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Chapter 13
I rub my eyes and realize that I am in the lobby of a hotel. It's the one I checked in to earlier before heading to the arena. Most of the roster is staying here. I don't know how I got here and all I know is I'm stumbling around in a whirling dizziness. At this moment, nothing really makes sense to me. All I know is that Kane had once again taken over in the locker room and he has now left me disoriented and on the verge of collapse. I look around the lobby of people milling about. There is a couple sitting on the edge of the fountain and staring into each others eyes in full force love. There is and elderly woman being led by the elbow by a younger man who is probably her son, there are children weaving in and out and ducking behind the big furniture. They are allowed to live their lives free of possession by some unknown entity. They don't have to live in fear that they could at any moment be shoved aside in their own minds and taken over by a mad man. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I need answers, I need them now!
"Hey, Glen!" My vision swims in and out in a strange blur of colors and light and shifting forms. I recognize the voice as familiar, but I'll be damned if I can make my brain remember who it is. I feel like a fish trying to swim backwards. The voice registers with my ears again in a kind of fuzzy slow way. It's as though this voice was just a record someone had put on slow speed. "Glen, whoah big guy!"
I feel my arm being lifted and draped over some persons shoulders. I try to mumble something but even I don't know what it is or why I'm saying it. I know at any moment I'm going to just buckle under strain of Kane and pass out. My knees grow weak and I can't help but lean on this person.
"Whoah, please try to hold out until I can get you to my room!" The voice pleads. "Come on big guy, come on…"
My feet shuffle clumsily as they take me to wherever this guy is taking me. I might as well be sleep walking. I hear the click of a door opening and suddenly I just can't do it anymore.
"Glen!"
I watch the floor as it comes to meet my face with a loud thump—blackness.
"Aaah…ow…" I hear my voice as a rough moan. Something cold and damp is pressing to my head. I vaguely remember someone helping me to somewhere and then nothing more. I open my eyes slowly allowing them to adjust to the light. I'm surprised to see who I see leaning over me with concern all over his face. "Sh-Shawn?"
"Hey, decide to come back and join us?"
Michaels' smiles as he lifts the cloth from my head. I groan at him as a throbbing pain registers with my brain. I raise my hand up to touch my face but Shawn reaches out and grabs it.
"Don't touch, you fell on your face and crunched your snout pretty good."
"Ugh…well at least it was my face and nothing too important." I try to sit up but fall back on the pillows weak and dizzy. "Wait, how the hell did you get me in bed? I'm a big guy."
"Yeah I know, I almost threw my back out." Shawn jokes as he sits on the bedside and looks down into my eyes. I can tell underneath his joking that he's worried. He must have seen what happened in the ring. Well, he knows more than I do.
"Shawn, wh-what did I—I mean what did Kane do tonight?" I can barely bring myself to ask him. I'm afraid to know.
"What are you talking about?" Shawn's concern forms into a blank expression.
"I thought you would know. You didn't watch?"
Shawn shakes his head causing his golden brown pony tail to swoosh back and forth.
"No, I came back here after my promo and called Rebecca and we spent most of the time talking." Shawn tilted his head to the side quizzically. "Did you have a tough night? I mean the way you stumbled in, I was just glad I was coming down to the lobby and could help before you just dropped like a huge sack of 'taters. You don't remember what happened?"
I close my eyes. I'm so tired and weary. I'm tired of battling with this thing. It seems like he leaves but then he comes on stronger than ever. I let out a heavy sigh.
"I didn't get hurt tonight. Something…something's really wrong with me." My voice cracks apart and tears spill over my lashes and down my cheeks. Shawn's eyes blink with worry and he scoots closer and takes one of my hands. It's not every day I burst into tears and I think seeing me cry must be scaring the crap out of him.
"Hey, you can talk to me. You know I've come through a lot of crap in my life. What's going on?"
All I can do is shake my head and leave him with silence. How would I begin to explain? Thoughts meander through my head as I wonder if I should let him know. No one knows about this but me, not even Jenna really knows what's been going on. I sniff my nose and the pain that results momentarily side tracks my thoughts. After a few moments I'm back to my wondering. I focus on Shawn's cool blue eyes. For some reason I see hope in them.
