The Dance of Deception - Chapter Three – Illusion
Reality as we know it relies on our senses, and it relies on our minds to accept what they tell us without question. Without the human body having the ability to see, to taste, to touch, to hear and to smell, without our mind allowing us to have these senses, the world that we know would not exist for us.
But sometimes our five vital senses can trick our mind, sometimes we hear the tone of somebody's voice, we hear them whisper and we jump to conclusions, are they talking about us? What do they know that we don't?
It's the same for what we see; sometimes the reality that is laid out bare before our very eyes is too hard to accept. Our senses connect with our feelings; they give an emotional link, and sometimes the emotions that you feel in response to a certain thing aren't what you thought they'd be.
The mind sometime allows us to protect ourselves from these unexpected emotions by letting us trick ourselves into believing something different. Sometimes we can cover our truths with an illusion; a fantasy, a day dream, a false impression of our true thoughts and feelings... shielding us from our true reality,
It was the murmured buzzing of her phone against the surface of the bedside table that drew Callie from her restless sleep. She reached out blindly into the darkness, grabbing the device from the side and bringing it to her eyes.
The screen burst into light and blurred the words she'd just received from her vision. Callie pushed herself upright and rubbed at her eyes, wondering who the hell had text her at- she glanced at her digital alarm clock- 3.45am. As her body woke, her eyes adjusted into the darkness and she was able to steady her vision as she read the text.
She jumped up from her bed and hurried towards the apartment door, trying to be as quiet as possible not to wake her roommate. Callie turned the key and opened the door slowly, revealing her blonde haired best friend, her normally bright blue eyes puffy and red.
Erica swallowed the lump in her throat and shifted her gaze away from Callie's as an uneasy beat of silence passed between them.
"I don't know why I'm here," her voice came out in a low hum as she lifted her eyes up to meet Callie's gaze.
The dark-haired woman said nothing in response for a moment as she took in the full extent of the blonde's appearance. Her normally beautiful pale skin looked heated and blotchy, her puffy eyes looked unfocused and her bottom lip was quivering ever so slightly.
"I'm glad you're here," it wasn't nearly enough to let the blonde know just how much she wanted her presence in her life, but it was all she could think to say. The ease that normally passed between them was long gone.
Erica shook her head and snivelled a little, lifting a hand to wipe her face, "God Cal, what the hell have we done?"
The brunette reached a hand out to touch the blonde as tears escaped her blue eyes, "Erica..." she didn't pull away from her touch but she did flinch in response to their contact enough to make Callie move away on her own. She sought blue eyes and shook her head, opening her mouth to try and find the right words to say, "We can forget it," Callie offered, pausing for a second, "We can forget that it ever happened if that's what you want?"
Erica shook her head fiercely, "I can't forget it," she wiped at her eyes as a tightness settled into her chest, "It's haunting me," Callie felt tears burn behind her own eyes, as she watched the older woman struggle with her pain. She wanted to do something, anything that could make it all okay, but she just didn't know how, "Every time I think it's finally out of my head... I see you at work and it all comes rushing back again."
"Erica please," she stepped out into the hallway and reached for the blonde, wanting desperately to pull her into her arms and comfort her.
Erica held her hands up as Callie moved to touch her, "Don't... please don't," the younger woman nodded her head and dropped her arms back down to her side; "I don't think I can handle this... I shouldn't have come. I need to leave."
Callie watched Erica turn on her heel and walk briskly back down the corridor. Without giving it any thought she hurried after her, missing her chance to catch up with the blonde in the elevator as the doors closed between them. She pushed open the door to the stairwell and hurried down them, if she was lucky she could still catch up with her.
The crisp air chilled her skin as she reached the entrance to the building. She caught sight of the blonde heading towards her car and hurried after her, "Erica wait," the older woman turned at the sound of her voice and quickly dug through her purse for her keys.
