"Morgan, I need you to do me a favor." She'd managed to convince Hotch that she'd be more comfortable going to the hospital as a passenger in the SUV rather than in the back of an ambulance. He'd consented, but only if she rode with him. Morgan was waiting with her while Hotch got the car, which was good timing as far as JJ was concerned.

"Anything, Jayje." There was a hint of relief in his voice; JJ knew it was killing him not to be able to do anything. She'd seen that same helpless look before, most recently in the hospital waiting room when they'd waited to hear about Emily, before she'd told her lie and devastation had overruled all other emotions. They spent too much time in hospitals.

"I need you to go back to the BAU. If Garcia hears about me being here from the usual building grapevine she's going to panic. You need to let her know that I'm alright."

"I can do that. You know what her driving's like even on the best of days; I'll drive her to the hospital too."

"No." JJ's response was sharp and immediate. Her fingers dug into his forearm; she hadn't even realized that she'd been touching him until then. "That's exactly what I need you to stop her from doing."

"No power in the universe is going to stop my baby girl from checking up on you tonight, JJ."

"I know." A ghost of a shadow appeared on her lips, thinking about the persistence of her friend. "Tell her my fridge is empty and I haven't had a hot meal in a week. She has a key to my place. I'd rather see her there than in another hospital. She's not going to be able to be with me most of the time I'm there anyway."

"Are you sure?" He looked like he was having a hard time not arguing with her. After all she'd already turned down Andi, Rossi and Seaver's offers to go to the hospital with her.

"It's what I want. Please? You're the only one that can convince her." She knew Morgan would find the best way to tell Garcia. Her friend would protest and fret, but ultimately would redirect that energy into making soup and washing sheets and baking something with chocolate in it. Garcia could always be counted on to make cookies, brownies or cake for any occasion.

"Alright," he agreed reluctantly. "But do me a favor and think about saying yes when she gives you those puppy dog eyes and asks to spend the night. It'd be good for both of you."

"Thank you, Morgan. If you can convince Reid not to come either I'd be grateful. I'll call him as soon as I can." Once she had his promise she could feel the adrenaline draining. She let herself lean against him as they watched Hotch drive up, and then let him help her into the front seat; never before had she realized just how high off the ground an SUV was.

"I'm going to catch a ride with SWAT so I can tell Garcia and Reid what's what. Call me if you need anything, alright?" Morgan looked at Hotch, but she knew that last part was aimed mostly at her. She turned her head to look at him, nodding just a little before he closed the door.

She fell asleep five minutes into the drive, and woke up when Hotch pulled up in front of the emergency room. She considered telling him that he didn't have to come in with her, but didn't have the energy to argue the point, and knew it was a waste of time anyway.

It was cold, the late spring still carrying a chill in the air, but thanks to Hotch's go bag she at least had socks on her feet and a sweatshirt that hit her at mid-thigh. She was still self conscious about walking into the building looking the way she did, but that couldn't be helped. Hotch's badge got them past the front desk, and a few whispered words got them the promise that a nurse would be with them in a few minutes.

"If you need to get home to Jack I'll be alright on my own, you know." She knew how hard it was to have not enough time with your kids; she figured Hotch would be better off going home than sticking around the hospital. He wasn't even going to be allowed to stay with her for the most part.

"Jack's staying the night with Jessica, and I'm staying here. You don't need to be alone, JJ. If you'd rather, I could have Garcia come down here?" Maybe she'd be more comfortable with a woman around. For the millionth time since Prentiss 'died' Hotch wished she was here. For the first time, he knew that if he had a way to contact her he probably would.

JJ shook her head. "They're not going to let you stay in here anyway."

"I have some work I can do." Or he could pace and scowl until it was time to take her home, which considering the past few hours was more likely. He wasn't going to be able to concentrate on reports.

JJ bit her lip, looking down and wishing there was a way to avoid what was coming. She knew, though, that he'd find out when he read the case report; he always read the case reports. "Hotch, before the nurse comes in..."

There was a swooshing noise as the curtain around them was pulled back; it was too late to tell him anything in private. A woman in purple scrubs, her red hair pulled back, stood before them.

"Hi, my name's Trina. I'm going to ask you some questions so we know how we can help you. Can you tell me your name?"

"It's Special Agent Jennifer Jareau. Before you do anything there's something you need to know." She looked away from Hotch nervously, her hand tightening on the edge of the bed. This would be twice as hard if she had to look at him when she said it.

"You can tell me anything. The more information we have, the better." She was upbeat, moreso than the late hour warranted. The genuine smile felt surreal after the last five days, like walking out of a movie theatre and being startled to find it was still day. JJ wondered if she was always so chipper; she wasn't sure if it would make the next few hours easier or harder.

"I need you to collect for an SAE kit." Years of public speaking made it possible to say the words without a tremor in her voice, without betraying the acid that churned in her stomach. The last few days had been about just trying to survive. She hadn't been an agent, had barely been human in the eyes of her captors, but now that she was safe there were things she had to deal with. One was doing what she could to make sure that everyone involved in the case was caught and convicted. The other was to face the things that had happened to her, and that included being sold to a man who had held her down and forced himself on her.

"Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry." The nurse's smile faded, replaced by moist eyes. "I have to go get some things, but I'll make sure we get this done as quickly as possible. I'll also make sure that Dr. Simms is the one to come see you; she's the only female doctor here tonight. Do we need to notify the police?"

"The proper authorities been notified now." For the first time JJ looked tentatively up at Hotch, not even noticing when the nurse left them alone. He was looking at the wall, his head turned from her, the vein in the side of his neck throbbing. When she glanced down she saw that the fingers of his right hand were digging into the back of his left hand, the tension so strong that he'd managed to break the skin.

"We got them, Hotch. Eighteen sadistic people locked up, two more dead, seven people saved, and dozens of cold cases that will be solved. Those are good numbers." She touched her fingers to his, the first time she'd touched him since the the last time they'd been in a hospital together. He didn't touch her back, but he did loosen his hold on his own hand, the tips of the fingers no longer white. She could see the half circles indented on his skin, red and raw.

"I knew what these people were like going in. It wasn't supposed to get this far but I knew the worst case scenarios. It was worth the risk." It had to be. Seven lives for a few new nightmares was a good trade, wasn't it? She was hanging onto that thought every time she closed her eyes and saw the twisted smile come closer, remembered the hands on her body tearing away her clothes, touching her, violating her mind and body.

A hand on her shoulder pulled her out of the spiral of memories that threatened to drag her down. Hotch's hand, his fingers so warm against her skin even through the sweatshirt. "You are the strongest, most compassionate person I know. We've missed you"

"I've missed all of you too. E-mails and phone calls are a pale imitation for working with you. Maybe..." She shook her head. No, it wasn't fair to even bring up the subject of coming back to the BAU. She'd made her choice.

Hotch didn't know what to say in the few moments between her speaking and the nurse's return. He looked frustrated when it became obvious that he needed to leave, and told both the nurse and JJ to call him if anything was needed. "I'll be right down the hall."

JJ nodded, waiting until he was gone before looking at the box the nurse had brought with her to collect her clothes, and things much more personal. She bit her lip, knowing not just from training but from sitting with victims in a hospital what was to come. It felt like another violation.

II

He made it down the hall and around the corner without remembering taking more than the first step. Now that he was alone his stoic mask faded, his control slipped as he hit the wall with the side of his fist, needing some way to vent what he was feeling.

"What did the poor wall ever do to you?"

Hotch didn't even both looking at his hand to make sure he hadn't damaged it. "Why aren't you at the office, Dave?"

"Nothing I need to be doing there. I dropped Ashley and Andi off, made sure Morgan had a handle on things. It's hard to tell how Reid is dealing, exactly, but I'm pretty sure you can guess what Garcia's reaction was; she was almost to the elevator before Morgan caught her. I'm not sure I understand why JJ doesn't want her to come here, but by the time I left she was making a shopping list so she could go to the store before going to JJ's. I figured I would be more useful here."

"There's nothing to do here but wait." He'd wondered why JJ didn't want to see Garcia too, at first. After all nothing would have stopped JJ from getting to Garcia when the positions were reversed; seconds after he'd told her about the shooting she'd been heading for the car, and only his instance that he would drive had slowed her down at all. Now, though, it was painfully clear why she wanted to be alone. As usual she was trying to take care of those around her, sheltering her friend from knowing just how bad things had gotten while she was held.

"From the looks of it I might be waiting next to you in x-ray, you keep doing things like that." Dave nodded at the wall. "You want to talk about it?"

"Are you going to listen if I say no?"

"Probably not, so we might as well find somewhere more comfortable to wait."

A few questions asked, a few smiles, and some of the Dave Rossi charm and a nurse had found them somewhere to wait that was a little quieter and more private. Someone who didn't know him might think Dave was blase about what they'd seen tonight, and about finding JJ the way they had. Hotch knew better; the experienced profiler was good at hiding things, but he didn't always guard the look in his eyes.

"Andi told you about JJ yesterday." It wasn't a question but a statement, spoken once they were both seated and drinking coffee that was bitter, but hot and caffeinated. "I don't think Garcia is going to let you apologize for biting her head off, once she figures that out."

"Everyone was already working as hard as they could. Nothing good could have come from any of you knowing what we might find." The rest of the team hadn't needed the same nightmares he'd had, last night, during the brief time he'd managed to close his eyes.

"We were lucky. We could have found something much worse." Like Renee, who was upstairs in the ICU. Like the kids Rossi had seen in the trunk of a car.

"Lucky. Right." He thought of the way JJ had looked away when she'd requested an SAE kit from the nurse. JJ, who stared down serial killers and told them they didn't have the right to call her by her name, who stood calmly before the press knowing that thousands of people were watching, couldn't look him in the eye because of what some man had done to her. He wanted to find out who it was and beat him until he bled. He'd only felt like that about one man before, despite all the depravity he'd seen. This was personal.

"She's alive, Aaron. Whatever happened to her while she was gone, she'll get through it. She's strong, and she's not alone."

"I don't know if she believes that."

"Then we'll make sure she does."