A/N Special thanks to Selijah for her review.

Pirates in Wonderland

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Barbossa groaned. After he had run off into the forest in fear of more than one Jack, he had been knocked out by a very tall man who then dragged him away to an abandoned shack. Hours later he had awoken by a beautiful voice that belonged with angels.

"Stayne, is he awake yet, I can't tell." The voice said. A deep voice replied.

"Yes, he's opening his eyes my queen." Barbossa opened his eyes and recoiled as his eyes burned from the hideousness. Stayne removed his face from the close vicinity of Barbossa's face quickly as the Red Queen quickly replaced it with her own.

"Who are you, and where did you come from? No lies or I'll feed you to my Jabberwocky." The angelic voice from earlier was back. Barbossa stared in awe at the beautiful creature that stood before him. Her face was as pale as snow, her lips red as apples, her head was slightly larger than the rest of her, but Barbossa had always been a firm believer in the bigger the better.

"You…you are truly an angel, sent by God to spread your beauty with the undeserving, such as my self." Barbossa whispered to her. Needless to say, The Red Queen was very surprised.

"Wot?" She said, with an eyebrow higher than the other. Stayne looked incredible interested with this development.

"Please, let me serve you, for that is all I wish to do with my life." Barbossa said. The Red Queen looked at Stayne for help. Stayne smiled.

"I saw we let him, we need more followers." Stayne whispered quietly to her. The Red Queen lifted her chin to the sky and announced in a haughty voice.

"I have decided that I will allow you to join me. You will be General?" Her voice trailed off as she looked to him for his name.

"Barbossa if it pleases you, your majesty." Barbossa said smoothly.

"General Barbossa. Stayne, give our new general the tour." The Red Queen said.

"Of course my queen." Stayne said with a kiss to her majesty's hand. The Red Queen gave him an adoring look and Barbossa groaned inwardly. What does she see in him? I'll change her mind.

"Come." Stayne said as he motioned to Barbossa, Barbossa followed, but not without a low flourish of his hat. The Red Queen almost giggled. Almost.

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"Your Majesty, we have had no success finding the enemy hideout." A playing card said as it bowed to the White Queen. The White Queen waved it away as she went to speak with Alice and Hatter.

"Alice, there you are, good everyone's here. We have had no success finding the Red Queen's hideout." The White Queen announced. Jack attempted to make a shocked and disappointed face, but this wasn't his forte of expertise. None of the pirates seemed to care very much, but Hatter and Alice looked disappointed.

"Oh well, I don't suppose you have anything in the royal treasury that could be of any use?" Jack asked in an attempt to get her to disclose the location of the treasury. Everyone turned and gave Jack a strange look. Jack shrugged.

"Worth a shot." Jack 2 whispered.

"Could have been a better shot though." Jack 1 said. Jack hushed them.

"Majesty! Majesty!" A chess knight ran quickly to Mirana. "We have received an envoy from The Red Queen, she wants to talk, on the night of the full moon, where Alice slayed the Jabberwocky."

"Tell the envoy we accept and will be there." Mirana said.

"Is that wise." Jack spoke up. "That is a mighty risk for an ambush Ms. Majesty." Everyone stared at Jack in shock. Jack rolled his eyes.

"Yes, I do have some battle experience, there's no need to look so surprised about it." Jack muttered.

"This will be the only way we can find her, then we can follow her back to her hideout." Mirana said. Jack shrugged.

"Best prepare reinforcements anyway." Jack said lazily, looking at his dirty fingernails. Mirana nodded.

"That is all for now. Alice, Hatter, would you join me in the war room please." Mirana asked. The two immediately followed her out.

"Oh, and you too Captain Jack Sparrow, after all, you did thing of ambush and reinforcements." Jack 1 mocked. Jack rolled his eyes.

"It's better this way me lads, do you want to know why?" Jack said. Jack 1 and 2 waited for an answer. "Because while Ms. Uppity and her forces are focused on possible war, that leaves the path of most fortune open to us, savvy?" Jack said. Jacks 1 and 2 nodded in anticipation and Jack smiled widely, showing most of his gold teeth.

