AN: To keep this from getting confusing, remember that it's still Damon's POV.
It was allegedly 8.49 when Lucy came through the door with a 'Hey guys.' Allegedly, because he'd long lost faith in any and all of Klaus' timepieces.
She didn't even react to the bloody circle of gut and candles on the floor, except to frown with a look that read more like 'who's cleaning that up?' than 'oh, I'm so screwed.' Lovely as ever, she sailed through the door. Right as rain, never mind the thing by her side that could only ever be a demon.
Fuck, he could practically smell the brimstone rolling off the guy; practically feel the hellfire burn on his cheek. Jaxxon, he'd presume.
He didn't look too bad, sort of resembled the guy who'd played Jude in a piece he'd seen…
"Well, bugger me sideways! Mag-Mag, that you?" the demon postured with his hands on his hips and a grin on his face as he made a show of his familiarity with Magwyr. He sauntered into the flat tossing his scarf carelessly over one of the potted ferns… The heels of his boot clicked smartly.
"In the flesh," Mags had the audacity to answer.
"She looks good on you," Jaxxon had the audacity to reply.
"How's it hanging?" Mannie continued, audaciously.
"I'm at half-mast just at the sight of you… But I miss the freckles…"
Who the fuck?
Did they not see the prep work set up for Geraldine's resurrection? Had they missed the circle of intestine? The candles? The body in the middle?
Lucy dropped the backpack at the door and drifted inside, stretching her arms like a lazy, tense cat. "What say we get the party cracking guys," she said flatly, lackadaisically. "You've already set up the decorations… Should have put some plastic down, but –" she shrugged.
Klaus, the unconscious body on the floor… One
Lucy, possessed by Klaus.
Then the demon, three.
Him, Mags, Elijah…
"Well, there's six of us…" Damon spoke up, introducing himself in a sort. "I think we have the numbers for a slaughter."
"Or a small orgy," the demon chirped.
"I'm up for it," Lucy added, flipping her hair over her shoulder like nobody's business, using her thumb to wipe some blood spatter off a picture on the wall, "Either… both. I won't mind either at this point. Make love or make war – an age old conundrum… Salvatore… Are you calling dibs on the Bloody Bonnie here, or do you want a go at this…" and the he-she spun around, "keeping in mind that I'm essentially European."
The universe itself had just smacked him upside the head. What the fuck is going on? Why are we pow-wowing with the freak? Elijahremained propped against a pillar and seemed immovable… Somebody needs to start this… lay out the items… Lucy's backpack was sitting right fucking there on the welcome mat–
His fortitude was wavering. Strange, the interplay between murderous tension and sexual tension. One moment, he'd been virtually frothing at the muzzle, and now… All his doubts came flooding back again.
Why kill Klaus?
He didn't want to. He knew that now for certain. All the guy wanted to do was create a super slave army of hybrids. What was the harm in that? And honestly speaking, he'd probably killed more people in his measly century than Klaus had in his whole era. Klaus'd never really done anything to cement him as a bad guy. Who'd he kill, really?
Jenna?
And only because he'd needed to.
Killing Jenna shouldn't be enough to earn a man his death.
Of course he wasn't going to take up Lucy's offer, but the suggestion had got other thoughts running through his head again. All he wanted was to exhale, relax and go back to the bloody bathtub with Bonnie. His moods were tumbling haphazardly down the stairs of his brain, smashing every strategy to smithereens.
Why?
Whywas he trying to kill Klaus?
Somebody remind me. Somebody pinch me. Because I'm very confused.
What did Klaus have to do with him and Bonnie?
Fuck me, she'd said, and not in that kinda 'fuck me, Freddy' way, but in the cum-squirting, 'go down on me' kinda way… A whole new fantasy was starting up in his brain. A fantasy involving blood, white cotton sheets and exactly three fingers…
Even knowing she was possessed by the blood whore of the netherworld, he'd do Bonnie in a heartbeat. Less than a heartbeat. Regardless of who was in actual control, physically speaking, she was still Bonnie. Plus Mags' little modifications like the red eyes and 'the scalp bleeding' and 'the blood crying'… He could work with that.
Honestly, if an orgy with his sworn enemies was what it took to get Bonnie spread-eagled on the counter, he was game…
But seriously, how'd that work? He'd never done a proper orgy before. Threesomes were his limit… Klaus, Jaxxon and Elijah could work out an arrangement with Lucy. He was kinda fuzzy on the three-hole technique. Heard a lot about it, but never really thought it out... Three guys to one girl made sense, but seemed a little gay…
"Don't hurt yourself, Damon." Lucy snapped, eyebrows pinched. Clearly not in as good a mood as she was trying to imply. "It's basic arithmetic." She looked a little sick. Compared to the last time he'd seen her at least. She looked a little… green around the gills. Like if she'd had bad curry.
"Just trying to figure it out. I know you're into that cock-sucking thing…" he shot back.
"See what I mean, love?" the demon rounded on Lucy, "Everybody knows."
