Bonnie swallowed in as deep a breath as her lungs would hold, pushed the door open and stepped into the Gilbert House. Instantly the she felt the auras of the house's occupants. Elena, resolved, sad… Caroline, bubbly. Alaric, also kinda bubbly. And… And then the darkness. Damon. It might be cruel, but part of her regretted that Damon had gotten Stefan out of his compulsion. She didn't mind Damon staying in the house if Elena was in the lake house. But Damon and Elena? In Elena's house?

Caroline had said that she shouldn't stand for it.

Really, she shouldn't.

She smoothed out the skirt she was wearing, tried in vain to pull it just a little lower down her thighs. No helping it now… There was be no going back. She put her hand to the banister, but before she could move she hesitated.

What was she going to say?

Hey Damon, remember when we were having sex in the imaginary witch dreamland, right before you killed my ghost grandmother, when you said you loved me? Remember that? So was that just an in the moment thing, or what? Are we switching back to Elena Time?

Not to be clingy, but do you love me?

Marry me, Damon, and let's make a batch of vampire-witch baby monsters.

Damon, you should meet my father. Its time I introduced him to my de-virginator.

Bite my ass, Damon. I still hate you. Who cares if you're obsessed with Elena. I'm hot. Imaginary one night stands don't mean shit to me, so fuck off.

No seriously, bite my ass, Damon. I want to feel you teeth on me.

Love me, love me, pretend that you love me.

Her foot went backward instead.

Powers or no powers, she had a lot of growing up to she didn't want to do it. Life with Papa Bennett had been all about pretty princesses who met their dream prince on their birthdays, and had a precious baby (through some clandestine sexual relation that always got omitted from the story). Nobody wrote stories about pretty witches in love with evil vampires. There was no advice column out there to tell her what to do.

How to land the hottest boyfriend possible in three easy steps, all without making an ass out of yourself. She'd read that.

She should go. She should go put on a pair of panties, jeans – baggy jeans – and a knitted wool sweater. Sexy was not her expertise. She was good at pretty, in a modest sort of way. She was okay at elegantly beautiful. She had a thriving sense of fashion and she could wear the shit out of an evening gown… and that was all well and good. Good girl Bonnie had landed herself a good cute Jeremy…

Except she didn't want a Jeremy, she wanted a Damon. A bad to the bone, smoking hot Damon.

And he was right there for the taking. She'd climb up the seventeen stairs, same as she'd done how many times before, and he'd be there. One way or another. They'd settle it. He'd look at her, tricked out in flip flops, miniskirt and ultra wide-neck tee, and he'd say something. Either a scant 'Witch' and half a nod, or he'd swoop her up in his arms and declare her his lady of love and beauty. She'd like something dramatic like that. Something real Cinderella-esque.

"Honestly, I don't mind," she heard Elena say and she froze, like a shaved deer caught in an artic wind.

"I know you don't but I'm not going to leave off Alaric's sofa just to slum it on yours." Damon. The Damon. Her Damon.

"There's Jeremy's room."

"Why would I ever want to be there? Why would I subject myself to that? I can imagine the crusty socks and overflowing waste paper basket well enough without getting actual visual confirmation."

"Jere's not like that."

"Honestly, Elena. I'm just… done with Mystic Falls. You girls and your brother can return to your regularly scheduled programing, and–"

Caroline burst through the door, coming from the kitchen with a bottle of coke and a bag of popcorn. Her eyebrows went up as Bonnie put a finger to her lips and did a quick spell to mute the girl. Caroline pouted then nodded furiously.

Good girl.

"I've maxed out on this town's supply of seventeen year old girls." Damon's voice again, "You, Bonnie and Caroline are the only people I'd consider actually worthy of even a modicum of respect, and I've had it up to here with all of you. Caroline's a blood-drinking, coked-up Barbie doll. Bonnie's a hypocritical self-righteous pyromaniac. And… you've perfected the persona of irresistibly unattainable. Sometimes playing hard to get doesn't work, Elena. Sometimes the guy just gives up and moves on."