"Now, to find the trail of figment charcoal. And I really do not want to know where it comes from. Savvy?" Jack said.

"Savvy." Jack 2 cheered. Jack 1 gave a thumbs up. Jack the original headed off to the first x mark.

"Admit it already. We're lost." Jack 2 groaned. Jack growled.

"I am never lost, I am directionally challenged. Or temporarily misplaced. Whichever is less of a mouthful." Jack said.

"Why don't you just stop and ask for directions?" Jack 2 asked.

"We don't need them, we know exactly where we're going." Jack 1 retorted. Jack 2 groaned and collapsed in a puddle of exhausted figment on Jack's shoulder.

"We've only been walking for ten minutes, how are you tired already?" Jack 1 asked. Jack, who was also looking a bit winded growled.

"No, I am the only one who has been walking around here. You two are just figments." Jack grumbled.

"Oh right, I almost forgot." Jack 2 said, as he got up to a seated position. Jack rolled his eyes.

"Look!" Jack 1 shouted as he pointed to a wall. They had somehow found it. Mirana's room. Jack creaked the door open and slowly crept in. The theme of the room seemed to be red, and there was a small painting of a tall young man with black hair. Jack quickly scanned the room and found what he was looking for. A dusty jewelry box. He opened it and grabbed everything he could fit in his boots.

"Hmm, it look's like no one has been here in ages." Jack 2 noticed. Jack just shrugged it off, all he cared about was the shinys. As soon as he had his boots full, he left as quietly as a shadow in the dark.

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Iracebeth shook her head to herself. She had never met anyone who was charming as Barbossa, not even Stayne.

"Your Majesty must have hundreds of followers, willing to lay down their life for a chance to gaze upon your beautiful face." Barbossa said, with a glance at Stayne who gave him a thumbs up. Iracebeth giggled. It had been so long since she had been complimented like they meant it. Stayne always lacked depth.

"Majesty, an intruder has asked to be brought to you. She says she is Tia something." Stayne brought up.

"Bring her in." The Red Queen said as she introduced Barbossa to her pig stools. The doors opened and a very angry Tia Dalma stood in the doorway.

"Barbossa, do not get comfortable, we have a deal." Tia Dalma said. Barbossa sneered.

"I live to serve my queen, who I will love forever." Barbossa said. Tia Dalma looked at him in disbelief. The Red Queen looked very worried.

"You two know each other? How?" Iracebeth demanded, she didn't want to lose her new general.

"We came to this place on the same ship. But I will not be leaving." Barbossa said. Iracebeth looked relieved and she had a small smile in her face as she faced forward.

"You heard General Barbossa. Now either you leave, or you will be imprisoned." The Red Queen announced. Tia Dalma growled and left.

"Beware my beautiful, she will be back." Barbossa whispered into Iracebeth's ear.

"I am not worried, I am with you." She whispered back. Barbossa flashed Stayne a thumbs up and Stayne smiled. My plan is working, soon, she will be over me, and I will be free. Stayne thought to himself.

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The White Queen stood at the site of the last great battle, along with Alice, Hatter, Jack, and a few soldiers. The rest of the pirates stood a field away along with a majority of the White Army. Jack stood talking to Hatter, while Alice stared at the giant white bones that sat desolate at the button of the castle ruins.

"So, tell me, what do you plan to do, once you find the camp?" Jack asked. Hatter smiled blankly.

"You know, I don't quite know." Hatter said. Jack clapped a hand to his shoulder.

"Probably best to figure it out mate, else wise, you might end up in trouble, savvy?" Jack said. Hatter nodded.

"Hey look." A random voice yelled, all eyes strained towards the horizon where the Queen of Hearts marched with a small group of warriors, and at her right hand was,

"Barbossa?" Jack strangled out. Jack 1 covered Jack 2's eyes in shock.