Hello
by rightfullyscared

"I's not me, i's it?" Green eyes bored pleadingly into hazel ones, looking dazed as Shane's fingers tightened around the can of beer on his lap.

Cheeks flushed and mind hazy, Reed timidly tore away from Shane's piercing gaze. They had been talking about Shane's current boyfriend, who until recently had been starting unreasonable fights and throwing fits all over the place, particularly when Shane mentioned Reed. Now Reed, being the ever supportive best friend he is, offered whatever form of consolation Shane preferred which was supposedly just a few drinks. Considering the emptied cans of beer on the coffee table, they had gone way past just a few drinks.

Hands curled nervously around his own can, Reed shrugged. "I 'unno.." Then an adorable look of spite crossed his features. "He- He's stupid anyway.. Ne'er liked him.." With furrowed brows, Reed shook his head in exclamation and took a sip from the drink in his hands.

Shane's foggy eyes looked up curiously. "Yeah?" He downed half the can.

With hollow eyes, Reed bobbed his head slowly, as if more movement would send him toppling sideways, and crinkled his nose in disgust. "..Horrible clothes."

Shane cracked a grin, in which Reed responded with a halfhearted smile, before bursting into uncontrollable giggles that had him bent over, taking refuge on Reed's lap.

The blonde joined in on the laughter, cackling as they both ended up slouched over on the couch in utter amusement.

"You- You- Pfft-" Shane attempted to say before bellowing out a silent laugh and falling into a heap of giggles on the carpet. For minutes, the two drunks' shoulders shook with mirth before their amusement finally subsided, leaving them panting and grinning giddily through red cheeks. Shane climbed back on the couch, a permanent smile on his face. "Oh man.. You're- you're funny.."

Reed could only grin in response, half-lidded eyes still looking absent.

With a content smile, Shane settled himself back on the space beside Reed. After a moment's silence, he rested his head on the blonde's shoulder. No one spoke.

The searing touch of Shane's temple on Reed's shoulders left the blonde's heart pounding painfully in his chest. The previous lightness in the air immediately vanished like water down the drain. Reed set his lips in a thin line.

He hated when Shane did this- when he flirted and all the fiery hope that Reed's doused suddenly came back with a vengeance, burning brighter than before. Reed knew he didn't stand a chance against the guys Shane's dated. He was scrawny and clumsy and not much to look at, honestly.. What did he have against the brawny, good-looking guys Shane always managed to snag? And so it was when Shane became so affectionate- like play with loose strands of his hair or hold his hand or rest his head on his shoulder that it pained Reed even more because it was a constant, alarming reminder that no, Shane didn't see him that way. He was just always the best friend- never going to be the other guy, the one that held Shane's heart and caught his eye and made him smile so brightly..

"..get off.." Reed whispered so weakly that it seemed like he just worded it out. Shane hadn't noticed.

"..I'm glad you're my best friend." Shane said, looking genuinely grateful. He turned his head so that his chin rested on Reed's shoulder, so that his lips hovered dangerously close to Reed's warm cheeks.

"M-me too.." Reed quivered, hoping he didn't seem too broken and helping himself to a large swig.

Sensing the uncertainty, Shane sat up properly, brows furrowed, and sent Reed a concerned look. "Hey, what's- what's wrong..? You- You were 'appy jus' a minute ago."

Scolding himself for letting the sorrow break through, Reed furiously shook his head. "Nothing. I'm- I'm fine."

"Reed." Shane drawled out in a lazy yet knowing tone.

Reed never could resist Shane.. not even if he tried. With a great deal of reluctance, he turned his head to be met with an understanding smile and carefree eyes. Reed's heart shattered..

"Come on.. Tell ol' Shaney wha's bothering ya."

Forcing back the pain in his throat, Reed plastered on a small smile- one he's worn too many times before and turned to Shane as if the feigned smile was enough evidence that he was fine.

Shane frowned, eyes narrowed. A thought seemed to whirl in his head before he abruptly leaned forward towards Reed.

Reed's heart stopped. The thought that Shane was about to kiss him flashed in his mind, but Shane was drunk- he was drunk. He was acting out of impulse, never mind if he would remember any of this tomorrow. Instinctively, he backed away, but not enough for Shane not to reach if he so chose to. Reed waited for that weight on his lips..

It never came. Shane merely rested their foreheads together, faces so achingly near.

Reed couldn't help the wave of disappointment and anguish that washed over him. He could feel a grip in his arm. He couldn't take it.. his heart was too shattered. He let the few desperate tears escape, chest heaving up and down slowly and breaths shivering. The fact that they were so close, so so close made it hurt even more.. One movement, one movement and he could destroy Shane's trust, he could prove Shane's boyfriend right, he could shatter their years of friendship and watch Shane storm out the door with nothing but pure hatred in his soft, green eyes..

Mere inches were never so terrifying and tempting..

With furrowed brows and closed eyes, Shane spoke with a tone so desperate and pleading. "Tell me.."

