Title: Cold Feet

Pairing: Yusuke/Kurama, Botan/Keiko (eventual)

Summary: A wedding is supposed to be a joyous occasion, but for Yusuke Urameshi it is nothing more than hell. Why can't he just make up his mind about what he really wants?

Disclaimer: If I owned them, I would not be writing about them.

Notes: I am so sorry I haven't been able to update this fic. Finals happened, holidays happened, life was just nuts. I thank you all for sticking with this fic. Thank you so much. Enjoy this chapter.

Key: Italics are for thoughts as well as emphasis. You'll know which is which.

Turbulence: Everything changes just like that

For the whole of the next month, Yusuke would rise early, leave the house, possibly go to work, and not return until Keiko's eyes couldn't handle staring at the clock and inevitably went to sleep. For the entirety of a month, Keiko wouldn't see or hear from her husband. He was just an empty space in her bed; a void in her life, and she kept thinking with increasing wonder what she could have done to make this happen. Various thoughts consumed her on the matter, once or twice she had thought he might have been cheating, but she knew Yusuke would not have the capability for such thing, because he had indeed loved her with his heart.

It didn't calm her any less however. She was falling into sadness at the thought of losing her husband over and over again. She couldn't bare to lose him now or ever. They had been together for too long, been through so much, for things to simply die away now. No, Keiko had to believe in the love she had for Yusuke; in the same love that Yusuke must have for her. She wouldn't let it die. And every morning he would leave her just the same, coming home only an hour before he would leave again.

Yusuke was plagued; he could not help it. The last meeting with Kurama had made his heart ache in the most tortuous of ways. He felt that the friendship he had with the fox demon was severed and for the whole month, had not tried to seek him out. He mourned the loss of their friendship with so much vigor he would only have an hour of sleep, waking up at dawn beside the beautiful woman who is his wife, only to feel his gut filled with an immeasurable guilt that was ready to seep out of his pores. He would dress and leave after that hour of sleep, not being able to deal with Keiko or anyone else for that matter.

He knew he was descending slowly into madness. The fox demon's spell still held him in contempt, and he didn't even truly try to fight it. Kuwabara would find him on occasion, the expression of a haunted man, aged by the horrors of his life, and would always try to cheer him up. None of these attempts would work, and Kuwabara was sorry for his friend. But Yusuke would have to eventually work through this on his own. He would always be there for Urameshi, but even so, he would have to make the decision to give up one or the other.

On the first day of the following month, after Yusuke's period of despair, he found himself in the café that Shizuru worked in. He had been having a cup of coffee, the pressing need for caffeine pounding his temples and throughout his haggard body when he was visited by the last person he had ever planned on seeing, Hiei. The short fire demon said nothing, just sat across him in the booth as he took careful sips of the flaming hot cup that was meant to revive him. They sat there for a while in silence until Yusuke could take no more and asked what in the hell he could possibly want from him.

"He is in the Demon World, and you are here killing yourself because you have not seen him. Since when does Yusuke Urameshi mourn the loss of friendship and act weak. You've become pathetic."

Yusuke's mind only registered the first few words of Hiei's put down. "He's in the Demon World? Why? I thought he lived with his parents here in the Human World? What is he doing over there?"

Hiei huffed, the human was too predictable. "Selective hearing is something you also have. He is there on business of pleasure. None of your business, really. You won't have to deal with him anymore."

Yusuke held his cup of coffee tightly, the searing pain of the hot cup burning into his palms, but shrugged it off. The sting of it temporarily waking him, alongside the information just given to him. "Why is there, Hiei? Why you telling me he is there?"

"Perhaps to inform you of a companion's whereabouts so you will stop pining for him. Perhaps for my own sinister reasons. Whatever you believe in, I could careless." The small fire demon continued to stare at him, wondering when he would make his move, if he dared to at all. Waited for the question that truly plagued him.

"Will he ever come back, Hiei?" This was what the small fire demon was waiting for. The ex-spirit detective staring hopelessly into his coffee cup, hurt by the information that the one he wanted was away and perhaps never returning to him.

"No. He does not plan on it, ever. He wishes you a long happy life with your bride and that is all." Hiei watched as the mazoku's expression changed from haggard to completely heartbroken. Hiei was sure he could even hear it breaking. The look on his face satisfying him. This was when the game truly begun, if Yusuke chose to look for Kurama in the Demon World and choose him, or if he would stay with Keiko in the Human World. He would have to chose eventually, Hiei was just speeding up the process. This entertainment was too enjoyable to pass up.

