Sorry for the extremely late update (Mainly because I was distracted by the final Mass Effect game, which was awesome! up until the last 20 minutes of it, naturally, and that's all I am going to say about that)... So, I made this chapter extra long just to make up for it. :]
Hope you enjoy!
Chapter 8
Why can't I remember a thing? Only bits and pieces come along with flashes that rush through my head, but absolutely nothing solid.
"Ugh!"
Visibly frustrated, Shepard shifted to her side as she lay on the bed awaiting further orders from Chakwas and Mordin. They were slowly retrieving new plausible answers to the medical mystery, but like Shepard, nothing solid.
And where was Kaidan? What happened to him? One minute I am standing close to him, close enough to feel his warmth emanating from his skin, and the next moment I awake barely alive.
"Hey EDI, any new information regarding Kaidan?" Shepard's voice came out coarser than she expected. She desperately needed more water.
"I have been informed to let you know that Councilor Anderson is boarding your ship as we speak, it seems to my knowledge that he has new information about Kaidan's possible whereabouts."
"That is good news, thanks EDI."
"Of course."
As soon as the com shut off, Shepard slowly pushed herself up into a sitting position. She gradually swung her feet along the edge of the bed until they touched the ground. The cool sensation of the Normandy's floor sent tingles up Shepard's spine; she gave off a little shiver before completely standing up. Slowly she walked over to her closet and put on a robe.
"Woah! Shepard, what are you doing walking around? I explicitly said no getting up without my helping you!" Chakwas looked over at the Commander with extreme concern.
"I can't walk two feet to put on a robe by myself? I am fine Chakwas." She brushed the doctor aside as she made her way to the couch. "So what do you got for me? Anything interesting?"
Mordin paused for a moment stopping everything he was doing and looked up at the commander.
"Yes!"
Shepard's face brightened up a bit. "Well, what's the diagnosis doc? What caused this?"
Just as Mordin was about to answer the Commanders question, the door to her cabin swooshed open reveling Anderson and Garrus. Garrus slowly made his way to the couch and stood beside it, arms crossed. He glanced towards Shepard and gave her a small smile just before returning his gaze to the ground. He seemed nervous, off beat almost.
Anderson shifted on his feet, as he lifted his gaze towards Garrus. His face asked him silently if he wanted to be the one to tell the Commander the harsh news. The Councilor simply nodded his head once and proceeded.
This does not look good at all. I know that hesitation…
"Shepard, it's good to see you've been up and moving. From what I hear, you weren't in a good state a few hours ago."
"I guess Cerberus's implants did me justice." She replied sheepishly.
"Indeed they did." Anderson felt a rock forming in his throat; he ignored it and pushed forward. "Listen Shepard, what I am about to show you will be tough and can possibly be terrifying for you. If you do not feel up to watching it, let me know right now."
"Terrifying? What could possibly terrify me? I've seen just about everything terror has to offer." She motioned him to sit by her on the couch, accepting terrors invitation without the slightest bit of hesitation.
"I wouldn't say that, Shepard." Garrus's eyes floated to the Commanders before drifting towards Kaidan's photo that resided on her desk.
Just take a deep breath, and relax, I'm sure it's nothing, they must be overreacting... I hope.
Shepard nodded to Anderson and he took out the data pad with the footage. As the video played, her face darkened, she could feel the rage within her start to build up. Her biotics began to click as her hands turned a light baby blue, the sign of the beginning of her transformation to full biotic adrenalin. She could feel the ripples of adrenalin rushing through her body slowly.
The video feed zoomed into Kaidan's face. Shepard saw something that she rarely was ever exposed to, even when she was close to Kaidan, terror. Pure one hundred percent terror of the unknown, of what was going to happen to him.
She couldn't watch any longer. Shepard turned her head to her side and closed her now watery eyes. She quickly got up from the couch and paced alongside the fish tank.
