Calm Before the Storm
Don't get him wrong; Shane could go on with life without him.
He just wouldn't really be alive.
It was when the door clicked behind Shane and he stepped into the empty hallway, when he strode one step forward to begin the familiar tread to his own apartment, that he finally felt the reality of his situation bear down on him.
In a second, his cheeks were damp with tears falling of their own accord. Shane scrambled down the carpeted hall, rushing to the next corner where he flung himself against the wall and broke down.
"I-I.. I need some- some space."
"Really? Is that really what you want?" It wasn't challenging or sarcastic. Shane was curious, pleading, desperate.
There was hesitance, nervous chewing of the lip, before Reed nodded imperceptibly. The usual gold twinkle in his eyes were shadowed by the glass of tears threatening to escape. He didn't dare say a word lest a sob escape him.
Shane didn't know what brought this on, why he was suddenly pulling away like Shane was the plague, but he would bet Reed's mother had something to do with it. She always hated him and his apparently bad taste in clothes and his disheveled hair that looked like something lived in it. Shane didn't have trouble reciprocating her hatred, but this always left him wondering whether Reed didn't like those things about him too. But Reed had always assured him that he 'actually found them kind of endearing'. And although Shane would cut off both his legs before he would ever give up Reed, Shane decided he didn't want to fight Hilde. Shane understood the bond of family, despite an oppressive parent. He knew the story better than anyone else. So if Shane couldn't even think of giving up his dad despite his bigoted opinions, it wouldn't be fair to expect Reed to give up Hilde even though she was completely crazy. They were still their parents. Although yes, they didn't prove to be very good parents at times. But there were those golden times when Shane's dad would turn livid at the mention of bullies or Reed's mother would praise his paintings that ease the pain a little.
Shane ground his teeth, willing to ease the choking pain in his chest and holding back tears. Space. Right. He knew what that meant. 'Break-up seemed too hurtful a word, so I just used space because it sounded less painful'.
He didn't dare look at Reed otherwise he'd start bawling. He would cry later. Not right now. Not while he's still right there.
Reluctantly, Shane nodded. "..Okay." He choked out before turning and exiting the room with as much composure as he could manage.
Looking back, Shane regretted not having fought for him. He wanted to scream, wanted to grab him and shake him and ask him what was wrong, that he could change- he will change if it meant satisfying the unmitigated standards of his insane mother. But as he sat on the floor with Reed's apartment door just around the corner, he banged his head on the concrete wall behind him because he knewhe wouldn't win. Hilde is, first and foremost, his mother. And nothing could trump mother.
Just as a new wave of tears was about to surface, Shane heard footsteps, and they were pretty quick. Hastily scrambling up, he wiped any trace of evidence of crying off his face and surrendered his head, rushing to the direction where the footsteps originated- the elevators. The person seemed to be in a hurry.
Within three steps, Shane paid no heed to the hallway abruptly falling into silence. It was as if the footsteps disappeared when a chilling voice asked, "Shane?"
Shane froze, eyes instantly looking up and staring into the blazing gold eyes of Hilde Van Kamp who stared back in confusion.
She squinted at him, as if examining a piece of fabric, and took a tentative step. "Are you alright?"
Shane bit his lip. NO. No, I am not fucking alright. Your son just broke up with me because of you and your obsession with impressions and reputations. So, no. No, I am not fucking alright. Shane ducked his head and, deciding that opening his mouth would not be the best course of action, proceeded to walk towards the elevator as if Hilde was never there. It was rude to ignore her but he could really care less at that moment. He had made it five feet away when Hilde made herself known again.
"I'm sorry, Shane."
Shane stopped. He turned and cast her an empty stare, green eyes darkened with sadness. "Me too."
And that was it. Shane made it into the elevators without any more hindrances, without any more interruptions. He thanked God it was empty. When the doors slid closed in front of him, blank and hollow gray eyes stared back. This was him without Reed. This was the Shane he had to get used to. Empty and dull.
He was from the fourth floor, so it wasn't long before the elevators opened again to reveal the lobby. Thankfully, only a few people loitered about so Shane was able to get past without drawing much attention to himself. He strode across the floor in a fast walk, eager to get out of that godforsaken building when the faint echo of his name chimed in his ears, sounding like it was miles away.
"Shane!"
Shane stopped. Rooted to the spot, Shane didn't notice the pause in his breath or the quickened rhythm of his heartbeat or the stiffness of his muscles or the wetness in his eyes. All he knew at that moment was that that voice could not have belonged to who he thought it did.
"Shane, wait!" The voice was getting closer.
Shane's lips quivered because no, it couldn't be him. He couldn't face him like this right now, with Shane looking so- so broken. He'd been clear with wanting his space. Shane had said okay. So what the fuck did he want.
"Shane!" The tone was pleading now. There was a sound of a door slamming open, labored breathing and hurried footsteps towards his direction.
Shane couldn't even turn to face him. The mere thought that he was right there, right there behind him, made Shane want to rush out that front door and cry as he ran home. So why the fuck didn't he? He wasn't obligated to listen to what Reed had to say; they're broken up. They're done. They're finished.