"He's…gone to the Demon World…" Yusuke mumbled to himself, staring at the cup that was half empty. As of his coffee would give him some direction on what he should do with his life now. He shook his head, over and over trying to figure out what else to do. But he couldn't think of anything now. He was hurting, even more so than before, if that were even possible. Was Kurama lost to him forever now? "Where in the Demon World is he? Where did he go?" Yusuke looked up at Hiei with a fire in his eyes like never before. The fire demon could feel his energy starting to swirl up again, almost feel it.

If he were any other he would have almost smiled. But his face held the same hardened expression as always. "With Yomi. They have taken with each other once again. I don't have to explain anything further." Hiei left the mazoku then and there. His work was done; he just needed to watch everything unfold from a safe distance. More than likely, Mukuro would want to watch as well. After the wedding, it was her idea that the bet continue. With that, he returned to the Demon World, ready for the game to continue.

Meanwhile, Shizuru had watched on as Hiei and Yusuke spoke. The conversation was more than likely unpleasant and she had never seen Hiei speak more than a few harsh words to anyone. But even she could tell that the little bastard was up to something and when he disappeared she went over to Yusuke, filling up his cup again, seeing as he downed it when the shorter demon left. "That looked like you two had fun. Sharing is caring, unless you don't feel like pouring your heart and soul out to me. I could get little bro to come and get you."

She sat in Hiei's place across from Yusuke, the pitcher of coffee in between the two of them, and lit a cigarette. She was going to take her break now without giving two fucks. The puff of smoke she blew out was aimed directly to Yusuke who just stared at her for a few moments. No words would form in his mouth or his mind, so she would have to be there first again to initiate a conversation. "Did you hear me or you deaf? Need something or someone to talk to?"

"Fucking up is my specialty, didn't you know that?" Shizuru nodded, waiting for him to continue. Her cigarette dangling as she took a few side puffs. "I've made a lot of mistakes, and hurt a lot of people."

"Everyone makes mistakes." She took a long drag of the cigarette, leaning back now and getting comfortable. "It's all about how and when we fix them, if we choose to fix them. Letting them be only makes things worse. We've all got some pretty heavy decisions to make. And fucking up is a part of life. If you didn't fuck up every once in a while, how would you learn anything?" He smirked, her eyes tilting upwards, lost as if recalling a memory. "Shit happens, Yusuke. It's all about what you make of it. Do what you have to. If your mind isn't your guide, let it be your body. People do dumb shit all the time."

She looked back at him, and he finally understood. He needed to go and talk with Kurama again. Repair their broken friendship. Not lose control when they were in the near vicinity of one another. He would love Kurama and Keiko, but he could not have both. He could only choose one or the other. It was decision to choose one or the other. But first, he needed to deal with Keiko, show her how much he loved her, for he did love her more than any other woman he could ever love. But it was an ever-changing love, he was not in love.

Yusuke hated this. It was mushy, it was romantic, it was everything he couldn't stand for and wouldn't stand for. He was never a romantic, he was never someone that showed his feelings like that. All he had to do was whatever Keiko wished and she would be happy. But to actually go over and tell her how much he loved her every damn minute of every damn day…no, that was not Yusuke. The only way he was able to show her was through the passion of their sex. But even that plan was now soiled with the thought of caressing Kurama's body in place of hers, and stroking his mane of red hair instead of her dark brown one.

They were so different, but he inevitably loved the both of them. It was all about what he would do now. How he would handle it now. "Thanks, Shizuru. Here's the money and the tip. I've gotta go." He paid her what needed and took off. It was the middle of the day now, he would find Keiko in her family's restaurant, probably slaving her butt off for the money they earned. He peered through the windows, finding his wife smiling happily at customers as if she hasn't been crying herself at night wondering about her love.

You've made her suffer. You've been battling yourself just as she's been battling herself. You must do something about this.

Yusuke sighed. His mind, sounding vaguely like his ancestral father guiding him, was actually right. He needed to do something. He walked into the restaurant, wrapping his arms around Keiko's middle as she turned away from her customers, almost frightened until she realized who it was that was holding her. She relaxed slightly, a bit confused as to why Yusuke was suddenly in the restaurant, hugging her like this in front of so many people.

"Yusuke..?"

"I'm sorry." He struggled with the apology for a few minutes before he could say it. But there were no other words needed. He could feel Keiko trying to choke back sobs, and he wasn't sure if things were okay or not between them. But this was the only moment that mattered right now. Tomorrow he would deal with the information he received from Hiei. He would visit Kurama in the Demon World, or he would stay here in Keiko's embrace. Yusuke vaguely understood at that moment that no matter how much he would love Keiko, he was still drawn to the fox demon.