"What about Klaus?"

"What about him?"

"He's still alive, isn't he? You'll just leave us here? You'll leave me here? After you promised not to?"

Oohh… Secret promises… hmm. Caroline made to say something and flinched.

"Promises get broken every day, Elena. I don't know what else you expect from me. If Klaus wants to kill you, you're dead. I try to stop him, I'm dead. You want me to die for you? I've died twice now, and the third time I might not wake up again, so thanks for the opportunity and all, but no thanks."

"What about Bonnie?"

"What about her?"

Bonnie held her breath, not even daring to breath.

"The two of you were working on that spell, you faced down Klaus together and the two of you–"

"The three of us you mean. It was me, Bonnie and Magwyr in that tangle, so most of what you think you're talking about is really more between me and Magwyr than me and Bonnie. Bonnie isn't going to remember half of what she did, or thought, or anything."

"Caroline said she remembered a good bit of Magwyr's spells. She's stronger now. If the two of you keep working at it, then Klaus–"

"Big whoop, Bonnie gets new powers. She gets a weekly upgrade far as I can tell, and she's still only good at floating feathers and lighting candles–"

"You like her."

"I like her? Are we five years old, Elena? I never disliked her…"

"Alaric said you were going to walk out in the sun, if she didn't 'come back to you', and that's the words he used. And there was that karaoke thing you did and I know what that whole Sex on Fire nonsense was about. Just admit it."

"Admit what?"

"You and Bonnie."

"Nothing to admit. I was just blowing smoke. Honestly, can you see me and Bonnie together? Can you see that happening? Really Elena, do you see me winning boyfriend of the year award? I've got the rest of the town fooled but I thought you saw me. Come on, why Stefan and not me? I've got a whole basket full of flaws that you've probably got written down somewhere. Stefan writes his diaries, he has his serial killer hideout, maybe I should do something like that, huh? Make a nice neat catalogue of all the humans I've killed, except there are some people whose names I can't remember so there'll be like a thousand Jane Does. I'll type it up, Times New Roman, and email it to you guys–"

"Nobody cares–"

"You don't care? You don't care that I killed your football coach for no reason? I didn't even drink his blood, just ripped his throat out."

"Yeah, but you've saved my life and that cancels out a whole lot, at least to me. Evil's in the eyes of the beholder, and you're not evil."

"Well, tell Bonnie that and then get back to me. Did you hear the part where I kill her grandmother a second time around? How does that behold to you?"

"Damon."

"I'm done, Elena. Remember how life was before I got here? Go back to that and–"

Caroline sneezed.

Bonnie gasped. Nice.

Run?

Was that an option?

What were eavesdroppers supposed to do?

Thunk, thunk, thunk, Elena stomped down the stairs taking them two at a time.

Black boots, blue jeans…

"Hey!" Bonnie put on the most doe eyed innocent face she could muster and put her hand bag down on the counter.

Elena's face was blank. Then confused. "Bonnie… Caroline? How long were you guys…."

"We just came."

"And I was just leaving," Damon added, coming down the stairs, passing behind Elena and brushing past her near enough for her to smell the alcohol on him.

Am I invisible again? "Leaving where?" her pathetic sounding voice asked. He hadn't looked at her really, just gone past into the living area. He was looking for something… He could go up on stage in front of all her friends and sing "Sex on Fire" but he couldn't look at her? After she'd made him a brand new sun proof ring? If at first you don't succeed... "What's up, Damon?"

"Up, Bonnie?" he cut her a smirk, blue eyes distant and detached. "You walk down the street looking like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like if you're the wrong side of laundry day."

So not the look she'd been going for. Ouch. Her eyes stung suddenly. Why did he have to be such an ass? What had happened to being in love with her? Where was the Damon who was supposed to be the tree with entwining roots or whatever shit? Where was the version that had been so gentle with her against a window pane in Canada? "Maybe I am on the wrong side of laundry day, jackass."