"You believe in God Shawn…you…have a Bible." Shawn nods in acknowledgment. My words were not really a question I already knew both things to be true. My emotions build a lump in my throat and I struggle to speak around it. More tears streak my face. "What does it say about spirits? Can people be…p-possessed?" Just saying that word aloud sends a cold shudder racing through my body. Shawn's brows pull together near the bridge of his nose as he considers the gravity of my question. I can almost see him thinking to himself: Does Glen think he's possessed?
"People can be possessed. The Bible says it happened to some people. One man had a son who was possessed by a spirit that threw him into the fire."
"Please don't say that word."
"Which one?"
"Never mind." When Shawn said the word fire it sent a host of burning images flashing through my head. My eyes sting as though they are literally being assaulted with smoke. "I need you to do something for me Shawn. I-I need a really big favor. I think I need some divine intervention."
"You want me to pray for you? Sure."
"No, not a prayer. It's…Shawn…" I run my hand over my sweating bald head. I don't know if I can ask him to do this. I mean, isn't this supposed to be done by a priest? No, it doesn't have to be. I read some from the Gideon's Bible when I was stuffed up bored in a hotel room or when I was drunk and didn't know what I was doing. I remember reading one of those passages about a man being possessed. Some regular guy ordered the spirit out in the name of Christ. That's all he did he didn't throw around holy water or run off to get a robe and crucifix. He just ordered it out in the name of Christ. Shawn knows Christ therefore he could do that too, right? "Michaels can you do um, ah—make it leave me? Please Shawn, please!"
My eyes are again swimming with tears. Through them I can see Shawn's perplexed face as he leans over me. I can almost imagine Shawn standing over me ordering a spirit to leave my body. I imagine my body contorting in strange inhuman ways. My head would spin around and I'd spew a pea-soup like substance all over Shawn's nice clean button up shirt. The pure stupidity of those Hollywood images happening to me in this room with Shawn is almost enough to send me into a hysterical nerve-induced fit of laughter. I manage however to push those images away. It's not a laughing matter and the emotion that is over riding all of this is fear and panic that I am most certainly losing control over my own life. I can't imagine going on this way never knowing when or where Kane is going to rear his head. What if I someone else? What if I hurt Jenna? That thought sends my body into a fit of shudders.
"Make what leave?" Shawn asks in a near whisper.
"This—this--" I claw at my chest and writhe around in a rage at Kane. "This fucking thing that has me! It's hurting people, just get it out of me!" The shout tears from my throat leaving it raw and ragged. Shawn pulls away from me and almost falls over the nightstand but manages to steady himself. His eyes are wide and they flick around trying to comprehend what I am suggesting. I can understand his confusion and shock. It's even hard for me to comprehend. Thought of trying to actually figure this thing out have momentarily left my strained and fatigued mind. All I know now is I want this to end. I feel like I'm losing my mind and I need something to make this stop. All I can do is scream at Shawn.
"I want him gone! Aaaah!" Stop it Glen! Somewhere amongst the racing thoughts and panicked emotions I chastise myself for acting like a rabid animal. I claw at the bed sheets and yell out at anything willing to listen to me. That reasoning voice however still pipes up over the chaos that is within me.
Well, you have succeeded in scaring Michael's shitless. If you want him to employ a higher power to help you out then you better quit acting like you're in The Exorcist. It's not that I'm trying to lose my mind, I'm just so angry and at my wits end with this whole damn thing. I release my death grip on the sheets and let my anger subside. My chest rises and falls shakily as I try to calm myself. Hot tears drizzle themselves again down my cheeks.
"I'm sorry." I barely whisper.
Shawn says nothing. He just stands for a long time half leaning on the nightstand as he stares at me with unblinking blue eyes. I close my eyes as my whole body is wracked with silent weeping. It seems like things stay that way in a stand still for the longest time. At last my trembling eases off a bit when I feel a hand touch my chest. Shawn clears his throat. I know he is about to speak and I expect his words to come out shaky and nervous but when he does speak, he is calm and collected.
"Lord, it's me Shawn. I'm here with my buddy Glen."
I open my eyes slightly and see Shawn standing over me. One hand rests on my chest. In his other hand he clutches his cross necklace. His eyes gaze upwards to his God.
"He's having some problems. Something is bothering him and making him do things he doesn't want to do."
Shawn turns his gaze away from the heavens and his blue eyes come to rest on me. He moves closer and his eyes peer into mine so intently that I feel exposed and naked. It is as though he is looking deep inside of me into a place even I can not see. His lips press together in a determined line as he keeps his eyes focused to mine.