Callie reached her just as she pulled open the car door, and gripped it with her hand, stopping Erica from opening it any further and climbing inside. She pleaded with her eyes for the blonde to look at her, "What do you want me to do, Erica?" she watched the older woman shuffle her feet uncomfortably, "Please, tell me what can I do to get my best friend back? I'll do anything."
Erica felt more tears escape from her eyes and shook her head, "Just give me some space Callie. I can't deal with this; I don't know how to do this..."
Callie felt tears spill from her own eyes as Erica looked away from her again, "I can't deal with losing you over this," the blonde lifted her eyes to find Callie's dark pools and saw her own pain reflected in them, "Please don't shut me out."
Erica wasn't sure what hurt her more, what they'd done to get themselves into this mess or that she couldn't see a way for them to move past it, everything was different between them now. She shook her head again, holding Callie's eyes, "You just need you to give me some time Callie," she tugged at the door and felt relief enter her system when Callie let go of her grip and moved a step away.
Callie watched Erica climb into her car, and drive off without looking back at her. She lifted her arms to wrap around her body and climbed the stairs back to her apartment. She locked the door again and swiftly moved back inside her room, letting herself cry for the first real time since this whole mess started.
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Callie watched from a distance as Erica quizzed George on one of her patients. It had been two days since the blonde had shown up at her apartment in the early hours of the morning, and she was trying to do her best to keep to Erica's request. She fought every natural urge in her body to go over to the blonde when she saw her, she'd battled against the voice inside her head that told her to call her, and even resisted her fingers desire to send a simple text.
Erica was by far, not acting herself. Her normally well guarded feelings were showing all over her face, and her body was slumped down in an unusually unconfident way. Callie had caught the whispers being spoken between the interns and residents, their curiosity wondering exactly what was going on with the normally fierce, controlled Dr Hahn. She wanted to yell at them all, tell them to mind their own damn business, Erica wasn't on display for them to judge; she felt a mixture of extreme protectiveness and guilt knowing that she was the reason behind all of the blonde's discomfort and vulnerability.
She watched George smile proudly as he answered another one of the cardio doctor's questions correctly. Ever since he'd gotten the good news that he'd passed his intern exam, he'd been playing catch-up with the other residents and working his socks off to try and reach the same level that they were all at.
Callie shook her head and smiled to herself when the memory of her telling Erica about her ex-husband finally passing his exam and getting his resident wings. The blonde had smirked confidently and offered to make his life hell; he needed to suffer, especially for what he'd done to her, the blonde had stated. Callie had simply rolled her eyes and told Erica to leave it. After a few seconds she turned back to the blonde and said, maybe a little bit of hell wouldn't hurt; the blonde had chuckled and given her a gorgeous smile.
It seemed weird now, thinking that she used to be married to George. It was as if that period of time had happened during another distant lifetime. And yet as she watched him talk animatedly to Erica, she couldn't help thinking how her ex-husband and best friend had one particular quality that they shared.
Callie growled in frustration as George extended another pathetic excuse to her, "When are you going to stop acting like this and remember that I'm your wife now George?"
He shook his hand, "I know that you're my wife Cal... its just Izzie knows me, she gets my family, she understands me."
Callie felt anger rising in her chest. They'd been having the same argument since they'd returned from Vegas as a married couple, actually they'd been having this exact argument since they started dating; it always came down to one thing, one person, "How are we supposed to have a marriage if you keep running off to Izzie every time something happens to you George? We're going to spend our lives together, you can't keep shutting me out; I deserve the chance to get to know my own husband."
"And I deserve to be able to talk to my best friend whenever I chose to without having to justify it every time Cal. I can't keep having this argument with you, Izzie's apart of my life, she's not going anywhere; you need to accept it."
Callie turned her back to him, grabbing his jacket off the chair and turning to throw it at him, "Well since she's not going anywhere, I suggest you go stay with her, because you're damn well not staying here tonight. Get out George."
George walked past her, giving her a small nod in way of greeting her as he headed down the hallway to prepare for Erica's surgery. She lifted her head to the blonde again and caught her eye for a second, before the older woman hurried off in the other direction.
