A/N: This chapter is just a glimpse. Santana finally gets to interact with other characters next chapter.

Warnings: Extremely descriptive sexual situations.

"Do you think they have room service in this place 'cause I want a burger…"

"I thought I'd feel different after."

"Yea, well, I've noticed that it takes twenty or so times before the feeling of accomplishment really kicks in. They don't have a menu so you're going to have to take me to a burger joint. How do you feel?"

"I don't feel anything… cause it didn't mean anything."

She remembers that week. It was the week Sue convinced the squad to date younger guys. It was Madonna week. It was one of the toughest weeks she'd ever had. Her therapist had convinced her to evaluate her sexuality. She pulled out her folder, telling her again all of the problems that could arise mentally after the assignment surgery. She'd heard it thousands of times. She was getting tired of people telling her that she should date boys and do all the things other girls her ages were doing. She couldn't. She always had nightmares about a boy reaching down her pants and finding the not so normal appendage. Sometimes she'd dream about entire relationships with guys she had crushes on. She'd dream about their dates, and their happy, sappy relationship stuff. And at the end of every one of those dreams, she would pull down her pants, and they'd laugh at her. They'd point and giggle and promise to tell the entire school. She didn't even want to date; the heartbreak wasn't nearly as scary as the humiliation of everyone finding out.

She had urges. She wanted to do what Brittany was doing. She wanted to kiss, and touch, and explore. Her therapist knew all of her fears. She knew all of the times she'd initiated oral sex with Brittany. And each time Marian would turn to her and look her straight in the eye while she asked her that infamous question:

"Do you think you're a lesbian or do you think you just like girls?"

And each time she would roll her eyes at her, brushing off her question and moving on to some random conquest Brittany had told her about, and how she was living vicariously through her best friend.

She was tired of people being so…skeptical. All she knew is that she wanted to be a girl. She loved makeup and romantic movies; she liked sleepovers with Britt and painting fingernails, she liked buying sundresses and baking cookies. She liked boys… and she liked girls. It had nothing to do with what was between her legs. She was tired of people assuming that because she had multiple sexual organs, she also had mentally confused sexual preferences.

Even though she felt that way, she still needed to know. She needed to find out what the big deal was about sex. When Brittany pointed out Finn and his naïve innocence, she thought maybe, in dark light and if she was on all fours, he wouldn't notice her…penis. She thought she could pull it up while he fumbled behind her and maybe he wouldn't notice. Hell, Finn probably didn't even know what a clit was…let alone where to find it. She walked up to him, her heart raging in the confines of her ribcage, and she propositioned him. Usually, her blatant and vulgar attempts at flirting went unanswered. Who would want to sleep with the supposed school slut? But when he walked up to her and told her he was in, all she could do was worry.

She went shopping right after school, trying to find something sexy enough to detract from her not being nude in front of him. Her breasts were small, not completely flat, but nothing like the plump or perky girls she'd experienced in the Cheerios locker room. And her eyes fell on the pink negligee. It was long enough to cover her mid-thigh, pretty enough to still be…sexy. She paid for it, and called in her reservation using the credit card her father set up for her in case of emergencies (she'd think of an excuse for her shady purchase later). They'd met there. When he finally came out of the bathroom she tried her best to be the Santana all of McKinely High had come to respect (and hate). And she swung her hips and whipped her hair in her best imitation of a fiery vixen.

She straddled him, and kissed him and touched him. He kept his shirt on. And she remembered pulling his pants down and reaching into his boxers. She unsheathed him and she kissed his semi-erect penis, looking directly into his eyes as she had practiced so many other times with other boys. He responded, closing his eyes and tightening his abdomen. She rolled the condom down then, using her mouth. The only skill she knew meticulously had brought him brimming to the edge of his peak. She pulled away from him, noticing only when she began rolling her cotton panties down her thighs that he'd prematurely ejaculated in his condom.

He gets up, running into the bathroom, she could hear him swearing silently, a fast wet slapping replacing the silence soon after. She got under the blankets then, pulling her underwear back up, She was shivering, shuddering so violently that she had to grip both her arms to still her trembling body. After a few deep, steady breaths she laughed, shaking her head in the absurdity of the entire night. She straightened her face when she heard him turn off the sink. He came outside, unsuccessful in his attempts to revive himself. He walked over to her, sitting next to her before pulling the sheet back up and joining her under it.

"Do you think they have room service in this place 'cause I want a burger…"

She couldn't look him in the face, sucking on her tongue as not to laugh at him blatantly. What was she thinking!

"I thought I'd feel different after."

She played with the things in the drawer beside her. He was so dense to think that he'd lost his virginity. Apparently he'd never had any action, thinking that first sexual experience he had was enough to abate his hormonal libido. She wasn't going to shatter his ignorance, she wasn't ready for this. And she wasn't going to be able to handle the repercussions of the act. Not until she accepted herself, her body, her issues.

"Yea, well, I've noticed that it takes twenty or so times before the feeling of accomplishment really kicks in."

Or so Brittany had told her. She suddenly felt naked, bare in front of the teenage boy next to her. So open and vulnerable to rejection.

" They don't have a menu so you're going to have to take me to a burger joint."

She needed to get out of this room.

"How do you feel?"

She could remember turning to him. Staring at him so hard; daring him to answer.

"I don't feel anything… cause it didn't mean anything

And she splintered into a billion pieces. Getting up and turning away from him, she found her jeans, pulling and buttoning them as she brushed stray locks behind her ears. She found her hoodie, pulling it over the gossamer negligee and slipping into her shoes. She grabbed her bag by the door and left him without looking back. She got into her car, pulled out of the lot and cried the entire ride to Brittany's house. And she could remember what it felt like to be such a girl at that moment. Remembering it now seemed so vivid, so authentic so….

"Santana….My Ana…Ana…Anaaaaa."

The singsong voice lulled her from her memories. She could hear her father, trying to coax her from her dreams.

"She's up, Helen!"

Her mother's beige and tan hand pushed into her line of vision, wiping sweaty hair off her forehead. She felt like she was being held down by an anvil; the bandages wrapped around her chest tucking under her armpits and tangling around her abdomen. She couldn't breathe through the tight weight grinding on her ribcage. She didn't want to sit up, and her throat felt like they'd pulled a strainer from her stomach through her esophagus.

"How do they look?"

She croaked, flinching slightly from the sound of her ragged voice.

"They look…normal." Her mother said from somewhere on the other side of her bed, messing with bags hung on hooks.

"Perfect."

She said, before slipping back into a chemically induced sleep.

The first time she got an erection was on the last Saturday before her next doctor's appointment. She got up, running awkwardly to her armoire and grabbing her cell phone. She listened to it ring three times, a cheery voice answering.

"Dr. Jennings office."

"Tell Dr. J. I have a problem."

End of chapter 2.