"Ohh," he ruffled through a set of drawers, pulling angrily at papers and tossing them aside.

"What are you looking for?" As if she cared. He was nothing. She could do better. She deserved better. She could get better. There might be too much bad blood between herself and Klaus but she could more than swing Elijah. She didn't even need a vampire, all things considered. A werewolf toy boy would do. Somebody beastly hot, like Tyler's uncle. Tyler could have another uncle out there. Hell, she could even swing Tyler. Any non-gay, non-blind male would be stupid not to jump at the chance to worship at her feet. She was Bonnie fucking Bennett. No one had shit on her. "What are you looking for?" she repeated.

"Deed to my house."

"The one you gave to Elena?" And that had a little bite in it. A little snarl.

"The one I'm taking back."

"Going to fix it up?" She really was sorry about burning it down. There was a spell she could do to fix it back up spick and spandy, but… she'd let them sweat. Damon was an asshole, and Stefan too, in a way. They didn't deserve her magical help. Only her destruction. She should take a drive by and finish burning the other half down.

"No. Going to sell it and use the cash to buy weed. Me and Jeremy thinking about opening up a joint venture supplying–"

Again with the Jeremy jibes. "Not funny." Jealousy could be hot on some guys. Not Damon. Jealousy on Damon made him liable to kill anybody from Jeremy to toddlers at the park – just the way his mind worked, illogical to the extreme.

"Am I laughing?" He wasn't. He most definitely wasn't.

"So what are we going to do about Klaus?" Pathetic, really, that she would stoop so low as to use Klaus as an excuse.

"You're the witch genius. Figure it out."

"I need you– your… vampire insight." Really, she didn't give half a rat's ass over Klaus. The dude had never hurt her directly (except for that time at the dance and she was willing to move pass that). If it was one thing she'd learnt, it was that the time had come to start looking out for numero uno. "We have to keep at it."

"Stefan's probably the one you want for that. He's the good one, remember?"

"You're just going to move out?" Tick, tock, tick, tock…

"Got nowhere else to go." He slammed the drawer shut. "You burnt my house down, so my options in Mystic Falls have come down to couch, tent or sidewalk. I choose comfy hotel room in Miami with a couple of swimsuit models for decoration."

Elena slumped onto her couch. "Don't make us beg, Damon. Just stay here."

You'd like that, wouldn't you, Queen Elena, almighty goddess of the vampires.

He exhaled heavily, "I just came here because Alaric was having a problem with my birds in his apartment and you have a yard. I'm not moving in with you, Elena."

You had best not if you know what's good for you. If you fall back in love with her, I will kill you. I will burn you to ash and flush you down the toilet, I swear it. I really swear it, Damon. On the dead grandmother you killed twice, I will destroy you. "I have a yard. Move in with me."

And I said that out loud?

The room had gone silent.

All of Mystic Falls had heard, gasped and gone silent.

Her heart stopped beating for a little while.

Then Elena's front lawn buttercup plant went up in flames as her grip on her magic loosened.

Just burn everything down to the ground…yeah. Fire was always a goodplan. It had worked so well the last time. No evidence whatsoever.…

"Come again?" he was making one of his faces at her. The one that loosely translated into 'If you don't mind clarifying what you mean by that, do go on.'

She shrugged, and the collar of her tee willed itself down her shoulder. "Move in with me."

His head angled and he screwed up his face. "I think I prefer Miami. At least over there, the company's less judgemental and I'll find somebody who maybe won't believe that I'm the devil incarnate. Models really do come cheap. Cheap, and easier than you Bonnie Bennett."

A vase cracked. Water and lilies spilled. "Asshole! Just move in with me!" If he wasn't careful, she would have to kill him. She'd offered twice now. Twice. Let him turn down a third offer and see.