Her husband had never been able to open up to her, and along with many other huge issues in their marriage, it was one of the main reasons that their relationship had broken down. When Callie had first met Erica the blonde had been the same, she was a very private and very guarded person and it had taken a lot of time, effort and trust for Callie to get the blonde to pull her barriers down and actually open up to her.
"I'm glad that you chose to tell me about your childhood Erica," she smiled at the blonde and topped up their wine glasses, "It means a lot that you're finally opening up to me more."
Erica clinked her glass against the younger woman's, taking a sip before smiling shyly at her, "Well it works both ways Torres, I got to hear all about your adventures of being a rich kid, living in the hospital basement and your disastrous marriage to O'Malley," she paused for a minute and smirked over her glass, "Actually didn't you tell me that you had stories about a pet ferret that you wanted to share with me?"
Callie caught the twinkle in her blue eyes, and shook her head, "Don't make fun of me Hahn, that ferret was a big part of my life, he was my closest friend for years."
Erica laughed, "If a disgusting hairy creature was your best friend, then I feel sorry for you Cal."
"Don't be, I have another one now... you," the blonde whacked her arm.
"I am not a hairy creature!"
Callie laughed, "I don't know Hahn, you have a lot of blonde hair," Erica shook her head and tried not to laugh, "But seriously, I'm glad we're friends Erica. Other than Addison, I've never really done the whole, best friend thing."
Erica nodded her head, knowing exactly what she meant, "I'm glad we're friends too Torres," she flashed her a smile and then shrugged a little, "I don't make friends easily."
Callie watched the uncertainty cross over the older woman's face, "You don't either, huh?"
"People don't tend to get close to me," she averted her gaze for a split second, "Everyone I've ever felt close to has hurt me, and after awhile I just stopped making friends, it seemed easier. I can't help shutting people out when I get scared now."
Callie offered her a small smile, "Promise me you'll never shut me out, if you're scared about something, talk to me about it. We'll get through it together."
"And why would I want to promise you that?" she teased back.
"Because that's what best friends do."
"And we're best friends now?"
Callie nodded her head and smirked, "You bet we are Hahn, you're stuck with me. I'm not going anywhere, so promise me that you'll always talk to me and be honest, promise that you won't shut me out no matter how much you want to."
Erica smiled, "I promise."
She let out a sigh and ran a hand through her hair. George had shut her out and she'd let him go. Erica was shutting her out now, and she just hoped that the blonde would remember her promise and talk to her, because there was no way she was giving up this time.
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Erica handed over her money and took the cardboard cup of coffee from the vender. She'd just finished a six hour surgery and she was in desperate need for a caffeine fix. She walked down the stairs and pushed open the doors to the hospital's main entrance, enjoying the way the cool fresh air filled her lungs; snow dancing in the sky before her.
Bailey had assigned her George O'Malley as her resident this week, and she almost cursed out to the heavens when he'd bound up to her all peppy and eager. She had trouble believing that this moron had once been married to Callie, and what irritated her even more was that the idiot had let her go.
She scolded herself, she wasn't really angry with O'Malley and she knew it; she was angry at herself and no matter how hard she tried she couldn't make herself do anything to change it. Seeing glimpses of Callie around the hospital was hard enough, but having George stuck following her around every damn minute, just acted as another painful reminder of the dark-haired woman, and whenever she thought about Callie her mind instantly replayed scenes from their night together over and over as if it was a film playing on an endless loop.
Erica sipped at her coffee and watched as the snow twirled beautifully in the air before fluttering down to the ground and landing with remarkable grace. It hadn't snowed in Seattle for months, in fact snow was quite a rare occurrence for the rainy city; not that she was complaining in the slightest, snow and ice weren't her strongest points.
She closed her eyes and breathed in the smell of the snow, it reminded her instantly of Callie. The younger woman loved the snow. The last time it had been freezing in Seattle, Callie had turned up at her door with an excited smile plastered over her face.