"How, how can I not remember any of this? How could I just…"
She paused; she glanced down at her hands and noticed that they were trembling. She could feel her face heating up from the frustration and anger. The commander could not take it any longer. She quickly made her way towards the dressing room shoving past Garrus. Within seconds she came out in her full combat armor. Ignoring the yelling coming from Chakwas along with Mordin, she stomped into the elevator.
Anderson ran after her, Garrus was preoccupied with holding back the two scientists; he knew what she had to do.
"Shepard, what are you doing are you insane? You heard the doctor; you are not fit to be running around right now. You need to be resting."
Shepard's biotics were on full blast by now. She could feel her adrenaline quickly seething through her muscles. She needed to calm down quick before something bad happened, but she couldn't find the strength to. The mere thought of what could be happening with Kaidan was fueling her anger and frustration.
"Don't tell me I need to be resting right after you show me a video of Kaidan being kidnapped by the very people I was brought back to kill! How dare you Anderson!"
"Shepard, I am only concerned about your well-being. Let me handle whatever you want done!"
"No, my presents will be needed for this one. Call the council up for a meeting; they need to see this footage. Then maybe they will see the threat I have been fighting against for the past 3 years and finally do something about it."
Anderson stared into Shepard's eyes and could only see vengeance within them. He had an inkling of what occurred between the Commander and Lieutenant but he just avoided the complete truth. Now that he knew how serious it was for her, he fully accepted her request.
He nodded his head before replying. "I understand Shepard, I understand. I am calling up the meeting now. Let's hope that something actually gets done this time."
"You cannot expect us to actually believe that what's on this footage is really true!" The Turian councilor shuffled on his feet.
"And how could you not believe what you are seeing with your own eyes? The facts are there, this is legitimate footage taken from the Citadel security camera feeds. So do not stand there and think that this footage was forged."
"Commander Shepard is right; the footage shows that one of the Alliance soldiers was taken by these… creatures right from the Citadel." The Asari responded. Her face carried worry, worry that was directly correlated to how an unknown race could arrive to the Citadel undetected.
"You cannot be seriously siding with a traitor can you? She's with Cerberus now! This could be a hoax set up by them!"
Shepard paced side to side in front of the holograms, clearly frustrated by the Turian councilor and his blindsided view, along with the fact that the councilors were not actually present during this meeting.
"How can you stand there and accuse Cerberus for kidnapping someone they have no ultimate interest in! That's a ridiculous accusation Councilor!"
"Shepard has a point; Cerberus would not go out of their way to create such havoc for what, a former lieutenant of Commander Shepard's squad team? It doesn't make any sense to accuse them for the actions within the footage." Anderson dutifully sided with Shepard.
"Let's cut the bullshit and get down to some real business. I did not ask Anderson to call this meeting for bureaucratic crap. I wanted to show you the hard evidence that you needed 2 years ago before my death. My death that was caused by these very creatures! If this footage is not enough evidence to receive aid from the Council, then I honestly do not know what will be enough."
Shepard by now was standing beside the table for some support. Realizing just how taxing it was arguing with the councilors. She took in a deep breath before continuing.
"All I am asking for, is acknowledgement from your behalf that you see that these Collectors are a real threat to humanity and every other race out in the galactic system. I want to know that you believe me. Along with some aid in helping retrieve someone very important that was taken away from me."
Silence filled the room. There was no response for a while. The councilors glanced over at each other and exited from Shepard and Anderson's view. They were standing aside far enough so their projections were not to be seen. Shepard shifted from side to side; she could feel her nerves tingling within her body. She could not wait any longer; she needed to know what their verdict was. Anderson walked over and placed a reassuring hand upon Shepard's shoulder and squeezed. She smiled lightly and let out a painful sigh.
The councilors returned, no emotion crossed their faces. The Salarian spoke for the first time during the meeting.
"Shepard, we have a few questions for you that we need to be answered before we reach our final decision."
"Fine, ask away." The Commander was obviously frustrated by the delay.
"We have a concern with your memory loss, and knowing what actually occurred on the Normandy at the time of the 'kidnapping'.
