Fight
Heartbreak, Reed thinks, is something he hadn't prepared for when he entered this relationship.
Heartbreak, Reed knows, feels a hundred times worse than what he'd initially thought.
He darts through the hollow halls, his feet skidding dangerously across the carpet. He hopes no one happens to pass. Then again, he doesn't think he'll care.
His lungs feel like they're on fire as Reed pants helplessly, sucking in air like death is just behind him. His legs shake, his entire body quivers, exhausted from far too many things. And his heart.. Every ounce of pain stems from his chest- the strangling, breathless feeling that makes him want to crumble to the ground and break down. But he resists when he finds himself a feet from his door. With a trembling hand, he reaches for his key-card and inserts it with ease into a slit on the door. A small light blinks green, and it's open.
Reed bolts inside and throws it shut, a loud slamming sound echoing briefly. He dives into his bed, automatically burying himself into the pillows that's provided comfort for him for the last few days. It doesn't feel as comforting now. He violently pushes away the thought that he doesn't want a pillow, he wants green eyes and curly hair on this bed with him.
Their fight was terrible- the worst they've ever had throughout the entire course of their relationship. All Reed remembers is the incessant shouting, the stabbing words, the unrelenting tears, the ripping pain in his chest.. He remembers green eyes flaring with an anger he's never seen, mixed with utter sadness and regret. He hardly remembers what it was about, because it quickly turned into an explosion of pent up frustration where false words were exchanged- words that were meant to hurt than anything. He wants to forget, but the scene replays in his mind repeatedly and it's enough to send a new wave of fresh tears down his flushed cheeks.
Reed pounds a fist into the empty pillow, over and over and over, frustrated about the lack of pain shooting up his hand. He wants to feel physical pain, wants to channel the internal pain and let it out with a scream. But he can't. He's crying far too much to even let out a coherent word.
He drowns himself into the cushion, sobbing relentlessly. It's hard to breath with both his nose and mouth pressed against the pillow, so he turns his face sideways against the pillow where he inhales cold air. His eyes are swollen, threatening to close from the amount of tears it's shed. His lips and nose and cheeks are red. His forehead glistens with sweat. His usually vibrant curls are limp and damp. He knows he probably looks horrible. But he'll have to deal with that later.
For now, he sleeps, and the dull throbbing in his heart falls into numbness..
The next morning, when Reed sees himself in the mirror, he frowns. His hair is jutting out in the most unattractive way, his eyes are still slightly swollen, his cheeks are sporting tear stains and he's paler than usual.
For a moment, he just stands, staring absently at the aftermath of last night's events and the ache in his chest twitches alive, but he quickly pushes it down. He has work today, and he refuses to let this affect his work stance, not unless he wants the wrath of his mother upon him. A memory flashes in his head where Shane blurts out an unnecessary remark about his clumsiness. Suddenly, Reed refuses to give Shane the satisfaction of letting anyone know how miserable he truly is.
Letting out an exasperated sigh, Reed scurries off to his usual morning routine.
When he steps out of his room, he looks like he's always had- prim and stylish, apart from the hint of black under his eyes. A few bags dangle from his arms, and he looks like he didn't even have his heart crushed.
When Reed slides out of the car his mother sends to him every morning to go to work, he catches a glimpse of black, curly hair.
His entire being freezes.
There Shane stood, leaning against a building, his hair disheveled, his eyes rimmed with black, his cheeks pale and his eyes in a daze. He's still wearing the clothes from yesterday.
Reed doesn't know what to do. He can't believe Shane is there, waiting outside the gallery. He's sure that one word from those lips, one hint of that raspy voice and he'll break down into a sobbing pile in the corner. So Reed frantically jumps back in the car and takes a moment to breathe. He chances a glance out the window. Shane is staring right at him, his brows knit in thought.
He knows this car!
"Charlie! Go! Go, drive! Hurry!"
Slightly confused, Charlie revs the engine and flies up the street before Shane could even take a step.
Reed called in sick.
It's pathetic, he admits, how he's reduced to a blubbering school girl in a span of five minutes at the mere sight of Shane. He can't believe he just skipped work to cry over such a trivial matter. He shouldn't still care this much- not after last night.
An intrusive knock on the door snaps him out of his reverie and a shock of fright shoots up his spine. The knock resounds again, more urgent this time.
Simply staring at the direction of the door, Reed doesn't move from his spot on the bed.
"Reed!"
Reed doesn't breathe.
It's Shane.
Shane is here.
He knows he shouldn't have headed home. He should've gone to Kurt's or Dwight's or anywhere else Shane wouldn't be at. He's not ready to face him, not ready to unleash the pain that's sure to come back with a vengeance.
"Reed, come on! Please, please open up.." Shane's voice fade, sounding so tired that it reaches Reed's heart. "I can't.. I need to talk to you- We need to talk."