"Hey, this is an unexpected surprise. What are you doing here?" Erica pulled the door open fully and allowed the younger woman to come inside, it was freezing cold in Seattle; temperatures had dropped way into the minuses and a heavy snow fall had continued for the better part of three days.
"It's snowing," Callie beamed, hooking her thumb over her shoulder to indicate outside.
Erica let out an amused sigh and led her into the kitchen, "I can see that Cal."
Callie rolled her eyes at the blonde's dry response, "Get your shoes and coat on now, you're coming with me."
"Coming where with you?"
The younger woman shook her head, "It's a surprise. So stop asking questions and get your shoes," she gave Erica a cheeky smile, "Oh, and don't forgot a hat, a scarf and some gloves, it's freezing out there."
Erica had done as she was told, wrapping up in her thickest coat and letting Callie drive her through Seattle's snow. She'd pestered the younger woman about where they were going but when she got no response she'd shut up and just let Callie lead her into the unknown.
"You've got to be kidding me," Erica shook her head as she stopped directly in line with her friend, "There's no way I'm doing that."
Callie turned to her and smile, "I'm not kidding you in any way; we're doing it, its fun," she looped her arm through the blonde's and led her towards the ice rink.
"Callie wait..."
The dark-haired woman stopped at Erica's whining tone, "Come on Hahn, you never back down from a challenge."
"It's not that, it's just... I can't skate," Callie looked amused by her confession, "I'll get killed if I go out there with all those people; I'm not good balancing on blades... or wheels for that matter."
"Well it's a good thing I have enough balance for us both then, come on," Callie dragged her towards the rental booth and grabbed them both a pair of ice skates. She watched Erica look at her pair in disgust and laughed, "You can look at them like that all you want, but you're still coming skating. So just put them on."
Erica grumbled in annoyance as she tied her skates and stood to face Callie. The younger woman held out her hand, and waited for the blonde to take it before leading her over to the rink entrance. Erica tugged Callie's hand before she stepped onto the ice.
"Please don't make me do this," she watched Callie's eyes sparkle in amusement, "You know, it's cruel that you're exposing my weaknesses Torres."
Callie laughed and stepped onto the ice, pulling Erica onto it with her. She let go of her hand for a brief second so that she could turn to face the blonde, holding out both of her hands, "It may be cruel, but it's totally satisfying seeing the amazing and very accomplished Dr Hahn unsure about something."
Erica felt her legs wobble as Callie pulled her, getting her to move forward on the ice as she skated backwards, "I so hate you right now," she grasped the dark-haired woman's hands tighter, fearing that she would fall at any moment.
The skating had gotten better, slightly less unsteady after a few minutes and Callie gave her an encouraging smile, "See, it's not that hard, you're already getting it."
Erica nodded her head, "I still hate it."
"I'm going to count to three and then I'm going to let go of your hands okay?" Erica's eyes widened in horror, "Just keep pushing your legs forward and you'll do great."
"Cal I'm not so sure about-"
"1... 2... 3"
Erica felt Callie's hands slide from her own, and instantly panicked. She hadn't been lying when she told the younger woman she couldn't skate. Even as a child she'd never mastered the technique for rolling skates, her mind never seemed to be able to keep her legs focused enough, and eventually she always fell.
Today was no exception...
Within a matter of seconds the tip of her blade had caught the ice and she stumbled forward. Luckily for her Callie was much better on the ice and she'd moved forward to catch the blonde in her arms.
Erica felt Callie's arms wrapped around her, and pushed herself back onto her feet; their faces millimetres apart; their eyes locked in an intense gaze as their warm breaths mingled in the small space between them.
Callie adjusted her grip, standing Erica firmly back on her blades, and gave her a small smile, "Sorry, I should have listened to you."
"I guess it's a good thing that Ortho makes you so strong Torres," the blonde teased trying to find her balance again.
The younger woman scoffed, "Funny..."
Erica smirked, and moved her foot a little, her terrible balance once again failing her and making her slip forward again.