"We are worried that it may pose as a weakness for you, not knowing exactly what you are getting yourself into. And now that we have you back alive, we do not want to risk losing such a potentially valuable asset to our team of SPECTRE's yet again." The Asari addressed.
"Hah! Is that what you are concerned about? Losing a 'potentially valuable asset'? That is ridiculous!"
"Regardless of what we think about the potential loss, we want to know what is hidden in your memories before we accept you leaving on this mission."
This is honestly a waste of my time, why did I even bother?
Shepard took in a deep breath, exhaled, and replied in the calmest of fashions.
"My, memories have not yet returned and I have no way of knowing if they will. Regardless, I cannot sit here waiting for them to come back, when I know that there is a man out there in need of dire assistance, he is a damn fine soldier and has amazing potential. So if you are so concerned about losing a potentially valuable asset, it's not me you should be worried about, it's him. Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko. He is the one that all of your concern and debate should be about, not whether I will make it out alive, or the memories that are not there. You need to open your eyes, and see the threat that was thrown in your own home! You need to let me do this; you have to let me get him back."
Shepard was leaning against the large table, she pulled out a chair, contemplated whether to sit down. Instead she slide the chair forcibly back into the table. Tears started to form in her eyes; with her back to the councilors she spoke for the first time knowing what she needed to say.
"I cannot sit here and contemplate whether it is safe to go. I will not… you three have to understand this… I love the man that they took. I have from the beginning. And I refuse to do nothing. So regardless if I get your blessing and aid, I will go out there and risk my life, my crew's life, and the Normandy to save this one man. Because in the end, I know it will be worth the risk."
Anderson stood there starring at Shepard's back in complete awe. He couldn't believe that she just technically confessed to fraternization. All the questions the councilors had for Kaidan, and all of the denials he gave were just now in that moment, falsified. He shook that thought out of his head, he was sure they would deal with that later.
The councilors stood there in shock. Finally after a few moments passed by, the Asari spoke as Shepard turned around to face her.
"Shepard, I grant you the resources needed for this mission, as for a team I am afraid that we cannot provide one for you, but we can suggest you talk with Captain Bailey to see if he is willing and able to provide any men. And Shepard, good luck."
"Thank you."
The Turian councilor began to argue with the Asari right as she shut the comm link.
"I am surprised."
"That makes two of us… Thank you, Anderson."
"What for?"
"For always having my back."
He smiled and nodded. "How bout we go and rescue this man of yours."
"How about it."
The feel of the cool angled metal underneath my fingertips was reassuring. I hadn't felt that comfort in a long time. Looking around, at the new upgrades to the Normandy makes me want to go crazy over the tech details. But my focus was torn, from the corner of my eye I could see a person standing a few feet away, studying me. Someone I thought I would never see again. I was given a second chance that most would have never gotten. And I wasn't about to throw it away for some new tech.
I turned to face Shepard as I made my way towards her across the CIC.
"So, what else is new on this ship? Besides the size of this thing of course."
"Haha, I guess it has grown in size since the original one huh?"
She smiled sweetly towards me, and I couldn't hold her gaze. I do not deserve her smiles, her friendliness. All I deserve is her beating the shit out of me, right here right now.
"Well, the whole third floor has changed; it's bigger for one, obviously. But there was a kitchen added, along with windows! I don't see the need for the windows, you know, structural weakness and all, but I guess it looks good."
She motioned for me to follow her into the elevator, I complied. The elevator door shut tight, I could smell her perfume. She still wore the same sweet flowery kind, the one that reminded me of home back on Earth. I cringed at the sent, too many memories that were associated with that smell.
"Are you okay? You look like your about to puke."
"Mmm? Yea I am fine, just a headache is all… So Cerberus added a kitchen? That's an awfully nice addition for the crew members."
"Oh, it's wonderful; we should have had one on the first Normandy. I mean it makes perfect sense. Hard working soldiers need a kitchen stocked completely full with foods."
