he'd ever had. More reports of general chaos being caused by the Szayel lookalike, the one that was cheerful yet looked very emo, the emo girl who looked like her middle name should be sunshine, and the creepy, tall, squinty, and smiley man that the dean certainly remembered from his first appearance at school. The dean sniffed, he could smell chaos coming from the cafeteria. Yes, "Chaos" certainly not French fries or anything like that.
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Szayel and co. were happily munching on French fries, while making small talk about Szayel's pen-that-is-not-just-a-pen. Suddenly, winds of change swept through the cafeteria, causing Ulquiorra to stiffen, Orihime to gasp, Gin to drop his smile and open his eyes, and Szayel to look solemnly at the man who had just entered the building.
"Szayel Apporo-Granz." The dean sighed. "It's been awhile." Szayel laughed nervously.
"Szayel Apporo-Granz is my grandfather, please, call me Szayel." Szayel said smoothly.
"I have something for your grandfather, though he is still not with us." The dean said. Szayel nodded.
"Back when I went to this school with Szayel the first, he was a strange one to be sure, but he was also very intelligent, sometimes too intelligent for his own good, which was the thing that eventually led to his downfall. Anyway, it was the day when we discovered if we would get our decree or not, and by some strange twist of fate, Szayel was not to get his. He dropped out of here and disappeared for a long time. Years later, he was in the headlines, Nurse at local hospital arrested for disturbing practices on patients, alive and deceased. He was found guilty but due to the amount of maniacal laughter during his trial and the claims that the government have hidden reports of something he called shinigami and hollows, they announced him insane and shipped him off to the nearest mental hospital, where he attempted many escaped until one finally succeeded and he vanished, never to be heard from again." The dean said, ignoring the tears in Orihime's eyes, and the embarrassment from Szayel.
"When I finally became the head of this school, I had discovered an oddity in files, and I found that Szayel had in fact earned his degree, yet for some strange reason, he was told he had failed. So here is Szayel's degree." The dean handed the old and dusty plaque to Szayel who held it gingerly.
"Excuse me for a second." Szayel said with a twitching eye. Gin, Ulquiorra and Orihime all stood with their mouths agape. All of this for nothing? Szayel exited the building and went out of sight. Suddenly, a loud yell was heard throughout the school along with several unsavory words that will not be repeated. Szayel quickly walked back in, seemingly completely normal, unless you looked closely at the swirling rage in his amber eyes.
"Well?" The dean asked.
"Well John," Szayel said, seemingly completely at ease, "I think I'm going to leave this school and return to my old job, who needs to be a doctor anyway." The dean nodded and slowly headed towards the door. But not without a blown kiss from Gin, causing the elderly dean to shuffle that much faster from the room.
"Well, wha' now?" Gin asked.
"We're going home." Szayel said. "I'm finished here. Plus, I'm missing valuable research time, we are in a war you know." Gin grinned. Ulquiorra shrugged and Orihime gaped at the fact that there was a war going on. Szayel led the way outside and the four walked side by side off to a space where Betsy would fit.
"What are we going to do with the gigai's? Keep them or give them back to Urahara?" Orihime asked. Gin snorted as the answer was obvious.
"U-Dawg only lent em to us, we can' keep em." Gin said.
"Then why does he have these?" Ulquiorra asked.
"Ya didn't think he made hi' money by sellin' candy didja silly?" Gin said as he tweaked Ulquiorra's nose. Ulquiorra, Szayel, and Orihime froze then shuddered, not even wanting to know what Urahara was using their gigai's for.
"You know what, you guys go ahead, I have one more thing to do, I'll meet up with you at Urahara's shop." Szayel said with a wicked glint in his eyes. He leapt out of the gigai and the human shape of Szayel slumped to the ground as the real Szayel sonidoed away, pink hair and all.
"I don' like the look o' tha'." Gin said. While picking up Szayel's gigai. Then Gin whistled for Betsy and she came a running. The three jumped on and headed off for Urahara's shop. Once they got there, there was a strange sight to see.