And Shane sounded so coherent that if it weren't for the putrid stench of alcohol in his breath, Reed would've never thought Shane had just soldiered through four cans of beer. Looking torn, Reed bit down fiercely on his lips. He didn't trust himself to speak. His entire being shook with anticipation, fear, dread, hope.

It was just a brush, an insignificant touch that turned to a raw need and suddenly, their lips were pressed firmly against each other's. Reed blanched, heart being wrenched right out of his chest and body stiff with shock and eyes wide and alert with utter disbelief. He sat there with his lips attached to Shane's as his heart urged his hand to fly up to those black locks and pull him closer while his mind screamed at him to stop because this was going to ruin everything, ruin him, ruin them.

The battle between mind and heart came to a screeching halt as Shane tore away from the kiss, looking appalled and guilty and Reed had to do everything he could not to cry out every word that's dried up in his throat.

"Shit." The word seared through Reed as it left those lips that were on his just a moment ago. "Shitshitshitshit- I am so sorry, Reed. I didn't- I couldn't-" Shane's eyes turned glassy and his face turned stark white. He tore at his hair in panic, biting his lips. "I didn't mean to- I'm so fucking sorry, Reed. I'm so so sorry."

As Shane blurted out strings of apologies and profanities, Reed's face fell.

Sorry? Sorry? The one thing- the one thing he's been waiting for years for Shane to finally do, the one thing he wished to happen every time those lithe arms caught him on a stumble, that one thing happens and he says sorry?

Reed wanted to scream, to break down and he didn't even care that Shane was right there, still apologizing, still being so stupid.

"Please, say something.." Shane's pleading voice penetrated him after moments of contemplation, and Reed looked up.

Swallowing, Reed blinked away the water in his eyes and pursed his lips. With a small twitch at the corner of his lips, he sent Shane the saddest smile and shook his head in surrender. He wished he could give up. He wished he could stop having these twinges in his heart and the hitches in his breath at the mere sight of the boy. He wished he could stop all of this with one flick of a switch. But the fact of the matter was, he couldn't.. Shane was always going to be there, just right there, like a searing fire in a cold winter day.

Shane sent him a scrutinizing gaze, one so curious and confused that Reed almost thought Shane was figuring everything out. But he was too tired to hope anymore..

With a clenched jaw and blurred eyes, Reed gripped at his own arms, looking like he was fighting so terribly hard not to curl down on a corner and bawl his eyes out. Despite himself, the little blonde urged on a painful smile. "I-It's okay. You didn't- you didn't mean it, right?" Reed inwardly winced at the squeak of his voice.

"No.." Shane whispered weakly. "I-I guess.. I guess I didn't.."

Reed nodded resolutely, eyes cast down in understanding. "That's it then."

The night went on with a significantly more awkward air. Cans of beer were emptied and small, monosyllabic words were exchanged. Reed finished his can before he announced his departure. Shane quickly jumped to his feet, offering to walk him to the door. He drawled out one last apology that made Reed's heart clench and that lump in his throat form before he let Reed go. Once that gentle click signaled the closing door, Reed dashed to the next corner, flung himself against the wall and broke down.

The next day, Reed didn't hear from Shane till 7:30 that evening. He had been pouring himself into a blank canvas (all his hands could conjure up were black curly hair and haunting green-gray eyes that were quickly crumpled and tossed aside) when a panicked knock pierced the silence. Heart sinking into agitation, Reed looked up. Swallowing, he slowly put his brush down and walked to the door. He reminded himself that it didn't have to be Shane. It could easily be someone else. With a swift turn of his wrist, he opened and pulled.

Shane stood, eyes brimming with tears and lips contorted in a forced smile. He half-shrugged. "We broke up.." He whimpered.

As much as Reed wanted to slam the door in Shane's face because what about his pain, what about his shattered heart and dead dreams- Reed resisted. The most Shane did after a breakup was sulk. He never cried. Seeing Shane in this state with tears streaming down his face sent Reed's heart spiraling downward into guilt and empathy.

Maybe he and Shane could grieve together?

Stepping forward, Reed settled himself into Shane's needy embrace, his own lips quivering and his heart plunging itself into his own personal despair. They cried for different reasons, sad over completely different things..

They soon found themselves curled up on the couch where they were only the night before. Shane looked blank and preoccupied while Reed prepared himself for the worst. Bambi flashed on the screen. Reed refused to put on anything remotely romantic. A tension so tangible hovered over the silence.

Reed, a little used to post-breakup Shane, issued a halfhearted smile. "I'm sorry about.."

Shane shook his head. "It's okay.."

Of course it's okay. It's always okay because a week or a month from now, you'll have a different guy hanging off your shoulder. It's always going to be okay for you.. "D-did you love him?"

Shane's head whipped toward him so fast that Reed almost jumped. Reed blinked at him. With large green-gray eyes, Shane stared expectantly. "Say that again?"

Feeling a bit uncertain and self-conscious, Reed repeated, louder this time. "Did- did you love him?"

For a moment, Shane stared blankly. A flicker of something flew across his face before Shane blinked and looked back forward, successfully tearing his gaze from Reed. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came. He closed it back again, looking contemplative. "No."

