Hell of my own making
I don't own Bleach
this is by Toshiro
So this is the life I have now. My best friend for as long as I can remember left me because I was just obeying my orders. I hate being a captain sometimes and this is my own damn fault the whole damn thing is! I'm so mad at myself that I can't even look at myself without wanting to punch myself. I know that Rangiku is worried and I have a feeling that the reason that she's my lieutenant again is because she knows me so well. I know that captain Yamamoto-Genryūsai has his reasons for everything but I sometimes don't always agree with him.
"Captain" Rangiku asked walking in with a pile of paper work in her arms and I'm shocked to see that it's done. "You have a message from the 5th's captain. He's giving you a report on Mo...lieutenant Hinamori. It looks like he was ordered to keep you informed. It seems like the old men really did know what he was doing."
"I don't care" I stated "leave it...I'll get to it when I get a chance."
That was a lie as soon as she was out of sight I was going to rip it open and read it. I know that Rangiku wasn't stupid and she know that my cold front was really just that a front I had a soft spot for Momo and it was know all to well. I think that was part of the reason why captain Yamamoto-Genryūsai told me to keep my distance and also moved her from the 10th and back into the 5th. But then again if he didn't want me and Momo to get close he never should have sent her to me in the first place.
flash back
I was sure that Momo would have come and seem me first thing once she returned from the world of the living. Urahara had told me it was only going to take three days because she had started on her own. Boy was a surprised that it took her longer then that and it had me worried too. I was sure that would be the first one she'd want to see. But what i got was Momo coming into the 10thhours later from her return. And on top of that I now had to go and have a meeting with captain Yamamoto-Genryūsai. This wasn't what I wanted to do I wanted to have some time just Momo and myself. She looked happy when she finally walked into the 10th. I know then that she had done what she had set out to do.
I know that was a stupid question I could fell it. I know that she was over joyed to have her bankai and maybe she would fell like she would be able to help in the war to come. But then I thought about what she had just said to me. 'I have already reported to Captain Shigekuni Yamamoto-Genryūsai and he asked that I inform you that he wished to see you as soon as you can.'
I wasn't the first one that she saw when she got back.
"Thank you Momo" I said with a small smile "So tell me did you get it?"
"I did" she said with a bigger smile I love that smile "But I am unable to talk about it. I was ordered to tell no one about it by..."
That son of a bitch! He ordered her not to tell me...me! I'm her Captain I'M HER CAPTAIN! And true I'm starting to become something more. And now she can't talk to me about the biggest change in her life. She's steps away from becoming a captain if she wants it and she can't talk to me about it. She is my best friend and he's about to take that away from me...I know it!
"I get it" I snapped unable to stop myself "Well you should take the rest of the day off I'm sure you need the rest. I'm sure that the last few days have been long and hard for you. I'll see you later tonight."
"Um Toshiro..." I started
I know that she was about to cry I know that I was about to put on Captain Hitsugaya mask and she was about to cry or get mad. Or maybe I'd get lucky and she'd tell me 'You can forget about that'. But I dotted that very much it was hard to tell what Momo was going to do these days, it was almost like walking on eggshells.
"It's Captain Hitsugaya!" I snapped at her again co just know it and I felt myself slip into captain Hitsugaya mode "Just because you have your bankai now doesn't mean that you don't have to address me as such! You're still MY Lieutenant do you understand!"
"Yes sir" she said
I could hear the tears in her voice and she walked out. I quickly got up and walked out of the office. I know that if stayed I would have lost my mask and gone into protect Momo mode. And that hasn't always gone so well don't get me wrong I'd die for her I damn near did that too. So I did the only thing I could think of walked out of the 10thand walked right to the 1st to get this meeting over with. And sure enough when I walked in I was taken right in to see the old man. I know what was coming when it did. I was about to ordered to make distance between my Momo and myself.
"I'm sure you know why you're here." he said to me "I know that you and lieutenant Hinamori are close. Maybe closer then I may even know...and I like to think I know about everything but things have changed. In your attempt to give her what she wanted, you have just helped us i like to think win this war."
I wasn't expecting that to come out of his mouth. Did i just hear him right how was Momo going to win the war for us. But then again I had a feeling that she would have a hard time looking at Aizen as an enemy. I know that the rest of us would be able to see him as we need to the enemy. I liked to think that if I was close to her she would be just fine.
