Pirates In Wonderland Chapter 7

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"Well mate, prepare yourself for the most amazing story you have ever heard. The whole story is too long so we'll start from where I made port in Port Royal." Jack started out with a flourishing sweep of his hands.

"You can't call riding a mast to the dock making port." Will scoffed. Jack stomped his foot.

"I'm telling the story so if you don't mind." Jack said while glaring. "So, there I was, with a sinking ship, I had to act fast so I started bailing out the water. Then I gave up and stood atop the mast and sailed gracefully into the harbor, I bribed the dock master and went on my merry way to check the ships."

"And while this was going on, I was getting the cold shoulder from Will," Elizabeth broke in. Jack 1 glared at Will, and Jack 2 glared at Elizabeth. Jack rolled his eyes.

"You were not, your father was there so I was being polite." Will argued. Jack 2 nodded firmly then screamed as Jack 1 tackled him. Jack grabbed both of them and put them in their time out corners, a.k.a. Jack's boots.

"Help, we are dying in here, don't you ever wash your feet?" Jacks 1&2 yelled. Jack smirked and ignored their pleas for mercy. Everyone else stopped talking to stare at Jack. Jack winked and everyone turned to their normal positions.

"So then I was, aboard a nice ship and then the security came, I dazzled them with my wits and was telling them about the time, they made me their king, then this git," Jack pointed to Elizabeth who hmpfed and turned.

"Decides to fall off a cliff into the water, I asked the guards but they were morons who couldn't swim, so I heroically dove in the water after her, she dragged me down til I got rid of that parachute, women call a dress, then I swam back up and saved her life, unfortunately, the governor's soldiers came and saw me with her corset and tried to shoot me until Elizabeth told them that I rescued her. Then Norrington recognized me and I was sentenced to hang. But I once again used my magnificent wits to get out of that situation." Jack continued.

"Your wit? You used me as a hostage," Elizabeth scoffed. Jack 2 laughed from his boot and was growled by Jack 1 from his boot. Jack jumped in the air, ignoring the screams that came from within. Hatter looked at the boots worriedly, until Jack told him that they don't die.

"I magnetically jumped, swung, and ran to the city, where I lost them for a little while. I hid in this eunich's blacksmith shop, then valiantly fought him and won single-handedly. I was about to get away when this ten feet tall giant knocked me out from behind." Jack said while silently hoping that no one would argue.

"He wasn't ten feet tall, he was an overweight, balding, five foot tall man." Will scoffed. Jack not so subtly kicked him in the shin, making Jack 1 snicker, and Jack 2 to shout, "I have failed you Will."

"Then I was stuck in prison, then still stuck as me old crew came and went until finally Will needed my help to save Elizabeth. Then I used my wits once again to commandeer the Interceptor. Me n Will made it to Tortuga where I gathered a faithful and mad crew." Jack said as Hatter smiled.

"We set out to the Isle de Muerta, where we found Elizabeth, but then I was knocked out by a ten foot tall man with a huge steel hammer, and Will took Elizabeth and left without me." Jack said.

"What are you talking about, I knocked you out." Will said disdainfully. Then, realizing what he said, Will walked out of Jack's kicking range.

"I was discovered and managed to use my wits to wiggle out of being shot. I negotiated with my mutinous ex first mate Barbossa, the scrawny one who is currently, er, missing-in-action." Jack said with a look around, still no sign of Barbossa.

"Then I was stuck in the brig of my Pearl which was in possession of Barbossa, then we caught up with the rest of my crew, Will, and Elizabeth, then they ruin everything, I was negotiating. Getting themselves all caught, then Will tells them that he is the one they need to lift a skeleton curse on they, so they maroon me and Elizabeth on a deserted island." Will looks at Jack apologetically.

"There she comes on to me and me, being the decent person I am, put a stop to it, for I knew that dear William and her were in love-" Jack continued until Elizabeth screeched with outrage. Jack coolly ignored her.

"In the morning, she burned all the rum. Just burned it, just like that. It was all gone." Jack shuddered with the horrific memory as Elizabeth rolled her eyes.

