Chapter 17: Gravity
Gravity is working against me,
And gravity, wants to bring me down.
Oh twice as much, ain't twice as good
And can't sustain like one half could
It's one and more, that's gonna send me to my knees.
She was defeated, greatly at that. Battled and stormed over by her will to succumb, her own foolish need to finally give in or get out. And she did both, one right after the other, in perfect, vulnerable unison. Jack knew exactly what she wanted from him now, exactly what she desired, and because she saw in his eyes that he surely did not feel the same, it left her wounds open to the harsh wind of his ridicule. And she believed it would come, eventually, as Elizabeth always feared.
The table. He had laid her upon the table, brought the edge of existence between them, shuffled and scorned about in the arena of passion for each passing minute. And then, just as she had prepared herself for him, for whatever it was she could even think to do to satisfy the desperate needs of a sailor, of the sexual beast that Jack was known to be, it had all dissipated. His eyes became cold over her, distant, unsure and almost ignorant of her being there. Elizabeth felt sure by this, that he had never wanted to make love to her on that table, or anywhere else for that matter, he had only wanted to prove to himself that he could bring her to admit her own hidden interests. At least that's how it appeared; after all of these years of denial, of secrecy and shame, she now sat on the corner of her own mattress, studying the still leaking roof where the droplets fell one by one into the bucket. It wasn't raining outside, but it kept a leak much like her heart, it seeped and drained itself of everything once bottled. More or less, it would probably continue to throughout the night, the morning, and the day, until at last she could claim the sands of Florida as her own peace or sanctuary. Elizabeth needed to come back down to earth and stop floating in the sea breeze, it did nothing but corrupt her mind further.
William Turner had been her gravity for so long, the stable being that always brought her back down from wherever Jack had left her swaying. But with good, decent, dependable Will lost to the waves, all that was left was the dangling nature of pirates, especially of the Captain. Yes, she enjoyed his company more than any other man before him, yes; she wanted to kiss him this night and all previous times before. And yes, she knew exactly what was happening to her on this venture, and why her toes still had yet to touch the ground firmly, why she was flying in some heady parallel of flirtation and smiles, a weightless air of carelessness. She was becoming Jack, further, more and more with every touch of his hand or batter of his kohl induced eyelashes, she was sinking into the sea of him. And no matter the landing she prayed for, Elizabeth knew it was going to take more than just the sand and shore to carry her down to safety this time.
If only he had made love to her, if only he hadn't stalled again. Or if only by his necessity, he had let her walk away unscathed and fully clothed.
Oh gravity, stay the hell away from me.
And gravity, is taking better girls than me.
How can that be?
Just keep me where the light is…
Just keep me where the light is…
Song by John Mayer