Lucy smiled tightly, stepping further into the area, sparing only the briefest glance at the mayhem on the floor. She pushed the doors open, checking the rooms. One bedroom… then the other… then the bathroom… "Remember that story about Goldilocks and the three bears?" she muttered. "I've always felt the bears should have eaten her. It only seems like the due recourse for people who trespass…" she wandered into the kitchen area and opened the fridge… "Gluttons…" She turned and planted herself on one of the counter stools, decidedly pissed. "I left a witch somewhere around here, guys. Seen her? Early twenties, curly bushy hair… She's good at orgies, slaughters, massacres, open mayhem…you name it. Real party animal."
Mannie smirked, like the imperial lady of smirks. "I gave her a rundown of what he had planned. She wasn't into it."
"Who, Greta?" Lucy put a hand to her hips. Not particularly child-bearing hips… Typically petite Bennett body… "That girl is hella kinky. You must not be selling it right…"
"We might have to make do with six, Klaus," Mags pressed.
"Lucy, darling," she flipped her hair even more exaggeratedly, "And we won't have to 'make do.' You'll run along like a good girl and fetch my witch before I start getting too severely annoyed. I get prissy and nobody wants to see that."
"Can't you find her?" Mags leered. "You've gotta start keeping your bitches on a leash."
"What's your size? You'll look good in red leather, I daresay."
"I look good in anything."
"And anybody."
The crème de la crème of evil… Damon coughed to clear his throat and to interrupt the conversation whose undertones he did not appreciate. "What Mag's is getting at, Luce, to cut a long, vague story short, is that your pet psycho went to meet her maker."
"I'm her maker."
"Figure of speech… She's more or less dead. At first we were going to send her to the moon, but then we thought she might survive out there, so… we had to improvise…" he drawled out the ending. In actual fact, Mags had recanted on her moon operation because she didn't want to risk wasting too much magic. In the end, shed settled for disintegrating the woman to dust. It had played out like a cremation video in fast forward…
Lucy sighed and leant back against the counter carelessly, letting her body go loose. How could someone get so comfortable in another person's body? Damon studied her, him, searching for any minute hint as to what could be possibly going on in that head. He knew how he'd react to coming home to see his house invaded, his body mutilated and on the floor in a centre of his own guts. On top of all that, he and Mags and Elijah had taken turns at sucking the body dry. Mags had gone so far as to take out the spleen… And most of the other viscera…
Even with super healing, it'd take a while for anything to come back from that.
No panic?
They were moments away from summoning the most famous demon slayer of all time, and the guy couldn't muster a bead of sweat. As they spoke, Elijah had already set about laying down the items to complete the circle. Sword… Finger… Eyeball…
"By the way, Bonnie," Lucy started with a sneer, the good old British accent rolling off her tongue in the eeriest way imaginable, "or whoever you are, I killed your teenaged lover. Cooked him. Ate him. Gave me the fucking runs, he did. Salmonella, maybe… but he tasted–" she kissed her fingers – "scrumptious."
"You killed him? Jeremy?" Damon asked, innocently, out of well-placed concern and empathy. That would explain the 'bad curry' look. "'Cause he has a ring–"
"Not my first time in the jewellery shop, Salvatore."
Dare I hope? "You mean killed him dead, right?"
"Very dead."
Yay! Smiley face on the inside! "We'll tack that on to your rap sheet, then." Thank you, Klaus. Really man, thanks.
"Killed Alaric, too."
"Oh,"
He'd been slipping his blood into nearly everything in Alaric's fridge for a couple of months… The bottle of wine he sent over weekly? Yeah… at least 60% blood… "Bummer." My bestie's gonna be a vampire! Double yay.
"Caroline and the wolf-jock too. Can't even remember how I killed them, but they're supposed to be dead."
I'll host the wake. Open bar. "You eat them too? What is it with you people and cannibalism?"
"It's a werewolf thing."
"Demon thing too," Jaxxon added as he slid over the back of the couch and veritably bounced on the cushions. "You know, Damon… I'm a big fan of yours. I'm glad we met before you died. I'm an avid follower, sir. I admire that thing you do with your eyes… Half the time I bet you don't even have to use the compulsion, those baby blues can compel even the tightest set of panties, am I right?"
"…"
"Even the granniest set of panties, too, I venture?"
"…"
"The grannies don't get your boat–"
Lucy flung an apple at the demon, cutting him off, before spinning on her stool round to the Original vampire who had just taken a well postured seat on the stool right next to her. "Elijah…" she drawled. "Bro. What provokes this latest betrayal?"
"I just want you dead, basically."
"Got to admire a man of few words." Jaxxon chirped again. The most talkative demon ever. "Succinct. Excellent cheekbones. The haircut suits you…"
"Thanks."
"Maybe some highlights…"
"I'll think about it."
Lucy tossed another apple, this time up instead of across. She caught it, and bit into it with a crunch. "Still fresh… Why can't we all just get along? Have a picnic or something? I was kidding before, but I wouldn't actually mind an orgy… It's been a while. Why not?"