Reed nodded slowly.. He scolded himself for being selfishly glad about that. But then he figured, he deserved to be selfish.. even if just this once. "Well, he's not very smart, is he?"

Shane shut his eyes tight and grit his jaw, shaking his head and looking in pain at the very mention of his breakup.

Reed's strangled heart sent a wave of anguish and disappointment washing over him. Of course he was in pain.. He was probably devastated by the whole ordeal and loved the boy more than he let on. "He's crazy to let go of someone like you.."

Shane bit his lips.

"He's a jerk, Shane. I-"

"It's not about him!"

Shane shook furiously, both from the choked back sobs and the anger coursing through him. But one look at Reed's shrunken back form, and Shane's livid eyes immediately softened. He buried his face into his hands, feeling like an absolute monster for glowering at Reed like that, and let out a shuddered breath.

Confused and slightly frightened, Reed stared unblinkingly at Shane's slouched form. "Wha- what?"

Shane grit his teeth. He's not supposed to say anything- not supposed to say anything! But it hurt so much when Reed kept repeating, over and over and over, about the breakup when it was never about that guy, never about any one of them. "It's not.. about.. him.." Shane slowly drawled out, like every word burned his tongue.

"What- what do you mean?" Reed blurted out with knitted brows, feeling so terribly confused and suddenly that small flicker of hope twitched to life but he quickly killed it because he wanted to learn not to hope anymore, wanted to learn to stop hoping when it came to Shane.

Shane shook his head, his fingers viciously raking at his hair in despair. He had to take it back- take it back- take it back! This wasn't supposed to happen. He wasn't supposed to slip. He was supposed to bottle it up and never ever let the emotions surface. He was supposed to be putting their friendship above everything else. He wasn't supposed to be risking their friendship over these stupid feelings that weren't likely to be reciprocated. He was supposed to SHUT UP! "The.. The breakup.. Everything.."

"You- You mean," The cogs in Reed's head slowly turned. "The breakup.. Wasn't about him?"

Releasing a shaky breath, Shane nodded.

"Then what was it about?" Because Reed was so tired of skirting around and the glimmer of hope burning in him was flickering alive as he did his best to douse it with all the memories of false expectations.

Shane couldn't take it. It was going to break Reed's heart and it was going to shatter his but he couldn't take it. It was too much. It was all too much.

"It's about YOU!" Shane watched helplessly as what he feared- the look of realization then utter shock and betrayal made its way to Reed's face. His hands flew to grip at Reed's arms, hoping Reed would understand- hoping Reed wouldn't walk out that door and end their friendship right there. "I'm sorry- I'm so so sorry! I tried, I tried to forget, ever since we were in high school, all I did was try to forget, but nothing- no one compared! You were too perfect, Reed, too perfect and none of them- none were you! I tried, but last night.. Last night, I finally- We finally.. But you.. You said.." Shane couldn't take it. It was too much. It was all too much.

Heart falling into numbness, Reed stared longingly as water began impairing his vision as he slowly registered each word that left Shane's lips.

"I'm so sorry, Reed. I love you. I love you so much, and I'm so so sorry." Shane sobbed, head surrendering to conceal the look of shame.

Hazel eyes were filled with tears, but they remained unblinking. Parted lips released quivering breaths as Reed's hand slowly reached for Shane's hair, being so gentle and careful like he's used to, and leaned in for a kiss that's been so long due.

Unaware of what just happened, Shane gradually let the weight of Reed's lips sink into his own before resorting to any kind of movement. He lapped at Reed's lips, sensuously and gradually, as if not to break the person whose lips was attached to his. His numbing heart couldn't even beat enough for him to completely realize he was kissing the boy he's been in total love with since high school because all he could think of was how much he screwed up, how his life after this may not include Reed anymore..

They later pulled apart, currently satisfied with the chaste kiss, because that's what they were- fleeting and gentle and slow..

"Geez, Shane. You just broke up with what's-his-name last week. Now you have a new one?" Blaine inquired disapprovingly, eyes appraising Shane.

But Shane couldn't care less. He smiled back at Blaine fondly. "This one's different.."

Kurt snorted, mumbling as if no one could hear. "Hope this one has better taste in clothes.."

Shane grinned to himself. "Oh, I think you'll like him.."

Blaine cocked a thick brow. "You've been pretty quite about this guy.."

But Shane wasn't given a chance to reply as the door flashed open and the person who wandered in caught his attention. "He's here."

Blaine and Kurt shifted towards the newcomer, lips breaking into a smile.

"Oh, Reed!" Kurt beamed. "Thank goodness. I was wondering when you would.."

But Shane had planted a loving kiss on Reed's hair as the artist blushed profusely, biting back the giddy grin threatening to break through and Kurt and Blaine were rendered speechless.

"No.." Blaine gestured. "Reed?"

"Oh, I'm sorry." Shane pulled Reed's chair closer. "Guys, this is Reed. You might know him?" Shane placed a hand over Reed's and suddenly, the smile the blonde was issuing him made everything so perfect. "My boyfriend.."

END.