This chapter is obviously longer than the rest. There's a lot that goes on, so hopefully it will keep you hooked while you read all 4 thousand words! :] Anyways thanks for the Alerts and keep the reviews coming!

I'm posting two chapters! Yay :D haha

Chapter 3 The Team

"This is ridiculous! We have been sitting around like maggots doing nothing but eating for the past day and a half waiting for Shepard to get out of her funk!" Miranda's gaze was ice cold, shooting between her food and Jacobs face. "We are wasting time, when the Collectors are still out there."

Jacob tried hard to avoid her painful gaze, but he couldn't help but agree with the XO. They were wasting valuable time, but knowing Shepard, it must have been for a good enough reason.

"She did set a course for the Citadel just a few minutes ago, so she must be in somewhat of a better mood than before. Besides, I think she deserves some justification for her actions in the past few hours."

"Hah! Justification! You think moping around drunk in her cabin is justified? Come on Jacob, give me a break…" Before she could continue on any further, she was rudely interrupted.

"I agree with you Miranda, my actions were not justified. With that said, we are heading to the Citadel so that I may get my 'act together' and hopefully I'll have satisfied your wants and needs and blow out any concerns you may carry about me and my abilities. So that I can still be the bright and shining knight you want me to be Ms. Lawson." Shepard gave Miranda a fiery threatening glance that melted her ice cold gaze. She didn't like Miranda from the get-go; this only made her despise her even more. But she was a valuable asset to the team so she couldn't do much about it, not to mention her being the Illusive Man's personal pet.

Miranda sneered and rolled her eyes. "I don't regret that you overheard what I just said, I meant every word of it. The idea of sending you to Horizon with Alenko stationed there was to get you to push your feelings behind and focus on the suicide mission ahead of you! Not to become even more incoherent."

Shepard was slowly arriving to her breaking point, but stopped herself before she completely lost it. Not only did she have a massive headache from the alcohol, but she also had to deal with whinny bitch over here complaining about floating around in space for a few hours.

Just as she was about to protest, Garrus came strolling in.

"Shepard! It's nice to finally see your face around… here." He obviously walked in at the wrong time, his shout slowly diminished into an almost whisper when he really took in her face and saw that she was beyond pissed off. "What did I miss?"

"Oh, it was getting intense up in here! There was about to be a catfight, one that you probably wouldn't have wanted to miss." Jacob replied with a joking tone trying to ease the tension within the room.

"Catfight eh? Damn, wish I kept my mouth shut then."

Both Jacob and Garrus exchanged glances and burst out laughing. Shepard couldn't help but let out a small grin, leaving the issue between Miranda and her yet to be resolved. She figured it would have to be in private where there wouldn't be a crowd egging for a fight. She sighed and picked up her tray of food, sat down beside Jacob and began tossing down bite after bite, realizing just how hungry she had been.

"Damn Shepard, I don't think I've seen you eat this much, this fast since I boarded the Normandy." Garrus remarked, his eyes wide open in disbelief. By then Jack had joined the four of them glaring at Miranda as she walked past her. She headed over to Rupert to grab her massive biotic portion sized food, and looked please at the amount lying on her tray. She slipped in towards Shepard, placed her tray down across from her before realizing how she was eating.

"Shit Shep, your food isn't gonna go anywhere. Oh and it's nice to finally see you in person, spying on you through your rooms camera with Joker was getting kinda old." Shooting Shepard a sheepish grin.

"So that's what everyone is whispering about!" Garrus finally understood. "You two are getting a little closer than usual." A wide grin stretched across his face, slightly laughing to himself.

"Hey, I heard some shit about you and Miss Chambers, how she confessed her undying love to you, and how you where completely flattered about a human hitting on you. So when's the wedding date? I better be invited!" Jack shot back with a furious but playful tone, laughing even louder after seeing what looked like blushing coming from the Turian.

Shepard finally glanced up from her plate of food to see what thought to be the first and last time she'd ever see a Turian blush. She couldn't help but giggle at the two. Of course she herself didn't hear any of the rumors, but she always knew that Kelly had it in for Garrus. As for Joker and Jack, well she didn't see that one coming.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up." Garrus's gaze avoided everyone else's while he tried to regain his composure. "So Shepard, what's on our agenda at the Citadel?" Quickly changing the subject.

Shepard leaned back against her chair and tried to speak with the dedication and power she seemed to be lacking lately.

"I need to take care of some… business, while you guys are going to enjoy two days shore leave. I suggest you use that time wisely because this will be the last shore leave until our mission is over, assuming we survive our mission." She held the Turian's gaze, until he had to glance away for a few seconds. He knew exactly what 'business' she had to deal with, but decided not to comment, instead he nodded his head and got up from the table.