"Then Norrington comes and Elizabeth asks him to save Will as a wedding gift. I go in and negotiate, fight a battle, shoot Barbossa, then am left with Norrington because my crew left me. At my execution, Will comes to save me and together we fight our way to the cliff. There, Elizabeth joins us and I say, 'This is the day that you will always remember as the day you almost hung, Captain Jack Sparrow' then I gracefully dove off the cliff and swam to the Pearl, who was waiting nearby, oh and Elizabeth chose Will over Norrington." Jack added as a side comment.

"Then I had a little bit of peace till Davy Jones sent his Kraken after me when Bootstrap Bill came back. So I had to head to land, which unfortunately was a cannibal island that I had escaped in the past. They thought I was a god, so they were going to roast me. To release my supposed Godness. anyway Will shows up and tells me Elizabeth is in danger and that he needed my compass. So I told the cannibals to put him with the others. I distracted them for as long as I could until my crew escaped giving me time to escape. Then I was bombarded by fruit, fell down a cliff and eventually was chased by hundreds of cannibals. I made my way on the ship, then said, 'This is the day you will always remember as the day you almost ate Captain Jack Sparrow'. Then I did a astonishing flip back onto the ship." Jack said, taking a breath.

"We then sailed to Tia Dalma's, and I got a jar of dirt." Jack stopped suddenly, realizing something,

"Speaking of whom, has anyone seen her? She was on the ship with us." Jack said confused. Hatter looked thoughtful.

"Dark skin, Long dark hair, dots on her face, kinda scary?" Hatter asked. Jack nodded.

"Have you seen her?" Jack asked.

"No, but March threw a cup at her earlier." Hatter said as March giggled madly in his seat then said, "Spooon."

"Back to the story, I got Will aboard the Dutchman where he found his father and got the key to the chest that holds Davy Jones heart, which I needed to settle my debt to him, I bargained to settle my debt with 100 souls so I went to Tortuga to recruit, where we ran into Norrington, who had fell waayyy down in life, he joined our crew and we picked up Elizabeth along the way. We made it to the Island where Davy Jones hid his heart. Will joined us intending to kill Jones and Me, Will, and Norrington ended up in a fight for the key, which I won. I got the heart and hid it in my jar of dirt, then when we were back up to our dingy by Jones' undead crew, Norrington took the empty chest and drew them away. I never saw Norrington again. Then, back on my ship, I was trash talking Jones until I found that I didn't have the heart. He got bored of hitting my ship and sent the Kraken after us. I had taken the dingy and was sailing to an island until my noble side arose. I went back and helped injure the kraken. But that only made it angry, so with a heavy heart, I gave the order to abandon my beloved Pearl. Everyone was in the dingy until Elizabeth kissed me and handcuffed me to the rail, with the intent of giving the rest of them time to escape. She told them that I wanted to go down with my ship, and they sailed off." Jack said, slightly sad from the memory. Hatter put his hand on his shoulder and smiled sadly at him.

"I waited til they were away from the ship then used my wits to escape from the cuffs. But it was too late. The Kraken was behind me. As it roared, I found my hat and pulled out my sword, and it ate me then spit me up on an island not far from here. There, my crew of many me's were bugging me so and planned a magnificent garden party without me. Then I licked a rock, which turned into a crab, which then called his buddies and carried my ship to shore. I found my crew who had come to save me, with some unpleasant surprises, like Barbossa, and Elizabeth. Along the way, Will and Elizabeth constantly yelled at each other. Eventually I allowed them on my ship and we found our way here. Along the way, my two mini-me's joined me. You may come out now." Jack finished as he pulled the Mini-Jack out of his boots, they were both green from the smell. Hatter grinned at them and said,

"Hey, you're free." Hatter said to the mini-Jacks, who were starting to come around. The crew stared at Jack and Hatter who were talking to something none of them could see.

"I WILL FIND THE TRUTH." Gibbs shrieked. Everyone backed away slowly from Gibbs.