"Sir...how is Momogoing to be a key in the war?" I asked an able to stop myself "I mean I thought that the point for her to be put in my charge was to help her with the Aizen issue. Are you telling me that there is no longer one?"
"That's not what I'm saying" He said to me "I'm saying that for her own good so that Aizen doesn't try to use her to get to you or you to get to her I need you keep your distance."
Keep my distance he wants me to keep my distance from my lieutenant that wouldn't work how could that work and that was when it hit me. I felt my mouth fall open as I looked at him.
"You want me to push her so far away that she'll want to leave me...the 10th" I sighed in understanding
I couldn't believe this...no wait I could. I know that the room around me was getting cold and I couldn't help it. I know that he could just take Momo from me and we'd still be close this plan of his was going to force my hand.
"Is that an order Sir?" I asked
"Yes" he said with a sad face "it is"
end of flash back
I was sure that Rangiku was gone I pulled the letter from the 5th and ripped it open. Sure enough in Renji's chicken scratch he called hand writing was a report on Momo. As I tried to read it I started to feel really sorry from captain Byakuya Kuchiki for all of those years that Renji was his lieutenant. I would have never given Renji paperwork to do if I was in Byakuya's place.
Captain Hitsugaya
As part of the orders given to me by Captain Shigekuni Yamamoto-Genryūsai I am to keep you informed on lieutenant Momo Hinamori.
I couldn't help but snort poor Renji. This really wasn't what he was good at Renji well he was a fighter not a paper pusher.
Lieutenant Hinamori has fallen into her roll at the 5th well. She plays her part well I guess Oh whatever Momo seems sadder the light that was in her eyes when she was in the 10th is all but gone. I really do think that this is stupid just tell her that you're sorry and that you love her and can't live without her. Trust me when I tell you...it works.
Great relationship advice from Renji Abarai. Well if it is true that he and Rukia Kuchiki had finally come to terms with there feelings. Almost like Momo and I had been doing. Damn I hated Abarai for all his luck.
I know that she misses you...Rangiku tells me that you're twice as cranky since the change of Lieutenants. She trains everyday harder I'm worried that she'll hurt herself. I know that there is more going on then what you have been able to tell Rangiku and what Momo has told me. Or hell even what the old man has told me but I don't care. So I'll keep you informed and if things get bad I expect you to get your frozen ass over here and take care of your girl.
That's rich seeing how 'his girls' zanpakuto was an ice type too. If I ever get the chance to fight him I'm going to kick his ass three difference ways.
Signed
Captain Renji Abarai
PS: Oh Rukia is throwing me a birthday party...god help me and this is you're invite.
Great just great...a birthday party and if a Kuchiki so throwing it then I had to go. When the Kuchiki's called you had better answer and you better look good wile doing it. Everyone was going to be there and that got me thinking. If everyone seemed to know a lot about me a Momo. Then Damn Aizen could and most likely would use her to get to me but at least everyone was thinking that she and I were less of friends now. She would be safe from having to pick her life over my own I wouldn't allow it. If I had to I'd never talk to her again until the war was over. I could do that for her I loved her that much that I would do that for her. I would block out the one thing in my life that made all this worm and happy in my life of such coldness. I would put myself in hell for her.
"You can come out now Rangiku" I said
"Sorry sir!" She said walking in
I sighed and then looked at her.
"if I tell you something will you keep it to yourself?" I asked knowing full well that she would do anything I told or asked her to do
"I know when to keep things to myself sir." she said with a knowing smile.
I smiled to myself Rangiku really was a prefect lieutenant she would put her life on the line if I needed her to and take anything I told her to her death.
"I do know about Gin." I smiled at here and I hoped she got what I was saying "I've been ordered by the old man to keep my distance from Momo."
All she did was node her head I know she know what was going on.
"I don't want her to be forced to choose between my life and or hers if it comes down to it."
"I understand" She said witha sad smile "I've been removed from the front line because of my past friendship with Gin. Although I'd kill him if he was stupid enough to cross my path. I know that you loved her I just didn't realize that you love her so much that you'd make yourself unhappy."
Rangiku really did know me well.
"Did you get an invite to Renji's birthday party?" I asked her
"I think just about everyone will be there." She smiled
Great I really was in Hell!
If you don't like it Don't Tell Me!