Tentatively, Reed stands. He wobbles a bit, but he manages to take the needed steps towards the door. He gapes at the knob for a moment, hands trembling in anticipation.
"..Reed." It's a mere whisper, but Reed hears it.
Resolutely, Reed opens the door, but just a creak, showing only half his face. With his eyes downcast, because he doesn't think he can face Shane yet, Reed speaks. "..What?" He wishes it didn't sound as weak as it felt.
Shane doesn't speak for a second. "..Can we talk? Please?"
Reed finally looks up, meeting tired, apologetic eyes and he doesn't think he can say no. He steps back, opening the door wider, and letting Shane in. His gaze is down, and he swallows, expecting the worse.
Shane is first to speak. "Nice to see you're not all that upset over this." It wasn't accusatory. It bore a sad, disappointed tone.
But Reed doesn't appreciate the comment. In a second, he's glaring daggers at Shane and partially hoping he catch fire. "I cried myself to sleep last night!"
"Oh, no no no no!" Shane retorts hastily, shaking his head and open palms frantically. "I wasn't trying to offend you- Oh God, I'm sorry! I'm really sorry! I just- What I was trying to say is you just look really nice for someone who just had a potentially relationship-ending fight." Abruptly, Shane's face falls. "Shit. That wasn't a very good way of saying that either- I'm sorry. God damn, what is wrong with me? I-"
"Shane." Reed interrupts, because Shane is going on with his notorious rambles. The faintest hint of a smile graces Reed's lips, and there's a swell in his chest that temporarily douses out the pain.
Letting out a heavy sigh, Shane regards Reed with an apologetic look. "Look, last night was stupid, okay? It was full of stupid words that I did not mean. See, I would never, never hate your clumsiness- you know I love it, right? I've told you that.. It gives me an excuse to hold you.. And your clothes? They are in no way ugly or pointless or any of those mean, stupid things I said last night." Shane's voice falters slightly. He sounds genuinely sorry that the want to hug him surfaces from Reed. "I was so stupid last night- a real class-A jerk, and I would completely understand if you never wanted to speak to me again or wanted to-" Shane hesitates, because it's too painful to admit. "-to break up with me. I deserve it."
Green eyes are blurred by tears, but Shane urges on. "You are the best thing that's happened to me.. You're gorgeous and sweet and talented and I've always promised that I'd be there for you, but this time.. I wasn't. I was the one who brought you down and that just- I just want to punch myself for having done it." He growls through grit teeth, tears now staining his cheeks.
Reed's own eyes are rimmed with tears. He blinks, shedding a few, as his lips tremble but is not outstretched in a smile. He bites back a sob and watches as Shane continues to pour out his thoughts on him.
"I don't even remember how that stupid fight started, but if you ever decide to give me another chance, I swear to God, I am never ever going to do that to you ever again." Shane's lips split into a sad, tired smile as he shrugs. "And if you don't, well.. I'm not really one to go down without a fight."
Smiling wryly at that last statement, Reed lets out a heavy sigh. His eyes are still glimmering with tears but he doesn't notice. "I think we're done with fighting for a while.."
Shane lets slip a bright grin that lights up the entire room and shoots Reed a hopeful look. "Is that a 'you're forgiven'?"
Chuckling slightly, Reed nods and is suddenly tackled into an embrace he melts in. He's lifted from the ground with ease, and is shook around as a resounding laughter bounces off the room. Fresh tears spring from Reed's eyes, but in a good way this time as Shane's familiar scent wafts up his nostrils and the mere warmth he emits sends Reed's senses into a frenzy.
When Shane puts Reed down, they remain in the embrace, reveling in each other.
"I'm sorry too.." Reed mutters softly, his breath warm on Shane's neck. "I called you a bunch of names I really didn't mean.."
Shane chuckles. "It's okay. I kind of realized you didn't mean them."
"Really?"
"Yeah.." Shane grimaces. "I mean, no offense, but you're kind of not really that good at name-calling. It was sort of adorable, actually."
Reed blushes, groaning into Shane's shoulder. "It was not adorable, it was horrifying!"
Shane laughs, and Reed thinks it's a sound he really can't live without. "I love you for it though."
Hearing those words after a years' worth of a fight, Reed wants to kiss Shane right now. So he does.
Soft and careful, because they'd just ended a fight and were fragile at the moment. Shane gently rests a palm on Reed's jaw, caressing the space beneath his eye with a thumb. Reed inhales sharply. He doesn't think he's missed anything so much in his life. It's quick and over all too soon. But they know they'll have more.
"I love you too.." Reed mutters, careful not to break the tender moment.
Shane's eyes blaze with an undying fire, and at that moment, he secretly promises that if he does happen to start another fight like this, he was seriously going to punch himself in the face.