"Gin you traitor, what are you doing here, leave before I destroy you with the power of good. And give Orihime back." Urahara shouted. Gin looked shocked and Ulquiorra shuddered as he was currently in Orihime's gigai.
"But U-Dawg, wha' going on, I thought we were bro's." Gin said sadly. Urahara signaled wildly with his eyes at the black cat sitting on the railing watching the show. Gin's eyes widened as he understood everything.
"HISSSS, not the power of good, take the woman and let us go in peace." Gin cried as he shoved Ulquiorra towards Urahara. Gin hissed dramatically at Urahara again and as Urahara grabbed ahold of Ulquiorra, Gin jumped back on Betsy with Orihime. Yoruichi rolled her eyes and transformed back into human form. Gin smiled.
"Heya Yoruichi, long tim' no see." Gin said as he looked her up and down. Yoruichi rolled her eyes again.
"Do you want me to mention this to Rangiku?" Yoruichi said, Urahara floated by continuing to gesture wildly. Gin shook his head quickly and kept his eyes on her face. Ulquiorra was blushing like a maniac and so was Orihime.
"You better leave before we call soul society." Yoruichi said. Gin hissed again at the name.
"Here, take these useless gigai's back," Gin said, ignoring Urahara's distant indignant 'hey', "We'll be on our way as soon as our comrade joins us." Yoruichi crossed her arms and waited. And waited. And waited. At this point, the sun had started to go down and Gin was getting tired of the gigai. He leapt out of it and signaled Ulquiorra and Orihime to do the same. Yoruichi and Urahara jumped as what looked like Orihime had been Ulquiorra in a gigai and what looked like Ulquiorra had been Orihime in a gigai.
"Ahaha ahayo Urahara and Yoruichi!" Orihime laughed nervously. Ulquiorra walked stiffly back to the dark side of the porch and gave Yoruichi the stink eye. Orihime walked over to Yoruichi and whispered something.
"Don't try to rescue me, I am fine, and I am undercover." Orihime said. Yoruichi stared at her unbelievingly and Urahara floated by in disbelief. Ulquiorra stared and hoped it wasn't so, but he would have to wait for Agent Fairy, Ninja, Princess, Robot in Space to confirm. Orihime waltzed back over and winked at Ulquiorra and Gin, who relaxed, Orihime wouldn't betray them like that.
"So, where is your little pink friend?" Urahara asked as he popped up out of nowhere. Gin shrugged.
"Where's ya vicious feline frien'?" Gin asked. Urahara smiled sheepishly.
"She's taking a catnap in the shop." Urahara said nonchalantly. Suddenly, Szayel appeared in the distance. He hadn't seen them yet and he was wiping something on the inside of his coat. He appeared very satisfied and more like the Szayel that they had first met. The more bloodthirsty and maniacal one. Suddenly, Szayel's head snapped up and he waved cheerfully at them. They waved back as they pretended they weren't slightly creeped out.
"Good, you're still here, I was afraid you had left already." Szayel said while straightening his sleeves. Urahara collected the gigais and deposited them down a trapdoor labeled Fun Room, $600 an hour. Ulquiorra groaned, he was afraid that was what Urahara had made the gigais for.
"Nah S-Dawg, we wouldn' leave with out ya." Gin said. Orihime smiled then gave a start as she noticed something.
"Is that blood on your sleeve?" Orihime asked.
"No, of course not, no, silly girl. Lets go." Szayel said. Orihime shrugged it off, he had probably done worse. Urahara waved them off, then when Yoruichi appeared to look out the window suspiciously, he changed his wave to an angry fist shake, which wasn't fooling anybody for a second. Gin, Ulquiorra, Orihime, and Szayel got on Betsy, and began to make their way to Las Noches.
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So sorry for the lateness of this chapter, and most likely future chapters, I am not and will not abandon this fic for the record lol, in case anyone was worried. Reviews are always appreciated and my priority fic to finish is the one with the most reviews.
P.S. Check out my profile, Bleach Unmasked 3 has been released and anyone who wants to know more about the espada should check it out, it contains Ulquiorra's past also. On my profile there's some of the info that I got, though I didn't read it myself, and theres a link where you can see you tube video of the pages.