Damon checked his watch. "Move in with you?"

"Yeah." There, three times.

"You and your dad?"

"Yes." And just by the look on his face when she answered, she knew, just knew in her core, that he was going to say something spectacularly dickish.

"What's his blood type? B-neg right?"

The muscle under her right eye twitched and she sent him slamming up into the ceiling, loosening some of the panel. She slammed him back down to the tile and smiled when he cracked it, just to make a point. Fuck you, Damon.

So much for love.

Damon was, and forever would be an ass. With zero capability of any kind of real emotion or consideration for anyone's feelings. She sniffed, grabbed her purse and fumbled through the pocket for the ring she'd made. She'd charmed one of her own rings. One that her mother had left behind. A nice gesture, she'd thought. Stupid fucking Damon making her cry with his damn assness!

She flung the ring down to him where he remained sprawled on the broken pieces of tile.

Why to fuck hadn't she worn underwear? What had she been thinking, that she'd give him a lap dance in Elena's living room? Beyond stupid!

Could he see up her skirt?

What you think about that? You're going to miss out on all of that! No Bonnie Butterscotch for you!

He wasn't moving.

She toed his face. He groaned but nothing more. She hadn't slammed him that hard, had she?

He really wasn't moving.

Could she knock a vampire out? She toed his face again, poking his cheek with her big toe. Nothing.

"Damon?" She wanted to go down on her knees, cradle his head in her arms, scoop him up and nurse him with her love Florence Nightingale style, but she'd not fallen that far. She might or might not be in love with him, but either way, she was not going to become the woman who cried for Damon. If he wanted tears he really would be better off with Elena because she was all cried out. Not over him in specific but over him and Klaus and Elena and Jeremy and all the pack of mere mortals who made up the rest of Mystic Falls. And her grams.

"Damon?" She'd been the one to send him back, modifying the resurrection spell Magwyr had planned to use. He'd killed all the other witches and left her there alone. He'd just watched. Not even angry, not dark and evil and threatening, just peaceful, resolved to let her do whatever she willed with him.

What if she'd botched it? Fuck. "Damon?" What if he'd come back to the real world more vulnerable than before? She eyed a knife, her wrist, his mouth… There was nothing a little witch blood couldn't patch up.

Caroline spectated. Elena hovered.

"Damon?"

His eyes flickered, opened and stared up at her. "So… Daddy dearest is off limits..." he drawled. "All you had to say."

Actions speak louder than words. She withdrew the toe from his face. "Sorry."

"You know I don't mind."

"What happened to your upgrade?"

"I'm fire-proof and aneurysm-proof. Not proof to… random acts of violence, and in case you didn't notice, I was going for normal this morning."

There were less crows about and the permanent shadow around him did seem a little lighter. "As opposed to demented blood-crazy vampire who'll kill women and children for fun?"

"Yeah…"

She had to say something now. This was the moment. Him down on the floor, she standing above him in righteous superiority like a merciful, beautiful angel of vengeance, like a Valkyrie… this was the moment. The moment to claim him. Brand his skin with hot iron in the shape of a 'B'. Leave a set of teeth marks on his perfect neck. Urinate on him and then his entire wardrobe so that all the other bitches got the word – back to fuck off, he's owned.

She schooled her face into the strictest look she could muster. "Damon, I'm not saying this again. I love you, somehow, and I want you to move in with me."

"Somehow."

"Meaning despite you being the most evil thing in existence. If everything was right in the world I'd be working on killing you instead of Klaus, but you got lucky."

"Where would I sleep?"

"With me." Were they still there, watching? Elena and Caroline and all the spectators of the Gilbert House. "Meaning," she tried to correct, "Meaning in my room on the carpet or the opposite end of my bed with one person on top the covers and the other person under. That'd be me – I'd be the one under the covers, and you'd keep your hands to yourself. And not doing anything funny either, you'd keep your hands folded and tucked in." God…

"You have a blood freezer?"