Callie witnessed the blonde's stumble and quickly scooped Erica into her arms again; tightening her grip so that the older woman wouldn't fall down onto the ice.
Their faces were inches apart again and Erica felt a little dizzy, "You sure that you've got me?"
Callie nodded in response; her eyes never leaving Erica's own as her voice dropped to a whisper, "Always."
Erica felt a wave of something pass between them, and opened her mouth to find her voice. Callie seemed to sense the moment between them too, because she was pulling Erica to her feet again, and moving her arms from around her; reaching instead, to hold her hands like before. She started skating backwards again, pulling the blonde slowly forward.
"I'm never doing this again Cal," Erica broke through the silence, lacing playfulness in her tone, "I think this was just an excuse for you to show off. It's because I always beat you at darts isn't it?"
Callie laughed and shook her head.
A gust of cold wind skimmed across the blonde's face and drew Erica from her thoughts. She took another sip of her coffee, annoyed when she found that the liquid had turned cold. She spun on her heel, throwing her coffee into the trash as she re-entered the hospital.
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Callie didn't look up when the door to the Attending's longue opened; she was too busy lost in her own thoughts to deal with anyone else at that moment. When a small form moved in front of her eyes and sat down in the chair opposite her, she raised an eyebrow inquisitively.
"You're not allowed in here Cristina, it's the Attending's longue, and as far as I'm aware, you're still a resident."
Cristina ignored the bitchy comment and studied her roommate for a moment before speaking, "Are you okay?"
Callie looked back at her in surprise, "Why wouldn't I be?"
"Because you're sulking," Callie opened her mouth to reply but Cristina continued before she had the chance to interrupt, "You always hide out in one of the staff lounges when you sulk."
"Maybe I chose to hide in the Attending one this time so people like you wouldn't interrupt me if I was sulking," Callie knew she was unnecessarily being a bitch, but she couldn't help it.
Cristina didn't respond to the dark-haired woman's outburst in the slightest, "What's up with Hahn? She's been acting weird for the last couple of days."
Callie looked away, "I don't know, we're not speaking."
Cristina waited until Callie looked at her again before speaking, "I heard her come by the apartment a few days ago, in the early hours of the morning."
"So?"
Cristina ignored the defensive attitude, "So, I don't know what's going on between you two, but when me and Meredith fight, we normally just need a few days away from each to cool off, and then one of us will give in and start bitching about something to the other, and just like that, we're back to normal."
"So, what... I should just go over to Erica and start talking to her as if we're not fighting at all."
"It's worth a try."
Callie shook her head, "That's the stupidest plan I've ever heard."
Cristina jumped up from the chair and headed towards the door, "I'm just trying to help," she gave Callie a shrug.
"Cristina wait," she offered her roommate a smile, "Thanks, for trying, I appreciate it."
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Erica ignored the prickly sensation rising over the skin of her neck and kept her head down; continuing to fill in the chart she was working on. She finished writing her orders and grabbed another chart, the prickly sensation now turning into a heated burn. She relinquished her will power and lifted her head, catching Callie's eyes watching her intensely from the other side of the nurses' station.
Callie tore her eyes away from the blonde's and scolded herself, that was the third time today that she'd been caught looking at her. She felt a blush rise to her cheeks in embarrassment and refocused her attention on her paperwork. After a few seconds, she lifted her brown eyes back into Erica's direction, she couldn't help herself.
Erica let out a sigh of irritation as Callie's piercing gaze locked back onto her, she couldn't see the younger woman looking at her, but she knew she must be because her skin felt itchy. She looked up and caught brown eyes again. She placed her chart down and headed over to where Callie was standing.
Erica stopped a few centimetres in front of the dark-haired woman and lowered her voice, "Stop it."
Callie looked up at blue eyes in surprise, "Stop what? I'm not doing anything."
"You're watching me," Erica held Callie's gaze and shook her head, "I can feel your eyes burning into my skin Callie. You've been doing it all day and it's driving me insane, so stop it."
