A/N: Sorry that it has been so long! I just haven't really known where to go with this story. I am aiming to write a couple of filler chapters this week or so, and see if a plot comes to me, and if it doesn't I shall have to abandon ship I am afraid. Thank you for your continuing patience, I hope the wait will be worth it :D

Bella POV

I kissed him furiously, hoping to distract him completely. He groaned in to my mouth, grabbing my hips and pulling me closer to him for just a split second before he pushed me backwards on to the bed. I purred slightly, my eyes closed as I waited for his perfect weight to fall on me. But it never did.

Opening my eyes, I saw him standing over me, lust in his eyes, but also pain.

"That wont solve this Bella. I'm sorry."

I giggled slightly, running my hands up my stomach and cupping my breasts through the thin material of the tank top I had hunted in.

"You didn't seem to mind last night." I knew I was acting like some kind of wanton slut, but I needed him with me. Now. I just had to distract him enough.

"God Bella!"

Within a second he was on top of me, my wrists pinned above my head. I raised my hips against his, feeling his hard on, but I knew from his face that he was restraining me for a different reason. He wasn't going to be distracted.

"Isabella, do not get me wrong, there is nothing sexier in this world than you running your hands along your body, and I wish I could just give in and take you right now, but it will not solve anything. I cannot keep letting you do this to yourself. You are pulling away from me, and I refuse to lose you again. Don't make me."

By the end of his speech, he sounded furious, and scared. I looked down, avoiding his eyes and softening my posture. I felt him relax slightly on top of me, and loosen his grip on my wrists so that I could wrap my arms around his neck, running my fingers through the base of his hair, trying to calm myself as well as him.

I didn't want to discuss this with him, I didn't want him to realise all of my flaws. He had told me multiple times since I had arrived home that he did not think any less of me, and even since my revelation about the number of people I had killed, he had not turned against me. He still showed me all the love and passion that we had developed over the years. And sometimes, I was able to return it. But at times I hated myself so much I just wanted to curl up in to a ball and cry myself to sleep, but I was not allowed that peace.

I remembered back to the first night we had spent at home together. We had spent hours with the family and the wolf pack, holding each other the entire time, talking about small things, avoiding the big subjects. Eventually we had retired to our bed, and slowly undressed each other, reveling in each others bodies. There had been no time to talk, only desperate passion. And so it had become routine. We would avoid the subject all day, and then distract ourselves from it all night. The few times we had tried to address it, like after the wolves had left a few days ago, we had ended up arguing, snapping at each other, and then falling in to bed. Edward was right, something had to give, and soon, or the hatred would start.

"I don't know what to say." I could hear the fear in my own voice.

"Then don't say anything."

He kissed my forehead, and ran two fingers across my temple, the old signal we had used for when he wanted access to my mind. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be fully open to him, but I knew if I didn't he would immediately suspect the worst. Because I would if he was hiding such things from me.

I slipped my bubble around him with ease, having used my shield so much in the last few years. Even the skills that I had once found tricky now came as second nature.

I still don't really know what to think.

His hands moved soothingly across my back, the warmth from them making every nerve in my body stand on end. I loved the way my body reacted to him.

EPOV

I knew she was scared of talking to me, but I didn't want to be in the dark anymore. I wanted to know what she had gone through, and how it had effected her. I just wanted to be able to understand, so that I could help her.

Why don't you tell me about Allegra. She seemed so sweet, I liked her.

Eventually she relaxed against me and let her mind wander to the first time she met Legs, the many times they had sat talking together, and the missions that they had been sent on at the beginning of her imprisonment. Slowly her stories became darker, and I saw many of the reasons flash through her mind as to why she didn't want me to know these things. I tried to sooth her with calming thoughts, whispering words of love in to her mind, and pressing kisses along her forehead. Eventually she opened up completely, her thoughts gushing as she thought of all the people she killed, her sobs making both her body and my own shake with grief. All the walls came down, and I knew we were going to be ok.