Shepard glanced over at me and held my gaze. There was something about her eyes. It was as if they longed for something. But before I could ask the elevator door swooshed open and she quickly glanced forward taking the lead.
She gave me a tour of the newly designed floor. We found ourselves making our way towards the kitchen. I glanced over to my right and noticed what windows she was talking about. I let out a small chuckle. She heard me.
"Have something you want to share?"
"Oh, I was just noticing the windows, and how I could see that they would bother you."
"Oh, and they wouldn't bother you?"
"Hah, I never said that…"
"Mhmm."
I continued to look around, trying to ignore the small awkward silences that happen to fill the room. I glanced over towards the windows once more, looking into the med bay. The whole floor looked extremely different. It's strange, same ship from the outside but a complete different design from the inside.
I began to turn towards Shepard, but from the corner of my eye I realized something that had changed. There were no lockers on this level anymore.
"I was wondering the same thing when I first saw this floor."
"Huh?"
"You were just staring at the spot where the lockers were on the SR-1. And I was saying that I noticed the same change when I first boarded this Normandy. I don't know why it was the first thing I noticed, but… But it was." Shepard's eyes pierced into mine. She slowly came around the counter to my side leaning against it. I tore my eyes away from hers and glanced at the sleeping pods in front of me. Why is she doing this? She can't have forgiven me already, so soon.
"Kaidan." There was a hint of pain in her voice which automatically made me look over. "You seriously can't look at me for more than two seconds without feeling guilty? I forgive you, I, I thought I told you this already?"
I held her gaze, standing still without moving a muscle. "I guess I am having a hard time understanding why it is that you forgave me so quickly. I, I don't deserve it, I don't deserve you."
"Kaidan…" She stepped forward closing the gap between us and placed her hand gently on my cheek. The feeling of her skin sent memories flooding through my head. Memories of the night before Ilos and the way that she felt underneath me, I shuttered, but she kept her hand there. Her eyes never leaving mine.
"Shepard, I…"
"Shhh." She placed a finger on my lips. I closed my eyes as pain shot across my chest. Her hand slide from my lips to the back of my head, fingers intertwined with my hair. I finally opened my eyes and saw her smiling at me. Oh god how much I missed her smile. I was speechless, staring at her perfectly formed lips, remembering how they felt against mine, how they tasted. She slowly bit her bottom lip, just then I felt her pulling me closer. I closed my eyes and felt her warm breath on my lips as hers slowly traced mine. I couldn't hold back any longer I placed my hands on either side of her face and kissed her lips passionately. I felt a surge of energy flow in response to the kiss. I didn't realize until now just how much I missed Shepard. How much I needed her.
I pulled back to get some air, just as I was about to kiss her again, I heard the elevator door open. Shepard pulled away in an instant.
Out of nowhere pain shot through my mind along with this shrieking high pitched noise which caused my view to become distorted. I stumbled around until I felt the kitchen counter. I could hear Shepard screaming at me to open the drawer and toss her a pistol. I reached over, found the pistol and turned around but Shepard wasn't there. Panic rushed through my body. I felt my heart sink. I couldn't lose her a second time. I wouldn't.
That's when I heard footsteps to my right; quickly I flipped the safety off and swiftly turned to face the footsteps.
"No…"
I shot off ten rounds but it was too late, I felt a sting on the side of my neck. My hand instinctively shot up, and I realized what had happened. I felt my movements coming to a halt. My muscles were slowly freezing as I tried hard to fight the control. Within a few moments everything was pitch black.
"Kaidan! Kaidan, where are you?"
The ground shook underneath my feet as I searched all around for him. My heart was pounding ferociously, I began to panic. I couldn't find him underneath all of the rubble.
"Uhh Commander, the ship is going down, fast! You should have been off of there like 5 minutes ago! HURRY UP!"
"Yea, I got it Joker. Just make sure you're ready to get the hell out of here, and fast."
"Copy that."
"Kaidan!"
"Shepard, over hee… er."