"I'll let you feed off me."

"Really now?" he squinted his eyes.

"You'll have to give back though. Some of Mag's spells I want to try out."

"And I just live in your one bedroom... I can't use the bathroom or the living room or the kitchen because I'm guessing that your dad isn't going to get a heads up on what's happening. I just stay in your room… like one of those vampires…" He got up suddenly, grabbed the duffel bag he'd dropped and slung it over his shoulder. Then he winked at her. "Thanks but… I don't do Twilight. And I've got something of a tour planned out. Miami's followed up by Rio which is followed up by Milan which is followed up by Thailand and… well the tour's kinda open after that."

Well, there it was. Damon being an asshole. Big shock. "Fine."

"Really, is it fine?" his hand moved around the doorknob. A new smirking expression spread over his face. "I'm willing to stay, you just have to convince me. Convince me to stay. Get down on your knees and beg. Plead."

"You wish, Damon."

"Think I'd waste a wish on you. I'd wish for a big four-poster bed with feather pillows, Katherine and Elena and handcuffs with –"

"You piece of–" Another vase broke, and a couple windows, and the bulb in the streetlight outside. "I hate you!"

"Say it like you mean it."

"Fuck you!"

"Yeah, you sure you want to go with that?"

"Yeah, because when I actually think about it, you're a dick. Of all the vampires I know, even including Klaus, you're the absolute worst. If I want a vampire, I can do way better than you. You don't even compare to Klaus. Or Elijah." And stick it in, "Or Stefan–"

He closed the distance between them immediately, eyes gone black, fangs bared. "You don't want to play that game with me, girl."

Some of the magic had definitely rubbed off on him. The upgrade suit him. He was a little bit more evil, a little bit less controlled, but more natural. The perfect familiar, Magwyr had said, and she could see it now. They weren't even touching, and she could feel his energy humming, reverberating with her own.

Power couple – extreme.

They'd be so hot together. Couldn't he see that?

He took a step forward, she took one back. Something about his teeth had that effect on her. Another one forward, another one back. Another, another, another… Her back hit the counter and she stopped. He didn't.

"Oh, I said the S-word."

His arms went around her waist lifting her up to sit on the counter. Then his hands were up on the bare skin of her thighs, his teeth grazing over the bare skin of her neck for a fraction of a moment while he savoured the faint hint of strawberry, before his teeth clenched down releasing a torrent of blood from her jugular. "You're a demon, you know that, Bonnie? In sheep's clothing. Stop resisting, and be mine."

"I don't do monogamous."

"Neither do I, but if I'm willing to make the effort, you could give it a try." A hand disappeared into her collar and squeezed one of her breasts. His teeth came free of her and his mouth hovered, dripping her own blood, a millimetre away from hers. All black eyes stared into hers. Her top came off.

Her back arched into his touch as his lips fluttered down her neck. Her whole body responded when he cupped one of her breasts, sucking hard on the nipple. "Fuck me, Damon," she moaned, panting. "If you ever cheat on me, I will destroy you. Destroy. Seriously. I will end your existence. I'll puree your brain, dismember you and scatter your ashes to the far side of the world."

"Ditto."

She sucked his tongue into her mouth when he kissed her again. "No more Elena devotion."

The hand that had been at her breast was now between her legs cupping her hot sex. "No more Stefan devotion. No more talking to him, or Jeremy, or Elijah… or anybody who's not me." Two fingers plunged into her as he stifled her scream with his mouth. "Even if you love somebody else, just love me more. I need you, Bonnie. I'm putting everything that I am in your hands, don't throw me away."

Her fingers reached down to find his hand between her legs. "Don't ditch me for Elena. Or I'll kill you. And no more natural selection of females under twenty."

"A man's got to eat, Bonnie."

"That's what you've got me for. Eat my pussy out, Damon."