However, it was not the next day he had actually left Keiko in the Human World and went to find Kurama. It was not until the next three months, and Yusuke had an immense amount of déjà vu kick in. He had left Keiko in the Human World with Botan and the other girls. They were going to take a trip to some islands and whatnot, thanks to Shizuru finally having a real vacation time now, and the others just thought it would be fun to tag along.

They would be gone for the whole of two weeks, which would be more than enough time for Yusuke to visit the Demon World, take care of his estate, and visit with the fox demon and Yomi. He just hoped that things would be okay, and he wouldn't strain their relationship any more than he already had. Before he had left to the Demon World, Kuwabara visited him. They talked long about the possibilities of what could happen, and how careful Yusuke should be. Kuwabara also divulged that if Yusuke had made his decision and made off with Kurama, Keiko would be taken care of.

When Yusuke asked about that further, Kuwabara said it was a secret of his own. He would never be able to explain that there was another who had eyes for Keiko. He knew that would hurt Yusuke just the same. Keeping her beauty and holding her captive, even though she could love someone better, someone else who was not as flawed as he was. But Kuwabara kept the information, and Yusuke didn't bother to dwell on it.

His trip to the Demon World went smooth. He met up with Hokushin quick, and headed to his own chambers of his estate. Being a demon lord had it's advantages, especially since his ancestral father was once the king. Enki had visited him that day also, checking up on things, having a few cups of wine, and just generally hanging around Yusuke. They would talk about Raizen and the old days, and Yusuke would laugh at all of the tales, loving the way that Raizen once was, hoping to emulate him somewhat as he grows.

The night was still when Enki was pulled into his own quarters in Yusuke's estate. He wouldn't let the king go off drunk off his ass, so he made him stay. Yusuke walked about his lands, finding himself in one of the small terraces that he had asked to be built so he could look at the night sky. He stood there for a very long time, letting the winds of the world comfort him and bring peace to his troubled mind and heart. He would meet with Kurama soon. He had sent a request to Yomi that day hoping for an audience with his friend, and hoped he would get a positive response.

Kurama was so close and yet so far. Yusuke wanting to send out his energy, hoping for Kurama to run to him and just take him. He shook his head. Those thoughts would not do well here. He had to meet Kurama as a friend, not pursue him. He was going to choose Keiko this time, he was sure of it. But there was that pang of sadness every time he told himself that. He wanted to love her as much as she loved him, but there was something there that always inched its way in and told him it will never be that much. He sighed to himself, wandering back into chambers and collapsing onto his magnificent bed. Tomorrow was another day, he hoped that he would meet with his friend, if not, he would try everyday for the next two weeks.

An entire week passed before Yusuke could have an audience with Kurama, and even so, Yomi would have to be there as well. He didn't trust Yusuke, and with Kurama finally coming back to him, he would do anything to protect the demon. The plan wasn't exactly setting itself in the proper position, but it was better than nothing. Yusuke would just have to see his friend and the lord, and make nice with both of them. He just hoped they weren't "together together" as it has been implied time and time again.

Kurama was wary when he and Yomi arrived in Yusuke's lands. His own feelings had not been squashed, and he ached for the mazoku more than ever. Yomi was allowed to touch him and pleasure him, but it was not what he wanted. He had indeed become the lord's harlot, and some days he wished he had never agreed to it. It wasn't that Yomi was bad at pleasing him, he was fantasic actually, but it wasn't up to par with what the ached for. They didn't have the intimacy that Kurama truly pined for. He even doubted that he would find the same intimacy if he was with Yusuke, but still…he craved it.

Seeing Yusuke at the foot of the steps of his castle didn't make his heart calm down either. He tried to keep a pokerface, but even Yomi could tell that he was trying to keep his body from flushing. The lord was told about the situation by Kurama himself, and when he explained that he would keep Yusuke away from him in order to protect him in exchange for being his courtesan or escort, Kurama readily agreed to it. Yomi knew there were feelings between them, but how much he would never care to guess. He had Kurama now and that was all that mattered. He wasn't going to let him slip away easily.

"Yomi, Kurama, I'm glad you both could make it. Come, we've got a lot to talk about. I hope you guys enjoy your stay here and whatnot. I've only got about a week to be here before I head back to the other side." Yusuke tried to keep up a chipper attitude, bringing the two men into his castle. He only had to survive watching Yomi's hand on Kurama's waist for only so long. Then he could return to Keiko and not dwell on it anymore.

Extra Notes: Phew! Another chapter. Left it on a bit of cliffhanger, but I will satiate your hunger for another chapter soon! Sorry it was very short, it was a bit hard to get this chapter done. Again, I thank all of you readers!