"Leave Glen alone. Whatever you are, in the name of Jesus Christ leave him alone!"
Shawn's raised voice reverberates strong and commanding off the walls of the room. Right now despite the situation I can't help but feel such deep admiration for the man bending over me. His faith is amazing and I know this has to end my torment. It just has to!
"You have no power over Glen." Shawn continues in a voice tinted with anger. "My God has more power than you could ever dream of. I'm telling you now to leave Glen!"
A short and sudden yelp escapes Glen's lips as I pull him with a quick force down and away. Normally, I would sneak up slowly and Glen and I would have a push and shove and scuffle. But now before he can even react he is overtaken by I, Kane. Glen is no more than a weak little pussy, just as I have always known.
"You idiot!" I laugh out those words as I look back into the intense blue eyes of Shawn Michael's. I am taken aback at first because I see no hint of fear in them. Well, I'll have to fix that.
"Who are you?" He asks openly and even with a hint of defiance. Can you believe this guy? I reach out and grab him by his scrawny neck. Then his eyes widen up. But still, I don't see any fear there, just a stubborn persistence. "You can't hurt me! The power of Christ is in me!"
"One thing at a time here. Just keep your pants on." I sit up and bring Shawn's nose to mine. "You know these eyes. I know you do. You know the coldness, you know the bloodlust, you know the bend towards madness. You've been in the ring with me before when I was reduced to nothing more than a fucking make believe character!" I spit these words out at him hard and forcefully. Still, he seems to remain defiant. "I'm Kane."
"Kane's not real." Shawn says simply. His eyes harden as he keeps them affixed to me. "It doesn't matter to me who you are. But you listen and you listen good. I said you leave Glen alone, and I said it in Jesus' name, so get!"
I squeeze my hand tighter around Shawn's throat and he gasps for air. The determination in his eyes is finally overshadowed by his panic that his basic need for oxygen has been cut off. I swing my feet over the side of the bed and stand up still clutching at Shawn's throat. He's now about to swing at me and fight back but I don't give him the chance. I toss him just like he's a raggedy little doll. He crashes onto the floor and bangs his head against the dresser. He lays there for a moment rubbing his skull and then pulls himself up to his knees. He sends me a dark scowl. I walk across the room to him and squat to meet his eyes. A slow, lopsided grin upturns my lips.
"You can't order me around like some spirit. You see Shawn, I am alive and I am strong."
My laughter fills the room before I allow Glen to come back.
I collapse to my knees. My strength is running low. Shawn is pulling himself up from the floor and just looking at him I know the 'exorcism' didn't work. I hang my head and sob. I can't help it, the wailing just erupts like a volcano that has waited too long to explode. Shawn wraps his arms around me and holds me as I just break down like an over used toy.
Images flash through my mind as I cry in the arms of Shawn Michael's. The fire, the memories from Kane's first day of school, Mark's teddy bear with the button eyes, Kane's mom standing over his trembling form belt in hand, the letters and photos in the album, everything swirls in my mind.
"I think I need to see someone. I think I know who can explain things." I pull away a bit from Michaels. I hate to ask him another favor but I'm in no condition to be behind the wheel of a car. "How long do you think it would take to get from here to Austin?"
Shawn paused and rubbed a hand over his stubbly chin.
"From Tulsa, Oklahoma to Austin, Texas…about seven or seven and a half hours. Why?"
"I need to get to Mark, it's not something that can be done over the phone. I need to see him. I can't drive there myself because I don't know when Kane might pop out again. Shawn…I don't want to put you in any danger--"
Shawn held his hands up in a 'stop' gesture.
"Enough said." Shawn stood up and pulled out a key with a plastic ring on it. "I was leaving here to start home first thing in the morning." He gave a shrug of his shoulders. "I'd drive through Austin to get to San Antonio anyway. I'll just start tonight and I'll drop you off at Mark's along the way."
Glen closed his eyes and nodded. He knew he was doing the right thing but he was afraid to find out the truth. He now knew more of what Kane wasn't, he wasn't a gimmick, he was real, he wasn't a spirit, he was alive. The only other idea Glen could come to is that Kane must actually be a part of him: a split personality. That scared him more than anything.
Finally, Glen is going to see Mark…but will Mark have any answers? Is Kane a split personality or is there still something else? What exactly is he? We shall see soon enough.