I swiftly turned around towards the noise; I could have really used someone's help right now. Trying to pinpoint where Kaidan was in this destruction was a lot harder than it seemed. I shouldn't have sent Garrus back so soon.
The floor underneath me was giving away; I quickly jumped off the ledge, and onto more stable ground. That's when I saw Kaidan's bloody arm sticking out from underneath a pile of rubble.
"Kaidan! Can you hear me? Are you okay?" I began to lift pieces of debris off of his body.
"Ugh… yea, I can hear you. I-I am in a lot of pain. Hurry Shepar…"
"Kaidan? Kaidan?... Answer me goddammit!" I quickened my pace as I made my way through the rubble. Within moments I freed his chest, then slowly his legs and finally I freed his face. Kaidan's eyes were closed; I placed my ear upon his chest. Hearing faint breathing, I accepted it, slowly picked him up and threw him over my shoulder.
"Joker, I found Kaidan and I am on my way to the Normandy. Get ready to get the hell out of here, and fast!"
"Finally! Took you long enough. The ship cannot hold us any longer, Shepard. We're cutting it too close!"
With that I sprinted as fast as I could while trying to keep Kaidan steady on my back. Every step I took made something around me collapse; the ground had become extremely unstable from the explosion that Garrus caused. On top of that carrying a fully grown man on my back didn't make my escape any easier. I reached the hallway that lead to the Normandy, which was awaiting just a few feet away around the corner.
"Ahh shit, husks! I do not need to be dealing with this now." Within an instant my biotics flared bright blue, I tossed a couple husks off the ledge and shot down two blazing fire ones. I had one bullet left in my Pistol and about a dozen husks in between me and my escape. I was trapped, exhausted from carrying Kaidan and abusing my biotic powers at full blast throughout the whole rescue trip, I couldn't continue, not without avoiding passing out.
Just as I was about to accept my defeat one of the Husks heads gets blown off. I look behind it off in the distance and saw Garrus standing there with his sniper rifle.
"Oh thank god."
I used the last round on a husk just inches away from my face. Garrus left me a clearing and I sprinted down the lane. Just as I tossed Kaidan's body and jumped off the ship onto the Normandy, the floor underneath my feet gave out and started its decent towards the planets crust. The Normandy quickly swerved in and out of debris from the ship's explosion, just barely missing a few head on collisions with pieces flying off of the ship from the continuing blasts.
"Cutting it way too close there Shepard." Garrus face was flushed with extreme concern.
Breathing heavily I simply nodded in response I couldn't make out any words, overcome by complete exhaustion I slumped down to the ground. Unfortunately I felt a massive migraine coming on; one that only arrives when I push myself over the limit.
"Thank you Garrus."
As he was about to respond he was rudely interrupted by Jack storming past shoving him out of her way.
"Why did you send me back? I could have stayed and helped you beat the shit out of those damn Husks. Your crazy you know that Shepard? Insane!" Jack was fuming her hands crushed into two fists along either one of her sides.
"I am sorry Jack, but I couldn't risk losing any of my team members. So I needed you to be safely aboard the Normandy." I glanced down at Kaidan's limp body ignoring the shouting coming from Jack. I needed to get him down to the med bay and quick. I attempted to pick up Kaidan's body by myself, but realized just how much pain and exhaustion overcame my body, taking in heaving breaths to attempt to alleviate the growing discomfort. "Help me, with him Garrus, please."
"Yeah, of course."
"Hey Shepard, I am talking to you!"
"Look Jack, I am sorry, please accept my apology for what it's worth, now I really need to get him some medical attention. Please let me do this." Looking into Jack's eyes, I could see she was slowly accepting my apology but her frustration persisted. She threw her hands over her head and made her way over towards Joker in the cockpit.
"Okay, ready Garrus?"
"Yes ma'am."
I gave him a nod and we both lifted in that instant. The walk to the med bay felt like it took hours. The anxiety coupled with the exhaustion took an extreme toll on me. By the time we made it to Chakwas I had broken into a complete sweat.