"Mainly because we want you dead." Elijah, again.
"I know what you're problem is, Elijah. And Damon and I go way back with our love spats. But Maggie–"
"Magwyr," Mannie corrected.
"Of course… I don't see why the two of us can't negotiate. You're a witch, I'm a witch enthusiast… I used to have two but one's run off on me and you seem to have done away with the other…"
"'Done away with her…' You're a master at euphemisms," she interrupted.
Lucy's face tightened again. "Any way you say it, as it is, I've lost my top two witches in the space of an hour and I need to restock so let me make you an offer you shouldn't refuse. Shack up with me, you get blood and sex privileges pretty much round the clock. Money too, if that's your thing. I'm amenable to fetishes–"
Jaxxon reared his head. "Where was this attitude in the elevator?"
"This is the Witch Package," Lucy snapped. "Are you a witch, Jacky?"
"I've been known to bewitch a man or two…"
"… Maggie," Lucy slumped in her seat, her eyes drifting up to the ceiling out of what? Boredom? "I know you've a reputation for being good at critical thinking, so help yourself out, why don't you? Otherwise, I'll have to kill you, and it'll be such a waste."
"Yeah…" she smiled. "Not likely."
Damon settled his hands in the pockets of his jeans wishing for the love of God that's he'd worn something else. He hadn't dressed for a showdown with the strongest mofo in existence. He hadn't dressed for a resurrection. In fact, he wasn't dressed for much at all. He'd had to borrow a set of clothes from Maddox despite every pledge he'd ever sworn to never in his life wear another man's clothes… A ratty grunge t-shirt and jeans… Skinny jeans…
Right then, in that moment, Damon wished he was human. Human and asleep in a warm bed somewhere. Humans never had to worry about the end of the world, or hybrids or resurrections. Humans never had to deal with doppelgängers of their ex-girlfriends popping up. Humans never had to deal with anything. Except that economy thing he'd been hearing about.
Vampires, hybrids, witches and demons… Wait a minute for the bogeyman to come knocking… Then everybody fangs out and starts going for throats. Taciturn, temperamental sons of bitches. You can chat with them and do brunch, but anytime there's a falling out, watch your back – cannibals. Primative fuck-ups of the underworld.
"I know, right?" Jaxxon contributed.
"Eavesdropper."
"You know something," the man in the tweed pleated suit beamed, "We're rooting for you back across on Demonside. You and Bonnie. She's all – 'Eat shit and die'. But you never give up, you ass-licker, you! We prefer Bonnie. That Katherine and her clone… Boring! Real dick-crushers, the pair of 'em… Remember when you got Bonnie's grandmom killed opening the tomb to save Katherine?" Air quotes went up around 'save'. "You had a blood bag for her and everything. For the love of everything holy and unmentionable in this world – that was embarrassing! Remember that? And you cried a little bit? Bonnie's a nice mare to get back on again, though. She's a good mound, the lassie. And the two of you have this funny thing you do with your mouths… the side smile thing. Very… I want to say cute, but I'll go with 'fucktastic'. Does anyone say that? Fucktastic? It's big in Demonside – as in 'my, don't you look fucktastic today'. Granted we're all males over there so the context is a little iffy… You get it though, fucktastic?"
Lucy clapped her hands with a sigh… "So, here's the do. In the interest of fairness, and out of sheer curiosity, I'll let you guys go first."
Say what now?
"Go ahead, Bonnie. Get to it. All your witch mumbling and fire-lighting. I'm a little sick of you trying to kill me, but I'll let you have another shot. What's the harm in that? You need the practice…" Her lips curled into a smile.
One that Magwyr matched. "Aren't you a cocky bastard."
"In every way, love."
"You're underestimating me."
Lucy smacked her lips, "For a good bit, I've actually overestimated you. Thought you were something special. One of Elijah's old girls… And Bonnie's supposed to be one of those big bad Bennett's. I'd prepared myself for some tag team action… but you darlings are barely in sync. One wants me dead, the other just wants me…"
"We mainly just want you dead."
"Tell yourself what you will love. Resurrect whichever saviour you desire. Certain elements are in play that guarantee your failure, but knock yourself out. I'll go so far as to actually wish you good luck. I want to see this Geraldine with my own eyes after all the hype…"
"You're that arrogant?"
"I'm that confident. I'm older than you, Magwyr. I've suffered worse witches. There used to be some good old mean ones back in the day… You get one shot, and after that fails, I kill you all and put an end to the nuisance that you accumulate to. I kill you and eat you. Any point in time you want to surrender all you have to do is yield and I let you go freely. Or I still kill you, because I'm a little pissed to say the truth. That sounds fair? Maybe we finish by the time Letterman starts? I missed it last night."
Damon's eyes shifted from Lucy to Bonnie. From one innocent to the other… Nothing about this was fair. Fair? Pass a dictionary.