Callie bit the inside of her cheek, willing herself to stay calm, "So let me get this straight, I can't talk to you and now I can't even look at you?"
Erica nodded, "Not for awhile you can't, so please, just stop."
Callie watched Erica turn to leave and quickly reached out; curling her fingers around the older woman's wrist, "Hey..." she waited for Erica to look at her again but found that the blonde was unable to. She dropped her hold on Erica's wrist, "God, you can't even look at me anymore can you?"
Erica kept her gaze on the floor; squeezing her eyes shut until she heard Callie scoff. She felt the younger woman barge against her shoulder as she stormed passed her. She counted to ten before lifting her eyes in the direction Callie had gone, the younger woman was nowhere in sight and she felt like crying at the painful relief that passed through her.
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Callie dumped her jacket and bag onto one stool and slid into the other. Joe noticed her entrance in the corner of his eye and excused himself from the customer he was talking to.
"Hey Callie, everything okay?"
She shook her head, "No, it's really not," she didn't even need to ask him for a drink, he simply gave her a sad smile and poured her a shot. She downed it immediately, and relished in the way the fiery liquid burned through the numbness that had taken over her body.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Callie gave him a small smile, "Thanks Joe, but I think I'm just going to sit here and drink on my own if that's okay."
He nodded, "Sure, I'll even leave you the bottle."
Callie handed over her money and thanked him for his kindness. Joe was always willing to lend an ear if someone needed to spill their feelings, he was even willing to offer his opinion and advice, but Callie was pretty sure that Erica would hate her even more than she already did if she found out that Callie had been sharing their secret with Joe.
She reached over the bar and grabbed a few more shot glasses, lining them up in a neat row before filling them with her favourite alcohol. As she tossed back shot after shot, her mind burst with memories of the fateful night that had led her to be drinking alone in the first place.
Erica tangling one hand into her hair and titling her head to the side; dipping her lips as she moved her assault of open-mouthed kisses and nips across her honey skin, lathing at her rapid pulse point with her tongue, before nipping at the flesh hard enough to make her name fall from her lips in pleasure.
Erica swirling her tongue around her lush mocha nipples before flicking the tip of her tongue over her hardened nub.
Erica twirling her tongue around her entrance, plunging it inside of her and drawing it out again only to replace it with three of her surgeon fingers.
Erica scratching her nails against her skin as they heatedly thrust inside of each other.
Callie felt the alcohol dancing in her bloodstream, the fuzziness it created inside her body becoming the first feeling to break through her numbness in days.
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Erica pushed open the door of the bar and instantly found her eyes drawn to Callie's drunken form slumped on one of the bar stools, her head resting against the bar.
Joe moved towards her and offered her an apologetic smile, "Sorry to ring you so late Dr Hahn. She's been here for hours drinking, she's practically passed out. I didn't know who else to call, you were the first name that appeared in her phone."
Erica nodded, "It's okay Joe, I appreciate you ringing me. I'm sorry it took me so long to get here, the snow really has settled on the roads."
"Luckily Walter's coming to pick me up, I hate driving in the snow. If I'd have known how much she was going to drink I would have cut her off and sent her home way before she got like this."
She followed Joe over to where Callie was drunkenly slumbering and stood staring at her for a minute. Shaking her head she reached out and ran her hand over the younger woman's arm, "Hey Cal, wake up, you've got to go home now."
Callie stirred at the sound of Erica's voice and grumbled back a response. Joe moved to her other side, "I can help you get her to your car if you want?"
Erica nodded, "Thanks, I think I'm going to need it," she grabbed Callie's jacket from the stool next to her and twisted the dark-haired woman's arms carefully into it. Grabbing her bag she slung it over her shoulder and let Joe help her get Callie seated in her car.
"Sorry again Dr Hahn."
Erica smiled, "It's no problem Joe. I'm just sorry she drank all the alcohol in your bar," he laughed and thanked her when she handed him enough money to cover Callie's tab.