Eyebrows went up. Fangs disappeared. The smirk returned. "You've got to work on this," he said softly. "No underwear, mini skirt, getting fingered on the kitchen counter by the sexy, older danger guy… You watch too much tv."

She moaned in his ear when he started working at her clit, prodding it out. "You don't like?"

"No, I like." His hands went under her knees, pulling her legs up to the counter top, bending them up and spreading her open. "I'm supremely into everything you say and do." He kissed his way up her thigh to her centre. "And if you want your pussy eaten out, I'm only happy to oblige." His tongue slowly pressed its way inside her.

Her hands let go of his hair and quested behind her for support. Her head sagged back. Her eyes flickered open.

Elena.

Caroline.

Alaric.

She actually made a poof sound when she teleported out of the room.

Damon sighed.

Kitchen counter sex with and her friends in the audience might have been a bit much he figured in hindsight. Next time he'd start small, with something like a shared ice cream, but he'd thought if he could get it out of the way early then everything else would be a walk in the park after. Heap all the awkward into one big pile and swallow it down like Buckley's. Or broccoli.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Caroline was screaming at him.

Elena looked shell-shocked.

Alaric… The pervert.

"Where you actually going to watch?" Damon asked, trying to look angry but wanting to laugh more than anything. He was on cloud nine. Cloud ninety nine. He picked up his new ring off the floor and fixed it on his finger. Eat my pussy out, Damon. Who speaks like that?

"Curiosity," the teacher answered, pulling a blood bag from Elena's fridge. "You got a home invitation though, so good for you. All you needed to do was be your natural charming self. Huh. And for the record, this wasn't what I meant by blasé. I don't think there's even a word for what you just did."

"She's probably back under her bed by now. Damon! You asswipe!" Caroline shrieked. She grabbed her car keys out of the bowl. "For the love of God, Damon, if you hurt her physically or emotionally or–" she fumed as she stormed towards the door. "I'll drown you in vervain. Another stunt like that, and I'll drown you!"

"Couldn't help it," he shrugged, "I'm in love with a seventeen year old witch who will ultimately prove to be my destruction. So what if she's a bit shy? I'll break her out of it… bring out her inner superfreak." She was in fact, exactly right there under her bed, one of his crows reported.

No matter. He had his invitation. On top of the bed, under the bed, desk top, table top. Mattress burn, carpet burn, same diff. Bedroom, forest floor, bad guys' crib, the Other Side… Hadn't he proven exactly how flexible he was?

"Don't you feel dirty?" Caroline asked, her face screwed up in disgust.

"I am dirty. Thought you knew that."

"You're really going to live in her room, though?" Alaric asked moving into the kitchen warily. "That'll be creepy."

After all his hard work to get to there? Of course he was going to live in her room. He'd liked his old room at the boarding house, but she'd burnt it down. Maybe he might not like living in a closet, but so what? "Dude," he picked up the duffel bag with his clothes. "You know that thing called pride?" He raised an eyebrow as he turned the doorknob, taking a good look at all their faces. "Proud men don't get to have crazy witch sex twenty-four seven which is what I'm about to do with the absolute hottest witch to ever exist, so suck on it and I'll catch you on the flipside. I don't want to hear from any of you unless it's an emergency. Like if Klaus starts hacking people to pieces with a machete–"

"He did that two weeks ago."

Okay. "Well, if he comes back again, holler. And Elena…" The girl looked so stunned, so flabbergasted, her delicate sensibilities so traumatized… He should laugh. "If I ever convince Bonnie to do a threeway, you'll be the first person I call, so cheer up. And tell Stefan…" But it was too much to say. He'd have to start writing a diary himself just to keep track of it all. Who'd said what about him, who'd kissed who, who'd set him on fire, what Klaus had done, who's head he'd ripped off, what he'd been wearing… the unicorns and the talking trees… "Never mind, I'll send him a text."

AN. The end. All feedback appreciated.