"Well, I better pack some things I might need, if we're staying there for two days."

With Garrus gone, Miranda followed, shooting Jack and Shepard a cold glare before disappearing behind the door that led to her personal quarters.

"I don't know what is up her ass, but it must be something ice cold. I hate that cheerleader bitch. I don't know how you put up with her bullshit Shepard. If I was you I'd have drop kicked her ass a long time ago, show her whose boss!" Jack smiled at her own cruel comment.

"Unfortunately, she's my XO, not to mention she has a 'special' connection with The Illusive Man, so who knows what he'd do if he found out I badly harmed her, not saying that I would. I don't resort to violence just because it's convenient. As a matter of fact, if there is any way for me to avoid it, I do." Shepard paused in deep thought before continuing. "There must be something personal that's bothering her, otherwise I doubt she'd be acting so… childish."

"Huh, always trying to see the best in a person, that's the difference between you and I, I couldn't give a rats ass about her 'feelings' she's a bitch and that's all I care about. Anyways, I'm assuming we're headed towards the Citadel so you can finally fuck your ex again? I mean, that should help you get over him, so that we can finally begin to focus on the mission, right?"

Shepard physically flinched at the bare bluntness of her statement. She didn't know why Jack had to say things the way she did, making a mental note to find out later.

"Uh, not, exactly… I uh," her train of thought slowly slipping away from the shock and Jack took this opportunity to say something.

"Yeah, I get it Shep, you want closure on a less physical level. Whatever you do, just make sure you don't come back worse than before. I'd hate to be the one to kick his sexy ass." She winked and smiled before getting up and disappearing into the dark.

Shepard shook her head and just sat there, thinking about him. Memories flooded her thoughts, in particular the night before Ilos. Things were much more simple back then, were they ever going to be that way again, or did she loose what they had forever. She engulfed herself in the memory of how his skin felt against hers, his lips gently caressing her cheek bone before making its way down toward her lips…

"Shepard?"

Her memory came to a screeching halt, glaring at whoever ended the sweet serenity she had briefly escaped to. Realizing it was Chakwas she lightened her gaze a bit. She just sat there waiting for her to continue talking feeling as though if she said a word, she might break down crying, especially since it was Chakwas.

"I see you finally awoke, last time I saw you, you were sprawled across the floor, bottle in hand, drooling on yourself. You okay now?" Worry creased her face as she awaited a reply.

Nothing, just a deeply sadden gaze that seemed to only get gloomier as the silence continued.

"Why don't we get up and go into the med bay so we can talk privately."

Shepard nodded in agreement and slowly rose from her chair, leaving her dirty tray and plate behind.

They both made their way into the med bay. Chakwas ordered EDI to tint the windows so no one could peek inside as well as locking the door to the room. Shepard sat down in the chair across from hers and buried her face into her palms, not saying a word, not even shedding a tear. Just pure silence.

The Doctor didn't mind, she had experienced this before with Shepard, when she finally opened up to her about her parents death. Now that silence, could never be compared to. The doctor could have sworn Shepard remained soundless for almost an hour before she finally decided to retell the story.

Shepard glanced up from her hands and tears began to form behind her eyes. She willed them to stop but they disobeyed her orders. One slid down her now rosy cheek while she wiped the other before it could do the same.

"I, I, I don't know what to do. He accused me of never actually dying, of betraying the Alliance so I could work for Cerberus without the red tape, without having to answer to the Council. When he fully knows that I despise working with them that I'd never work for them! I-I just don't know how he could have said the things he said Chakwas. It-it hurts, it feels like every emotion I ever felt about him has been torn out of me, and shredded into small pieces that can never be pieced back together. It hurts…" She took in a slow and steady breath, trying to calm her nerves down, but failed completely. "I don't know what to do. I don't."

Chakwas walked over to Shepard, pulled her up and just held her, rubbing her back like a loving mother would have done. This caused Shepard to begin sobbing; she could no longer hold back the tears. She had no more strength to keep them in and she didn't want to.

Chakwas couldn't help but feel sorry for Shepard. She had never seen her so torn up, not even while reliving her parents death. This side of the beloved commander had deeply frightened the older lady. She didn't quite know what she should tell her, but she knew where to start.

"Shepard, sweetie, everything will be just fine. He wouldn't have said those things if he didn't still care for you. You know Alenko just as well as I know him, and we both know he can be stubborn and hot headed at times. But the fact is that you were the first real person he ever opened up to following what had happened back at brain camp. He only really started talking to me because of what you had done for him. You had proven that people could be relied on, that we can be trusted, and most importantly that we were there for him."