"Chakwas, I need your help!" My voice was barely above a whisper and completely hoarse.
"My god! What happened to him? Put him on the table over there."
"I found him like this underneath piles of rubble. I think before the explosion Garrus set off, he broke free from his captives somehow and was attempting an escape. He was conscious before I reached him." I began to feel lightheaded I took a few steps towards Chakwas's chair but my vision went dark. Blackness encompassed my view as I felt myself drifting towards the floor,
"Shepard!" Garrus's voice slowly dissipated, then nothing…
I took in a deep breath, panic rushed throughout my body. I felt around me, my fingers traced the cool metal on which I laid on. I slowly attempted to rise up, but pain from the migraine shot through my skull.
"Aghh."
My hand quickly rose to my head, placing two fingers on either temple; I began to try and sooth the pain away with small circular massages, the pain persisted. My eyes began to adjust to the darkness of the room and I quickly realized I was in the med bay. I attempted to search for some pain pills. Every move of my muscles sent pain flowing from the base of my head down to my lower spine the very results of my biotic implants being overused.
I heard a noise to the left of me, someone else was in the room.
"Kaidan? Is that you?"
"Ugh…"
"Kaidan?" I glanced around me in search of a flashlight. I spotted one across the room on Chakwas's desk. Contemplating whether or not to use my biotics to pull it towards me, I succumbed.
Concentrating on the object and thinking about how much force to use, I successfully levitated the flashlight towards me; enormous pain shot across my spine. My migraine quickly enhanced its potency. I clenched my teeth and grabbed a hold of my head, as the pain rushed throughout my body. Holding back the screams for fear of who else was in the room with me. Quickly I flashed the light towards the noise and found no particular threat.
"Agh," Kaidan's hand flew up instinctively, "Shepard, please turn off the light, migraine."
"Kaidan, it's good to see you alive and breathing." I flicked off the flashlight and placed it beside me.
"Yea, same goes for you. You were passed out for quite some time there Shepard."
I took in a deep breath and relaxed as soon as I realized he was alright. "All because I was trying frantically to find you in the rubble." I paused for a bit, and then continued. "I honestly didn't know what to think… It was hell down there, and the signs showed no possible way of survival, for anyone. I got scared, I thought..."
"Shepard, I am alive, and well. Everything is okay."
"Everything's not okay Kaidan… I almost lost you out there. If it weren't for me, you wouldn't be laying here in the Normandy's med bay."
"If it weren't for you I wouldn't be here in the same room with you let alone even talking to you… Shepard, huh, I…"
The door to the med bay hissed open.
"Ah! I see you two have finally awakened." Doctor Chakwas entered the room. She ordered EDI to enhance the lighting to a bearable level for us and that still enabled vision.
I glanced over at Kaidan, his expression was heart breaking. Pain and discomfort shadowed his features. It killed me seeing him in such circumstances. I looked away not being able to take in anymore. I wondered how badly I looked.
"How long have I-we been out for Doc?"
"Well after you fainted, Garrus was quick enough and caught you before your head hit the table's edge, luckily. Your implant was overly worked; you must have really pushed yourself out there Commander, making yourself faint with an L5 implant is a hard thing to accomplish. Nevertheless, you have been out for about 3 ½ hours."
"Kaidan on the other hand responded well to my treatment and awoke an hour following your faint. Since then Kaidan requested he stay here under my orders, Anderson reluctantly accepted."
"Naturally after much persuasion on my end, after all it was my decision to stay, at least until you had woken up that is."
I glanced over at Kaidan and gave him a small reassuring smile. He held my gaze for a few moments and then returned his attention back to Chakwas.
"Keep in mind both of you are under strict supervision by me, and you will not be able to participate in combat until you fully recover, especially for you Commander. Leaving immediately after you regained healthy consciousness was an extremely risky thing to do. Now, I understand it saved Alenko's life, but I will forcibly stop you if you attempt that again!"