"Sh-Shane?" The broken sob that escaped Reed was further damage to his already crushed heart. Shane could feel him behind him, standing only a few feet away, staring at the back of his head. "Can you-" Reed's voice broke, and Shane had to bite his lip to keep it from shaking too much. "L-Look at me? Please?"
He shouldn't. He should run out of that place, out of Reed's sight and into his apartment where he could break down freely. Reed had broken his heart, broken him entirely. He doesn't deserve Shane's attention, and Shane needed to get out of there if he ever wished to move on.
But he loved Reed. Loved him with every fiber of his being, and in no way could he ever deny this opportunity to see him before they officially parted ways. He clutched at the dangling hope that maybe.. maybe he could even win against Reed's mother.
Clearing his throat, Shane slowly turned. The image he was met with took his breath away.
Red lips parted as he gasped for air, Reed looked like he had taken the stairs, which slightly irked Shane because damn it, he could've gotten hurt. His usually tamed hair fell out of its usual style, strands hanging down his forehead and the sides of his face. The gold in his eyes was regaining its usual spark, still looking slightly puffy, and his cheeks sported tear stains. His clothes were disheveled. He was a mess. The fact that he was just as torn up about the whole ordeal showed. And that kind of broke Shane a bit more.
"Please don't run." Reed whimpered, and Shane did all he could not to run and take the boy in his arms.
Shane shook his head, swallowing. "I won't."
This slightly eased Reed's frayed nerves as he exhaled a tired sigh. He stared into the haunting green eyes that now looked at him with bitterness and despair, and he had to stop himself from throwing himself to the floor and groveling at Shane's feet, asking for forgiveness, asking for what he didn't deserve because he broke his heart, the heart that's been so playful and perfect and loyal. "Do you hate me?" Reed choked out before he could think.
A bit taken aback, Shane studied Reed with an expression of hurt and disbelief. "I could never hate you, Reed."
Reed glanced down. "..You should."
"Will you stop?" Shane cried, so completely fed up with feeling like he'd been through the ringer several times that day. He knew he should be softer, more considerate because this was his Reed, the Reed he's been so hopelessly in love with since he made contact with those hazel eyes, but he was just so tired of everything. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself! Reed, you deserve so much- a hell of a lot more than what you have, but you're settling because you're willing to sacrifice your happiness for your mother's and that's not fair, Reed!"
"..She- She told me to come after you."
Shane paused, breath hitching. "Wha-what?"
Reed swallowed, eyes downcast. "When she came into the room, the first thing she said was 'Go'. I didn't understand at first, then she said 'Go after him. Don't make this mistake'." He looked up, gold colliding with green. "And that's when I ran."
Shane couldn't speak, simply stared with his jaw slacked and his eyes burning with tears. He made a mental note to thank Hilde when he had the chance.
Reed pursed his lips. "She's not as bad as you think.. A-And to be honest?" Reed blushed. "I don't think I would've lasted a day without you anyway.. When- When you left the room, I regretted it so much, Shane. I knew I'd just made the biggest mistake of my life, and I was about to run, to go after you because I really couldn't take it anymore, but then Mom came.."
Shane had heard enough. "Shut up.." He choked out, closing the distance between them, grabbing Reed and pressing their lips together, hungry for the touch, hungry for the smell, hungry for everything because he had almost lost all of it, all of Reed. Shane felt Reed's knees give away, but Shane was right there, would always be right there, holding him upright even though he could barely stand himself. Shane could feel fingers digging into his back, pressing them flush against each other, and Shane relished the contact. It wasn't like any of their other kisses. It was desperate and raw and deep and Shane's lips would probably be swollen after this, but hell if he cared. He had his Reed back.
When they pulled away, their foreheads touched, their breaths mingled, their eyes closed. Each waited for the first word to be spoken.
"You don't get to do that anymore, okay?" Shane scolded softly.
Reed nodded meekly. "I'm really sorry.."
"If you think we have a problem, you have to talk to me about it. I don't care what it's about or if it's three in the morning. Relationships are supposed to be worked on." Shane pulled apart, eyes opening to reveal the usual glimmer that Shane always bore. "And ours feels too perfect to ever give up on."
Reed pushed back another wave of tears. "I'm really sorry. I wasn't thinking. It was all-"
Shane didn't need to hear it, and a kiss was the perfect way to silence him. "You don't have to explain yourself."
"You deserve an explanation though."
"As long as I've got you, I have everything I need."
Reed didn't think it was fair how Shane could reduce him to a puddle with mere words. "I love you, so much.."
Shane smiled, the brightest he had that day, and tackled Reed in an adoring hug. "I love you too."
A/N: :/ So this is supposed to be an apology fic for the unforgiving lack of updates with Coco Ships Rane, but then I guess I should apologize twice because the ending sucks and I have school so I don't have much time to perfect it anymore so I'M SO SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME *starts groveling* HERE HAVE A PUPPY.