Shepard's sobbing began to slow down.

"Once he knew that you weren't in the last shuttle, he shut down completely. Not a tear was shed; he just did what he had to do in that moment. And that's how he pursued to live his life, in the moment. He cut off all the ties that reminded him of you, which meant that he stopped talking to all of the crew that was stationed on the SR1. Not even a single goodbye was said, Shepard. You dying tore him apart, he couldn't function whenever a memory of you flashed in his mind, when your picture for the Advertisements went up, and even when he heard someone's laugh that resembled yours, he froze completely in his tracks, searching, hoping you were around."

Shepard now pulled away from Chakwas and sad back down in her chair staring intently at the doctor as she continued. Tears still flowing down her face, but the physical shuttering had slowed.

"The last I saw or heard of him was at your funeral. After it was over, I didn't even see him leave. He vanished, just like that. I tried contacting him, but he never replied, so did most of the other crewmembers but they too didn't get a reply. I think loosing you tore him apart piece by piece, and after everything he has been through, seeing you alive again in front of him, must have scared the living hell out of him. I know it feels like it was no more than a couple months ago that you were with him, nestled into his arms. But for him, it's been two years. Take what you've been feeling and times it by ten, and that's just a part of what he's gone through." The doctor paused and shook her head slightly.

"Now I am not saying what he said and what he accused you of is justified. I am just merely stating the facts. And the facts show that both of you have suffered a great deal and the only true way of fixing whatever has been broken, is not through emails or a phone call, but rather in person, face to face. Where emotions can be said without saying a word, I know we are headed towards the Citadel and I hope you are doing it to find him and speak with him. I believe that is the only way Shepard." She walked over towards her and placed a reassuring hand upon her shoulder and squeezed it gently.

By the end of her heartfelt speech, she was sitting down in the chair across from hers. Shepard was gazing at the door that opened up to the AI core, trying to take in everything Chakwas said. Slowly she began to sort every word that was floating in the air around her. Every sentence every statement sunk into her, making her feel as though the world was just crammed onto her shoulders and if she were to fall down then everyone on that world would died. Shepard knew that this was a ton of information to try and decipher right now, even for her.

"I, I know, you're right. Everything you just said to me is right. I put him through it all, my death is what tore him apart, piece by piece. But, I wasn't expecting him to shout and yell at me when he first saw me. He didn't even give me the time to explain my situation. And - and the e-mail he sent me, that was hardly an apology! I, I just don't know if I should see him in person, wont that make things worse than what they already are?" Worry creased over her features as she searched the doctor's face for an immediate answer.

"Do you love him?"

She was taken aback by the blunt question and didn't respond.

"Do, you, love, him?"

"Of, of course I do."

"Well, there's your answer."

She sat there, stunned, looking at the doctor, fully expecting her to say more, but she knew that was all she had to say. Four words, four strong words formed into a question that would forever change her mind. Those four simple words, would eternally make her a stronger, more reliable and self acknowledging person, who would never doubt anything without fully understanding it before hand.

Shepard understood what she and Kaidan shared, and would never risk losing that ever again, especially if she was the one who remained in control.

"Thank you Chakwas, thank you so much." With that she hugged the doctor and fled to the elevator making her way to her cabin to send the love of her life a message asking, begging for him to speak to her once more so she could try and explain everything. By the time she made it to her cabin, her heart was pounding, sweat began to form on her forehead, and her hands were trembling. She could barely contain herself enough to even type out her first name.

"Commander, we are an hour out from the Citadel." Joker's voice filled her room.

"Shit! I hope he gets this in time."

"Who? Alenko? Is that why we are here? I thought you were being nice when you forced this unnecessary shore leave upon us Commander." Sarcasm fully coated his reply.

"Joker, I know you can be clueless at times, but please, don't play dumb with me now."

"Oh, ouch! Thanks for the uh, compliment Shepard. I'll remember that next time you look good enough for me to comment upon."

Ignoring what he said, she closed the feed to her room and returned back to writing her reply. It had to be perfect.

Kaidan,

I know I am probably the last person you want to be hearing from, but I couldn't leave things the way they were back on Horizon. I received your e-mail; I swear I must have read that thing about a million times.

I am sorry for everything I've put you through after my return. I wanted to have a chance to try and explain everything to you in person. But considering our last in person encounter, I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't want to speak to me face to face. But please, do me the decency to at least try.