When they arrived back at her house, Erica got out of the car and opened her front door before coming back to help Callie from the vehicle. Throwing one arm around her neck, and another around her waist she hoisted the younger woman from the car and led her into her living room, settling her down onto the couch.
Erica pulled the jacket off Callie's body and bent down to remove her shoes. When she'd finished she lifted Callie's legs onto the couch and covered her with a blanket. Hazy brown eyes fluttered open and mumbled her name.
"Erica?"
She sat on the coffee table opposite the couch and reached out to brush the hair off of Callie's face, "Yeah I'm here."
"I'm sorry... really really sorry..."
Erica noticed the tears escaping from the corner of the dark-haired woman's eyes and immediately brushed them away, "Shh, don't cry," she moved to run her hands through Callie's silken hair, "I'm sorry too, for everything."
The blonde kept running her hands through Callie's dark hair until she was sure it had lulled the younger woman to sleep. She pulled her hand back carefully, but remained seated on the coffee table, watching Callie sleep as her own tears escaped into the silence.
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Callie instantly regretted opening her eyes, her head was throbbing like a bitch and she groaned in irritation that she'd caused her headache all on her own. After a few seconds she opened them again, and slowly pushed herself up into a sitting position.
She looked around the room in confusion, she remembered being at Joe's and drinking a lot. Shit, there was no way she could be in this house; there was no way that Joe had-
"Morning," she looked up at Erica's blue eyes in surprise, "I thought you could probably use these," she handed the younger woman a tall glass of water and two tablets for her headache.
Callie swallowed them down, and took several large sips of water before offering Erica an appreciative smile, "Thanks for these," she paused for a second unsure whether she should continue, "I guess I owe you a big thank you, I appreciate you coming to get me last night, and obviously for taking care of me like you always do."
"It's okay," Erica nodded, "You can use the shower if you want, I've left you some clothes out to borrow."
"Thank you," she watched the blonde shrug once before disappearing back into the kitchen.
Callie pushed herself up off the couch and headed up the stairs into the bathroom. She noticed the neatly piled clothes waiting for her on the small bathroom cabinet and the fresh towel that had been left folded for her on the rack.
She switched the shower on and jumped under its spray, enjoying the way the pounding water made her skin feel fresh. Callie noticed Erica's bottle of coconut shampoo and lifted it to her face, flipping open the cap and breathing in the scent; it always made the older woman's blonde curls so soft and shiny, and not to mention, smell irresistible.
Callie turned and tilted her head under the water, letting it soak her hair before grabbing the shampoo and pouring some into her hands. She massaged it through her hair, loving the way something so Erica was surrounding her; who knew that something as simple and everyday as her best friend's shampoo would soon become a pleasant rarity on the list of things she desperately missed.
After her shower she pulled on the clothes Erica had left for her, not before breathing in their scent; she loved the way everything in the blonde's house smelt so distinctively of her, it was something that had always intrigued her about people; the way everyone had their own unique fragrance, but as her lungs filled with another breath of the blonde's smell, she came to the realisation that she'd willing pay money just to capture the scent of Erica Hahn in a bottle.
Callie quickly dried her hair, before heading downstairs to face her best friend again; the last time they'd been together in Erica's kitchen the blonde had ordered her to leave. As she made it to the bottom of the stairs she saw the blonde cooking away, her back turned to her.
"Hey, thanks for letting me use the shower, I needed one," it was slightly aloof and probably not the best thing she could have said but she needed a place to start and she was willing to take any opening she could.
Erica kept her eyes focused on the task at hand, ignoring Callie's voice; she wasn't ready yet, to have the discussion that was clearly going to come up between them, and it seemed easier to ignore it all together then to half get into it.
Callie shook her head and frowned, "Would you please stop cooking and look at me Erica?"
The blonde closed her eyes for a brief second and let out a deep breath before slowly turning to face the dark-haired woman, her eyes never quite meeting Callie's own.
"Do I disgust you that much that you can't even look me in the eye anymore?"