"Duly noted doctor, it won't happen again."
"The hell it won't! Now I am going to run some test to check up on Cerberus's implants to make sure everything is running smoothly."
Kaidan's face darkened at the mentioning of Cerberus. He slowly turned his head away from me while the test was being conducted. This small notion annoyed me and I desperately wanted to say something, but I decided it could wait.
Chakwas checked up on Kaidan's L2 implant and stated that his recovery was coming along great. She wrote down some final notes in her data pad, and told us her next visit would be in about an hour. With that she left the room, leaving both Kaidan and I alone. I laid there waiting for him to say something first, but nothing.
Glancing over at him, his back was to me. He was obviously still awake; I didn't hear any deep breathing that may have insinuated that he had fallen asleep. Finally frustrated and quickly losing my patients I questioned him.
"Is there something you want to ask me Kaidan? Because for some reason I get the feeling you are still angry at me about Cerberus."
"Hah…" He took in a deep and soothing breath before adding another statement. "Angry, yes, along with confused, flustered, disappointed, saddened, relieved, and many more. Shepard, I understand it has felt like only a couple days sense we took down Saren and his Geth forces, and that night before Ilos…" He turned his body so he could face me "But for me, it feels like it has been a century. You don't know what I have been through for the past two years. How distraught your death left me. You know I cut all contact with our former crew mates. Joker came down to my apartment and yelled at me trying to get some life back into me, but I just insulted him, which I still have yet to apologize for…"
"Apology accepted Kaidan."
"Joker! Seriously?"
"What Commander? You honestly think that I would not be listening in to this conversation? This is better than soap operas."
"EDI!"
"I am handling it right as we speak Shepard."
"Awh, your no fun..."
The comm link went silent, along with Kaidan. He simply just laid there starring into my eyes. A few moments passed and he was still silent. I was about to say something but he spoke.
"What are we going to do Shepard? You know I cannot work for a terrorist organization like Cerberus; I have always stood by your side when I felt like you were doing the right thing, always... But this, this feels wrong and I can't get over that fact. But I also cannot get over the fact that I care about you and the mere thought of you getting hurt is antagonizing…"
"And I would never ask you to join me on this mission. I know what's at stake here, and working alongside Cerberus doesn't make things any easier. I hate them as much as you do, but I was left with no choice…"
"There's always a choice Shepard."
"No, not this time, the threat the Collectors pose against humanity is too much to be ignored, and I know for a fact that the Alliance and the Council will not get anything done. Cerberus is my only option in saving a lot of Colonies from being vanished."
"Come with me, we can both try to get the Alliance on this fight."
"Kaidan…"
"I don't trust Cerberus."
"And you think I do?" I shuffled my body so that I was lying on my back, I couldn't face him anymore.
"Yes!... No, god! I don't know what to think anymore."
A long silence filled the room. I laid there starring at the ceiling, thinking of a way to break this off clean, without completely devastating our relationship.
"Let me make this simple for the both of us. As soon as you recover enough to be let off the Normandy, I'll have joker drop you off at the Citadel…"
"No! I am not leaving you!"
Ignoring his plea I continued.
"I will go about my mission as planned before we had our discussion at Flux. I will attempt entering the Omega 4 relay and destroy the Collector base. Upon my arrival back, assuming that my crew and I survive this mission, maybe then, we can further discuss our predicament. This is the only suitable way going about this, Kaidan."
He didn't say a word. I barely even heard him breathing for a while. I glanced at him from the corner of my eye, daring myself not to move. He was just lying there on his back, extremely still. I started to get anxious, I felt myself wanting to turn and face him, but I fought the urge. He finally spoke, his voice just barely above a whisper.
"If it's the only suitable way."
His voice lacked the emotion it was just carrying a few moments ago. It was extremely bland and weak, protected even. I couldn't say anything, my throat locked up, and became exceedingly dry, so I just lay there, staring at the same spot on the ceiling, wishing I was anywhere but here.