I still care about you deeply, Kaidan, and the last thing I'd ever want to do is hurt you in any way. So if you refuse to see me and don't show up, then I'll take that as you wanting to forget and move on and I promise I'll never bother you again. But if you still believe in whatever we had before my… death, then meet me in Dark Star Lounge at the Citadel. ETA for us is 1 hour and I granted everyone here a 48 hour shore leave.

I hope I'll be seeing you there.

-Shepard

Shepard re-read the letter twice correcting any last minute flaws she sought out and sent it away, hoping he'd glance at his e-mail before her arrival to the Citadel. She sat there thinking about all the different possible ways he could respond to the e-mail, before deciding it was a waste of time and she could be getting ready instead. The first thing on her mind, a warm long shower, one that would unwind her tense shoulders a bit, something she desperately needed now. Her mind fluttered to a memory she had with Kaidan.

Shepard laid there on her bed in a suggestive way trying to provoke a stir out of Kaidan's stern face, nothing. She huffed out a sigh, but a thought quickly rushed into her mind. She began to slowly undress herself, first starting with her hair, unwinding the perfectly pulled back bun. Shaking the dark brown curls loose, she glanced back towards Kaidan sitting on the sofa, who by now looked at her puzzled.

Well I got his attention at least, she thought to herself as she continued.

She slowly rose from the bed and seductively walked towards her mark. She laid one hand on his shoulder and the other traced his jaw line before making it towards his lips. Sitting on top of him in his lap, she began to pull her shirt off her body. She could sense Kaidan tensing up a little and felt a little movement in between her legs. She glanced down and saw that her work had been slowly paying off without her realizing it till now.

She smiled her sweet seductive smile that often left Kaidan speechless, this time he couldn't hold back, he wouldn't. He pulled her tightly against his body, feeling the heat rush between the two of them as he aggressively placed his lips upon hers, gradually deepening the kiss between the two. He managed to part her lips enough so he could slip his tongue insider her mouth, fully tasting her and wanting more. The pressure between his legs was getting uncomfortable, fast. Regardless he continued.

Shepard loved the rare moments when Kaidan took complete control of her, this being one of them. She just followed his movements and mirrored his urgency. His hand slid from her lower back up towards the back of her bra, swiftly unhooking it. He broke free from her lips so he could reposition them so he was on top and in full control. Shepard slid her hands under his shirt and tore it off as fast as she could and then began to move down to his pants.

Oh god, finally, he thought. The pain from the slight and steady enlargement was getting overwhelming.

He began unbuckling her pants, slowly sliding them off. Shepard let out a soft squeal, that only meant for him to hurry up, but he did exactly the opposite. When the pants were completely stripped off, his hands found their way up to her inner thighs as she slightly arched her back, desperately wanting more. He began massaging the area gently before stopping completely. Chills ran down her spine.

He leaned in close to her face and whispered into her ear.

"What do you want me to do?" His voice was deep and husky, very irresistible.

Confusion crossed her face, as she finally registered what he meant.

What do I want you to do? She thought to herself, I want you to slip inside me now - thrusting deeper, harder, faster…

"Commander, we are 10 minutes away from our destination." Joker's voice filled her room, rudely interrupting her memory. She let out a heavy frustrated sigh before replying.

"Kay, thanks for the update."

"Anytime. By the way, are you okay? You have been staring at Alenko's photo for the past half an hour."

"Do you always make it a habit to spy on whatever I do in my cabin, Joker?" Clearly annoyed by his observation.

"Hah, sorry, I really don't think you want to hear the answer to that question."

"I swear one of these days I am going to kill you!" She shut off the comm before she could regret saying anything more.

She quickly shed off her clothes, but before taking off her undergarments she decided to enter into the shower prior to getting completely naked. Making a mental note to chat with EDI about securing the camera feed to her room. She turned on the hot water and waited until her whole body relaxed, releasing tension from every muscle in her body. Ever since her encounter with Kaidan, she had been as tough as a rock, and nothing she seemed to do would make that go away. She wondered how she would be after seeing him yet again.

Remembering that she only had 10 minutes before the arrival, she quickly ended the shower, hopped out, dried herself, put on a white v-neck t-shirt that she always kept with her, along with a pair of blue skinny jeans that were her favorite pair she'd ever owned. She quickly brushed her eyelashes with mascara, smoothing away the black lines that smeared around her eyes from applying to fast. She pulled up her curly dark brown hair into a pony tail, which by now lay past her shoulders above her breasts. She smiled at how long her hair had grown, only to remind herself that when and if she would go back to the Alliance she'd have to cut it above her shoulders, yet again.

She quickly slipped her feet into a pair of old white sneakers before glancing at herself in the mirror one last time, happy with the way she looked; she began her journey out of her room, into the elevator, and down to the CIC.