Erica hated the hurt she heard in Callie's voice and instantly wanted to take it away, "Of course you don't disgust me Cal."
"Then how come for the last week you've barely been able to stand the sight of me?" she fought against the tears building behind her eyes and lost, "Are you that repulsed by what we did?"
Erica shook her head, and watched as Callie turned away from her to wipe at her eyes. When the younger woman turned back to look at her she found herself unable to look away, "I can't look at you," her voice came out as a low murmur, "Because if I do, I see every little thing that I did to you," she paused to swallow the lump that had formed in her throat, aware of how intently Callie was looking at her, "If I see you looking at me, I feel my skin prickle... I feel everything that you did to me..."
Callie took a step forward, "Erica-"
Erica kept her eyes locked on Callie's, "If I close my eyes, I see every single little part of that night in excruciatingly vivid detail..."
Callie felt her chest tighten as a strange realisation settled into her stomach. She breathed out deeply, shaking her head and frantically searching Erica's blue eyes as a beat of silence passed between them, "Oh my God... you're not disgusted by what happened between us at all, are you?"
Erica dropped her gaze down to the floor and took a deep breath, the conversation she so badly wanted to avoid wasn't going to evade her; she was going to have to deal with all of it right now. Slowly she lifted her eyes back to Callie's and shook her head, "How can I be disgusted by something that meant so much to me... you mean everything to me Cal," she let out a shaky breath and willed herself not to cry, "I don't want to lose you."
Callie watched as dozen tears escape from Erica's lush blue eyes, "It meant everything to me too Erica, I mean... Jesus, we're best friends, spending that night with you was always going to mean more to me than just an average fuck. But just because it happened doesn't mean that you'll lose me," she quickly moved forward as more tears escaped Erica's eyes; dropping them to the floor. Callie reached out to cup the blonde's face in her hands, drawing her eyes back up to meet her own, "You're still my best friend; nothing will ever change that Erica. I'm not going anywhere," she used the pad of her thumb to brush away the tears escaping down the blonde's pale cheeks and offered her a smile, "You haven't lost me. You could never lose me Erica."
Erica reached a hand up to cover on of Callie's and shook her head, "What if I told you that that night felt more right to me than anything else in my life," she watched as confusion crept into her brown eyes, "That being with you meant more to me than it probably should... that it meant way more than I ever imagined it would... would I lose you then?"
Callie narrowed her eyes in confusion and stepped back, "You mean...?"
"I think so," Erica nodded and looked away.
The younger woman felt her chest tighten, she couldn't breathe; her mind was working on overdrive trying to catch up with the words and all of the meanings behind them. She opened her mouth a few times to speak before closing it again unsuccessfully. Erica had taken a step back from her and was staring at the floor.
"Why didn't you tell me before?"
Erica lifted her eyes back to Callie, the younger woman looked thoroughly confused, and surprised, "I didn't know," she offered a half shrug, "When I woke up that morning, I was so confused... I couldn't remember much of it, it was all a blur. And then when it all started coming back to me, I just- I didn't know until I did, it just crept up on me Cal."
Callie shook her head, "This doesn't make any sense, you've been angry at me for days, you've been ignoring me like I didn't exist to you at all and now you tell me this," she looked away and ran her hands through her hair, "It doesn't make any sense Erica."
"What was I supposed to say Callie? It completely blind-sighted me... I didn't know what to do, I still don't."
Callie shook her head, "I should leave, I need time to process all of this," she hurried into the living room and pulled on her shoes, grabbing her jacket from the arm of the chair.
Erica caught held of the younger woman's arm as she headed towards the front door, "Callie wait... you just promised me that I wouldn't lose you. Please don't go."
Callie looked down at the floor, "I'm sorry," without looking at the blonde she pulled her arm out of her grip and walked out of the door.
The problem with an illusion is that eventually it begins to fade and real life starts shining through, breaking the fantasy world you'd created for yourself to live in, and leaving you to deal with the very real, and very messy truth.